Part Four of SwanQueen Week 2016
Theme: The 7 Deadly Sins
Prompt: Sloth
Summery: Her heart ached as she saw the smile on the face of the woman she loved because the smile wasn't for her, it was for the man stood next to her at the alter. It should have been her, but she had done nothing.
My wonderful beta CacheDog edited this... And then I changed a hell of a lot of things... (it will probs get another betaing soon, so apologies for any mistakes). It's pretty angsty and for that I apologies.
I'm a little tipsy writing these notes as I just got back from a lovely dinner w/ a friend and LOTS of prosecco cocktails AND I finally got to see Carol and I am in LOVE!
Ps I start a brand new job in five and a half hours!
Evil Prevails
'We excuse our sloth under the pretext of difficulty' – Quintilian
Sloth is defined, as a spiritual or emotional apathy, of being physically and emotionally inactive. Sloth can also be defined, as a failure to do things that one should do, enabling evil to prevail when good men fail to act.
Emma swayed a little in the church pew; two years had passed since she had been the Dark One and on days like this she needed alcohol to numb her sense, to endure the pain as she suffered in silence. Today was meant to be a celebration, of the union of Regina Mills and Robin Hood as they took their wedding vows. Emma didn't feel much like celebrating, and so she commiserated with rum for breakfast, a little more whilst she got ready, and even more before entering the church. She had some hidden away in her jacket pocket for emergencies, she was sure it would be called upon.
Drinking away her regret seemed like a good idea. She had left things too late to do little else.
"You know." Regina said softly, the fire burned low in the hearth almost out of firewood, the brunette looked down at her wine glass subconsciously as she ran her finger around the rim as she thought carefully about what she was about to say to the blonde. "I used to think you were attracted to me…"
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Emma laughed hard, a little too hard. Her cheeks flushed darker as she awkwardly cleared her throat, taking a quick swig of her drink as she preyed for the ground to swallow her up. The room was too warm, the gap between them too close and Regina's blouse far too revealing for her to risk a vocal response. She didn't trust herself.
"Silly I know…" Regina sighed to herself, dejected and confused.
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Emma thought back to when the spirit of The Dark one had resided within her. Her feelings and thoughts had been crystal clear; she loved Regina Mills and when the curse broke she was going to do everything in her power to show her. Yet here she was, months since the darkness had left her and she had failed to voice her feelings; not so much as an innocent flirt. She only saw the brunette when necessary. Henry was now old enough not to need chaperoning to and from Mifflin Street, and so she would meet her son in town, or she would drop him at the end of the road. Anything to avoid seeing Regina.
With the return of normality the confusion and risks had returned, and so she had done nothing. She had only just found her family, she couldn't come out to them, least of all explain that she was in love with the woman responsible for their distance, they wouldn't understand her, they wouldn't accept it. The real truth was she had been too scared to loose someone she loved so much, too scared that Regina would leave and break her heart. She couldn't risk that.
Now it was too late, she had failed to act, and things between the Mayor and Robin Hood had gotten more serious. He had moved into her mansion where they raised the children, Henry, Roland and the baby, they had become inseparable, a real family.
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The snow fell thick around them. It was late but the party was still in full swing in Granny's, the sounds drifted out to them on the harsh winter wind, the lights illuminating the snow-covered ground. She wasn't sure how they had gotten so close, but she didn't want to move away. She looked up smiling softly at the beautiful snowflakes as they rested on Regina's hair and dark lashes. Regina's cheeks glowed red in the wind-chill. The mulled cider had gone to her head, and the fresh air hadn't seem to clear it like she had hoped, if anything it made it worse as she felt unsteady on her feet and in her mind. She couldn't help but lick her own lips as she looked at Regina's. Her breath caught in her throat as Regina leant forward, their lips so close she could almost taste the wine on them. They sprung apart at the sound of the bell as the door to the diner was opened, the light from inside illuminating them, finally sobering Emma up.
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And now it was their wedding day. Emma had failed to act and she would have to live with the consequences for the rest of her life. She would have to watch Regina and Robin grow into the family that could have been hers. She would have to avoid seeing them at birthdays and Thanksgiving, at Christmas and at New Years. She would never be able to escape those warm chocolate eyes. Those eyes that reached deep into her soul. She would never be able to escape that soft sweet smile which tugged at her heartstrings or that he voice, like honey smoked whiskey that made her grow weak at the knees. Regina would be there, and so would her husband.
She could feel the blackness forming inside of her, the darkness she had to fight to keep at bay. She finally understood it's appeal, the addiction Regina had fell unto. The darkness had bid its time, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. She downed another shot, its acidic tang nothing in comparison to the taste of bile at the back of her throat. So this is how Regina had felt when Snow White had gotten her true love and her happy ending. She now understood everything so clearly, but her epiphany was too late.
She should have learned from Regina's mistakes. She knew the path the brunette had gone down when she had run from her happiness all those years ago. Tinkerbelle had explained to her how Regina's fears had ruled her heart, causing her to run from the tavern and from Robin all those years ago. Emma had done the same thing, fleeing from her chance of happiness with Regina out of fear.
this was different, she didn't want evil to consume her. She had made a promise in Operation Mongoose that she would help Regina find her happy ending but she just hadn't realised that Regina's happiness wasn't her, but a forest tramp.
She should have acted sooner. It wasn't as though Regina hadn't given her a chance; she had offered herself to Emma for the taking, more than once. Emma had once again chosen not to take the chance. She had taken the easy route and done nothing.
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"Emma, tell me I'm wrong!" Regina stood with her hands on her hips; she had just professed her feelings for the Sheriff, and expressed her assumptions that Emma felt the same. Now she was challenging her to deny it.
Emma could see the hope and the fear on Regina's face, she knew how much the brunette was risking just by voicing her feelings, just how much it took for her to lay her cards out on the table. But Emma had never been very good at gambling, and the house always won, so she lied. "You're wrong." She wasn't wrong, but in that moment Emma Swan decided it was better not to love Regina Mills, than to love her and lose her, so she lied.
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Things were fine with Killian, she had a good thing going, and she hadn't wanted to spoil that on the off chance that she could have something better with the brunette. He didn't make her heart race, or give her butterflies in her stomach, but maybe that was a good thing. Maybe she would be better off without the whirlwind of emotions that Regina brought forth. Killian was kind and safe, she knew exactly what to expect, and what was expected of her.
Regina was anything but predictable, she was like a raging rapid, fast, exhilarating, ever changing and potentially deadly, Killian on the other hand was a still pool of stagnant water. He might be easy, but she'd never truly be happy with him, he wasn't enough.
She wasn't sure if it had been out of fear or apathy, maybe it had been both. Either way, she had had her chance and she had let it slip through her fingers. She hadn't given her heart a chance at true love; she had always known that she and Killian were not enough. She loved him but it wasn't true love, she had always known that. He had never looked at her like David looked at her mother, like Regina had looked at her. He never made her heart race, or her blood boil.
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"Robin has asked me to marry him…" Regina said quietly as she played with the hem of her skirt, unable to look into orbs of green, not when she was so close to tears.
Her throat tightened despite her best efforts to remain composed. "I assume you said yes." She had expected it for a while, but that knowledge did little to defend against the feeling, she felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach by a horse, winded.
"Emma." Her voice cracked as she reached out for her hand, she loved Robin, she really did, and he was a good man. But if Emma said the words, if she asked her, Regina would drop everything for her, everything.
"Congratulations Regina, really." She knew she didn't have a right to be upset, Regina had offered herself enough times, and she had turned her down every time. Tears welled in her eyes, she felt sick. "I have to go." She fled, like always.
She didn't see as the tears ran down Regina's cheek.
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Her heart ached as she saw the smile on the face of the woman she loved because the smile wasn't for her, it was for the man stood next to her at the alter. It should have been her, but she had done nothing.
Her friendship with Regina wasn't perfect. Regina could make her so mad sometimes but she never understood why until now. She got angry because she cared, because Regina's words and actions affected her.
"If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace"
She could speak up, stop the wedding, profess her love, she could pour out her heart for everyone to witness. She could take Regina's hand in her own as she made her own unprepared but heartfelt vows. Her parents would look on proud, their son would be overjoyed, and Regina would step closer, caressing a hand over her cheek as her eyes shimmered with tears, admiration, and love. But she didn't, she never would.
It was too much of a risk; it could destroy all she had left. Everyone was finally getting along. She would loose the family dinners, she would loose Regina from her life forever, and it was too much of a risk, and so she did nothing.
But the way the light fell in through the church window, like a halo of gold around ebony tresses, almost sparkling copper. Her light laugh lifted her dark heart. She was worth the risk, she was worth the fight, and Regina was worth the world.
She truly was breathtakingly beautiful. Panic coursed through Emma's veins, she was about to loose the woman she loved, it was time to act. She stood up from her place at the very back of the church, she had to do something, she had to stop the wedding. Green eyes met with brown across the church, and for a split second the world stopped turning and time slowed to a halt. She smiled longingly at the woman she loved, the woman who made her feel safe and complete in the crazy world they lived in.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife." The words hit her like a bucket of ice-cold water. She felt her heart rip from her chest, she could see it being crushed before her eyes. It was too late. She was too late.