Grief

Zebraboymom

Disclaimer: They do not belong to me. I wish they did. I'd save Kono.

Author Notes: Thanks for all the words of support everyone. I am pushing the whole finale thing out of my mind for now and I am not going to speculate anymore about it. Instead I am going to enjoy these two characters that in my world were meant for each other. So, in light of that, here's a one shot about what I think should have happened after last week's episode where Kono's Auntie died and we found out Chin lied to protect his uncle.

Steve looked up as a tearful Kono walked away from Chin and left the restaurant. He knew from the look on her face her aunt had died. Chin watched her go and then came back to the table to confirm it. All three men watched her fading figure as she left the restaurant shoulders slumped. This woman was a constant surprise to him. She was so tough at work, taking down criminals and facing really difficult situations, but she never lost her tender side. It was so endearing. He knew she was suffering and he didn't want anyone on his team to handle something like that alone. Steve gave it ten minutes and then he made an excuse about being tired and his cast itching and hurting a bit and headed out to Kono's. As he drove along the highway he thought about all the things she had experienced that year. It had been a hard year for a rookie. He thought about how easily she fit with the team. It was like she had been a cop all her life. She was a natural at it. She was always a step ahead. Her intelligence impressed him and he liked that she was as geeky as him when it came to technology. He also liked the way she handled herself in a fight. He smiled to himself thinking about some of the guys she had taken down. He also liked the way she thought on her feet. He remembered the time she used the lady's dog to get information out of her. She was a clever girl. She was also a hurting girl and he just wanted to take some of that pain away for her. He felt his heart strangely knotted up at the moment. She had gotten under his skin in a way few women had. If he were to be totally honest with himself he was becoming more and more attracted to her every day. Right now those thoughts needed to be put on the back burner and he needed to concentrate on what Kono needed and not what he wanted or needed. Steve reached down to feel his key ring in the ignition. He had keys to all three of his teammates' houses for safety reasons. He hoped she wouldn't kill him for using it tonight.

Kono heard a key turn in the front door. She knew it had to be Chin even though she told him she just wanted to be alone tonight.

As the front door swung slowly open Steve saw her sitting in the dark on her couch. There was just enough moonlight coming through the window and spilling across her for him to take her in. She had her knees pulled up to her chest and she looked so small and forlorn. It broke his heart.

"Go away Chin. I told you I want to be alone."

"It's not Chin. It's Steve, Kono."

"Boss, what are you doing here?"

Kono frantically tried to wipe away the tears. She could not let him see her this weak. It wasn't professional. Why did he come? Chin must have told him. She didn't think he was really aware of her feelings or if he knew anything about her private life. He had never let on he did as far as she could tell. She sat with her arms wrapped around her knees. She didn't know what to say or do. She felt so raw and exposed. The idea that he would care this much about her touched her deeply and made her feel nervous all of a sudden. She wanted nothing more than to have someone put his arms around her and hold her, but this was her boss and she had a terrible crush on him. If he stayed she would be baring herself to him in a way she had never done with a man. She sat frozen in place waiting for him to make the next move.

Steve crossed over to the couch and went down on his knees in front of her. He had to swallow hard when he realized she as in a set of sleep shorts.

"I heard about your aunt and I'm so sorry Kono. I just couldn't go home knowing you're in so much pain."

"It's so much more than that Boss."

"Kono when we're not at work it's Steve, remember?'

"I just…"

"Kono I've been told I have pretty broad shoulders so pick one of them and come here."

It was then that Kono realized it was really okay to let down the barriers and allow herself to grieve. She slipped her legs down on either side of Steve and slid forward wrapping her arms around his neck. He slipped his arms around her and pulled her to him, cradling her cheek with his hand as she pressed it against his shoulder. Kono began to sob and shake. Steve just knelt there and held her, running his hands tenderly along her back, shoulders and arms. He would occasionally stroke her hair and whisper words of comfort.

It was like she was crying for everything in her life at that moment: her career in surfing being over, Chin having to bear so much pain of rejection from family members and finally the loss of her favorite aunt. It was all just too much.

Steve had no idea how long he knelt there, but his shirt was wet with Kono's tears and she was beginning to cry herself out. He could tell. His knees were starting to kill him, but he would never tell her that. Finally Kono just leaned into him and sighed. She continued to take shaky breaths and made tiny hiccups as her breathing leveled out. When she started leaning heavily against him, Steve slipped his arms down to her waist and picked her up. He stood and turned around sitting down now with her across his lap her knees bent resting on the couch. She lay against his chest and he continued to hold her like you would a small child.

Kono felt so safe like this with Steve's arms wrapped around her. His huge muscular arms enveloped her completely and she snuggled her face up under his chin and breathed him in as she relaxed against him.

Steve could tell she completely trusted him now. She had melted into his arms at that point and they were in a very intimate embrace. He could smell the vanilla and coconut of her shampoo and it was so comforting to know her smell. He knew from now on he would know it anywhere. He knew if she wanted to talk about it she would. He remained quiet just holding her, comforting her and caressing her. It took a while, but she finally pulled back her head until it was lying on his shoulder and he could feel her soft breath on his neck just below his ear. It sent a shiver up his spine and the hairs on the back of his neck were at full alert.

"She was my favorite aunt. She would take me to the beach and we would play in the water, collect shells and build sand castles. She never had any girls of her own, so she made a deal with my mother that she could borrow me from time to time. She made a whole closet of dress up clothes for me and when I went to spend the night at her house she would let me dress up and we would have tea. She collected stuffed animals and we would serve them all tea and crackers. I remember my favorite dress was a purple fairy dress with taffeta, lots of tulle and a zigzag bottom. I also loved the pink princess one she made me. It came with jewel necklaces and a tiara. I always knew she chose to love me rather having to love me because I was her kid. It made me feel special."

Steve's deep voice rumbled as he chuckled.

"It's hard to picture you doing girlie things."

"Don't get me wrong, I was a tomboy too. When I was at home I could hold my own. But when I went to her house I got to explore a whole different side of myself. It was really special."

"When I went to see her before she died she told me she had boxed up the dresses, the tea set and the stuffed animals for me. She sent them home with me. She told me to use them some day with my own little girl or with someone else's if I didn't have a girl of my own."

A sob caught in Kono's throat. She thought she was done crying. Steve reached his fingers up and caressed her cheek and brushed the tears away. She took in a ragged breath and continued.

"When my auntie got sick, she needed a kidney transplant, but the wait list was too long. My uncle found one for her on the black market, but it was a lot of money. He took the missing money Steve, not Chin. Chin refuses to let him spend the rest of his life in jail, so he is willing to live the rest of his life with most of our family hating him. I can't take him with me to some family events. He spends so much time alone now, cut off from the family. It breaks my heart that he has to live that way and that he has to endure the hatred of so many on the police force as well. It just feels like too much of a sacrifice. You know? I don't want my uncle to go to jail, but I hate to watch my cousin suffer. He's too good, too kind to live his life cut off like that for something he didn't even do."

"It's his choice Kono. I know that's hard to hear, but you have to let him do what feels right to him. You need to respect his choice."

"I know. I just wish it could be different for him. I know what it's like to give up something you love and I hurt for him."

"You love to surf don't you?"

"I do. I really loved competing though."

"You? Competitive? No!"

"Are you mocking me McGarrett?"

"Just admiring the way you take care of yourself Kalakaua."

Kono chuckled into Steve's neck. He was glad she could still find some humor today. They sat there in the quiet for a while until Kono spoke again.

"That little boy today gave me a knot his grandfather taught him to make. I want to leave my mark in someone's life that way."

"You do Kono, almost every day. I'm proud of you and the work you do at Five-0."

"You probably won't be after the sobbing mess I've been tonight."

"It makes me even more proud, Kono. You are a unique person. You see so much of the dark side of people every day, but you've never lost your humanity. I love watching you smile when we end a case with a great outcome. I couldn't take my eyes off you the day we returned all those college kids to their parents. I've never seen your dimples that big."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. You have no idea how special you are, do you? That right there is one of the things that makes you so special Kono."

Kono sat up and looked Steve in the eye. He looked so sweet there in the moonlight. He was looking at her with such affection. Kono almost couldn't speak.

"You really know how to do this whole comforting thing. Just talking about it helped so much Steve. I…I should go to bed. I'm just glad we have tomorrow off. I may sleep all day. That is if I can go to sleep in the first place. It's hard not to think about it, you know? I'm so exhausted from crying that I feel overtired. Without you as a teddy bear, it's going to be hard."

Steve put his hands on each side of her waist and easily lifted her off his lap into a standing position. He stood up and took Kono's hand and walked her down the hall to her bedroom.

"Steve?"

"Just trust me, okay?"

When they got to her bedroom, Steve pulled the covers back and she crawled under. He tucked her in and sat on the side of the bed. He leaned over her putting his good arm across her waist on the mattress.

"Now, need to go to the bathroom?"

Kono smiled and shook her head.

"Need a glass of water?"

That actually got a giggle out of her. She shook her head again. He decided to go for broke.

"Want me to tell you a story?"

He actually got her to laugh at that one.

"Okay then."

He stood up and turned. She thought he was leaving. She wanted so badly for him to stay, but she didn't have the nerve to ask him. Instead of leaving he walked around her bed to the other side and lay down on top of her covers. He wanted to assure her that the only thing he wanted to do that night was to comfort her. He raised his good arm and crooked a finger sticking out of his cast.

"You're teddy bear awaits."

Kono smiled at him shyly and scooted over. She laid her head on his chest and pulled one arm out from under the covers and placed it across his waist. Steve slid his hand down her arm and cuddled her to him. Kono hugged him and sighed.

"Thank you for staying."

"Thanks for letting me be here for you tonight. I feel honored that you trusted me this much. I promise to always be there for you Kono. Don't ever be afraid to ask me, okay? Well, it looks like you're starting to relax. I guess that just leaves one thing left to do."

Kono tilted her head up and looked at Steve. He smiled down at her.

"What's that?"

"Kiss you good night."

Steve leaned down and tenderly brushed his lips across hers.

"Goodnight Kono."

Kono sighed softly and nestled back down in his arms.

"Goodnight Steve."