Exclusively yours

"I guess the question is: do you want it badly enough to get over being hurt?"

That's the question he had been asking himself silently the whole evening. While his words were actually intended for Alexis, he found them to be applying to his own problem as well.

Did he want to be with Kate badly enough to actually get over his hurt and somehow over his pride too?

Love wasn't supposed to be all rosy and you hurt each other, that was just the way it was.

Kate had been there for him, had had his back while he had gone off fooling around with Slaughter and being the jackass he had never wanted to be again. She had silently looked out for him and had actually risked her job just for him, even after he had rubbed things like Jacinda right into her face for weeks now.

If he really loved her as much as he liked to think he did, maybe he should finally do what his broken heart had told him from the beginning: man up and actually talk to her. Listen to her, because she might actually have a good explanation for not telling him she remembered.
After all, it was impossible that he had imagined all those tiny hints over the last years, right? She had to feel something for him, and when her words on the swings at been any indication, then she was working on herself until she felt worthy of his love.
Of course that was silly, because he loved her anyways, but if she would feel uncomfortable entering a relationship with him otherwise, he would accept her terms.
She hadn't even so much than looked at one other guy besides him since Josh and her hurt over the last weeks upon his antics had been more than visible. He had just chosen to ignore it because he had wanted to punish her.
Now he just felt like an ass.

Before finally forcing himself to sleep he vowed he would make it up to her and actually fight for her and their romance from tomorrow on. He would woo her pants off of her and charm her until she couldn't help but fall in love with him.

Smiling to himself, he drifted off to sleep.

"Good morning, detective Beckett," he said cheerfully as he came to stand beside her desk and held a cup of her favorite in front of her.

She smiled, he could see the hesitancy and apprehensiveness in her eyes, even if she tried to hide it, and took the cup. "Thank you. And good morning to you too."

He grinned easily and plopped down on his chair. "What's going on this fine morning?"

She stared at him for a second. "Nothing, I guess. Just paperwork, so you don't need to stick around if you don't want to."

"Oh, I want to, believe me," he said, hoping she would catch his double meaning.

She still looked a little unsure and for the first time in weeks it occurred to him that, despite the fact that she had heard him, she maybe still didn't quite understand how he felt about her and because of his showing off with the flight attendant he couldn't exactly blame her, could he?

"So, is there something I can help with?", he asked, breaking the silence between them effectively.

She shook her head no. "I don't think so, Castle, but thanks for the effort," she said before turning to her work again.

Around noon he noticed her cup was empty, so he decided to refill it for her. Taking it with him, he stood and went for the break room, refilling the coffee machine with fresh water.

Being caught up in his work, he didn't notice someone entering the room and shutting the door behind them.

When Esposito tapped his shoulder and made him turn around he finally noticed the other detective.

"Oh hey, Espo."

"Hi."

Castle turned back to his task. "You want coffee too?"

"No, I want some answers. What are your intentions towards her this time?"

"What?" Frozen to the place, Castle could just stare at him. "What do you mean, this time?"

"Well, when you began shadowing her I thought you just wanted to get into her pants, but then you kept on showing up after she rejected you and you actually seemed to care about her so I thought it was okay to let you off the hook. But I was obviously wrong because you decided she wasn't worth your time anymore and now you come back after cheating on her and I'm asking myself why?"

"I…what? I…," Castle stuttered, being unable to form actual sentences.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't punch the daylights out of you?", Esposito growled darkly, grabbing Castle's dark purple collar.

"Okay, okay," he squeaked panicked, "I've been a jerk. I heard something and made an assumption, but now I just want to make thing right again."

"What did you hear?"

Not daring to fight off any of the questions the dangerous Hispanic asked, Castle quickly surrendered. "She told the bomb suspect that she remembered everything from her shooting while she told me she didn't."

"And that's why you've been acting like a jackass? Castle, I really am going to kick you where it hurts the most if you don't give me something," he hissed.

"I told her I loved her on the cemetery. And she told me she didn't remember, but she lied."

Esposito released him slowly. "And you assumed what?"

"That she was embarrassed and couldn't tell me she didn't feel the same?" Even to his own ears this sounded stupid now, because Kate wasn't a chicken. She wouldn't avoid something because she was afraid, would she?

"You are a dumbass, Castle," Esposito said and suddenly he sounded tired, "let me just tell you that she loves you and that you hurt her a lot over the last weeks. She's been seeing that therapist again and she hasn't for a while, so just let me tell you, this really wasn't easy on her. I don't know why she lied, but let me tell you, it definitely wasn't because she was embarrassed or doesn't feel the same, alright? If you want me to guess, she just doesn't trust her own ability to be in the relationship she wants to have with you and…well, I mean if I had been in her shoes, I would been a little cautious too, because how was she supposed to know you actually mean it and didn't just…say it because she was dying?"

Castle stared horrified at him. "You really think she thinks that?"

Esposito shrugged. "I can't know for sure, but it's the most logical explanation for her behavior."

They were silent for a minute, before Esposito broke it. "So whatever you decide to do now, don't you dare to hurt her like that again or Ryan and I will make sure they'll never find your body, understood?"

Castle nodded. He would practically sweep her off her feet.

For the rest of the day he wouldn't leave her alone and when they finally prepared to leave, earlier than expected, Castle had figured out a way to prolong his day with detective Beckett.

"So, drinks on me, guys?", he asked, trying to sound casual.

"Oh, uh, actually I can—OW." Ryan winced upon being nudged by his partner a little harder than necessary.

"Great idea, bro. Since you owe us one for the Slaughter thing, right guys?" Esposito looked at his two colleagues expectantly.

Castle didn't know why the Hispanic detective had decided to help him out a little, but he as sure as hell wasn't going to complain.

Once plans were made, Castle turned to Beckett. "Come on, I'll take you."

"I have my own car, Castle."

"Yeah, but we need to think about our planet, right? I'll drive you home afterwards and pick you up tomorrow morning." He put his hand on his spot on her back and moved her forward.

And Kate was too flabbergasted to protest.

While he was at the bar, preparing their drinks, he noticed Lanie entering the Old Haunt. The feisty ME quickly walked up to her friends and sat down next to Kate and Castle cursed mentally. He had planned on plopping down next to his partner, close enough to let his whole body touch hers, but he couldn't exactly ask Lanie to sit somewhere else, could he? Especially after his acting lately. Alexis had told him that she'd noticed the ME not being too fond of him, and he couldn't exactly blame her.

He took one final breath, before getting the drinks (he had one prepared for Lanie now, too) and heading back to his friends.

"Hey Lanie," he greeted before putting the glasses on the table, "you mind sitting on Kate's other side?" Instantly he mentally winced.

Great, he thought, way to pull her on your side again, idiot.

Before anyone could react, Esposito did. "Yeah, come on, chica. I'd rather have you next to me anyways. No offence, boss," he added in afterthought.

"None taken," Beckett murmured, still having that disbelieving look on her face. She let Lanie move around her, to sit between Kate and Esposito, and Castle finally sat down next to Kate.

"Now, bro, tell us a little of Slaughter roughing you up," Ryan said, sounding just a little bit nasty and Castle figured, even if Esposito had told his partner about his little chat with the writer, Ryan still felt a little betrayed.

Figuring being teased was the price he had to pay, Castle started telling his story, ignoring Lanie's suspicious, almost distrustful looks.

About an hour later Castle had closed the space between him and Kate completely, his whole left side pressed against her right, and in a somewhat adolescent move he had wrapped his arm around her.

Kate hid her surprise well, probably caused by the alcohol loosening her up a bit, but knowing Kate the way he did, he knew she was desperately trying to figure out what was going on and how to react and he figured, he shouldn't be too pushy, at least not tonight. He wouldn't want so scare her, after all.

"I need to wash up," Lanie suddenly stated, "girl, you coming with me?"

"Chica, you can gossip all you want about the hot guy on your left right here," Esposito said cockily, while Castle stood up to let the women out of the booth.

"Down boy," the ME said teasingly, "I'm actually going to tell Kate about the hot guy who just moved into the apartment next to mine."

Esposito's grin froze, and Castle and Ryan couldn't help but chuckle, while Kate bit her lip, trying to fight off her smile.

Lanie grabbed Kate's hand and pulled her towards the restroom and Castle couldn't help but stare at the way her hips swayed as she walked.

"So you've come to your senses again?", Ryan asked, cutting right to the chase.

Castle turned around, figuring he had to point out his motives once again. He knew the boys felt very protective of Beckett and most of the time he was really grateful for the fact, but at time like this, when he was at the receiving end of their interrogation skills, he wasn't quite so fond of them.
They had to know he loved Kate, didn't they? It wasn't that difficult to figure out, after all. Then again, after he'd been acting like a jerk these past weeks, he couldn't really blame them.

"I'm sorry," he said, hoping to sound as sincere as he felt, "I know I've been a jerk."

"Just…you know, Castle, I think she really feels something for you she hasn't for anyone else ever, so…just stop hurting her and…I don't know, do something about this. I'll never understand this dance you've been doing for years, but I guess it's time to stop now make some gestures which can't be covered up, you know?"

Castle nodded. "I'm trying," was all he said and then they heard Kate and Lanie coming back, effectively cutting them off and the write stood up again to let them sit.

When he was seated again, he was surprise to find the detective a little closer than expected. Considering this a good sign, he moved his arm back around her shoulders, gauging her reaction silently.
All she did was smile shyly at him.

Even if he couldn't know for sure, he was certain that Lanie had talked about him with Kate. And maybe gave her a little pep talk or something, because she was now actually talking with them and not just staring into her drink.

A few minutes later, when Castle felt a little braver and assured, she wasn't going to kill him, his fingers started to ghost up and down her arm, slipping gently under the sleeve of her shirt from time to time until he felt goosebumps on her soft skin.
Kate's reaction was simple, but spoke volumes: she placed her hand, hesitantly though, on his thigh, without anyone noticing.

His heart started pounding wildly in his chest and his breath quickened as well. Forcing himself to stay cool, he squeezed her shoulder gently, before resuming his stroking.
This was working better than he'd imagined.

Around eleven, Ryan finally announced that Jenny was probably waiting up for him and that he should get going. Esposito and Lanie quickly followed his example and soon Castle and Beckett were the only remaining ones.

"I guess I should get going too, Castle," she said, biting her lip.

He nodded slowly, getting up too. After tonight's development he could understand why Kate was a little apprehensive of being alone with him. They had been going from being awkward around each other to cuddling in a booth for over two hour in the last twenty-four hours and he understood why this threw her for a loop.

"Alright, let's get you home then," he said, helping her into her jacket. "Hey Bobby," he called out to his newest barkeeper, "I'll just give detective Beckett a lift home, before heading home, too. You can lock everything up, right?"

The young man gave him thumbs up, before turning back to a young woman to take her order.

"Alright, let's go." Ushering her out into the mild night, he placed his hand at the small of her back again, gently guiding her towards his car.

"I really can just take a cab, Castle," Beckett said before getting in, "you haven't seen Alexis today at all. Maybe you could catch her if you hurry and-"

"She's out with friends, no need to hurry. Apart from that I promised to take you home, remember? Now, be a good girl and get in the car."

Rolling her eyes, Beckett got in, watching Castle walk around to his door.

The drive was quiet, at least until his bold move of placing his hand on her thigh.

"Castle," she breathed."

"What?"

"What's with the touching today?"

"Are you complaining?"

To his surprise, Beckett blushed a little. "That's not the point. The point is it's not something we usually do."

"Yeah, well look where usually left us."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Figuring it was time to put his cards on the table, he drove to the right and stopped the car, before sighing. Turning towards her, he chose his words carefully before saying: "Look, I just realized I really want this between us to work, no matter how many stupid stunts we pull on our way there. And while the last four years have been really nice, I'm tired of being in limbo. I just…I love you and I know you know that." He ignored her sharp intake of air. "And even if I fooled myself into thinking you don't feel anything for me for a while, deep down I knew the whole time that you do."

"You are just a little too scared of acting on your feelings and I realized I could be brave enough for the both of us. So I thought I would just push a little harder because I don't want to wait for another shooting to tell you that I love you."

He finally dared to look at her. She stared at him, wide-eyed while tears were streaming down her beautiful face. She whispered his name softly, before pushing forward and leaning her forehead against his shoulder.

A little horrified he registered her sobbing quietly and he wrapped his arms around, as tight as he could, considering their seatbelts.

"I'm so sorry," she murmured softly, after a while, "I wanted to tell you, all the time, but it was never the right time and I was just so stupid and-" She cut herself off, continuing to sob and Castle loosened their seatbelts and pulled her gently into his lap.

She came willingly, placing her wet face in the crook of his neck and he pulled her tightly against his chest.

"Shh," he hushed gently, "it's alright, baby." He rubbed her back soothingly, kissed her hair and continued to whisper sweet nothings into her ear.

When she had finally pulled herself together a little, she leaned back to look at him.

"I don't want you to be with anyone else, you got that? No more flight attendants or whatevers. You're mine. Exclusively," she declared, her voice sounding still a little watery, but that didn't stop her from demanding her rights on him, before pressing her lips against his furiously.

The kiss was hot and wet and explosive and left no doubt about the passion they felt for each other. She pushed her tongue quickly into his mouth, while moving on his lap until she could straddle him fully and he accepted everything willingly.

"God, Kate," he groaned when he felt her opening the first two buttons of his shirt to have better access to suck on his collarbone and the surrounding skin.
Her breath was hot on his skin and he felt arousal shooting through his veins. Even if he really, really wanted this, he needed her to stop. Their first time really shouldn't be in his car in the middle of New York City.

"Slow down," he panted, pulling gently, but firmly on her neck to get a little distance between them.

She didn't seem to be too happy about the missing contact and he had to smile at her pouty face.

"Believe me, I want this as bad as you do," he said, pressing her harder against his pelvis, to proof it to her, "but I really think we need to slow down a bit. There are some things we need to talk about before we do this."

She nodded slowly, understanding where he was going with this and wrapped herself into his arms, hugging him hard, while her breath continued to slow down.

"Okay."

"Come on, let's get you home now."

When they finally reached the parking lot in front of her apartment building, Castle stopped the engine and turned towards her.

She was biting her lower lip, a sign of her uncertainty about what to say and he definitely could feel with her.

She inhaled deeply, before she blurted out: "Maybe you could come with some bagels tomorrow morning. It's Saturday. We could have breakfast and a talk." The words fell quickly from her lips and he knew how nervous she was.

He smiled, hopefully reassuringly, and agreed. "I could do that. Come on, I'll walk you to your door."

Ever being the gentleman, he opened her door and helped her out, not releasing her hand until they had reached her front door.

"Thanks for the lift, Castle," she said, somewhat shyly and he squeezed her fingers in response, before leaning forward, gauging her reaction before closing the gap between them.

It was a soft, loving kiss, gentle and yet sensual, and their hearts were pounding madly when they separated.

"Good night, Kate. Until tomorrow. Sleep tight," he murmured softly.

She waved as he skipped down the steps. "Thanks, until tomorrow, Rick."

Smiling hopefully at each other, Castle got in the car and Kate into the building.

They both would definitely sleep fine tonight.