That person brought me under their wing, and I met someone really similar to what I am— not a human, a weapon meant for death. His beautiful crimson eyes, coupled with the flourishing well kept chocolate hair, as opposed to my own messy navy locks.
He smiled brightly when he saw that person, running up to that person. It was then that he noticed me, his smile replaced with a look of confusion as that person introduced us to each other.
A child of the riverbank.
I received the haori, the same ones both that person and he wore. Sky blue in colour, as pristine as the clear skies above us, snowy white mountains range painted upon the sleeves, and finally: their symbol, sincerity, etched on the back.
I'm now part of them.
Heaccepted me easily, bringing me around the place, showing me my new home, in his own words. I always found the need to retort to anything he said, and before long we were arguing about silly things.
He brought me to see Navy, our own kind, belonging to someone else. Navy was quiet, but strict to the point of telling us off on our futile quarrels. Navy looks younger than both of us, but at the same time, he has an air of maturity. Unlike us, He had commented.
Training. Patrolling. Coughing. Rest.
That personwas kind and strong, playful to an extent, but yet serious at the same time. That person was my master, and I look up to him, I respect him. I love him. Even so, if only that person wouldn't push himself so hard.
That person was sick.
Healways worked hard, training even when that person was resting in bed. He smiled so brightly as he was complimented by that person. He smiled and laughed at me as I did foolish things.
I loved his smile.
Cyan and Black joined us. Navy started smiling at Cyan, albeit sometimes it looked fake. Cyan acted like a little kid. Understandable, as he was just recently bor— forged. We are not humans.
Black immediately took over his master's trait, acting like a commander over us. From breaking up our futile squabbling to supervising our training, even though he had just gotten here.
A nighttime mission and I was left behind, waving at the four of them leaving. To say I wasn't disappointed was a complete and utter lie. I wanted that person to bring me along, but he chose him.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting hurts.
They're back, not with a happy cheer fit for celebration over a victory. No, only doom awaited. A broken blade, irreparable, useless, dead.
He's gone.
The neat chocolate hair, devoid of any stray strand sticking out, combed and tidied every day without fail. Ruby red orbs, much like the gemstone itself, shining as he smiled, the smile that I loved.
He's… gone.
I felt nothing. Nothing at all. Even when tears leaked from my eyes, as I was pulled away in my attempt to reach the broken blade, to try and put him back together, to bring him back to me—
Nothing.
Time passed, and that person's illness got worse. That person was taken off duty. His pale, frail body, racked with severe coughs, lain down. Bedridden. His remaining weapon, me, laid beside him.
I wanted that person to get better. I wanted to take care of him, to cure him of his illness. I wanted for him to stand up strong, like he used to, with me and him, cutting down all of his enemies. Bring their heads as a sign of victory.
Alas, I am but a sword— oh the irony— a weapon meant to kill, to rob one's life. A tool of violence, wishing to save a human's life? Laughable. The most I could do was cut him down and end his suffering.
But I'm just a tool for humans to use.
Watching at that person's sick— No… This is his deathbed, isn't it? He's dying, and no one could stop it. Rotting away slowly. A slow and painful death. If one were to ask him, that person would probably answer that he preferred a samurai's death over this.
That person is now gone too.
I'm now alone. That person is gone. He is gone. Why am I still here? Why can't I be with them? Why? Why?
Why?!
That person took me in. That person introduced me to him. That person was able to wield me, even though I'm difficult to use. That person took care of me, even though I'm just a sword.
Why can't I just break if this would happen?
That person. Him. That person. Him. That person. Him. That person. Him. That person.
I'm alone. They're gone.
_-kun…
Darkness. Just darkness. I didn't care. Closing myself off, drifting into the void. It would've been better if I'm gone too. If I'm—
A tug. Something is pulling me. What's pulling me? Why are you doing this?
Why can't I just sleep?
The only thing I saw as I opened my eyes was petals strewn around, flying in every direction. My body— I have a body? wha— moved by itself, putting a hand on the white scarf around my neck, introducing myself and mentioning that person's name in it.
In front of me was a human I don't recognize. They introduce themselves as my master, and explained the reason I was summoned, in a human body, and the duty I have to fulfill. They left the room immediately after telling that they'll leave me in the care of the first sword to have been called upon in this place.
A sigh came from behind the door, taking a step into the room, revealing the sword— no, we're no longer only swords— who I least expected. He smiled, different from was I was used to, different from the one I loved. It harbored sadness… and anger?
Of course you would include that person's name in your introduction, he spoke, chuckling upon finishing the sentence, as it was all an amusing joke. I called his name, and he gave me a look. It's me. It's really me, he said, not knowing the full extent of the reassurance that was caused upon me.
My heart hurts. I ran up to him, pulling him into a hug. He protested, asking what is wrong with me. My heart hurts, and liquid is pooling in my eyes.
He's not broken. He's not dead.
Training. Sortie. Chores. New members. Cyan came here. He looked different. Bigger, taller. But inside, he's still the same. He doesn't show it, but he misses Navy, who was said to be lost under the deep blue and they didn't know if they could call upon him like they did to us.
Cyan gets along quite well with the others in this place. He too. I don't. I don't really know what to do. I miss that person so much. But that person is gone…
What if I go against my current master?
Navy arrived. I observed him. He acts different around Cyan, different from the past. He noticed too. He mentioned Navy must be in love.
What's love?
Navy left on a journey. To become stronger. For Cyan. But is it worth it? Cyan looked lonely, but he had someone else with him. Cyan acts differently with that someone. Is he in love too?
Navy came back different. Stronger. He went to their quarters, and came out, to see Cyan kissing— as he had explained to me once— and froze. Navy ran away, but I could see the tears in his eyes.
Navy changed after that. He still acted the same way around Cyan, but different. Hardened. He's building a wall. A mask. I asked him. He said he also noticed.
"A self defense mechanism, I guess?"
This isn't like you, he said, one day, as we were going to bed. I tilted my head at him. His crimson orbs were glaring daggers at me. _ was supposed to be the observant one, not you, he hissed at me.
He seemed really angry.
That person this, that person that too, just shut up already with that person! Hehad continued, without ever waiting for me to answer. What is wrong with you?! I couldn't answer. He turned around and went to sleep. I lied down beside him, thinking. My heart hurts.
I went to Navy to ask him about Cyan. He smiled. Fake. An empty husk of the smile he used to have. I wasn't convinced, and he realized that. I'm just his assistant, Navy said, I can't let these feelings get in the way of my duty.
is strong, isn't he, to be able to kill off his feelings in order to support the one he loves.
You… He continued, You, yourself are in love with him, aren't you? I looked at him. He smiled, the genuine smile I knew. You're not the only one observing people, you know. He hummed. What is love, I asked. He shrugged. That's for you to find out for yourself.
Am I in love with him?
I started observing him. He smiles with the others. He takes care of his looks (different from the days under the flag of sincerity). He complained about chores ruining his nails. (Even though he used to train hard with that person without any complaints). He craves love from them, afraid that they won't love him anymore.
My heart hurts. _ said this is Jealousy.
I'm… Jealous.
I went to their quarters, asking if I could go on a journey, like Navy. They complied and I immediately set off, without any celebrations, in the quiet night, without waking him up.
(He woke up, to find me missing. He looked around, but couldn't find me. He cried. But I didn't know that. I don't know that.)
Revisiting that person, watching him die, struggling futilely against the illness, once again, left me feeling empty. But that person is now part of history, and it is time to move on from the past.
I came back, and he's surprised that I never once mentioned that person anymore. I smiled, and he returned the smile, greeting me with a welcome home.
I love you, I said to him the night I came back, as we were going to sleep. He looked at me in pure shock. I turned around and went to sleep.
He started avoiding me. Of course, Navy said as he laughed, It's too sudden. I stared at him, working hard in the fields. Yeah. He continued. I hope you don't end up the same as me…
But of course, happy endings are always out of reach.
I'm sorry, he said, after a few days. I closed my eyes and nodded at him. It's okay, I replied, turning around and walking away. He seemed to call out to me, trying to tell me something, but I kept walking away. So this is how being heartbroken feels. How Navy also feels.
He loves them. He wants their love. Their acknowledgment. He wants their praises. He doesn't want to be thrown away. He's insecure. He broke once. He was left behind once. He died once. But he was brought back.
I love you, was the only thing I could say to him. I didn't need him to reciprocate my feelings. I'm only a sword, not meant to love. We can't love each other. They, on the other hand, are human. So…
It's okay. He's attached to them. I can't change his mind about it.
But I'll always love him, until my body bleeds out completely, until rust completely overcomes me, rendering me useless, a trash to be thrown away, my sword breaks into a million fragments, irreparable.
Even if he breaks again, even if he's left behind again, I'll always hold him close and protect him, even from myself, should I cause harm to him.
No matter what happens, I'll always love you, _.