Through My Blurry Eyes
… … …
"Like kids." I point out to Ralph scornfully. "Acting like a bunch of kids."
Ralph simply looks at me as if I am crazy and places the delicate conch down on the tree trunk.
"I bet its gone teatime," I add pointlessly. "What do you think they're going to do on that mountain?" I ask as I stroke the shell respectfully, only stopping to look up.
"Ralph! Hey where are you going?" I asked although his destination is obvious.
Ralph was already clambering over the smashed swathes of the scar, and far ahead of Ralph was the unmistakable crashing and laughter of the boys. All I can find myself doing is watching in disgust.
"Like a crowd of kids," I repeat aloud.
Then I sigh and discover that I will end up following them, firstly though I bend over and lace up my shoes neatly. I could hear the noise slowly fade up the mountain; I pull up my most determined expression, and take up the lively movement of the children ahead of me as motivation.
When I finally am able to see and hear the rambunctious noise of all the boys, they do not congratulate me on making it, they do not even thank me for bringing the conch, all they do is shout down at me, wondering if I have matches. They do not even let me sit down before it starts, when I reach the top I politely remark on the size of the pile of wood, saying simply.
"My! You've made a heap haven't you?"
No one seems to hear me at all. The only form of notice I get is Jack pointing his skinny little finger in my direction, right at my face.
"His specs – use them as burning glasses."
He does not even show me the respect of a name. Even 'Piggy' does not pass his lips, only 'his.' Even though Piggy seems like more of an insult then a name, it still is preferred for obvious reasons.
Then they start to surround me.
"Here - let me go!" I shriek in terror when Jack snatches my specs from right off my nose, "Mind out! Give 'em back! I can hardly see! You'll break the conch!" I ramble on pointedly.
Ralph pushes me over to one side and kneels in front of the wood, "stand out of the light," he announces.
Both Ralph and Jack kneel there for the best of 10 minutes, blowing the wood and moving my specs, until it ignites, I hear a crack; the fire grows into a large warm blur of orange and reds.
"My specs," I shout down to them, "give me my specs!"
Ralph stands up and away from the flame and passes my specs into my impatient hands.
"Jus' blurs that's all. Hardly see my hand-"
With my glasses back on, I look around and see all the little boys dancing and bouncing around the fire like kids.
When Ralph yells at them all, "more wood! All of you get more wood!"
Everyone else listened and gathered wood, while I sat down and watched them, levelling my breathing, to ensure my asthma does not spark up.
Soon all of them start to tire, while the fire hungrily and diligently eats up the wood, only to run dry.
Ralph raises his head and looks at all the others whom are panting like dogs, "That was no good."
"What d'you mean?"
I sit and listen with the conch on my knees, and see Ralph looking unhappily into the white dust and spits.
"There wasn't any smoke. Only flame."
"We haven't made a fire," I add. "What's the use. We couldn't keep a fire like that going, not if we tried."
"A fat lot you tried,' Jack says contemptuously. "You just sat."
"We used his specs," said Simon, smearing a black cheek with his forearm. "He helped that way."
"I got the conch," I point out annoyed and indignantly, and more towards Jack then Simon. "You let me speak!"
"The conch doesn't count on the top mountain," said Jack. "So you shut up."
Irritated I restate. "I got the conch in my hand," hoping to find an ounce of respect.
"Put on green branches," said Maurice as though he did not hear me, although I know he did. "That's the best way to get smoke."
"I got the conch –," I screech beyond annoyed, and distressed by their apparent inability to hear me.
Jack turns towards me and I can see the fury in his eyes.
"You shut up!" he says to me, forceful and commanding.
I languish under his glare, as Ralph snatches the conch from me, looking at the boys.
"We've got to have special people looking after the fire. Any day there could be a ship out there.' He waved his arm at the taunt wire of the horizon—"and if we have a signal going they'll come and take us off. And another thing. We ought to have more rules. Where the conch is that's a meeting. The same up here as down there." Ralph fairly points out, showing off the reason I am happy he is our chief. In my head, I say a silent 'ha' directed at Jack.
Everyone agrees. I open my mouth to add something but find Jacks distasteful eye as I do so and close it tightly out of fear.
… … …