The Inner Struggle

by Amme Mahtal

Feeling utterly useless, frustration sets in and destroys what little hope Zuko has left. Now that he has had time to think, he's come to an understanding; the only way to mend his fragile relationship with his father is to swallow his pride and apologize. If he can do that, maybe, just maybe, his father will forgive him, and Zuko can forgive himself.

A/N

Hey guys! Lol I know I created my account over a month ago, but it took me awhile to write this songfic/oneshot and make it turn out the way I planned. I have been binge watching ATLA and I kinda became obsessed with Zuko's character... lol I was listening to Open Wounds by Skillet and thought the song perfectly describes Zuko's "inner struggle". I am just so happy that I was able to publish my idea and share it with you guys! Also, I am no artist, but I did draw the cover! It took me a couple of hours, but I finally did it. Yay!

bold- song lyrics

italics- flashback

normal- present

Disclaimer: I do not own ATLA or the song Open Wounds. All credit goes to the owners and creators.

That's about it! Hope you enjoy :)

I trace the charred skin around my right eye and cringe at the excruciating pain. How does someone go from being the crowned prince of the Firenation to an outcast? It all happened so fast. I tried to plead with him, oh how I tried . . .

"Stand up and fight!"

"I won't! I won't fight you father!"

"Coward!"

"Please, I didn't mean to speak out, I just had the Firenation's best interest at heart! I-"

"I command you to fight me!

"Father, please, don't do this!"

"You leave me no choice. You will learn obedience, and suffering will be your teacher."

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

I close my eyes as the memories come pouring back and seep into my brain. I am so ashamed of what I did -or rather didn't do- that I can't think straight. I know I should have just obeyed my father like a loyal son must do, but I just couldn't. It didn't feel right; father and son fighting until the other can no longer.

In the dark with the music on

Wishing I was somewhere else

Taking all your anger out on me (somebody help)

I would rather rot alone then spend a minute with you

I'm gone, I'm gone

I'm the unloved son. I'm the victim of my father's wrath. I'm still the sad, pathetic, weak little boy Azula and everyone always saw me as. Even my father thought this. He proved it by calling me a coward. The word stung and penetrated deep within my fragile emotions.

And you can't stop me from falling apart

'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault!

I wasn't scared to fight him, (ok maybe I was a little), but that's not why I refused the Agni Kai! It just felt morally wrong. I loved and respected my father so much; I couldn't bring myself to intentionally hurt him. Then it dawns on me; loved, respected. Past tense.

I moan and try to get up but am too overcome with throbbing pain. I grit my teeth as the paroxysm of pain spreads its evil wings throughout my entire body. I feel like crying from the agony but will myself not to. Instead, I bite my lip and try to relax, but I don't succeed for long; footsteps echo. My heart sinks. Right on cue, the menacing man appears before my eyes.

"Don't bother to get up, son," he says, pronouncing the last word coldly. "You're already dead to me."

How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?

When all I ever wanted to be was you?

How could you, how could you, how could you love me?

When all you ever gave me were open wounds? (open wounds)

My heart beats fast in my chest, clenching and unclenching. I feel beads of sweat roll off my face. The memories of the Agni Kai were becoming less foggy and more painful to remember.

Downstairs the enemy sleeps

Leaving the tv on

Watching all the dreams we had turn into static (static)

I sigh as I stand up slowly, trying to get a grasp of my whereabouts. I look around and immediately recognize the royal Firenation insignia; I'm in my room. How long have I been here? The last thing I remember was the battle. The smell of burning flesh still lingers in my nostrils. I grit my teeth as I remember who caused me such trauma. My father. My own father burned my face. And for what? Refusing to fight him?! I bang my fists on the floor in utter frustration.

Doesn't matter what I do

Nothing's going to change

I'm never good enough

"You're a disgrace. I don't know why you even bother to try anymore."

I close my eyes and try to tune him out. I don't know why I am getting so offended by his insults; I've endured a year of harsh lectures and criticism, so I eventually learned to ignore him. I guess I never fully understood why he suddenly hated me so much.

"The world would be better off without you."

I ball my hands into fists. I can feel the bile rise in my throat and my blood boil in anger. But he was just getting started.

"You are nothing without your dear mother to coddle you. Who's going to protect you now? No one. Who's going to stop me from beating your sorry ass? Not a single person. You're all mine."

I shudder at his last statement. "I'm all his?" What does that even mean?

"How does it feel, knowing you've made a complete fool of yourself? You're just a spoiled brat! You think you know everything there is to know but you are wrong. You don't know a thing. You wouldn't last a single day in the real world; no servants, no guards, no pampering, but most importantly, there would be nobody to love you. Not even that bitch you call mother."

That's it. He can berate me, he can beat me, he can even burn my face for all I care, but nobody, and I mean nobody can talk about my mother in such a vulgar and disrespecting way. I clench my jaw and growl at the disgusting man.

And you can't stop me from falling apart

'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault!

I close my eyes and try to think of a happier time; perhaps when my family really was a family instead of a bunch of strangers forced to live together. Now I am not even welcome in the one place I used to call home. Instead, it feels like a prison.

How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?

When all I ever wanted to be was you?

How could you, how could you, how could you love me?

When all you ever gave me were open wounds?

I sigh and try to think about something else, but my mind keeps circling back to the Agni Kai. My father's outburst made me realize something; I had no idea he was going to treat me that way. Never in a million years would I predict he do something so cruel. It really made me think that I don't know him as much as I thought I did, which scares me greatly. I want to pounder it more, but think better of it when another sharp jolt of pain reenters my body.

Tell me why you broke me down and betrayed my trust in you

I'm not giving up, giving in

When will this war end?

When will it end?

A yawn escapes from my lips and I sigh once more. I slowly make my way to bed, trying to convince myself that things will be better in the morning. That's what my mother always said. I pull the covers up to my chest and let my aching body find comfort within the warm sheets.

I try once more to stand up, but collapse instantly. Laughter soon rings in my ears. He walks over to me and towers over my sore body. Tears begin to brim in the corner of my eyes. I mentally curse that I'm showing him such weakness. I gulp and look directly at him. He has an evil smirk on his face; no doubt he's enjoying every second of my suffering. I silently pray that he won't do anything but of course I am wrong; he kicks my side, hard. Instantly, I clutch my stomach, the wind knocked out of me, but this only makes me more vulnerable. He picks me up and throws me against the wall. My back aches from the violent thrust, causing me to fall to my knees. Boos and rude comments too nasty to repeat suddenly fill the room. At that moment, I want to disappear. Forever.

You can't stop me from falling apart

You can't stop me from falling apart

You can't stop me from falling apart

'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault!

I awake to the soft rays of the sun beaming through the windows. I rub my eyes and yawn sleepily. I tossed and turned all night, the Agni Kai still lingering in my mind. I sigh. This is going to take a while for me to get over. I figure it might be best to talk to Uncle. He always seems to have the answer to everything. I make my way to the door but frown when it won't budge. I push hard but still nothing. Is it... locked? Why on earth would my door be locked unless . . . no. He wouldn't . . . Or would he? In a panic, I bang my fists on the steel door. I wince at the pain but continue anyway. "Help! Someone! Help! Helpppp!" I yell as loud as I can. Surely one of the guards or servants would hear me. Minutes pass and no one comes to my aid. I slump against the door and curl into a ball.

How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?

When all I ever wanted to be was you?

How could you, how could you, how could you love me?

When all you ever gave me were open wounds?

I want to turn to ash; to stone. I want to be swept away from everyone's memory, never to see the light of day. I want to die. All the pain, all the suffering, all the hate is too much. It isn't worth it! It isn't worth it to stay here and be suffocated and constantly put down by him. I wish he would just kill me. In fact, I wish he would kill me in front of everyone. That would let the whole world know how cruel he is. But I know he will never be that merciful. Ever. I'm his punching bag. I'm his excuse to let off steam because of my failures. If only she was still here . . . I miss her so much. A single tear rolls down my cheek and falls to the ground. I close my eyes to keep from crying, but the more I resist it, the faster they fall.

Hours pass but still no one comes. I begin to pace around my room, frantically trying to calm myself down. C'mon, deep breathes Zuko. Someone will come. Someone will notice I'm not at dinner. As soon as I think this, my stomach growls. I moan. Someone has to come. Someone must come.

I open my eyes and finally let the tears stream down my face. I stand up slowly, forcing myself to push past the pain. I let a single grunt escape from my lips as I struggle to remain stable. I look around me, but I can't see him anywhere. Where on earth could he have gone? Something was wrong. I could feel it in my bones. Suddenly, a frantic cry penetrates through the audience. I could of sworn the voice belonged to Uncle. The whole room goes silent in anticipation of what was to become. Hot breath slithers down my neck and into my robes. My heart clenches in pure terror, and for a moment, I can't breathe. A kick to my stomach sends me sprawling across the concrete floor. I wince at the stinging cuts as they begin to form on my arms and legs. Moaning softly, I ball my hands into fists. I try to push myself up, but another sharp kick comes in contact with my stomach. I roll over in pain, wheezing slightly. He lingers over me and looks straight into my eyes. I look up at him and mutter,

"Please, stop . . ."

He snickers at my weak request. I look out of the corner of my eye at everyone whom I've let down. Then, without hesitation, he delivers the final blow to my head. Stars begin to block my vision, sending my into a black void of deep sleep.

I feel trapped; not only in my room, but also in my mind. Part of me wants to swallow my pride and apologize to my father, but another part of me (perhaps I got this from my mother) wants to confront him. But of course there are also the evil demons that torment me as if to say it is all my fault this happened. I am so stupid! How could I be this thick? If only I had listened to my father and just fought him like he ordered . . . but that's just the thing. I couldn't. No matter how much he threatened me, no matter how many scars he gave me, no matter how many insults he threw at me, nothing could ever change my morals. It might be stubborn, it might be a sense of pride, it might even be cockiness, but it doesn't matter . . . to me at least. I can't let one person dictate the way I think, even if that person is my father, the one who is supposed to love and support me. I snort in disgust.

How could you, how could you

How could you, how could you

All I ever wanted to be was you

All you ever gave me were open wounds!

Things are so different now. My mother disappeared without a trace, my father loathes me so much that he feels the need to lock me in my room for who knows how long, my deranged sister is probably celebrating my downfall, and Uncle can't comfort me because he has to comfort himself as he tries to get over the loss of his son. As much as it hurts, I have to face the facts: I have no one. I'm all alone.

A/N

What did you guys think? Leave a review! Also, please follow and favorite, it means so much to me! I might turn this into a longer story later on, so keep checking my account for updates! That's all for now!