Dear Vera,
I know it's not like me to do this. It's pretty crazy. I'm not in a drunken stupor, I've only had two beers, I swear. My buddy, Dr. Frasier Crane, said that it has helped a lot of couples get through rough patches to write love letters to them but for the other not to see this. So why am I so nervous about writing this to you? You'll never see this, never know that I'm hiding out in Sammy's office, sweating profusely at the thought about pouring my heart out to you on paper.
Yet, I guess first thing is first. I know that I haven't been the best husband ever, far from it. I have changed jobs like most people change underwear. I've been hired, fired, hired again and fired again. It's been a crappy cycle that looks like it won't quit. I have quit one job because of you. Please don't take it so badly for it was out of love for you. The CEO of the company said you didn't fit in with the other executive wives. I got so disgusted I not only gladly accepted the no-go on the promotion, I just quit period. I never told you because I didn't want to hurt your feelings. You would cry the mascara right off your face and get your eyes all puffy. You look worse than I do!
God! There I go again. I know I should be more loving towards you but I try. I try so hard. Though I tell you what gets me after all these years, the way you looked on our wedding day. You always looked nice in white but that day you were simply angelic. Your veil was your hallow, your blue eyelids matched the June sky and your lips were as red as a candy apple and tasted like one, too. I was never so happy to kiss anyone as I was to kiss you when the priest announced us husband and wife. That's saying a lot because the whole world knows how affectionate I am, which is not very.
The memories of that day has carried me through every rough patch we've ever had. That time we separated, they would come back and haunt me in my dreams. I am secretly grateful that every night when I come home from this bar that has become my home away from home, you're there. I think you are one of the only people who never gave up on me. There are times where I don't even want to be there for me. Maybe that is my problem. I can't deal with the fact that you deserve better but don't want better. Like I said, I'm not ungrateful. It's great that you want to be with this fat loser who drinks his insecurities away. Lord, knows that's my talent. I know deep down that's not my everything. You are a big part of my everything and it's been a long time since I've let you know that. So here it is. I just gave you my heart and mind. It's not much, but it's the best I can do. My gift is my letter and this one's for you. I hope you don't mind that I wrote down into words how wonderful life is while you're in the world.
Love,
Norm
P.S- You see what I did at the last part there? Yeah, I know you love Elton John, so...