Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
A/N: Happy White Day!
Unbeta'd. This is not my usual fare. I wrote this back in 2010 around the time I hosted a fairy tale KakaSaku challenge over at the KakaSaku LJ community. I'm not entirely certain what possessed me to write it aside from the likely motivation to do the prompt myself even though I couldn't exactly participate. This was never posted because it was so different from my usual stuff and I couldn't seem to get a second opinion on it (never mind a beta) – think I took that to mean it wasn't any good. ^^;; Well, guess I'll just have to find out. .;; I was super irritated with myself when I read an outdated draft of it that didn't have the ending (when I was looking for completed fics to post) - hopefully that's a good sign.
Four chapters, four weeks. (Fair warning, last chapter might be a day late as it'll be during a super busy time at work.) It's pretty much written but I'm still tinkering with the last three chunks. Also, a one-shot of maybe 17k words seemed a bit… I don't know, wrong, excessive, like overkill? I finally ended up having to break it up into chunks as trying to edit the whole thing in one sitting (to hopefully maintain flow) turned into an absolute beast. ::facepalm::
Just A Beast
Chapter One: Act I
Kakashi watched as the pink haired woman left the room, listened as she hastily gathered her things, and sighed as he heard her exit his apartment. The closing of the door echoed loudly in his mind. He knew it was a mistake, he should not have let her go... but, he had no choice – he could deny her nothing, regardless of the price he would have to pay as a consequence.
Though she didn't know it, he knew it would be the last time he saw her. Kakashi wanted to wish for things to be different, but he knew that to do so would be futile. Sakura would not come back – not after she heard. No, not after she had heard about what he had done. The elite shinobi knew that he was incredibly lucky for her not to have heard about it already. Tsunade had been wise in having his former student treat him in his own apartment as a live-in medic/nurse, forbidden to leave his apartment… unless, he was well enough for her to do so and he agreed to let her go. Otherwise, Sakura probably would have heard the gossip that was sure to be circulating throughout the village about the biggest event in recent history – the return of Sasuke Uchiha, only just barely breathing.
At the time it had seemed the right thing to do but, now that he had been given the leisure to reflect on both the events and his own actions... perhaps he could have handled the situation better. Perhaps things might not have turned out as they had and, the both of them might not have ended up on their imminent death beds.
Kakashi realized that Sasuke was right, he was a beast. And, now, he would pay the price. Of course Sakura would go to the Uchiha in his time of need and leave her former sensei behind – people such as himself did not get the girl. No, people with past actions as dirty as his received the girl's pity… if they were lucky. They deserved nothing else. A happy ending was not something he would ever have, that particular deck of cards had been stacked against him since the very beginning. No, the only reward ever given to the beasts at the end of the story was death.
With a grunt of pain Kakashi slowly shifted himself into a sitting position, almost panting with the effort. He waited for a moment, collecting himself, before pushing up from the bed wincing at his injuries as he did so. If Sakura had been there she would have yelled at him. He was in no condition to be up and about and he knew it. Doing so would likely be the death of him. Then again, the Copy Ninja already knew that he would die and, the way his mind kept agonizing over Sakura, he figured that sooner would be better than later. Shoving thoughts of her aside the silver haired shinobi forced his uncooperative body to pull on his usual jonin uniform. With one last pained look around the room – he had no intentions of ever returning to it – Kakashi exited his apartment via the window.
Quickly Sakura set out on her way to the hospital. The medic had known that it would be impossible to find someone to sit with Kakashi while she was gone, so she hadn't even thought to try. He'd been much too violent in his attempts to refuse medical treatment this time… so much so that she herself had been more than a little frightened of the severely injured elite ex-ANBU shinobi. What had set him aside as especially frightening to her mind had been the fact that she could clearly see the rational thought in his eye. Nowhere to be found was the blind irrational desperation that she had become accustomed to seeing in some of the over-trained high ranking shinobi when they were injured and in a corner. He knew exactly what he was doing, systematically refusing treatment and seemingly welcoming death with open arms. She'd never seen anyone so determined to die painfully of their injuries when help was there for him and only just a few feet away.
Sakura grimaced to herself as she remembered the condition he had been in when she was finally able to bully him into letting her inside his apartment. There was blood, lots of blood, and the stink of death. Or, rather the smell that comes to the slowly dying just before their bodies give out. It was something she had become all too familiar with during her many long shifts spent working at the hospital – something she had never once considered she would ever have reason to associate with her former teacher. And, even after he had let her in, it had taken quite some time for her to get close enough to him to do any real good. The stubborn man hadn't wanted to let her anywhere near him and for what reason she couldn't quite begin to imagine. She found the whole situation more than a little upsetting – wondering if she had possibly missed something, a head injury or possibly a subtle personality altering jutsu… Surely Kakashi should have no reason to welcome his own death.
Suddenly, guilt hit her as she remembered just how angry she had been with the Hokage at the time. Tsunade had refused to let her even see Sasuke before being sequestered away in Kakashi's apartment to deal with the unmanageable man. The boy she'd loved since childhood had finally returned. He was at death's door and she wasn't allowed to even see him, never mind treat him. Of course she'd been angry. She'd been forced to treat her former sensei instead of the boy she loved. Granted, Kakashi had clearly needed her – more so than Sasuke since he was successfully refusing treatment from everyone except her. Still, Sakura'd been too worked up about Sasuke's unexpected return to fully process how dire Kakashi's situation truly was until she was actually able to complete a full scan – something he'd not allowed her to do for the first several hours while she was treating him. And, guiltily she had to admit that she had probably taken out some of her, admittedly misplaced, anger on her patient without realizing it. That could have accounted for Kakashi's strange behavior immediately after she had been granted entrance to his flat but, explained nothing else. She still couldn't shake the faint feeling of suspicion over the whole situation. It seemed so unlike Kakashi to behave as vehemently as he had and she had had a hard time forcing herself not to be afraid of him while he was in such a state. As far as she could see, there was absolutely no reason for him to resist with her there to make sure he survived.
With some annoyance the medic realized that she had slowed her pace a little as she wrestled with her guilt. Shaking her head to clear it she rushed on. Sakura didn't want to spend any more time away from Kakashi than absolutely necessary. Since she knew that no one would watch Kakashi while she was gone, she had promised herself that she would only be away from him for a very brief amount of time – enough to go to the hospital, see Sasuke for a few minutes, maybe even get to say goodbye in person if he was awake, and then return.
Kakashi truly was in no condition for her to leave him alone and they both knew it... But, for some reason, she had found herself turning pleading eyes on her former sensei upon receiving the latest note from the hospital. Time was short and slipping through their fingers, Sasuke didn't have much left, and she was afraid that this could be her last chance. So… she had asked. Both of them knew that she shouldn't leave him; Kakashi was still in critical condition and could all too easily take a turn for the worse at any moment. Yet, her former sensei had still acquiesced to her unreasonable and inappropriate request, and Sakura couldn't thank him enough for it. She only hoped that she could get back to him before his condition worsened in her absence.
Guilt ate at her again as she hopped from rooftop to rooftop. She really shouldn't have left Kakashi. A small part of her wanted to turn and head back. Giving in to her indecision, Sakura paused on top of the Yamanaka Flower Shop – the halfway point – torn. Kakashi needed her. He needed her more than Sasuke did... but, this might be her last chance with the Uchiha and she knew that she would never ever forgive herself if she didn't come when he called for her. Sasuke had never wanted her around, had never asked for her help, never mind her presence... and this would probably be her last chance to comply with such a request. However, a very small part of her still had to pose the question, but at what cost?
Hating herself, Sakura shook her head, and continued on to the hospital. Sasuke wanted to see her, he'd been asking for her for the past couple days. True, Kakashi might need her more but, Sasuke had actually asked for her, not as a medic but, as a friend. Self-reproach tore at her heart, but she continued on to the hospital. Kakashi could wait for just a half hour – all she needed to do was to see Sasuke one more time… surely her former sensei could hold out for such a short period of time on his own…
When Sasuke had left the village, Sakura had spent years reconciling herself with his actions. He'd abandoned her, everyone, in order to continue his quest for vengeance. And, while a small part of her stubbornly hoped that one day he might return, she had known deep down that his thirst for revenge would likely cost him his life – a price he would be happy to pay. No amount of her hoping would bring him back to her. With these hard truths realized, she had, years ago, been able to accept the fact that she wouldn't get to see him again; and she had made her own goodbyes to the boy she'd loved. And, with some difficulty, she had moved on with her life.
Or, so she had thought. It seemed especially cruel that not only had he returned against all odds but, that he actually wanted to see her; and, because of their former sensei's inconveniently timed injuries, she was not initially going to be granted the chance to see him one more time. Those goodbyes she had already made to his memory no longer seemed sufficient now that he was actually back… and asking to see her.
Finally the hospital entered her sight and she put on another burst of speed, anxious to get there and see Sasuke for the last time.
Painfully Kakashi made his way with staggering footsteps into the decrepit house, panting with the effort it had taken him to get across town. As much as he wanted to second guess his actions, he knew it was already too late – he'd done a lot of damage to himself with his change of location. At this point he wasn't even sure that he could be saved, even if did have a medic waiting for him, he was fairly certain that it was already too late for him. Pushing such thoughts aside he allowed his feet to correctly guide himself through the maze of hallways to his father's study – the room where the shamed shinobi had taken his own life. Somehow it seemed fitting.
With a sigh of pain momentarily eased Kakashi lowered himself into the ancient chair in front of his father's desk, and was only faintly surprised when it did not give out beneath him. Once he found himself settled as comfortably as possible in his current situation he let his eyes wander the room, taking in all the little details he had once known and forgotten. Finally his gaze came to a rest on the most recent, until he had disturbed the layers of dust, addition to the room. The dark brownish stain had haunted his dreams when he was younger, but now that he knew that he would soon join his father in both public shame and death, it no longer held any power over him.
Sakura turned a corner in the hallway and her eyes widened at the number of shinobi apparently loitering in the hall – more particularly around what she guessed to be Sasuke's room. Before she could react, the familiar figure of the Hokage emerged from the chamber and caught sight of her.
"Ah, Sakura, you've come." The older woman nodded in apparent satisfaction, knowing that Sakura wouldn't have left Kakashi unless he was well enough for her to do so – at least the pink haired woman had been ordered not to do so.
The Hokage had been very worried about the Copy Ninja's condition when he had been brought into the village. Kakashi had reacted violently when medics and friends alike had drawn near. Which was not unexpected but, the fact that he had staunchly refused treatment by everyone, including herself – until Sakura had been persuaded to try– had thrown the expert blonde medic for a little bit of a loop. And, Sakura did have to be persuaded. Kakashi had been downright terrifying in his refusal of treatment, behaving like a caged, injured, and cornered wild animal.
Tsunade wasn't surprised that he had allowed his former student to treat him. But, she had been surprised to see that he had initially treated Sakura only marginally better than everyone else he had run off. Something was definitely wrong, but at the time she had been unable to guess at what it could possibly be. Now, after treating Sasuke, she knew, and a part of her wished that she didn't. Sakura didn't deserve such a cruel twist.
Though Tsunade didn't agree with Kakashi's actions, and wanted to make sure he was unsuccessful in his attempts to let death take him, she could now see why he might react as he had. To refuse all medical treatment in his condition was suicide and absolutely unacceptable. However, as much as she wanted to fault him for it, she just couldn't quite manage to find it in herself to do so. It was a damnable position to be in and she could see how he may not be able to see any other way out. He was wrong, of course. Nevertheless, she knew that there would be no persuading him otherwise. No, he was beyond listening to reason now. So, instead, she would just have to ensure that Sakura was there to see that he failed – after all, the pink haired medic was the only person who truly had the power to stop him.
The younger woman felt a stomach twisting pang of guilt knowing that she really shouldn't have come. Kakashi was still very much on death's doorstep. She had effectively abandoned him – albeit temporarily – to come see her dark haired former teammate, the boy she had loved since they were children, just one last time.
Not noticing Sakura's moment of guilt, Tsunade continued. "Good, this might be our last chance. He's asked for you... but..." The blonde woman trailed off, obviously thinking about something carefully before continuing. "He's been away for a long time. He's… changed. He isn't... Well, he won't be the same Sasuke you once knew..." she hesitated before continuing, knowing she would have to come right out and say it but, nonetheless, not enjoying having to put it to words, "…and loved."
Bemused, Sakura shook her head. "Well, of course he isn't." Tsunade must take her for a fool if her mentor thought she'd expected Sasuke to be exactly the same as when he had left. "He's been away for almost ten years I should expect that he's matured a bit and-"
"That's not exactly what I meant," Tsunade cut her off feeling only a minor sense of frustration with the situation.
"What?" Sakura asked feeling confused – Sasuke was Sasuke. Granted, he had been away from the village for a long time, but that didn't change the fact that he was still her former teammate and first love. "What are you trying to tell me here?" she asked, wondering what words blonde woman might possibly want her to read between the lines.
The busty medic shook her head sadly, she had been dreading having to tell her former apprentice. Yet, a part of her had hoped that Sakura might not need to be told – that she would have a realistic grasp on the situation rather than an emotional one. "The Sasuke you knew… he's gone Sakura, died when he left the village. The man in this room... is no longer your former teammate."
"B-but... he's been asking-" Sakura started a trifle uncertain. Sasuke was Sasuke, wasn't he? No amount of time away from the village should change that, right? The outside might have changed, but the inside, deep down, he was still the boy she'd loved. The fact that he was asking for her should have been proof enough of that.
"For you?" Tsunade finished her former student's statement, unable to prevent herself from chuckling grimly. "Yes, he has, but probably not for what you may think."
"What do you mean?" Sakura asked feeling confused, wondering again what she seemed to be missing.
Tsunade raised an eyebrow in surprise. She thought that the situation had been fairly simple to deduce given a few key facts and an age old story. "Hasn't Kakashi told you anything?"
Sakura tilted her head to the side, her confusion deepening as she was unable to imagine what Kakashi might have to do with Sasuke's return. "About what?"
"Ah... I, I see..." Tsunade examined Sakura's expression a little more closely, not sure how to proceed. It wasn't her place to tell Sakura about what had happened, especially if Kakashi hadn't decided to do so. The Hokage had hoped that by assigning Sakura to Kakashi she would accomplish two things: the first, and most important, to save the stubborn man's life from his own misguided actions; and, the second, to allow the silver haired man to finally tell his former student about a few things... such as his feelings for her and the reason behind his current life threatening injuries. Kakashi had, after all, received them defending her, though she apparently was entirely unaware of the situation.