Warnings: Reno's mouth. Crack.

Pairings: Cloud/Reno, Zack/Leon, Sora/Riku

Sassy's Note: Because Jedi challenged me and who am I to refuse such a challenge? XD I had fun with this one, despite my rocky start. And, yes, this will be a multi-chapter with lots of crack. Because Sassy likes crack. Part of the Fire Inside universe.

Fire Inside

The Adventures of Reno and Captain Jack Sparrow

Also known as "I Never Want to See a Bottle of Rum Again" or "I Should Have Let Leon Shoot Him".

"Did you shoot Reno again?" Cloud asked accusingly.

"No."

"Are you lying?"

"Me? Never."

"Then where is he?"

"Cloud, I don't keep track of your estranged boytoy." Leon eyed him with a slight smirk. Cloud glared. "He's probably at the bar with Rude."

"Already checked."

"Then he's probably with Sora somewhere."

"Obviously you haven't been home because Sora and Riku are rather busy at the moment."

"Go find Zack. He'll know where he is."

"Zack is at the bar with Tifa and Yuffie and Rude and everyone else except Riku and Sora, who are having sex right now. Reno is nowhere to be seen. Where did you dump his body?"

Leon stared at his best friend, who ruffled like an indignant chocobo. "If you must know the truth Cloud, I saw Reno wandering around Ansem's study. He was pestering the hell out of me, so I told him to go code the data on the computer."

"…Reno can't code data…"

"Exactly."

"So, you basically put the task of occupying Reno up to Tron?"

"Pretty much. I didn't think he'd be in there this long, though."

Cloud huffed. "If Ansem's study is in ruins, it's all your fault."

---

"Reno!" Cloud called, walking though the construction zones that occupied the hallways. He called his name again, wanting to get out of here as fast as possible. This place really creeped him out…

"Yo!"

"Reno? Where are you?"

"Computer room!"

"God, you didn't destroy it, did you?" Cloud stepped inside the small room. Reno was pressing a few keys, not looking at him.

"Haha, very funny, Strife."

"Greetings, User Cloud!" came Tron's voice from the computer. Cloud inclined his head toward the computer.

"Tron." He looked at Reno. "What are you doing?"

"Leonhart told me to amuse myself with the computer," said the Turk. "So I am."

"Are you really coding data?" He peered over the redhead's shoulder.

"Pssh, hell no. I'm going through all the info on neighboring worlds."

"Why?"

"It's amusing. Did you know there's a world ruled by a pride of lions?"

"Yes."

"And a world inhabited by only shrimp?"

"Yes- wait, what?"

"Mm-hmm. And a world with nothing but pirates! I'll have to go there some time. Loads of rum. I like rum. You've still got a gummi, don't you?"

"Yes. You're not to go near it."

Reno snorted. "I can pilot a gummi better than you can swing that retardedly-large sword of yours." Cloud fingered First Tsurugi angrily.

"It's not retardedly-large." The Turk smirked and turned from the computer.

"Come on, Cloud. It would be a nice holiday. Just you, me, and lots of Caribbean rum."

"Leon would just come drag us back."

"Because you are so adept at holding the materials so the real workers can do their jobs…"

"Shut up!"

"Cloud," Reno purred sensually, running his hands up the blond's arms. "You, me, rum, and an inn room all to ourselves. What do you say?"

Cloud's brow furrowed. "Do you even know where this world is?"

"Ya! Well, no actually, but Sora's been there before. Are he and Riku done fucking yet?"

"No."

"Well, I'll ask him about it at dinner. If he can walk, that is."

"Riku's the one who won't be able to walk."

"Huh?"

"Riku's the bottom, not Sora."

"… holy shit…"

"I have trouble believing it too."

Reno shuddered. "Teenagers… bleh."

"You're not too much older than a teenager yourself."

"But I'm not."

"You were once."

"Shut up, Strife. When do we board the gummi?"

"You are not going anywhere near my gummi!"

"Come on, Cloud!"

"No."

"Please?" Reno's face formed into a pout.

"No!"

"You could use a vacation too, yo."

Cloud exhaled harshly, aggravated. "You know what, convince Leon to let us both go wherever this place be, and I'll happily get on the gummi."

As if Leon would ever let them go.

---

When Cloud found himself sitting in the seat beside the pilot's in his gummi ship, he had to wonder just how the hell Reno had managed to talk Leon in to letting them go.

"Don't look so shell-shocked, Strife," said Reno with a wide grin, taking a seat in front of the main controls.

"Just… how?"

Reno waggled his eyebrows. "I'm good with my words, yo."

Really. Cloud would have never guessed.

---

"Cloud!" Reno singsonged, waking the blond from his drowse.

"Wha…?" The blond sleepily rubbed at his eyes.

"We're almost there!" Through bleary eyes, Cloud could see the redhead almost bouncing in excitement. It physically hurt Cloud to watch him. "See, Cloud! Look!"

"Are you twenty or are you two?"

"Neither. Come look!"

Cloud sighed resignedly.

---

Cloud knew as soon as they left the gummi that this was a huge mistake. How did he know, you ask? They were shot at. By a drunken man in a tavern. They weren't even in the tavern. Reno actually had to hold Cloud back from attacking.

Fuming, the blond rounded on Reno. "I despise you," he snarled and stomped away in the general direction of where they had landed their gummi.

After a good hour of convincing, Reno finally pried the ex-Soldier away from their only ride home. Despite the sobbing and struggling, Reno managed to get him to their inn, where Cloud sat on the bed and faced the corner and ignored Reno entirely.

It took until the next morning to talk Cloud out of the bed, and even longer to talk him out of the room, and almost until lunch to get him out of the inn again.

"I don't want to explore. I want to go home." Cloud scowled, being tugged along down the colonial-style streets.

"Don't be a pouty little chocobo."

"I still despise you," he growled.

"Oh, come on now. What if I go find us some rum?"

"I'll need something stronger than that…"

"Shush, now." Reno shoved him down on a stone wall. "You sit here. Watch the pretty waves out in the ocean. I'll go find something to drink."

"If you say so." Cloud crossed his arms and looked away from the redhead. It was probably not a good idea to let Reno loose in a strange world, but right then, he could have cared less.

To be continued…

Sassy: Sooo… who wants to see more?