Disclaimer: I do not own any of the wonder characters from Glee.
Cool, there's a pool party this weekend. There'll be a lot of hot girls there and maybe their moms too. If only I wasn't stuck on serving duty. I just can't pull of those tacky khaki shorts and blue button down. It's not that I don't look good in them, but I look better without them. Why couldn't I be on lifeguard duty that weekend? Then I could have all of those sweet chicks in the palm of my hand. I wonder who does have lifeguard duty that day…
Puck went to scan the sign next to the pool party flier on the employees' bulletin board at the country club. Working here was never his first choice, but he got more for it than cleaning pools, so long as his focus stayed on money and not sex with hot moms. Finn was also working at Glenmoor; for the past two weeks, he'd been working out at the tennis courts in the shop or as a tutor to young children. What they thought Finn could teach them, Puck didn't know. I guess how to hit the net. The workers' schedule usually went that your job at the country club would switch every week. Puck usually went back and forth from poolside server to lifeguard.
Frankenteen. "They put him on lifeguard duty over me?"
"Who?" Finn had just walked up behind Puck.
Puck, an idea in his head, quickly moved to cover the pool party flier. "Um, you."
"Oh, sweet."
"But I don't think it's a very good idea," added Puck.
"Why not?"
"Well, it's for the weekend, so there'll be a lot of people there—
"No more than there are normally."
"I heard that there's a birthday party. Yeah. And I really feel that I'm better suited for lifeguarding on that particular day."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I've been a lifeguard longer than you have and I have experience in saving peoples' lives."
"When have you had to do that?"
"Dude, I do a pool cleaning service. You'd be surprised at how many people can drown in an above-ground swimming pool. Think about how many can drown in a pool that's actually in the ground! This is Ohio! You've missed a lot while you've been over at the tennis courts."
"Wow. And with a birthday party, a lot more Ohioans will be here to drown!"
"Exactly, so let me take your shift. I'll make sure everyone is safe."
"Sure, dude. Thanks! But, what job will I have?"
"We'll switch. You'll be serving food and drinks from the poolside restaurant, maybe even at the birthday party; they might let you have a cupcake."
"Mmm cupcakes."
Mission accomplished.
Pool party. Half naked—strike that, in this day and age ¾ naked teens clogging up the pool. Performing misfit activities. Tanning and taking all of the good lawn chairs. I could use a tan. Dancing to loud music. Ordering intoxicating drinks poolside. Being all too loud and overly obnoxious. What is this country club coming to? What if they invade the tennis courts, interrupting my doubles match with Figgins! That is the only chance I have to give him a few good whacks with a tennis ball. This will not stand!
WHACK!
"OH! Again, Sue?" Principal Figgins had been pleasantly playing up at the net during a doubles match when a tennis ball from behind had hit him right between his shoulder blades.
"Yeah, well, it was bound to happen," said Sue Sylvester, swinging her racket in the air. She glanced over at the team across the net. "Water break!" she yelled.
The two teams made it over to the shaded awning and the water fountains. Principal Figgins drank from the fountain, as did a member from the opposing team, Sandy Ryerson. His teammate, Henri, was off to the side, still trying to manage the tennis racket without his thumbs. He was having little success, and continued to drop the racket. Sue studied the pool party flier on the tennis shop's door again. Satisfied, she walked back to her court.
"Sandy, why is the gimp playing—strike that, even on the tennis courts?" asked Sue.
Sandy got up from the water fountain and walked over to Sue, standing under the awning. "Well, Sue, Howard Bamboo canceled on me this morning. He said he had to practice counting numbers so that he wouldn't be booted off inventory at Sheets N' Things."
"I see, and Woodshop over there has always been the second choice?" They looked over at Henri, who was practicing hitting the tennis balls (finally having gotten hold of the racket using both hands) that Principal Figgins was throwing at him.
"Well, I don't have many options. You see, um, none of my other friends know how to play tennis."
"And Woodshop does? A ball he actually hit flew to another court and the one after that went over the fence! Sandy, I think that you don't have any friends."
"Untrue, I have friends, they just don't like me. Or want to be near me. Thank God for Facebook."
Sue and Sandy looked back at Figgins and Henri. None of the balls had been hit so far. "This is hopeless," said Sue. When the racket finally made contact with the ball, Henri ended up letting go of the racket, causing it to fly through the air, hitting Principal Figgins in the forehead.
"OH!" Figgins cried as he was knocked unconscious to the ground. Henri ran over to try and pick up the racket again, which seemed to be the hardest part about not having thumbs.
Figgins was still on the ground. "Get up!" ordered Sue. "We still have another game!"
"It looks like you'll need a replacement too, Sue."
Hmm, thought Sue, this could work to my advantage. "Well, unlike you, I have better resources to dip into. People with all of their body parts to switch out with Figgins." Henri was now trying to pull out his cell phone to call 911; curse flip phones! "Is he trying to open a flip phone?" Sandy went over to help Woodshop with the phone. "Imbeciles." Sue looked towards the tennis shop and screamed, "MAN DOWN!"
Country club employees came running from the shop and from their stations at the courts. Sue spotted Finn Hudson."Frankenteen! Get over here!"
"Um, Ms. Sylvester?"
"I'll expect you to bow next time you see me. Now, take out your phone and call Schuester for me, do you hear me?"
"Yes. Er, right away." Sue looked to were Figgins lay. The staff was trying to get him onto a stretcher, Henri helping with no success. Sandy, now having opened the phone and about to call 911, realized that the phone was out of battery. "Um, Ms. Sylvester? He's here."
She snatched his phone away and spoke in a sharp voice, "Listen here William, you are to be my doubles partner tomorrow. Come to Glenmoor—that's a country club—at 9 AM. I know that you're not fortunate enough to be a member, so just tell them at the gate that you're here to see Sue Sylvester. I'll call ahead. Okay, we're done talking now."
She gave the phone back to Finn. Finn turned away from Sue in order to talk to Mr. Schuester, "Sorry about that…" And then in a lowered voice, "No, I don't know what she's planning," he said with a quick glance at Sue.
She was yelling at the still unconscious Figgins as they took him away on the stretcher. "You're weak! I've hit you so many times and this is the one time you allow yourself to be knocked unconscious! You're lucky that I have a backup! And you, Woodshop, you should be banned from the courts!"
"No!" cried Sandy. "I have no one to replace him!"
"Frankenteen will take his place tomorrow."
"Um, it looks like I'll be playing with you …No, I work here…Puck's here too…Okay, see you tomorrow."
Sandy sauntered over to Finn. "Well, congratulations." He reached to shake his hand. Finn started to pull away, but Sandy had his hand before he could. "We'll make a great team," Sandy said as he gave Finn one of his creepy, toothy smiles.
The next day found Sue waiting, in a white track suit, at the tennis courts with Finn, who was awkwardly sitting under the awning. As soon as Sandy appeared, Sue dragged him off towards the back of the court. "Listen up, Sparky, I've heard tell of a pool party happening on Saturday."
"It's Wednesday."
"Just shut up and listen. This summer has been particularly trying for me because I have had no chances to annoy the Glee club." Sandy looked like he was about to say something, but was silenced by a glare from Sue. "I have a plan to crush their summer fun, but I need them to all be together. I am requiring you to invite the whole Glee club to the pool party—don't speak—there, I will assemble my Cheerios to do a brutal attack on the Glee club. You got that, Pinky?" Sandy looked at her questioningly. "You may speak now."
"Why can't you just invite them, Sue."
"That would look very suspicious. Schuester is already wary."
"I'm not updated with the current members of the club. Could I have a list?"
"Sure," said Sue. They walked back to the awning. "Frankenteen, get me a piece of paper and a pencil, pronto!" He ran off to the tennis shop. On his return Sue said, "What did I tell you yesterday?"
"Oh!" Finn quickly dropped to the group in a sort of kneeling bow and presented Sue a pad of paper and a pen. Sue took both and she and Sandy sat on the bench. Finn went to the gate to look for Mr. Schuester.
"These are the children: Rachel, Mercedes, Brittany, Santana, kid with white hair." She looked over at Finn, "What's the name of that kid in Glee with the white hair?"
"Sam?"
"Yes, Sam, Quinn, Tina, other Asian. Who's the other Asian?"
"Tina?"
"No."
"Mike?"
"Mike, wheels…Artie, what's Porcelain's real name?"
"Kurt?"
"Kurt…Finn and Puck are already here, and Lauren. I should invite William and, oh, Erma or Elma…whatever her name is would be funny to have here too. I could do some serious damage."
"Who's Elma?"
"The guidance councilor."
"Emma."
"Is that her name? Finn is that everyone in Glee club?"
"Well, so far…"
"What do you mean? Be straight with me."
"Well, a friend of Kurt's was thinking of transferring—
"Good, what's his name?"
"Blaine."
"Alright. There you go, Sandy. Oh, look who finally decided to show up!" said Sue. She stood to meet Schue at the gate.
"I'm sorry, Sue. I had a hard time getting in. The guards at the front wouldn't believe me when I said that I was here to see you."
"That, William, is because I told them that you were a deranged pervert who was stalking me. I warned them that if a man named Will Schuester showed up with margarine-saturated hair that he should be turned away."
"I know. They sprayed me with a hose."
"Mr. Schuester, your hair is all limp and straight," said Finn, reaching a hand out to touch it.
"As it should be! Let's play ball!"
Friday night.
To: Kurt
From: Mercedes
Were you invited to a pool party at Glenmoor?
To: Mercedes
From: Kurt
The country club? Yes. Blaine was invited too.
To: Kurt
From: Mercedes
Cool. I guess I'll see you there.
To: Puck
From: Lauren
So, I was invited to that country club that you work at for the pool party tomorrow.
To: Lauren
From: Puck
Sweet, I'll be there. I'm the lifeguard that day.
To: Puck
From: Lauren
So you'll be in a hot swimsuit, right?
To: Lauren
From: Puck
What, like a speedo? No way!
To: Puck
From: Lauren
Not even for me?
To: Lauren
From: Puck
What are you wearing?
To: Puck
From: Lauren
I don't swim. This is Ohio. I never learned how. But, I'll be there to see you.
To: Lauren
From: Puck
I'll think about it.
To: Brittany
From: Santana
It looks like everyone was invited to the pool party at Glenmoor. Are you going to go?
To: Santana
From: Brittany
Of course. Artie's coming too.
To: Brittany
From: Santana
What's he going to do? He's in a wheel chair, he can't swim.
To: Santana
From: Brittany
He doesn't have to. It'll still be fun. I hope you come too.
To: Brittany
From: Santana
Whatever.
To: Mercedes
From: Sam
So, I'll see you at the pool party?
To: Sam
From: Mercedes
Of course. I'm looking forward to it.
To: Mercedes
From: Sam
You'll be the hottest, fiercest girl there.
To: Finn
From: Rachel
I can't wait to see you at the pool party tomorrow. You're a lifeguard, right? Maybe you can save my life and be my hero.
To: Rachel
From: Finn
There's a pool party tomorrow? Where?
To: Finn
From: Rachel
At Glenmoor, where you work. You didn't get fired did you? Did you let someone drown? This is Ohio…I guess it can't be helped. You know, there should really be swimming lessons there!
To: Rachel
From: Finn
There isn't a pool party at Glenmoor tomorrow. There's a birthday party for, like, a third grader.
To: Finn
From: Rachel
Are you sure? Because everyone is talking about the party tomorrow at Glenmoor at ten. Sandy Ryerson invited all of the Glee club, plus Blaine, Emma, and Mr. Shue.
To: Rachel
From: Finn
Thank you for telling me Rachel. I guess I'll see you there. Good night.
To: Puck
From: Finn
What the hell, man? There's a pool party at Glenmoor tomorrow?
To: Finn
From: Puck
Hell, yes! See you there!
To: Mike
From: Tina
I don't think I can go to the party. You know what happened at the last pool party I went to.
To: Tina
From: Mike
Don't worry about that. He won't be there and I'll be there with you this time.
To: Mike
From: Tina
Okay, I guess I'll just stay away from bathrooms.
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