Back To December

I sat on the bar stool in the crowded bar on a Friday night, wondering if I had the guts to do what I was about to do. But I thought to myself which was worse: telling him to his face or singing my apology to a crowd when I knew he was in it? I couldn't pick; both seemed like I was about to jump head-first off a cliff.

I tapped my fingers nervously against my leg, practically gnawing on my bottom lip as I looked around the bar. Music from the act that was on now played a song about stealing someone's girlfriend, as people talked, watched, ate, and laughed. Normally I'd be excited to play at an open-mic night like this one but tonight wasn't going to be easy on me.

"Anna, you need to chill, sweetie. You're going to be fine, I promise." Emma's voice came from my left and I looked away from the silent jukebox to one of my best friends. Mena was around here somewhere, probably sitting with her brother.

"Do you know if he's here?" I asked, my own voice cracking a little and I took a big gulp of the bottle of water I held in my hands. I looked up at her, knowing I must've looked panicked. Which I was.

She bit her lip before she nodded, her eyes flashing towards the dining area of Nicky's. I refused to look in that general direction, knowing that once I'd see him that I would bolt for the door.

"Anna!" Mena came up me then, her black hair bouncing around in its ponytail. "You're not getting on that stage with that up-do. I won't allow it." Before I could stop her, she was already taking my dirty blonde hair from the curly ponytail I'd spent 10 minutes on in my dorm room. "We're going to do this right and you can't get your point across if you don't look like an angel!" She fluffed my hair some, smiling at her work.

"She looks good," Tyler Simms came up to us then, followed by Reid Garwin. Two of my best friends and the craziest guys I knew, they were the only boys I could actually go to for anything. Reid nodded in agreement, a little smirk on his face. He respected his life too much and cared about my situation enough to not make a nasty comment that would earn him a smack in the face, maybe even a sucker punch. Most people didn't know that side of the two youngest Sons but I was one of the lucky few who did.

"Look, Anna, you're going to do fine. It'll give you some peace of mind knowing he's going to hear this. We had to drag his lazy ass here tonight so he's gotta have some sort of secret reason for not putting up a fight if he knew you were going to be performing tonight." Reid said, leaning against the bar to my right, a soft smile on his face.

I nodded nervously, swallowing that sick feeling that had permanently found its way into my stomach. Nicky came up to me then, a white towel thrown over his shoulder.

"Anna, you're up in about 5 minutes, alright?" He said, squeezing my shoulder with a smile.

I smiled softly, getting up and brushing my sweaty hands against my leg. "I guess it's now or never, you guys."

"Remember, we'll be over there where he is. If you look at any of us, just remember he's right there." Emma said a soft smile on her face.

Reid and Ty gave me hugs before the girls kissed my cheek, heading towards the table as the act in front of me finished up. Dana, one of the waitresses here at Nicky's and a good friend of mine, stepped up onto the stage.

"Alright, tonight we have an awesome treat for you." She said with a broad smile, her white teeth glistening in the single spotlight above the small stage. "Our next open-mic night performer is a good friend of mine. She's singing an original song that she wrote not too long ago and I'm very happy to bring you, Anna Montgomery!"

The crowd clapped as I made my way towards the stage. I grabbed my black acoustic Gibson, setting myself down on the single black stool that had been set up for me. I tucked some of my hair behind my ear, out of my eyes before I smiled into the mic. "Hi, I'm Anna. And this is Back To December."

I began strumming the opening chord, bobbing my head gently with the soft beat. I looked up into the microphone, thankful for the blinding spotlight.

"I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why

Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die."

I began strumming a little faster as I began the chorus, closing my eyes and letting my voice ring out in the silent bar.

"So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time."

I slowed down the strumming again as I began the second verse.

"These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye…"

My fear had vanished as the second chorus came to me so easily.

"So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time."

I looked down at my fret board, strumming the little intro to the bridge that I prayed had more soul to the tone.

"I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand…"

For the first time that night, I had the guts to look towards the table where I knew he sat as I began the final chorus of the song, praying that this one had more soul and feeling than any part of the song before.

"This is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time, all the time…"

I strummed the closing chord, biting my lip as I felt the tears well a little in my eyes. I did it. I'd finally apologized like I should've done before that night. I jumped at the sound of loud clapping and I looked up, a fake smile plastered to my lips. I set down my guitar on its stand, giving a little wave, before I walked through the crowd as Dana got on stage to introduce the next act.

I headed towards the back door of Nicky's, feeling suffocated in the crowded bar. As soon as the door slammed behind me, I leaned against the cold iron railing of the stairs, sighing. I shivered, even though I was wearing black skinny jeans, a long sleeved black top and my boots. I finally apologized to him.

I barley heard the creaky of the door and I carelessly glanced in that direction before my eyes popped out of my skull.

Caleb Danvers stood at the top of the stairs, his head down before his eyes slowly looked up to meet mine.

I couldn't breathe. Whether it was from his presence, or knowing he'd heard the song, or seeing his eyes locked onto mine I didn't know. All I know was that he and I were in a five-foot radius together for the first time since that cold December night.

"Hey, Anna." His deep voice spoke my name and, like it always had since I'd met him, my knees got weak. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his blazer, his jaw set tightly so I couldn't tell if he was mad or just blank. Oh, God, if he was mad at me…

"C-Caleb." I stuttered his name, flinching at myself for not trying harder for the first words I'd spoken to him since that horrible night when I let him go. Or pushed him away. That was the cold, honest truth and I had to face it.

He slowly came down the steps until he was one step higher than me, looking down at me with those big brown eyes and I swallowed the hideous feeling in my chest. Maybe I was going into cardiac arrest. "I…heard the song." He said softly before running a hand through his brown spikes.

I swallowed again, looking away, at the snow on the ground before I barely whispered my reply. "Oh?"

He sighed, obviously feeling just as awkward as I was about this whole situation. "When Mena told me that…you were going to be here tonight, I literally tried to make myself sick so I didn't have to come." He chuckled sadly, looking away from me.

Oh, God. I was a horrible person. I couldn't believe what I'd done to him, what I'd done to myself when I pushed him away. It tore me in two and it broke him. I should rot in hell.

"I-I know you probably didn't want to come tonight but I didn't know any other way to tell you how I felt…So I sang it…" I spoke softly, looking up at the night sky just as snowflakes began to fall gently.

"Anna, look me in the eye and tell me that the song is the truth, that you really—" He broke off, looking away before he bit his bottom lip.

"That I really what?" I asked, turning to face him, holding onto the railing with one hand.

He swallowed once before looking back down at me. "That…you really want me back."

I felt my heart thud in my chest before I swallowed nervously. "Caleb, I hated doing what I did. But I had to-I was confused and hurt and didn't know what to think. When Sarah moved back—" I broke off, feeling the tears well in my eyes at the memory of watcher Sarah practically throw herself onto Caleb.

"Sarah dumped me because she was afraid of what I was, Anna, what I am. You were never afraid of me, not even when you saw me Use." He said, his voice barely above a whisper. "You…are not Sarah. She doesn't even compare to you, Anna."

I felt my lip quiver at the sweet words flowing from his lips, just like they had whenever I saw him during our relationship. He'd been the best thing that had ever happened to me. He protected me from anything that could've harmed me and I'd shoved him away because I was afraid. I was a coward.

"I should've talked to you, though. I should've talked it through with you before I lashed out like I did." He went on, looking down at me. "Even after that phone call from you...I never stopped loving you."

I gaped at him. Instead of making a civilized reply, I made this weird losing-every-last-breath-I-had-noise and gaped at him. Brilliant.

"I'm serious, Anna. You were the only thing keeping me on this damned planet, if this is what I am. If I have to live through my life, not Using so I can live past 40 unlike my father or grandfather or great-grandfather. You're the reason."

I felt my heart stop in my chest and before I knew what I was doing, I turned completely towards him so my face was level with his broad chest. "Caleb…I'm so sorry…" I sniffled, knowing that I was about to cry but I didn't feel like holding in my willpower anymore. So for the first time since December, I broke down.

I collapsed against him, sobbing uncontrollably and his arms were around me instantly, making the best possible barrier you could imagine. He buried his face in my hair, his lips caressing my ear as he whispered to me.

"Anna…Anna, love, look at me." His deep voice breathed into my ear as his hand tilted my chin up towards his face. "I love you, do you hear me? No matter what happens or who tries to come in between us, I'll always love you with everything in my body."

I nodded and he picked me up easily, setting me down on the step he was standing with so I was a few inches taller, the top of my head level with his chin. He held me tightly to his chest as I cried softly before I felt his hands slide down my sides to my hips and his head moved, dipping down towards mine.

He kissed me softly, for the first time in too long, and I threw myself into the kiss. I threw my arms around his shoulders, moaning softly and kissing him like a dehydrating girl with water. I'd missed this too much to forget.

Eventually he broke away so his forehead could be pressed against mine. "I love you, Anna Montgomery. And that will never change, I can promise you that."

The snow had begun to fall heavier and now covered his dark hair and shoulders as little white fluffs landed in my hair. I nodded, sniffling away the last bit of tears before I kissed his lips softly. "Caleb, I love you."

A slow smile spread across his lips before he took my left hand in his and, next thing I knew, his black ring was on my ring finger. "This is my promise right here, Anna." He said softly as he brought my hand to his lips, running his lips across my knuckles and fingers.

I shivered at the amazing feeling of his lips before I buried my face in his neck. "I've missed you so much," I whimpered and he tightened his arms around me, his cheek resting on the top of my head.

"I know, angel. It's killed me without you…" He murmured.

I licked my freezing lips before I slid my head out from under his, tip-toeing so I could firmly kiss his warm lips. We stood in the snow for several minutes, kissing non-stop until my lips had turned blue and he chuckled.

"Let's head outta here, okay?" He kept both arms wound tightly around my waist as he led me towards the parking lot where his silver Mustang sat.

"What about the others?" I asked, smiling.

He grinned, kissing my forehead. "They'll get the point when we don't come back,"

I smiled, burying my face in his chest, inhaling his musky scent and the hole in my heart stitched itself back up.

Author's Note: I know the last half is italiced but FanFiction won't let me fix it without screwing up my story -_- So I hope it's okay :)

This story is really close to my heart because this song speaks to me a lot for something I went through myself personally at the end of the summer, so it should be called Back To August but it's not :) Oh well :D

Taylor Swift owns this amazing song and someone lucky bummer owns the Covenant -_-