Preface
Somewhere in the back of my mind I always knew that my choices, the way I live my life, my work could lead me to this. Part of me delights in flirting with disaster, living on the edge, tangoing with death. These are easy choices to make when you believe that you have nothing to lose. For too long now, it has felt like there was nothing for me to lose. That was not true, of course, but I felt that way, nonetheless. The danger and the reckless choices have been the only things that make me feel alive: the only things that bring me closer to what I've lost. That is, until recently. Now, I realize I have everything to lose, and I am struck by how foolishly I have squandered my time: our time together. In the face of it, I am nearly consumed with regret and anticipatory grief. I suppose my overdeveloped ego made it impossible for me to see what was right in front of me. For one who has always claimed that regret was a waste of energy, there is so much I now wish that I would have done differently.
Flames dance all around me, and the smoke chokes me as I struggle to remain conscious, unable to move, but strangely grateful that I am pinned to the floor. At least, heat, flames and smoke rise. This knowledge calms me as I realize this may buy me a few more moments as long as the flames keep their distance.
I try to get a glimpse of him, and call out, hoping to look into the depths of those heartstoppingly gorgeous eyes. For once, I am willing to happily acquiesce to his protective instincts, his irrepressible desire to protect and rescue me. Suddenly, that doesn't seem like such an annoyance anymore. However, I look through the fog of smoke and am unable to find those eyes before I succumb to unconsciousness with his name on my lips.