Hello wonderful people of the world. I don't own South Park. I got this idea from a friend on a role play website. If you want to check the website out then go
Here http : // slashluvsyoubiatch . proboards . com / index . cgi
Take out the spaces of course.
Once Upon a South Park
Stan pinched the bridge of his nose as Kyle and Cartman went back and forth about something stupid…again.
"Will you shut the fuck up?!" Stan yelled.
"Don't tell me what to do," Kyle snapped back
"I'll tell you what to do if I want to," He replied.
"God damnit they've been doing this since the party last week." Kenny said to Cartman, the other two boys too absorbed in their fight to notice.
"Well what to you expect, when you kiss your best friend in a game of truth or dare things are bound to change. It's called sexual tension." Cartman said knowingly.
"It's not sexual tension." Kenny said.
"Are you sure," Cartman raised an eyebrow.
Kenny shrugged him off. "Whatever, we have a test in history, let's go." Kenny said.
"Oh god, don't remind me." Cartman said.
Kenny and Cartman walked off in the direction of history class.
"Hey where are they going?" Kyle asked.
"You probably scared them off." Stan answered.
"Me?" He snapped.
They continued their argument as they walked to class.
~-~
"So how did it go?" Kenny asked Cartman after class.
"Awful. I couldn't work cause of Tweek's random spaz attacks. I'm going to fail because of the twitchy freak." Cartman ranted.
"I couldn't work either. Kyle and Stan kept glaring at each other. I think you might have been right about the sexual tension." Kenny admitted.
"Of course I'm right, I'm me." He replied smugly.
Kenny playfully smacked him on the back of the head.
"Ay! Kenny that hurts," He whined rubbing the back of his head.
"Whatever Fat ass, I'll see you after second period." Kenny said grabbing his English book out of his locker.
"K," He replied, getting his stech book and colored pencils. He headed off in the direction of the art room.
"Okay you little faggots. Ms. Landus got herself knocked-up so I'm your substitute art teacher until she gets that thing out of her." Mr. Garrison said as soon as all of the class had taken their seats.
"Today your going to be drawing fruit…where the fuck is the fruit?" He asked.
Cartman whipped his mouth off and kicked an apple core across the room.
"Maybe next time he should buy plastic fruit." Wendy whispered to one of her friends.
"Damn bitch," He whispered.
In truth Cartman liked Wendy. He had ever since she kissed him, but he was to proud to admit it out loud. Yet at the same time he wanted to tell everyone just to show off how he was strait while most of the other guys were gay, but he would never to that.
Mr. Garrison sighed.
"Just draw whatever I guess." He said putting his feet up on the desk and began reading a magazine.
Cartman got to work on a picture of Clyde Frog. He searched threw his pencils until he found his drawing one and began his work.
About half way threw the coloring process Tweek began screaming about a fly that landed near him. Apparently his was convinced the fly was going to eat him.
The scream had caused Cartman to jump, causing him to make a large green line across his drawing.
"GOD DAMNIT TWEEK," He screamed.
Tweek cowered, tears forming in the corners of him eyes.
"What's your problem?" Craig snapped.
"My problem is that that freak his going to make me fail High School." Cartman responded.
"I'm pretty sure you'll do that on your own." Craig smirked.
Cartman growled and stormed out of the art room, tossing his ruined drawing in the trash as he left.
By lunch Kenny had a growing head ache. Between Stan and Kyle's constant fighting and Cartman's ranting about how he was going to get revenge on Tweek, he hadn't had a moment of silence.
"Can you guys please stop talking for, like, five seconds?" He asked, almost pleadingly on their way to the cafeteria.
The others didn't seem to hear. Or if they did, they chose to ignore him.
Kenny sighed and sat down next to his boyfriend, Butters.
"You don't look so good, Ken." Butters said, his voice full of worry.
"Thanks." Kenny groaned.
"I-it's nothing personal."
"I know, Buttercup. I'm just a bit annoyed, but not with you." Kenny kissed Butters on the cheek, causing the smaller blonde to blush.
"Cartman thinks there might be sexual tenstion between Stan and Kyle." Kenny said as he began eating his sandwich.
"Yes, duh. Even I could tell they love each other. Forget the knife, you'd have to use a chain saw to cut that tension." Butters said.
Kenny stared at him for a moment. "Am I the only one who didn't notice?"
Everyone around him nodded.
Kenny laid his head down of the table and Butters patted him on the back.
Tweek had always enjoyed working at his family's coffee shop. Well he did when the customers weren't shouting out things that didn't even sound like the remotely applied to coffee. This no fat, low cream, double shot, mocha chino shit was not coffee, it was sugar. It didn't taste like coffee at all. He knew because every time a customer orders a specific order he has to try it, just to see if it tasted better then the original way. They never did.
Tweek smiled as he watched Clyde, Token, and Craig walk in and take a seat near the sweet displace counter.
"Hey guys, what can I get you?" Tweek asked, holding a small pen and notepad.
"I'll have a mocha." Token replied.
"Peanut Butter cup cappuccino." Craig said. [[A/N: Okay this is like the best thing ever. I haven't had it since I was 11 and the only place I ever saw it was in a small grocery store in a Podunk town nobodies hurt of. But it was AWESOME.]]
"Medium coffee." Clyde said.
"Be right back." Tweek said.
He filled their order fast. It was a simple one, so it didn't take him long.
He set their drinks down in front of them.
"Cream or Sugar?" He asked Clyde.
"No thank you. I take my coffee black, like my men." Clyde said casually.
Token, who was in the middle of drinking, spit the liquid out, soaking Craig. He coughed.
Tweek was sure he was blushing, but it was hard to tell on Token. Clyde mearly laughed at patted his coughing boyfriend hard on the back. Tweek couldn't manage to stifle his own girlish giggles, that seemed to bubble up in his throat like Lemon Lime soda.
"That was not funny." Token said.
"Oh, sure it was." Clyde said as he tried to stop laughing.
"Yeah, you're not the one covered in coffee." Craig glared.
"I know, why do you think I find it so funny." Clyde replied.
"I'll tell you what Clyde. You're my best friend. So I do want to hurt you. However, the National Code of Insults and Injuries, says I have to. So I'll give you a 5 second head start." Craig said. "5"
"There's no such thing as The National Code of Insults and Injuries." Clyde said.
"4"
"Come on this is ridiculous."
"3"
"See ya," Clyde ran out of the coffee shop.
"2,1" He finished before chasing after Clyde.
"Maybe you should go help him?" Tweek said.
"Yeah, probably." Token said. He gave Tweek the money for their coffee then left to find his friends.
Tweek took the money back to the register and slipped his tip in his pocket.
"Hello Welcome to Harbucks, what can I get you today?" Tweek asked sweetly as a couple approached the counter.
"Oh James, It's Harry." Then women said, looking close to tears.
"Harry?" Tweek questioned.
"Yes Lily, It is him." He man, James, said.
"Who's Harry?" Tweek asked, looking over both shoulders to see if anyone was behind him.
"You are. We're your parents. We had to give you up when you were born because we couldn't afford to keep you. We've been searching for you for years." Lily said.
"Mom, Dad." Tweek yelled, frightened.
"What is it Tweek?" His dad said, coming up from the back.
"These people say they're my parents." He said, shaking with fear.
"Well I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs…"
"Potter." James offered.
"Yes, sorry Mr. and Mrs. Potter, Tweek is with out a doubt our son." Mr. Tweak said.
"We'll give you $10,000 for him." Lily said, pulling out her check book.
"Have a nice life with your new family Tweek." Mr. Tweak said.
"What!" Tweek shrieked. "Mom, you can't let him do this."
"$10,000 is a lot of money. I'm sure you'll understand in time." His mother replied.
"Come along. We've already bought you new stuff." James said.
"So long Tweek." His dad said.
"Actually his name is Harry." Lily said.
"Hmm, Harry Potter…what a lovely name." Mr. Tweek said smiling.
"No, don't let them take me." Tweek cried. James and Lily each grabbed a wrist and dragged him out to their car.
"Oh God, I need coffee." Tweek said from the back seat.
"Actually Lily and I are Mormons, which makes you a Mormon now too. Mormons aren't aloud to have caffeine," James said.
And with that Tweek fainted.
The next day at school Cartman seemed a lot happier. However it was the opposite for Stan and Kyle. The yelling between them seemed to be growing louder, and Kenny was determined to stop it.
"Come with me." He grabbed both of them and dragged them off.
"I'm not going somewhere if he's coming too." Stan said.
"Yeah, me too." Kyle said.
He shoved the arguing couple into a janitors closet along with a small box and slammed the door shut.
"What's the big idea?" Stan asked.
"I'm not letting you out until you two kiss and make up." Kenny said, locking the door and storming off.
Kyle felt around for a light switch.
"This is all your fault." Kyle grumbled.
"Of course, it is. Just like everything else bad that happens to you," Stan glared, but that wasn't visible in the pitch black closet.
"Ah ha," Kyle said as he switched the light on. "What did Kenny though in here with us anyways."
Stan mumbled something.
"Huh?"
"Condoms." He said showing Kyle the box, who immediately blushed, remember Kenny saying, 'kiss and make up.'
Kenny didn't know why Cartman was so happy until Craig walked up to him during lunch.
"Kenny, have you seen Tweek?" He asked.
"Not all day, why?" He asked.
"I'm just worried. He always text me if he's gonna stay home sick. That way I can get his assignments for him. But I haven't heard from him since yesterday." Craig said, trying to hide the fear in his voice.
"He got transferred to a Mormon school," Butters told them. [[Because in South Park there is a special school for Mormons…why? Because I want there to be.]]
"Why would he be transferred to a Mormon school? He's not Mormon." Craig said.
"He is now." Butters said. "I heard my parents and his parents talking about it. Apparently Tweek was adopted and his real parents came and got him yesterday at the coffee shop. His real parents are Mormons so now he's one."
"B-but Tweek can't be a Mormon." Craig said. "He loves coffee. If he doesn't have it he'll have withdrawal symptoms."
"Don't you think it's kind of funny that Cartman was mad a Tweek, then Tweek gets sent away, and then all of a sudden Cartman is happy." Kenny said, looking suspiously at where Cartman was sitting, eating not only his lunches, but the lunches of the kids' he had stolen earlier that day.
Craig clenched his fist and stormed over to him, followed by Kenny and Butters.
"What did you do to him you fat fuck." Craig said, grabbing the front of his jacket.
"Hey, I don't know what you're talking about you fucking pussy." Cartman incited.
"Tweek, where did you send Tweek," He growled through his teeth.
"Oh, you're talking about the twitchy fag," He said, smiling a bit.
"Yes, now where is he?" He asked.
"I wish I could help you out Craig, but I can't seem to remember." Cartman said.
"Maybe I can jog your memory." He punched Cartman so hard his nose began to bleed.
"Denver, he's in Denver. 1344 S. Rogdale Street." Cartman said.
Craig let go of Cartman's shirt.
"Damnit, I don't have a car," Craig said. Denver was to far away for him to walk.
"Don't worry Kyle does. I just need to get him out of the janitor's closet." Kenny felt around in his pockets for the key. "Uh oh."
"Uh oh? What do you mean uh oh?" Craig asked.
"I can't find the key," Kenny laughed nervously.
Stan sat on the floor next to Kyle staring out the box of condoms. He took one out and opened it.
"What are you doing?" Kyle said, with wide eyes.
"The box says they're cherry flavored. I wanted to see if they really were," He placed the condom over his pointer finger and sucked on it.
"This is great. Try it," He offered his finger out to Kyle. Instead Kyle attacked his lips.
Craig sat on a bench outside of the school trying not to cry. Tweek was gone. Really gone. Nobody he knew, that liked him, had a car. He didn't have any money for a cab or bus, and his parents would never drive him to Denver. He sighed, suddenly feeling an arm around his shoulder.
Craig looked up to see Clyde.
"You'll get through it." He assured.
"I didn't get to tell him." Craig felt his voice crack. "I love him, and I never told him."
A tear rolled slowly off of Craig's cheek and hit the stone path beneath him.
Suddenly a shining white light appeared.
"I will help you my child." A warm voice said.
"Jesus!" The two boys exclaimed.
"Yes, it is me. I want to assist you Craig." He said.
"I need away to get to Denver fast." Craig said.
"Okay, but first I need you to do something." He said.
"Anything," Craig said.
"Clyde you come here. Craig, you just turn around for a second." He said.
Craig looked confused, but did as he commanded.
"Hey, watch it, no, what are you?" He could hear Clyde's voice.
"Ow, Clyde, don't kick." Jesus whined. "Just hold still."
"No. OW!"
"You can turn back now." Jesus said,
Craig looked at his ride to Denver. Clyde, wearing a fake horse tail pined to his ass and a very pissed off expression.
"Have fun." And then Jesus left.
"How is this supposed to work?" Clyde asked.
"Like this." Craig climbed onto Clyde's back. "Go Clyde go."
"I don't think I'll be about to go very," He was cut off in sheer amazement went he began to run at speeds he never had before.
"Clyde, red light, stop, red light. CLYDE!" They stopped suddenly, Craig nearly flying off.
They sat there for a few moments. Craig glanced over to see a limo. He made a motion for the pasanger to roll down his window. The old man did.
"Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" Craig asked in his best British voice. The old guy looked at him funny. Craig began laughing as they sped off when the light turned green.
TBC
I won't update until I get reviews or coments.