Merlin
I often awake to find him beside me. Curled up against my skinny frame, one arm casually draped over my bare chest, desperate to touch me, yet unwilling to wake me in the night.
His blond hair is, more often than not, the thing that wakes me. It seems to find its way to my nose and mouth, no matter how he lays. Not that I mind a mouth full of his hair... but still, a man needs his sleep.
Sometimes, though not that often, he mutters in his sleep. Mostly, it is nonsense, but on that odd occasion where he makes sense, he says my name, and my heart races. I never tell him that he talks in his sleep, let alone tell him what he says, so I have no idea what the meaning behind his words is.
On the odd occasion that he awakens me before he falls asleep, we cuddle. We pull each other into our arms, and hold each other so tight, it's like we don't want to ever let go. And then we whisper, whisper stupid stories of what we have been dreaming about, about little things we have seen happen around Camelot, about anything but what we are doing.
Mostly, when I awaken, he is gone. He returns to his own bed without so much as a word of goodbye. Sometimes I'm okay with that, but mostly, it hurts.
Always, we go on as normal. Always, we act as if the night before has never happened. Always I ache, for I know for Arthur, it is simply that he does not like to be alone at night, for he has nightmares (although he would never admit that to anyone) and can only sleep soundly when someone rests at his side.
Sometimes I wish that I could just keep him at my side, that I could just kiss his sweet lips and tell him how much I love him. But always I know that is a line never to be crossed.
**
Arthur
I often wake in the night, after some hideous dream, and find myself wandering to his room. He's normally asleep, so I curl up at his side and gently rest my arm over his bare chest. It is then that I feel safe, and it is then that I can sleep.
The feel of his soft skin on mine, is the thing that comforts me the most. Skin to skin contact, warm flesh connecting... it assures me that someone is there, that he is there, for more often than not, I dream of him dying.
Sometimes he mumbles in his sleep as I curl up next to him, but only occasionally. Every time however, his words are as clear as day. He murmurs my name and smiles, he calls me a prat and giggles, he says he loves me and sighs. The problem is that we don't talk about our night time encounters during the day, so I don't know if his words are just words, or if they are something more.
From time to time I awaken Merlin, and I always feel guilty, but he always smiles at me. He says 'Hey' in a sleepy voice, and starts blabbing on about whatever he had been dreaming off. Always we talk, we cuddle. Never mentioned, is what we are doing.
Mostly, I have to leave before the sun arises, for always I know, that I cannot be found in my manservant's bed. Always I long to stay, but it isn't often that I have the privilege of doing so.
Always things are as normal during the day. Always we act as though nothing came to pass in the night. Always it hurts me so much, that I find myself yelling at Merlin more often than I should. Always I wish I could tell him that it's not just comfort from nightmares that I need, it is him.
Sometimes I wish I could just stay in his bed with him and watch the sun rise while he rests in my arms, waiting until that sweet moment when he awakens and I can kiss his lips tenderly and tell him that I love him more than words could ever say. But always I know that is a line never to be crossed.