A/N: Hmm just something I started writing in class because I couldn't stay up! I'm not sure where it's going, but reviews would be nice… very nice. I'm hoping that this will go somewhere, but for now let's just leave it at a (hopefully) comical story about Draco's bad day, with three parts – morning, afternoon, and night.
Disclaimer: It's all J.K Rowling's fault!
Draco Malfoy's Bad Day
Part 1 - Chapter 1
Draco Malfoy sat at his desk barely awake. His head kept falling back and his eyes were struggling to stay open. Who in the bloody hell decided to make History of Magic in the morning, he thought to himself irritably. He really couldn't take it anymore and his head fell into the lap of Vincent Crabbe.
Crabbe looked around stupidly for a moment, not knowing what to do. Then he slapped Draco's head. Draco shot up with a jolt. Crabbe gave him a questioning look – a cross between anger, confusion, and constipation.
"I stayed up late," Draco sneered, turning away.
But even with this rude awakening, Draco could still not stay up for more than two minutes. He wondered how Crabbe stayed up, much to his annoyance. However, when he looked back at Crabbe, he saw him doodling hearts on a paper. He shuddered. Merlin knows what kind of things were on that boy's mind. Look away, Draco, look away…
But he only turned his head to be hit by a piece of paper. He scowled before picking it up, ready to read whatever insult it had to say. Only, it kind of just burned to pieces in his hand.
"Hot, hot, hot!" he exclaimed, rather girlishly. He looked across the room to see Gryffindors laughing at him. "Bloody Gryffindors!" he said, more to himself than them.
To Draco's great delight, and perhaps benefit (for he saw the Gryffindors huddling in a circle, no doubt cooking up another prank…) History of Magic was over for the day. Thank Merlin he didn't take Double, or he might have to seriously consider where his life was going.
So Draco Malfoy walked happily down the halls, towards the cozy dungeons that housed the Slytherins, past two ghosts fighting, some second years dueling, a flying cat, Neville Longbottom picking his nose, Dumbledore, Hagrid, and Snape playing American Football, Harry Potter reading the third book in the series, the mudblood and Weasel snogging… good grief! What was the world coming to? He could not take it anymore; he started running to the dungeons only to trip over a booby trap that covered him in chocolate.
This day was not starting off well.
But as he performed a cleansing charm on himself, he had a strange feeling that it would only get worse…
Relieved, Draco walked into the cold common room and set himself on a couch. He relaxed his muscles and set his head back… only to have his owl shit on him.
"Bloody hell!' he screeched, cleansing himself again. The owl also dropped a letter on his lap. He picked it up and read:
Draco,
I hope school is going well (Draco grunted) and you aren't causing any trouble. Don't forget to buy those Backstreet Boys reunion concert tickets at Hogsmeade. Buy an extra, the Dark (who prefers now to be called Light) Lord has been dying to see them for years (no pun intended, but you know the story, the Potters' "borrowed" his record collection and that set him off, although he hadn't meant to use the Killing Curse, it just kind of came out) But anyway, ta! Getting a manicure.
Daddy Lucy
The boy-who-was-having-a-bad day sighed and made his way to his dorm room, ready to flop on his bed. Seriously, father, BSB? At least have some class and get NSYNC tickets! He didn't want to think about Voldemort and his BSB obsession right now.
He walked into his room and smiled when he saw his bed. My, he had an awful lot of pillows, and they were bigger than he thought, and moving slightly. No matter, he thought, probably the wind.
Only the window was closed. Hmm, whatever…
He dropped himself on one side, setting himself inside the blanket slightly.
Bump. Mmm. Lip-smack. Oh baby. Yeahh…
"What is that noise!?" Draco exclaimed. He raised the covers of his bed and found Pansy and Blaise in a serious snogging session. "Argh!" he growled. "At least do it in your own bed!" They scrambled off, giggling.
"We thought you'd be up for ménage a trois but I guess not!' Pansy said, just barely missing a vase he threw at the door shortly after she made the statement. Why Draco had a vase in his room remained a mystery even to him. (Or so he told himself – well alright the flowers smelled good!)
Disgusting, he thought, honestly, what was wrong with everyone today?!
Frustrated with life itself, he made his way out to the library. Perhaps he'd go snooping in the restricted section again. He chuckled.
As he walked, he passed by a curious group of students beat boxing and rapping. He stopped and watched, joining the circle. There was Neville in the middle, hat on head, bling on neck, mic in hand.
"Yo, your ass is whack, and Neville's back, ready to attack, no more getting smacked!" he paused for some "ohhh!' then turned to Draco. "You look like a ferret, and you like to wear pink, here, eat a carrot, cuz yo mouth stinks!"
Everyone laughed and pointed at Draco just as he stalked off, swearing under his breath and making promises of unforgivable curses he knew he'd never keep.
Draco finally reached his destination – the library. Surely there could be no shock in here. Madam Pince barked at you for any little sound you made. He silently suspected that she was an animagus of some sort with a thing for Filch. Perhaps she was a cat and that's why Filch was attracted to her… He snickered at the thought.
He stepped into the library. Normal. Everything looked normal, at least. Madam Pince was no where in sight. All he saw were a few fifth years studying for their OWLs on scattered tables. He smiled and walked into the restricted section without hesitation. 17 year old prefects sure had great privileges.
"Malfoy!" someone barked.
Draco jumped, startled. He looked around, looking for who had said his name. "Uhh… yes?"
No one answered for five minutes. Good lord, it was barely 10 AM and he was having a bad day and probably hallucinating. He rubbed his temples, ready to give up on whoever said his name. He walked down an aisle.
"Malfoy!" This time it was a whisper.
Draco looked around, a little alarmed. First a bark, now a whisper? He fidgeted with his collar. "Um… yeah?"
"Over here!" the voice hissed. Now he really was going crazy, but he followed the voice nonetheless.
"Faster!" the voice said urgently. Draco didn't know what all the fuss was about, but he went down the aisle faster, stopping finally at the end where there was a man in black robes, hooded, sitting at a table.
He approached the man. And then the man began to laugh hysterically, sounding like a lunatic. Draco backed away slowly, careful not to run into anything and give his position away. He definitely wasn't ready to face a raving mad wizard. Run as soon as he reveals himself, and run fast!
And the hooded man took off his head, revealing greasy hair, yellowing teeth, and a grin that scared the shit out of Draco. Severus Snape never smiled, so why the hell was he doing it now?!
"Oh, Draco, you shoulda seen the look on your face! And the way you ran so urgently over here, good grief, boy, were you expecting the Light Lord himself?" he stopped laughing, still wearing a smirk on his face though. "Anyway, come here, look at this!"
Draco hesitantly went over, still not sure of Snape's laughing, it was frightening after all. Snape pointed at a picture in a book he was looking at. The picture was of a cute, little puppy with innocent, brown eyes, beaming at Draco.
"Isn't it just so cute?" Snape said admiringly.
First Snape was laughing and now he was saying a puppy was cute. There was something wrong with the world, something so incredibly wrong.
But the puppy was rather cute.
Draco allowed himself a restrained smile and said, "Yeah… yeah it is!"
Then Snape summoned him to look closer at the book. Draco did.
And that's when the cute little puppy jumped out at him, trying to bite and claw his way through Draco's face. Luckily, the puppy was still stuck to the page. Of course, Draco didn't know that.
"AHHHHH!" Draco screamed with a high pitch. He backed away, and fainted.
Snape laughed so hard he farted, and students in the library smelled it and all ran out as fast as they could because the stink was so bad.
"Oops," Snape said, shutting the book. He looked at Draco's unconscious self and snickered to himself quietly as he walked out the library doors.
A/N: More funny chapters later if I think of 'em in class. Review pleaseeeee!