Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… (Die, Peter Pettigrew, die!) and I also don't own the other user names and story titles and stuff like that.
Warning: Extreme random-ness! If you do not like random stuff… read it anyway… or don't read it, your choice really.
Note: if I used your story title or user name, that means I liked your stuff. It's a compliment. Capisca?
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Hermione, Ginny, Harry, and Ron were gathered around a computer. Dumbledore had had one installed in the Muggle Studies classroom. Hermione, being Muggle-born, had the mouse. Harry looked over her shoulder at the screen. Somehow, the Trio and Ginny had gotten to a site called Fan Fiction.
"What in the world--?" said Ron, voicing the thoughts of all.
"I think it's a site where obsessed Muggles write about their favorite fictional stuff," Hermione replied slowly, looking at the home page.
"For fun!" Ron said, as though the thought of writing anything for fun was mind-boggling.
"What's 'fictional'?" asked Ginny, trying to get closer.
"It's stuff that's not true," Harry explained, craning his neck to see around Hermione.
"Yeah, like Muggles being smart!" Joked Ron from somewhere behind Ginny.
"Hey!" exclaimed Hermione, whipping around in her chair to glare at Ron, "Retract that statement! I know plenty of Muggles that are smarter than you, including me!"
"It was just a joke, 'Mione," replied Ron, his ears turning red as Harry and Ginny dissolved in a fit of silent laughter beside him. Hermione ignored the other three and returned to exploring the site.
"What's this?" she said clicking on a link that read 'books'.
"Holy cow, that's a lot of books to chose from," Ron said, flabbergasted, "Hey, wait Hermione! Go back over there!" he pointed at the middle of the screen, "That says Harry Potter and it looks like it has a bunch of entries."
"Good job," squeaked Ginny, who was still giggling, "I didn't think you could read that well, Ron!"
"Very funny, Ginny. See how hard I'm laughing? Just click on it, Hermione," retorted Ron.
"Yeah, I want to see why I'm on here—I'm definitely real," Harry said, anxious to see what would come up onto the screen.
Hermione clicked on the link and titles and summaries filled the page almost immediately.
The Trio and Ginny scrolled down the page and many others like it, reading and commenting on the titles and screen names.
Hermione: 'Falling 4 U', hey, Harry that's about your parents!
Ginny: 'The Makeover', ew, that's about me and Malfoy!
Harry: 'Rebel for the Truth'? I didn't know Cedric Diggory had a cousin.
Hermione, Ginny and Ron: It's fiction, Harry.
Harry: Oh… right.
Ron: 'In the Shadow of the Moon'? What sort of stupid stuff could that be about?
Harry: 'My Greatest Mistake', oh, Never mind!
Ginny: 'Outcast'… whatever.
Ron: 'The Secret Life of Argus Filch'; HA! Filch doesn't have a life now!
Hermione: Hey this person's name is 'Not so sour lemons'… okkkk.
Ron: 'Iluveviyamis', ok that settles it, Muggles are officially cracked!
Ginny: Like they weren't before? Listen to these two: FanFicFanatick and Varietygirl9143; looks like they're friends. Click on the names, Hermione.
Hermione: Ok, let's see… FanFicFanatick… I hope they know they spelled 'fanatic' wrong.
All was quiet as Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione read the bios. When they had finished, strange looks were exchanged and thoughts and comments were pretty much kept to themselves. Except for Ron and Ginny.
"Muggles are weird. No offense, Hermione," Ron opined.
"Hermione, google Daniel Radcliffe and Orlando Bloom, I want to see is FanFicFanatick is right about them being super cute," Ginny said, giggling again.
"Girls," Harry and Ron said, rolling their eyes.
Hermione googled the actors and she and Ginny both stared at the pictures that had popped up.
"Oh my gosh, they're hot!" Hermione gasped.
"I wonder how old they are?" Ginny asked, open-mouthed.
"It says 16 and 29 respectively," Harry read.
"That means Daniel Radcliffe is mine!" Hermione decided.
"Good, that means I get Orlando Bloom!" Ginny replied, blissfully.
"You're not getting anyone!" Ron yelled defensively.
"Yeah, Orlando Bloom is older so I get him," Hermione said, trying to sound sensible and failing miserably.
"Fine, I don't object to Danny," Ginny smiled broadly at the looks on Harry and Rons' faces.
"But I want them both." Hermione sounded crushed. (As if getting Orlando Bloom wasn't enough! HA!)
"Bigamy's only legal in the state of Utah!" Ron exclaimed in a last ditch attempt to distract the girls from the competition.
"What!" Everyone turned to look quizzically at Ron.
"That was the strangest thing I've heard in a while, mate," Harry said, moving a few inches further away from Ron, "I don't even want to ask how you knew that."
"Well, I--" began Ron.
"We don't want to know!" The other three interrupted. Ginny covered her ears and went back to gazing wistfully at the pictures. Hermione quickly joined her.
Harry shook his head—extremely confused as to why girls… do girly stuff, like look at pictures of actors. Then he turned and left the classroom; he was in the mood for some girl-free pumpkin juice in the girl-free boys dormitories.
Ron left soon after Harry did. He didn't know what he wanted; maybe he should just fill his brain with the random comments only a house-elf could utter.
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Like most every short and seemingly meaningless story, this has a moral. Here it is: girls will be girls, guys will never understand girls, Danny Radcliffe and Orlando Bloom are hot, the internet is chock full of many strange things, and my brain is full of random little one-shots like this one—some of which are so random the world isn't ready for them.
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If you like this and/or other random stuff, please review. If you didn't like this and want to tell me it sucks, feel free to review! The more the merrier! If you are confused by why I posted this or if you just like random stuff, I'd love to hear you're comments. Now go save the whales or whatever you like to do.
Anna