Useless Notes: Anyone ever notice that almost all the stories I write have Renji in them?
Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach, but I sure wish I did.
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How do I say "I Love you"?
Renji sighed dreamily at the piece of wood he was carving, his thoughts on one girl and one girl only: Kuchiki Rukia. How he loved everything about her: her eyes, her smile, her attitude- hell, he even loved the way her lips moved when she said his name.
"Renji," he imagined her saying. "Come to mama."
He nearly cut his finger at that and shook his head roughly as if to chase the bad image out of his head. He looked down at his chunk of wood and became horrified at what it had become.
A heart.
"Dammit, Rukia," he stood up and tossed the wooden heart behind him. He smirked and touched his chin thoughtfully.
Come to think of it, he also kinda liked the way his lips moved when he said her name.
"Ah FUCK!" he yelled. How long can he go without thinking about her?!
This had to stop. He had to tell her, but how?
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Renji strolled and grunted his way to the Fifth Division to have himself a little chat with his good friend, Hinamori. I mean, if there was a girl you wanted to get closer to, then the only logical approach would be to talk to another girl about it. She'd probably be able to help and another female's advice would be extremely helpful in a situation like this.
Boy, was Renji a genius for figuring that out.
Only, the problem was that the girl would probably be able to help. Not everyone's advices worked all the time anyway.
"Yo, Hinamori!" he greeted as he saw her walk out of her office.
"Abarai-kun!" her eyes widened in surprise when she saw him. After all, it wasn't everyday that Renji would drop by the Fifth Division's quarters.
"What are you doing here?" she asked when they were a step away from each other.
"Listen, I gotta ask you something," he started, his sweat and his blush very obvious signs of nervousness to Hinamori.
She nodded, allowing him to continue.
"Okay," he said, then took a deep breath. "Okay. So, say I like you-"
"A-Abarai-kun!"
"No, no Hinamori, it's only pretend-!"
"I- I uh, have… things to do, so… so take care, n-ne, A-Abarai-kun?"
It sure wasn't everyday Renji dropped by to admit that he liked you. Even if it was only pretend.
"Hinamori, wait!"
But it was too late. The poor girl had already ran off with some very visible red marks on her face, leaving a cloud of dust and a completely surprised Renji behind.
He grunted in annoyance and slapped his head.
"Dammit Renji, you ass."
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"EH? Kuchiki-san?!"
"SSH! Not so loud!" Renji paled, making frantic movements with his hands, motioning for Kira to shut up.
"Ah, sorry about that," he grinned apologetically.
"Just don't tell anyone else about it," Renji sighed. "So? Can you help me or not?"
"Ah, you see, I don't really have much experience in these kinds of things, so…"
"Kira!"
"Eh… I don't know, Renji," he shrugged. "There's really nothing I can suggest on how to let Kuchiki-san know of your feelings about her…"
"Yeah I guess," Renji sighed. "But I don't wanna tell her outright, if that's what you're suggesting."
Kira, put his fingers to his chin and started thinking deeply. Then, after a few minutes, a light bulb appeared on top of his head.
"Of course! That's it!" he yelled, sending Renji twenty-five feet into the air.
"Kira you dumbass!" Renji growled as soon as he got down. "Okay, let's have it then, What did you think of?"
"Why don't you write her a letter?"
"A letter?"
"Yeah!" he nodded. "It's very personal and sincere and I know it will help get your feelings across."
"Yeah!" Renji grinned. "That way, I won't have to see her reaction when I tell her!"
"And it will prevent anyone else from overhearing the two of you."
"Kira, you're a genius!" he clapped his friend on the back. "I don't know how the hell you do this, but you're a genius! A fuckin' genius!"
"W-Well," he blushed awkwardly and gave Renji a sheepish smile. "You know me, always glad to help."
"Thanks Kira! I appreciate it!" Renji waved as he went on his way to his division. "Now, if you don't mind, I got a letter to write."
"Good luck Renji," he smiled at Renji's retreating back.
Renji had a big smile on his face. He could see the rain clouds of his life go away. Now, he could see that ray of hope and he swore to follow it no matter what. He was a man prepared to do anything just for the sake of that one woman. Zabimaru would laugh at him about it later, but he didn't care.
Because when a man is in love, he becomes unstoppable.
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Hi.
So far, in the past two and a half hours, this was the only thing Renji had written on his soon-to-be love letter to Rukia.
He let out a growl of frustration and threw the paper away. He wasn't a man of words and definitely not a man of patience.
That was it. He had to ask somebody else.
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"HA! Abarai likes a GIRL! HAHAHAHA!!!!" Ikkaku guffawed, holding on to Hozakimaru for support.
"Oh do shut up, Ikkaku. It isn't beautiful to laugh at a time like this," Yumichika shook his head. "Really, such ignorance."
"Wait'll the boys get a load of this! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
"It's okay, Renji. Try not to mind-"
"OI! The fuck's your problem, aa?" Renji roared at Ikkaku.
"The hell's up your ass, Abarai?!" Ikkaku roared back.
"The hell's up yours?!"
"Bastard… you wanna fight or what?!"
"Let's go! Howl, Zabimaru!"
"Grow, Hozakimaru!"
"BANKAI!"
Their reiatsus instantly filled up the whole bar and Yumichika sat in the middle of the two hot blooded brawlers, shaking his head in annoyance.
"The hell is going on here?!" Kenpachi suddenly appeared outta nowhere with Yachiru on his back.
"Taichou!" both men withdrew their reiatsus and their zanpaktous and stood up straight to face their captain.
"Hey, Pachinko-Head! Tattooed-Face!"
"Nice to see you again, Kujashiji-fukutaichou," Renji forced out a smile. He so hated being called 'Tattooed-Face'.
"I dunno what this bullshit is all about, but Abarai," Kenpachi stared at his former subordinate.
"S-Sir?"
"You were in my division. Use your sword."
And with that, he walked away, almost as mysteriously as he had come.
"The hell was that?" Ikkaku asked after a long silence.
"You should write her a poem, Renji. It'd be beautiful."
"A POEM?! Abarai writing a poem?! Now that's even worse! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Eh, Yumichika-san," Renji said, sheathing his sword. "I don't do poems."
"The hell ya don't! HAHAHAHA-"
BANG
Yumichika flexed his wrist, leaving a knocked-out Ikkaku on the ground.
"I know you don't," he smiled at a visibly shaking and sweating Renji. "But give it a shot, okay? It won't be beautiful if you don't."
"A-aa…"
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I think that you're really pretty,
And that when it rains, it gets really misty.
These feelings I have for you,
They're really truer than true.
I love you Rukia and that's the truth,
… And so does Zabimaru??
RIIIIIP
And out went the nth draft of Renji's love poem to Rukia. To say that he was irritated was an understatement, really. To say he was pissed, however (highly, royally and mightily pissed)…
Now that, that was a different story altogether.
"Fuck this shit. I ain't doin' something as stupid as this again, Yumichika-san or no Yumichika-san… Fuck!"
And so, he stomped his way out of his office, leaving a steaming pile of crumpled sheets of papers overflowing from his trash bin.
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"You could serenade her and dance and throw flower petals and profess like a true romantic hero! Or maybe… maybe… maybe, you could recite love poems- I have a collection of them if you want- or get her some flowers- a BIG bouquet of flowers if you know what I mean- or maybe you could treat her out for some dinner, or maybe you could-"
"Try to ignore, Abarai-san," Nanao sighed, waving off her taichou. "I do."
"Aww Nanao-chan, it isn't nice to cut me off like that," Kyouraku whined.
"It wasn't nice taichou, but I had to do it, trust me."
"But Nanao-chan, that was pretty mean of you!"
"Ehh, Kyouraku-taichou…" Renji raised his hand hesitantly.
"You were overdoing it."
"But Abarai-kun was asking me for some advice!" the sleazy captain pouted at his stoic vice-captain. "It was only natural of me to give him some!"
"… Ise-san…"
"You were overdoing it."
"But Nanao-chan!"
"You were overdoing it. How many times do I have to tell you this, taichou?"
"Aww…" Kyouraku grinned after a lengthy pause. "Is Nanao-chan irritated because I'm not doing all these things for her?"
"What?!"
"Oh Nanao-chan, if you really wanted me to sing you songs and give you flowers, then all you had to do was ask! You know that!" he smiled at her through half-lidded eyes.
"Taichou!" she blushed violently. "I never-"
"Nanao-chan's blushing!" he pointed a finger at her and started to laugh.
"Taichou!!!"
Nanao turned around to Renji for some moral support, but…
Renji had long gone, with the firm resolve to not approach Kyouraku-taichou the next time he had love problems.
"What are you looking at, Nanao-chan? I'm right here!"
"Taichou!"
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At the Sixth Division quarters; Byakuya's office…
"Taichou."
"…"
"…"
"Renji," Byakuya stopped doing his paperwork momentarily to look at his vice-captain, who was standing in front of his desk, sweating and blushing like anything.
Once Renji saw the glare (read: stare) Byakuya gave him, he suddenly felt really afraid of his captain.
He decided not to push through with it.
"… Never mind!"
And Renji ran out the doorway, leaving a cloud of dust and smoke in his wake.
"…" Byakuya snorted and went back to work.
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"You can't come in. Ukitake-taichou's having a nap."
"Oi Kotsubaki! That was MY line!"
"Too bad Kotetsu. Guess I got to say it first this time."
"I'm sorry, Abarai-fukutaichou, but Ukitake-taichou's having a nap. You could come back some other time and see him then; it'd be perfectly fine."
"Ah, thank you, Kotetsu-"
"The hell do you think this place is, Kotetsu? Some sort of hospital?!"
"Shut it Kotsubaki!"
"Abarai-fukutaichou, why don't I enter and see if he's awake?"
"Kotsubaki, you can't! Taichou's asleep!"
"But he has a visitor!"
"He's ASLEEP, you thick-headed moron! Would you want to be disturbed like this if you were sleeping?"
"Ah shaddup, Kotetsu! As if you could say the same thing about yourself! What if Abarai-fukutaichou's got something real important to say to taichou, aa? Like some new ryoka bursting in again or something…"
"But he's asleep! He can't be disturbed at a time like this!"
"But what if it's real important? If it is, then I have every right to disturb him, you know."
"You're just doing this, because you want a promotion."
"The hell has that got to do with anything?"
"Well, for one thing…"
"… Fuck this, I'm leaving…"
And with that, Renji turned on his heel and went out of the Thirteenth Division unnoticed by the two arguing third seats.
"Kotetsu! That doesn't count, dammit!"
"Let me FINISH you bonehead!"
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"So lemme get this straight…" Hisagi scratched his head.
"You wanna ask the Kuchiki girl out, huh," Iba grunted, crossing his arms lazily in front of his chest.
"And you're asking us?" Matsumoto raised an eyebrow at her fellow vice-captain.
Renji nodded. "Come on, you guys, it's real important that I get this right."
"But we've never been in a situation like yours before…" Matsumoto cocked her head to the side.
"But who are we to turn down a friend, eh?" Iba grinned, nudging Hisagi in the ribs.
"Yeah Abarai," Hisagi nodded. "We'll help out in any way we can."
"Really?" Renji asked, his eyes opened wide.
"Yeah. Really?" Matsumoto asked, raising the same eyebrow at her two companions.
"Seriously?" Renji's mouth stretched into a mile-wide grin.
"Yeah." Iba smiled.
"Well for starters," Hisagi cleared his throat. "I think you should just tell her outright."
"Yeah, and get down on one knee too!" Iba added.
"And tell her you love her!" Hisagi pumped his fist into the air for added effect.
"Yeah, like this!" Iba got down on his knee and grabbed Matsumoto's hand.
"Take her hand into yours too," Hisagi whispered to Renji (who was seriously wishing that he'd brought a pen of any kind and some paper to write on). "Produces the intimate effect."
"Oh Rangiku, my love…" Iba started.
"I wanna be with you forever…" Hisagi got down on his knee too and took Matsumoto's hand.
"I am nothing without you," Iba stated as poetically as he could.
"But with you, I am everything," Hisagi's voice came up from her left.
Now Matsumoto, although still recovering from the shock of having her hands grabbed, was still pretty angry and irritated about the whole thing. If they had told her that they were planning to do something like that, they could have least warned her.
That and the fact that the two looked awfully serious at what they were doing.
"Who do you guys think you are, aa?" she removed her hands from both from theirs. "Saying things like that!"
Then, she proceeded to whack the holy shit out of them. And that's just putting it mildly.
"Aah! Rangiku-chan, stop!"
"Break! BREAK!"
"And acting close too, hmph!"
WHACK
POW
BANG
CRASH
OUCH
"Ehh…" was all Renji was able to say. "I'll be going now… If nobody minds… It is getting late after all…"
WHACK
POW
BANG
CRASH
OUCH
"Okay, I'll be leaving now…" he stammered, slowly backing away from the three.
"Ouch, dammit!"
"Rangiku-chan, I can't take anymore! Stoppit!"
"Aw quit complaining, you two!" she grinned manically. "You're gonna take the fun out of it if you do!"
And Renji?
Renji, my dear readers, is gone.
So stop looking for him.
… Just kidding.
WHACK
POW
BANG
CRASH
OUCH
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Renji sat by himself underneath a tree on a lone hilltop with his back against the tree. He let out a frustrated sigh at the days events. Nothing, as in absolutely zilch, went right today. Nobody was able to give him the advice he needed and he didn't get the answer he was looking for.
It seemed to him that he wouldn't be able to tell Rukia his real feelings towards her.
Maybe he was just a stray dog after all, chasing after a dream that was never really meant to be. Maybe he was already too fixated on that star, that he couldn't find himself to jump up high and get it. Maybe-
"Renji?"
His (melodramatic and emo) thoughts were suddenly interrupted by an all-too familiar voice; the voice of…
"… Rukia?" he turned around to face her. "What are you doing here?"
"I should be asking you that," she replied, moving to sit down beside him. "You weren't at the beer house or your office today."
"Hmm," he responded distractedly, his gaze fixed on the ground below the small hilltop they were on.
"I heard you were looking for me."
He ripped his gaze from the ground below the hilltop and looked at her.
"The hell didja hear that?"
"Everybody."
"Figures," he sighed.
"Why? Did you want to tell me something?"
"Uhh…" he stalled, his panicked brain running through the advices his friends had given him.
"It's alright; take your time. I'll wait."
As strange and retarded as it may sound, Hisagi and Iba's advice seemed to him to be the most logical solution of them all.
"Take her hand into yours too… Produces the intimate effect."
Then suddenly, much to Rukia's surprise, the redhead immediately lifted himself up from the ground, got down on his knee in front of her and took her hand in his.
"Renji?"
"Ru-Rukia, I…"
Then, he found that he couldn't do it anymore.
"What are you doing?"
"I- I… I think I dropped something!" he said out loud and in order to save face, he got down on both knees and started rummaging through the blades of grass.
"Yeah, in my hand?" she asked him, her eyebrows raised and with her hand still outstretched.
Okay, next piece of advice, he thought, his embarrassed face still on the ground.
"You could sing and dance and throw flower petals and profess like a true romantic hero!"
… Okay, another piece of advice.
"… or get her some flowers- a BIG bouquet of flowers if you know what I mean…"
Then, Renji's eyes landed on a tiny, lone dandelion. He immediately swiped at it and thrust it into Rukia's surprised face.
"Here," he said, moving his face away from her. "For you."
"Th-thank you…" she replied, her face getting as red as his. "What's this for?"
"Thought it was pretty," was his simple response.
She nodded and fixed her gaze on the dandelion. Then before either of them knew it, a strong gust of wind blew and lo and behold, the dandelion fell apart, its seeds floating around in the air.
"Aah, the flower!" Renji (who must've forgotten that all dandelions do that when the wind blew) knelt up from the ground and started waving his arms frantically in an effort to catch the seeds.
Thus, he lived out one of the advices he got that day.
"Use your sword."
As he was on his knees, trying to grab at anything, Zabimaru decided to interfere for his master's sake by sticking himself out in front of Renji's knees. Rukia looked on at her gigantic friend and didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his (momentary) stupidity.
Ah, the things love can bring to a man.
Well anyway, with Zabimaru's sheath sticking out conveniently in front of him, Renji fell over and landed straight on Rukia.
And her lips.
Uh-oh.
But no! That was not to happen, since this is a comedy and not a tragedy.
His eyes widened in shock and a deep, crimson blush decorated his face in no time, while Rukia's eyes widened too.
He moved his head upwards to remove it from her face, but a small hand strongly forced it back down. His eyes went back to her and he saw that her eyes were already closed.
"Mmph!" he tried to say.
But Rukia remained silent, her fingers already playing with both his hair and his bare chest. His hands were planted on the ground beside her hips, sweating and trembling, as they were very unsure of what to do.
And so, he moved his head even lower and pressed into her lips even harder, doing nothing else but enjoy the passionate kiss. His eyes were also closed by this time, and he was still stuck in his awkward position.
Rukia, who was leaning against the tree, had her legs opened wide apart, while Renji's were inside the space hers made. Both of her hands were around his neck by now, while his were still on the ground beside her, refusing to move, lest he fall on her. Both were already so close to one another, that their chests were touching each other.
Finally, the time came to end the kiss and when they did, Renji collapsed backwards and started gasping heavily. Rukia merely wiped her hand with her wrist and smirked at the panting Renji.
"What's the matter, Abarai-fukutaichou?" she teased. "Can't handle it? Was I too much?"
"Ah, put a lid on it, Rukia," he gasped in between breaths. "That kiss was way too long."
"So you can't handle it then."
"Rukia!" he blushed, causing Rukia to let out a chuckle.
"Relax Renji," she said. "It's fine. I heard."
"Heard what?" he let out.
"Your problem."
"What-?"
"Your heart problem, you ass," she shook her head. "Everyone's been talking about it recently; Ise-fukutaichou at the Shinigami Women's Association meeting, Ayasegawa-san at the beerhouse when I came looking for you- even Matsumoto-fukutaichou when I saw her walking in the street. Even nii-sama said you looked strange when you entered his office earlier. Man Renji, look at the mess you made!"
"…" he blushed in embarrassment as she laughed at his face.
"Abarai-fukutaichou's blushing!"
"Th-the hell I'm not!"
"Suure you aren't," she sneered.
"The hell are you driving at, Rukia?" he raised an eyebrow. "I love you dammit, but I just can't seem to tell you that! What the hell's wrong with that?"
"Baka," she huffed. "I love you too."
He looked back at her, his eyes wide and his blush staining his whole face.
"You- you mean it?"
"Duh," she smiled, though not unkindly. "Why else would I have kissed you a while ago?"
Realizing the sincerity behind her words, he broke out into a huge smile; the biggest one his teeth could manage.
The moment would have been perfect and we could have ended the story right here and now, if only Renji hadn't said something else.
"… Pinch me, I must be dreaming."
Rukia's eyebrow twitched.
"Baka!" she yelled out, kicking Renji squarely in the face.
The redhead tumbled backwards and rose up again to face her while clutching his poor bleeding nose.
"The hell Rukia?!" he demanded.
"Your fault," she replied smugly, crossing her arms in front of her chest and stuck her nose up in the air. "I give you the kiss of a lifetime and you think it was all a dream?!"
"Well yeah, but I said pinch, not kick, dammit!"
"Yeah, yeah whatever. You awake now, Abarai-fukutaichou?"
"Ah shaddup Rukia. I'm as awake as I'll ever be. OW, dammit! I forgot how hard you kick."
"Well let that be a lesson to you, Renji," she picked herself up from the ground and dusted her shinigami robes. "That'll teach you not to underestimate me again."
"Hmh," he grumbled, rubbing his nose.
"Well in any case, we should be heading back," she remarked, pulling her friend up by the collar. "It's getting late and nii-sama will be on your case again if you don't show up at the office."
"Oh yeah, that's right!" he remembered, already running in step behind Rukia. "I left a ton of paperwork at the office when I went looking for you."
"Well let's go then," she smiled at him and went back, leading the way back home.
And probably just to make sure of everything that happened, Renji draped an arm over her shoulders and grinned wolfishly, proud of his achievement.
"Love you, Rukia."
"Yeah," she grinned. "Love you too, baka."
And somewhere beneath Renji's clothes, a new tattoo glowed brightly for a brief second and dulled just as suddenly, marking Renji's latest and newest achievement.
To Renji, it was the most significant one yet.
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A/N: Thanks for reading!