How to Annoy Lucius Malfoy
Fred and George were bored until Fred finally came up with an idea
"George, I have the best idea ever!"
George raised an eyebrow asking
"What is it oh dear brother of mine?"
"Let's make a list of things to do on how to annoy death eaters!"
"You are a genius!"
"Why thank you" he said taking a bow causing his twin to roll his eyes
"Let's get started"
by the time they'd finished they came up with a list for Lucius Malfoy
Transfigure his cane into a sugar cane
Call him `Haldir`
Dye all of his Deatheater robes bright and fluorescent colours, mostly pink and yellow
Obliviate him and convince him that his son is dead
Make sure he reads each and every story about his son Draco and our favourite Bushy haired Muggle born
Steal snap and bury his wand
Tell him Bellatrix did it because she truly has gone mad
Dye his hair ginger while he is sleeping, make it permanent
Obliviate him and convince him that he's Arthur Weasley
Use Parsletongue to set Nagini on him, if you don't speak it get someone who does to do it
Instead of Nagini make it a Basilisk
Paint his house gold and scarlet and make the furniture burgundy
Photograph his face and film his reaction, show it to him afterwards
Post it all over the internet
Cut his hair
Ask if his hair is spaghetti
Hide his cane
Throw biscuits at him. Constantly
Change all of his robes to rags that are the same as Dobby's
Mimic everything he says.
Poke him repeatedly.
Ask him what died and planted itself on his head.
Plaster his room with pictures of Dobby.
Do your best impression of Dobby whenever he's in the room.
Frequently reenact him losing the prophecy.
Ask him what kind of conditioner he uses.
Replace his shampoo with green henna dye.
Steal his peacocks. Blame Bellatrix.
Sell his Peacocks
Lock him in a room with Buckbeak.
Give Moaning Myrtle his address and tell her it was his fault Ginny got the diary.
Turn Draco into a ferret.
Turn HIM into a ferret.
Paint his fluorescent orange nails while he sleeps
Draw flowers and ponies on his death eater mask.
Put plastic bugs in his soup.
Put REAL bugs in his soup.
Redecorate his room to look like his cell in Azkaban. Include dementor-impersonators!
Tie-dye his cape.
Get him to confide in you that he doesn't really want Voldemort in his home. Then, run off and tattle on him.
Every time he has an idea, roll your eyes and say, "Of course. Because THAT'S going to work."
Tell him his hair hasn't been straightened enough this morning
Ask to borrow his straightner
Sneak into his bedchamber at night and gel his hair Jedward style and give Draco matching hair.
Tell him Dobby says hi.
Draw a moustache on his face when he is asleep.
Tell him he would look like Dumbledore if he grew a beard.
Go outside his window and yell "Rapunzel Oh Rapunzel let down your hair!"
Yell "SPAGHETTIE HEAD" every time he walks past
charm the doors to sprinkle sugar, sweets and rice
Play the `Imperial March` theme ever time he enters a room
Refer to him as `The-Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Smash-The-Prophecy`
Shine a flashlight on him and scream, "HE SPARKLES!"
Lock him in a soundproof room full of Arthur Weasley and Sirius Black fangirls
Polyjuice into Sirius Black and scare the life out of Bella/Snape/Cissa/all of them.
Polyjuice into Trelawney and pretend to relay the prophecy, making some BIG changes and making them do silly things.
Polyjuice into Albus Dumbledore and claim you're not dead. Scare the life out of them.
Polyjuice into Andromeda and freak out Bellatrix and Narcissa
Sign him up to be one of those 'L'Oreal, because you're worth it' models, we all know he's secretly thrilled.
The Malfoys love blonde jokes. Really, okay, they don't, but who cares?
Convince him that Voldemort is going to kill him and his family, make sure you can run fast when he finds out
When he suggests an idea at a Deatheater meeting, smile and say you taught him everything he knows