one shot: broken inside

cutting

Its been 3 days since he left. I cant stop crying. as much as im trying to be strong ii cant. When im not crying im in a daze cant talk cant eat cant sleep. I want him back so bad. Those were the thoughts that went through my head as i stuck my foot in the scalding bathwater. When i finally setteled in i did something i hadnt done in three days i turned on the small stereo in the bathroom i turned the lights off so i was in complete darkness. Just thinking about him, letting myself fall apart hopeing the water wld help keep me together. "Lips of an angel" by hinder was playing. Any music reminds me of him. Mabe that wa his distractions other woman. A large sob escaped my lips i quikley put my hand to my mouth not wanting anyone to hear me. Tears streamed down my face falling into the water below. "Why me?!" i cryed to myself. "Oh god i cant do this!" i dont care if anyone heard me.

The next song to come on just tore me the rest of the way "i miss you" by miley cyrus. "I cant live without you" i cryed. Just then my eyes began adjusting to the lack of light and i noticed a razor on the side of the tub. i Picked it up breaking the blades out of the plastic. I hated pain but anything had to be better then this throbbing hole in my chest. I began gently takeing the blade across the skin of my wrists. It dint help it just stung a little like a paper cut. its now or never i thought. I pressed the blade harder into my skin and slid it across. Amazeingly there was no pain. As the blood flowed freely i began feeling at peace as the adrenaline coursed through my body numbing the hole in my chest. This was it this was how i cld get rid of my pain...

.....i never wanted you to leave

i wanted you to stay here holding meee

i miss you i miss yer smile an i still shed a tear

every once an a while......

I pressed the blade once again to my skin cutting another straight line. Then i had an idea. I took the edge of the blade pressing it to my skin entell it disapeared within. Carveing....E....D....W....A....R.....D! I cldnt see the letters becouse of the blood. This wasnt exceptable. I stuck my arm under the scalding water. I cld see the crimson coloring the water. I lifted my arm and although there were new beads of blood dripping I cld see his name. He may not want me but he would alway own my heart.

By the time i got out and turned on the light the whole tub full of water was now dyed pink. Jesus how much blood had i lost. I looked at my arm holding it up to the light. 5 deep gashes followed eachother from my wrist to the crease of my arm. blood was still freeley flowing dripping down my elbow onto the white bathroom tile. "Shit!" i hissed grabbing a clean rag. I dabbed my arm. Then looked at it. Edwards name was clear as can be and i could see it would scar. Good.

I took the rag wrapping it back around my wrist and putting a peace of duck tape to hold it on. I then put on a black hoodie and sweats and made my way downstairs to charlie. "Goodnight dad" i said with a small smile kissing his cheek. he looked up at me in shock. "Bella yer talking!" He stated. I nodded "I guese i just found a way to get over all of this crap and move on" i said with a smile. If he only knew. "Anything that helps baby" He said giveing me a hug.

I went upstairs feeling the pocket of my sweats were MY distraction was. I cant wait to see my marks tomarow. And more to the point i cant wait to do it again.