During the past few years, I had come to feel much like a gypsy. Four schools, a new one each semester since I was a sophomore in high school. Now, here was a new one and in an entirely different place that I had ever been. I suppose the benefits of moving around was the second, third, and fourth chances to start over. If I made a mistake in one town, in one school, everything would be erased in a month or two.
But deep within myself I knew that I wanted something to really happen to me. Not necessarily a bad thing, just anything to make me not feel like I was just floating all the time, something to pull me to the ground and make me feel stable. I didn't know what that thing was, but I was sure by the time I had begun school, I would find out in some way or another.
The first day of my senior year began like any other, I suppose, and even though I'd been told that there was some sort of huge change when starting your last year of high school, I barely felt different. Maybe it was because I didn't know anyone yet and as I had no friends with me, there was no one to compare past experiences with. This made me feel strangely sad and alone.
In the past I had avoided making friends, at least relationships which I knew would last; so to keep myself from missing old friends, I developed friendships with the most shallow of people who I could find. In a week, they would forget about me, no matter how many parties I was invited to and no matter how much they told me we would forever be friends.
It was a faultless scheme, but only to a point. I, of course like anyone else, craved a solid friendship, a best friend to whom I could tell all my secrets, but with the way my life worked, it just never seemed possible without heartbreak.
I had kept myself from that so easily as well as I did without friends. The only dates or boyfriends I ever allowed myself to have were neither intelligent nor truly cared whether or not I was with them at all. It was just a formality, just a reason to say, "No, I'm not alone. See, I've got someone on my arm to call my own and that's all that matters." I wanted to be in love as well, I had to admit, but could never imagine stomaching the pain of breaking up when I yet again had to leave.
The difference that day from so many other times was that my parents had promised me we wouldn't move for at least until I was fully done with high school. At first, I hadn't believed them; they had told me the same thing before. But there was something about when they told me that I believed it more.
My dad had no reason to move again. His job, where it was stationed this time, was to be permanent at least for two more years. It wasn't like before when right after the job was finished, the company was off to find new clients and ventures. The economy here in Canada was more consistent than in Georgia, in the States. I wanted so badly to put my faith in that idea, to change my life for at least just a little while and not have to think about uprooting as soon as I'd found somewhere I liked. It would great to have a break from the aggravation of it all for a while.
"And your name is?"
The lady at the school's reception desk looked at me kindly. It seemed that Degrassi High was decent so far and so far I hadn't witnessed anything too unnerving. What I had witnessed in the hallway was typical, concerning both the institutional look and the cliques which roamed the halls. It wouldn't be long until I knew which group I belonged in. Teenagers were experts in putting you in your place, whether you agreed with their seemingly concrete decision or not.
"Norah Johansson, grade twelve," I responded. In a matter of minutes I had a schedule of classes, a map, and a few flyers in my hands. I smiled and thanked the woman, whose name was Mrs. Reese, and then walked out the door.
The phrase 'den of lions' suddenly popped into my mind once I left the comfort of the small office, but oddly enough, no one looked at me even though I was new. There was no automatic rude looks and turned up noses at the new girl. For this I was completely thankful.
I pulled out my schedule and began studying it as I sat down on a bench in the hallway. The first class wouldn't begin for another fifteen minutes, so I had time to relax.
Suddenly, as I was sitting there and keeping completely to myself, I felt a pair of eyes on me. It's amazing how an action so small can have such a large effect, even if you aren't aware of it or expecting it. When I looked up, I was surprised at who I saw walking by.
I half-expected someone to be staring right at my face for all the force that seemed to be coming from the eyes which had chosen to glue themselves to me. But instead, it was a subtle gaze but with power. The eyes belonged to a boy, nearly a man. Those eyes were blue with a tint of green and alarmingly inviting, almost intoxicating so that I couldn't look away.
He held my gaze for what seemed like an eternity, but did not take a second to slow down his graceful walk down the hallway. Right before the staring contest with the very attractive stranger became almost absurdly too long, he moved in his path and walked over to where I sat. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, unsure of what he would do next. If just his looking at me made me freeze where I stood, what would it be like if he came closer or even spoke to me? I began to feel dizzy when he came within a foot of me.
"I would ask if you're new here, but that would make me look stupid and we don't want that," he said in a voice that made my spine tingle. Never in my life had someone made me react like he did.
"Yeah, I guess that would be a stupid question. I'm Norah Johansson," I said and put out my hand for him to shake. The gesture was stiff and formal, but I needed something to keep myself composed. If being odd was what I took, then I would do it.
He looked at me curiously and I could feel his eyes on me, they lingered a little too long at my legs and what could be seen of my backside from where I sat. He was absolutely shameless, dangerous even. I wasn't sure if I should like the guy or be afraid of him.
"Your name is really…nice, Norah. I'm Declan Coyne," he told me and finally did shake my hand before I began to feel ridiculous.
When he spoke, he said 'nice' but it would have been more appropriate for him to say something much more lewd for the tone of voice he used. And when he said my name, I felt as though he was practically violating me with that one word. Then, even when he shook my hand he held on to my fingers a little longer than was necessary. The encounter was no longer exciting, soon, it became prudent for me to get up and leave before anything else was said.
"Nice to meet you, Declan," I began politely, but now desperately wanted to get away. "Well, looks like I need to get to class. See you around."
I wanted to see him around as much as I wanted a hole in the head. In the past, I didn't mind mysterious guys or even ones who had the tendency to flatter with words just a little too much, but he was different and I felt that I reacted completely different than I had. His way was with looks and actions. I didn't like it and it felt wrong. But the worst part hadn't even come yet.
Once I walked away from the bench, I took one last quick backward glance. He just began to get up as well, but stayed there for a moment. I could sense that he was still watching me. The slight smirk on his face sent a wave of shivers all over me. That was unnerving enough, but when I saw a girl, who, from a distance seemed very pretty, put her arm around his waist and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, I nearly lost my cool.
There was nothing I could abide less than a cheater, or at the very least, someone who had a girlfriend but continued to flirt with other girls, especially ones he hadn't known but for just a few seconds. What made me sick about it was the possibility that in this new place, where I just might end up staying permanently, something had already happened to compromise what could possibly be a good reputation.
I needed nothing to taint what people thought about me. Now was when I needed and wanted friends, but if someone saw that and then told the girl, it was very possible that people would automatically write me off as someone who had her lines blurred when I clearly didn't. I was the last person to cause someone to cheat or to ruin a relationship.
As I walked to my first class, I tried to clear my head of everything that had just transpired. Truthfully, I was making a mountain out of a molehill in my mind without the consideration that there was actually no one at all in the hallway during the time I sat on the bench and when Declan came there as well. I really had nothing to worry about. I could go about my day as if it was just as new as it had begun.
With quickness and lightness in my walk, I made my way to my first class. Honors History was my destination. Thankfully, it was one of my best subjects, other than Literature, and so I knew I would be in for a relatively easy time, at least for my first day. But what I saw when I walked to the doorstep made every hope crash and burn.
Right there in the middle of the classroom sat Declan Coyne. I hadn't taken into account that we would have the same classes and were possibly even in the same grade. With a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach, I went up to the teacher, put on a fake smile, and told him my name. He showed me where I was to be sitting, where unfortunately I was positioned diagonally to the left and behind Declan.
When I sat down, just as I fully expected but dreaded, he turned towards me slightly and shot me a small, knowing grin. I gave him a tiny smile back and attempted to ignore him through the rest of the class, but that proved to be impossible when he handed me a note.
Frustrated, I crumpled it in my hand, but not completely crushing it. Without reading the note, I sunk into my seat and wondered if that this was the way the school year began, how would it continue and what things would be in store for me.