~Summer 2012~
"This is going to be worth it, I promise." Alex kissed me as he said so. His lips were sticky from dried sweat and hours of sun exposure. I kissed him back with a half-smile. The sounds of Alice and Jona's voices were drowned out by a sudden flashback.
~
"This is what we need to do, Jenna." He slammed his fist on the table. Causing me to jump. Alex and I had been up for the last five hours debating over what our living situation was like. "We don't need to move, Alex. We can't afford it." I cooly regained my posture. Desperately trying to ease the conversation. "Jen, we can't stay here."
~
Muffled voices
muffled voices
muffl-
"Kids!" Alex screamed. "Kids come on. If you can't help unpack then go find somewhere else to play."
I watched as they ran across the yard, towards the back. And soon after turned my attention to Alex; as he grabbed more boxes marked with "Kitchen" and "Jona's room." I turned around and grabbed two more boxes.
~
The house was beautiful. It was faded blue with a beautiful cherry-colored porch that was supported with white pillars. Trimmed all around with white wood panels, it was the typical country-side "dream house." I breathed it in. Allowed myself a smile. "Mom!" Jona screamed from the next room. I turned around to face him. Jona had looked a little bit older than 14. His hair was short and curly. Eyes as brown as they can get. Defined features. He was a lanky boy. Just like his father. "Your breakfast is going to get cold, grab your sister would you?" He gave me a shrug and left the kitchen. I turned back around, grabbing the leftover boxes marked "Kitchen" andI left through the front door. I could hear Jona calling for me once again.
~
"You can't keep putting your child, your own child, at risk. It's not fair to her." I was crying now. Alex stared at me from the top of the stairwell. "Alice is going to be fine. This is what we need, don't you see?" "The only thing I see is a father who cares more about risk than safety." He scoffed. Tossing yet another medical bill at me.
"To the order of Alice Rose Jensen."
"Do you see that, Jennifer? That's another bill. Another bill we can't afford. And to keep us safe, we need to take risks." He stomped up the stairs. I tossed the bill aside.
As I got upstairs, I opened Alice's door. The normal sound of a machine and her breathing filled the room like it did every other night. I sighed. Kissing her pale forehead and brushing back her auburn hair, what more can you do for a seven year old? I covered her small body with the remainder of her blankets and shut her door. It was two years ago we found out that Alice had had a failing lung. Into which we needed to supply her with oxygen tanks and regular checkups; the hospital had put her on the "waiting list." A wait nobody could afford.
~
What stopped me wasn't Jona. Because, it wasn't, in fact Jona. My gaze had been brought up to a shadow in one of the upstairs rooms.
Alice's room. My mind badgered.
Alice's room
Alice's room
Alice's roo-
The figure had no appearance. It would have been nothing if one hadn't noticed it. But something was forcing me to look. It was as if I had forgotten how to breathe..
images flashed in my mind
a voice
lettering
so quiet, and so cold I couldn't even believe it was a voice
the language flashed again
אליס.
I could feel hot tears run down my face.
אליס. It showed me again.
A language so unclear, yet so clear in that moment, It called for one thing.
"Alice."
~
"Mommy, don't peek!" Alice had tried her hardest to tie a bandana around my head. "Im not peeking sweetie, come on. Show mommy what it is." Alice grabbed my arm, guiding me through the backyard. I could hear her machine whirring as we walked on. Something she never seemed to notice. "Mommy, we're almost there." I smiled. We came to a sudden halt. "Ok, mommy. In two seconds take it off!" She giggled. "Whiiirrrrrrrrr" her machine wheezed. "Okay, okay. Do me a favor and take a break, alright?" Alice whined. And I laughed. "Now Alice." I waited for the crunching sound of leaves; to hint to myself she had sat down. "Can I remove the bandana?" I asked, a little hesitant. "Yes!" She giggled again. I removed the bandana. In front of me was a blanket that had two jars filled with water. Beside those was a picture that I had asked Alex to take of just Alice and I on vacation a year back. Suddenly my vision became blurry. And the distant sound of "whiiirrrr" made my heart sting. "Well, mommy?" She smiled. "I invited you to a picnic." I could hear her struggling to get up. I grabbed her hand, and helped her over to her arrangement."whiiiiiirrrrr" Walking over to the picnic "whiiiirrrrrr" sitting herself down, she took a drink of water. I joined her. "Let's keep this between us, okay mommy?"
~