A/N: So this is what happens when someone like sterolineforever shares her headcanon with someone like me! it's her idea not mine, I just put my touch and tried to make it more painful cause it's my first fic in 2016 and what a better way to start with? title inspired by 'can't let go' by Adele cause it's just so beautiful and makes it more painful (hopefully). Enjoy!
… …
"Are you kidding me?" Damon whispers through gritted teeth, taking a step closer to his brother so they don't make a scene.
"No. I'm not, Damon." He says without blinking.
"First, you say you've to be with her in such a day, and I actually make an effort and agree; now you want me to walk her down the aisle?"
"Yes, Damon." He shouts.
"I'm not drunk enough to understand this." He says, closing his eyes.
"Listen, she can't walk alone, and I can't do it… for obvious reason." His tone calms down at the end.
"Huh, that's weird. I thought you guys were friends again." Damon raises his eyebrows.
"Damon." He says, looking into his eyes, trying to reach his brother once and for all.
His brother, takes a moment looking back at him, eyebrows furrowing in the process.
"Fine." He says before walking away.
… …
She takes a deep breath, standing straight ahead of the door. Damon appears next to her.
"Ready?" He says without looking at her, holding his hand for her.
"Mhm." She tangles her hand with his and takes one more breath.
Once the music starts, everyone turns their heads to them. And she holds his arm tighter. He then looks at her for a second before looking ahead of him again.
"This is stupid." He mumbles.
"For him." She says after a second.
As they walk, she feels her legs trembling and she suddenly feels like she has forgot how to walk. She tries to keep her eyes on Alaric, who is smiling at her from where he is standing. But yet, there is a nagging voice in her head begging her to look a little bit to the right.
She can already see him from the corner of her eyes, his body shifted so he can watch her. She finally looks at him.
And she feels as if someone had smashed her chest.
This look on his face, she will never forget. The way he is trying to keep it together and hide the pain. It is all there, that tight smile and clinched jaw. The way his eyes are a bit wider than normal, trying to keep the tears there. The way his face muscles shake a bit before his smile goes bigger. The way he nods his head at her slowly.
It's her Stefan.
She doesn't bother to return the fake smile or the nod, she doesn't have any control over her body and if it weren't for Damon she would have fallen by now. So she just turns away aimlessly and looks back to Alaric as she gets closer. Even Alaric's look is different. It's obvious, to all of them.
The music stops once she reaches Alaric and for some reason she turn around to Damon. He smiles at her, it is sad and he is not even trying to hide it. She blinks several times before he takes his hand from her own and walk to his seat.
She looks once at her daughters, standing behind where she is supposed to stand. They are smiling from ear to ear, and it makes her lips curve a bit before she licks them and stands in her place.
Alaric takes her hand in his as the church man starts talking, She can't hear a thing, all the voices of people whispering and the man talking next to her is a blur.
All she can hear is his heart, bumping as loud as a drum, going faster and faster as the seconds go by. And soon enough her heart joins him as well. She doesn't want to look at him, so she looks at Alaric.
But his look doesn't help her. He looks extremely worried, is it that obvious? For a second she thinks he is asking her something with his eyes. But then she can't think about something for three seconds straight. Her mind keeps jumping from something to another, from a memory to another, many faces are dancing in her head. She sees everyone and thinks of them all.
Thinking about all the options she has and the fact that she shouldn't be searching for any.
She can't be selfish; that's not her. But she also might be doing the biggest mistake in her life and it scares the hell out of her. She just wants to shout, to pause the moment right there and sit on the floor and think.
Think about Alaric.
Think about her daughters.
Think about him.
But mostly think about herself.
What if she is making a decision that will hurt them all in the end? And what can she really do? She can't ditch the wedding, not in front of her twins- and for Alaric as well. But she can't say yes and he is sitting right there, watching her silently and burning from the inside.
She knows how this works. She knows the art of Stefan Salvatore burying it all down until he gets it out eventually in the worst ways.
Her thoughts are interrupted when the whole room falls in silence, waiting for Alaric to answer the question with the 'yes'.
She senses something moving from the corner of her eyes, she looks at it to find Stefan walking- no running to the door and leaving.
Her breath becomes uneven, her chest moving up and down in a quick rhythm while her eyes are still on the door. Her hands go clod and they're shaking as Alaric holds them. Her breath gets a little louder and her vision goes blurry.
"No."
The muffled whispers and loud gasps follow Alaric's word. And she looks at him speechless. He smiles at her, big and happy, eyes pouring with care for her. He motions with his head to the door and she pulls her hand, walking away just a step before looking back at her daughters.
Their eyes go between their parents, confused at first but somehow she thinks they understand. And she gets sure when they smile at her.
"I love you." She says to both of them before she runs to the door.
He is giving her his back when she gets out to the garden, one hand on his hip and the other is running over his face. He lets out a heavy breath before he senses her so he turns around.
"Hey." He breathes out.
"Hey." She does the same.
"I'm sorry, I uh, I didn't mean to- I didn't mean to storm out like that." He looks down.
"No, it's okay." She pauses; she needs to take a breath. "I shouldn't have asked you to come."
"No, no, it's…" He gulps. "I wanted to come." He offers her another shaky smile. And she just stares.
They both do for long seven seconds, doing nothing but staring at each other.
She looks beautiful, wearing a ballgown dress that is off the shoulder, with her hear up in tangles.
"Shouldn't you be inside?" He asks.
She doesn't answer for a while, just stares at him.
"Dance with me?" He asks instead of waiting for her to talk. She finds herself smiling and stepping closer, and he does the same. They stand in front of each other, not sure of what do next. He extends his hand, and after a second she puts hers on it. She looks to the left, watching his hands as it goes to her waist before pulling her closer so gently. Her hand rest on his shoulder.
They look down at how their bodies get close one more time after those years. And they look up at the same time.
"What happened to us?" She asks out of the blue.
He opens his lips but says nothing for a moment.
"I don't know." He shakes his head with a sad smile. They sway along to no music, trying to make it less stressful.
"The world got between us and uh…" He pauses. "I was stupid."
She shakes her head but he continues.
"I'm sorry… that I didn't fight harder." His voice breaks in the middle.
"It's not your fault, Stefan." She shakes her head.
"Yeah, yeah it is. I shouldn't have let you slip from my hands. I should've stuck around till the end."
She looks into his eyes and even though he is in pain, she likes it. It feels like home.
"Do you think we can be friends again?" She whispers, eyes glistering with tears.
He smiles.
"No... I don't think so." He says and that one tears fall.
She gets closer and so does he; his hands hold her tighter as she rests her head on his shoulder. Once she is not seeing him he lets his face falls entirely. All the exhaustion and guilt from all these years coming up right this moment and breaking his bones.
They keep swaying, even though there's no music. They just can't stop it.