I do not own characters nor places created by Kishimoto.

The story takes place a few years after Fourth Shinobi World War. Gaara is 19, Matsuri is 20.

Important note: All of my GaaMatsu stories are separate entities, not linked to each other in any way!

Pairings: Shira/Matsuri, Gaara/Sari, Gaara/Matsuri

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Chapter 1. A chance to move on

Matsuri braced herself for the inevitable, and entered Kazekage's office. Gaara was seated behind the desk, frowning at the document lying in front of him. When the door creaked slightly, he looked up at her for a second, and nodded to her. Then he rolled up the paper, and put it aside. Matsuri stepped up closer, and halted just in front of the desk, forcing a smile onto her lips.

"You wanted to talk to me," Gaara said. it wasn't a question.

"Yeah," Matsuri replied vaguely. "I'm—It's about—I have a request, Kazekage-sama."

Gaara winced inwardly at her using the honorific with him. True that he had never asked her not to use it. He wanted to, but there were doubts. What if she saw the truth?

"Please, go on." Gaara was really curious what could make her ask him for an official meeting.

"I'd like to... I'd like to enlist the special force in the north," Matsuri blurted out quickly, her fists clenched as if she tried to make them stop trembling. "I have written to Shira already. I asked him to train me, and he accepted my request."

Talk about being surprised. Gaara felt as if the floor vanished, and he was about to fall down, into the abyss.

"I see," he said even if he couldn't see anything.

Matsuri's face was as red as his hair. "Please accept my request, too," she added with a gulp. "I know... I know it would help me improve."

Gaara still couldn't control himself.

"I'm sorry," he uttered helplessly. "You have utterly surprised me."

Matsuri gave a nervous laugh.

"I suppose so. No one knew, only Sen. She sent my letter to Yome, and Yome gave it to Shira."

"I have to... I have to think about it," Gaara said. "In a few days I will give you my answer."

Wringing her hands, Matsuri looked as if ready to insist. She restrained herself though.

"Of course," she said with a nod. "I understand. I'll be going then. Have a nice day, Kazekage-sama."

Speechless, Gaara could only nod her goodbye. Matsuri went out, shutting the door quietly. Left alone, the Kazekage shook his head as if trying to wake up from this dream. Only, it wasn't a dream. And if it was, it was more like a nightmare.

Matsuri wanted to leave the village, simple as that. Ninjas didn't join the said force for a month or two. Shira had been there for five years. He had visited the village twice since he went there. Gaara was always happy to see him. Now the Kazekage felt anxious. Did Matsuri want to enlist to the force because of Shira? The two of them had a special bond. They were loyal to Gaara even before the whole village accepted him. They must have become close. And what if those feelings evolved into something more, and Matsuri didn't want to be away from Shira anymore?

If they did, Gaara had no right to stop her, at all.

Since the Great War ended, there were no military conflicts between great shinobi nations, only lesser animosity at times. Actually there was no point in the existence of the hidden villages any longer. The only potential danger was from wild tribes, living in the west, and small countries, that should be not underestimated. After all the Akatsuki had been formed in Ame no Kuni. But still it was highly unlikely for anyone to gain enough power to challenge the combined forces of the five villages that defeated Juubi.

If Matsuri wanted to leave Suna, there was no formal reason for denying her request. Gaara had a reason to say 'No' though. It was a nagging, smoldering pain in his heart. He was Matsuri's mentor, and maybe she considered him a friend, but it wasn't enough. Well, he tried to convince himself it was enough. I had to be enough, because there was no single soul in Suna and beyond, aware of his feelings for his only student. Matsuri was oblivious, too, to how he felt about her. Or at least what he could feel if he would allow himself to feel. Sometimes he had been acting cold towards her because it was better than rejection. And he knew that he would be rejected if he told her the truth. Although he didn't expect that he would be so disappointed, jealous, and bitter, after being asked to let her go.

Taking the deep breath, he chided himself inwardly.

"You're the Kazekage," he muttered to himself. "There's no reason to deny her request. Maybe it's for the best. Maybe it's your only chance to move on."

o0o0o0o

Matsuri couldn't stop crying. She had a headache, a runny nose, her eyes were red and puffy, and she lost her voice. Every fifteen minutes she was certain she managed to control herself until another onslaught of tears came. She couldn't remember the last time she cried so hard. She thought it was after her parents' death.

Wet, snotty, towels and tissues covered the floor. There were ugly, damp patches on the pillow, too. Matsuri was sure she was looking pathetic but it didn't help at all. All she needed to fall into despair was another look at the table. The sorrow was unbearable, and if Matsuri didn't let it out with tears, she would probably go insane.

There was a note on the table. Matsuri got the small piece of paper from Temari. The Kazekage granted Matsuri's request, allowing her to enlist the special force for six months. He wrote his former student a note.

He didn't even care as much as to tell her personally.

Matsuri has since long known they would never be the couple. The same went for Sari. The girls were meeting now and then, often mourning for their teenage dreams about handsome Kazekage. However at some point Matsuri realized the dreams were not enough. She rejected many ninjas, asking her out, for she waited for Gaara to see her as more than a friend.

It never happened though.

The only comfort for her, and in all honesty it wasn't a real comfort, was that Gaara had never been interested in any other woman. He had no female friends, either, Matsuri being the exception. The kunoichi considered it an honor but it didn't change the fact that she wanted to be more than a friend. She wished to be his woman.

Finally, Matsuri couldn't bear Gaara's indifference. She decided that only the separation could make her heart realize that she and Gaara were not meant to be. Parting of their ways was a chance. A chance to move on. But why did it hurt so much, as if her chest was being ripped open?

Matsuri didn't calm down until the nightfall. Exhausted, the kunoichi eventually drifted to sleep. In her dreams, Gaara was staring at her with his mesmerizing eyes, making her heart beat faster. And when she was all warm and ready, all he did was saying Go north, Matsuri. Have a safe journey. We're not going to see each other for six months. Actually I don't care.

Matsuri thrashed wildly on the bed, sweaty, and quaking. In the morning, she woke up feeling sad and hopeless. She ate her breakfast, and packed her belongings. Her every move was slow, and she realized she was trying to stall.

Someone knocked on the door, and she jumped.

"Matsuri? It's me!" Sari shouted. Matsuri opened the door, letting her friend in. "What...?" Sari was shocked. "Are you going already? So soon?"

Matsuri told her earlier that she was going to leave. Sari still couldn't believe that until she saw the note.

"I didn't think you would go so soon!" Sari said sadly, her eyes watering with tears. "Matsuri, I don't want you to go!" She threw her hands around Matsuri's neck. "There will be no one I can talk to... Yukata doesn't want to talk about Gaara-sama since Mikoshi asked her out. At least not like before."

"Sari, I can't talk about him either," Matsuri admitted, feeling like crying. "I can't bear it anymore. I was afraid I would do something stupid. That's why I want to leave. Maybe my feelings will go away if I leave.

The kunoichi took her bag.

"Maybe the next time we will see each other, we will laugh at the conversation we've just had," Matsuri joked although her eyes were shining with tears.

"Maybe," Sari whispered, looking lost.

"Take the keys, please? I have a spare."

Sari took the small metal items in silence.

"I will see you to the gate," was all she said.

"No!" Matsuri yelled, making Sari blench. "No," she repeated, quieter this time. "Thank you but I want to be alone. You would only make it harder."

Sari nodded, opening her arms. Friends hugged each other until Matsuri withdrew. When the plan had formed in her head, she focused only on separating from Gaara. Apparently she forgot that leaving the village meant leaving her all friends. In her new squad there was Shira and Yome, but apart from them she didn't know anyone.

"It's nothing," she said to herself. "Years ago I hadn't known anyone in Suna, too. Maybe there is a nice young man somewhere there? Maybe he will fall in love with me?"

Even if that was the case, Matsuri was far from being enthusiastic, as she left her house, heading for the village's gate. Her heart didn't want to go north but Matsuri didn't listen to it. She suffered for so many years, dreaming about someone who didn't want her. This was her chance for new life. A chance to move on.