You need knowledge of what Nintendo Power is and its running gags to understand this fic. Be forewarned.
Noire's pigtails flapped around as she walked forward, her heels clicking echoing in the empty halls of Lowee's Basilicom, reflecting how the huge, cathedral-like building needed curtains to dampen the echoing.
Her movement was hasty, rushed and frantic. From her scowl and her slightly flushed face it was clear that she was, to put it in colloquial terms, quite pissed as she did something that most people would balk at merely mentioning. Namely, throwing a hissy fit as she stomped her way past the receptionist, only offering a venomous glare when confronted when the simple fact that mere civilians were not allowed past the receptionist's desk without an appointment with Lady White Heart.
Most people didn't even comment on her actions when she chewed out the woman, revealing to the entirety of the room that they were, as a matter of fact, in the presence of Lady Black Heart, CPU from Lastation, who was not in a particularly good mood.
Hostilities had ceased for the moment amongst nations, but one never knew when a political shitstorm like the one that Noire's mere presence in Lowee could spark would reignite the fires of war and return the nations to war. Then again, it was no mystery that the CPU were really good friends despite their history of wars.
Most wisely chose not to comment on the fiery temper of the invading goddess.
That, however, was not due to an instinct of self preservation or any of such. It was simply the fact that most were males and they were in fact transfixed by the fact that Noire's choice of dress, a gothic Lolita dress that barely reached her mid thigh, revealed her shapely buttocks every time she did as much as perform a sharp turn. It was also evident that she did not have a taste in underwear that could be defined as modest, given the almost unimpeded view of her backside the observers got.
Unfortunately, one of the security guards had chosen to inform her that Lady White Heart was quite busy and couldn't possibly meet with her today.
Noire did not take kindly to the obviously ignorant man's attempt at inviting her for a date while she waited.
Normally, she would've probably taken offense to being called crazy bitch by the guard she'd just bitchslapped across the room, but right now, she had much to do and little in the way of patience, so her concentration was fully on her task.
Her stomps were most likely heard in the entirety of the building as she continued to search for her goal, finally reaching the office of Lowee's CPU mere minutes after entering the Basilicom itself. Given that it took hours for everyone else, this was mighty impressive indeed. With a terrifying scowl, she went through her inventory and pulled out a magazine from her cleavage, rolled up into a cylinder.
"What the hell do you want, Noire? I'm busy, and so should be you." Blanc informed her, irritated. She was dealing with the fallout of a particularly impressive fuck up regarding what was probably considered the worst game of her nation's current console and she didn't really have the time to deal with a pissed tsundere who had clearly too much time in her hands.
"What the hell is this?" Noire asked, her voice deceptively calm, before she slammed the magazine she'd fished from her Victoria's Secret compartment against Blanc's chest.
"That's a gaming magazine. From Lowee." Blanc said, raising one eyebrow and looking not unlike someone who clearly had better things to do than engage in this conversation.
The enraged one of the duo promptly opened the pages and went for a particular page. Namely, a page that read about readers' questions sent to the editors to be answered. "I know that you officially sanction this as your officially approved magazine." Began Noire, glaring at the bored CPU. "Clearly, you approve of this comment."
"… So you're pissed because there's a joke about you eating small children in a decade-old magazine?" Blanc said, disbelief clear in her voice. Then she looked like she wanted to engage Hard Drive Divinity right then and there and pound Noire with a huge axe. "Are you fucking kidding me? We were at war back then. What, you expected me not to let my people insult you even though we're at war?"
"Yes." Noire said, not missing a beat.
"You're serious." Blanc replied, clearly surprised. "Get the hell out of my office!" She yelled, grabbing Noire and throwing her out of a window.
"I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" She yelled as she sailed through the air.
Blanc was really curious, so she discreetly smuggled a number of Lastation's own premiere magazine to see what Noire could come up with. She leafed through the pages, seeing nothing out of the ordinary, no particularly cheap shots to her country, people or herself…
Until on the last page, she found something that was very clearly penned by hand. No matter how neat her handwriting was, Noire still couldn't imitate a machine. The message read "Hah! Made you buy it!", along with a drawing of a Chibi Noire sticking her tongue out.
Blanc felt her hand hitting her forehead. "I can't believe I just wasted time doing this. Seriously, this is something that Neptune would do!"
Earlier that week
"I have no idea what to do for my revenge…" Noire thought, as she tapped a pen to her chin, wondering what to do. "Hm… what would Neptune do?" She asked herself, thinking of the most childish person she could, trying to figure out what kind of prank Neptune would play on Blanc in turn.
Now, to explain the joke that most people probably won't get. WAAAAY back when the PS2, the Gamecube and the XBox were the current iteration of the console war (a lifetime ago), someone wrote a letter to the Nintendo Power magazine congratulating them on not taking part in the whole 'taking cheap potshots at each other' campaign that the companies were engaging in at the time, and the editors replied, jokingly, with wildly inflammatory remarks meant in a joking tone, such as the XBox causing head problems and the Playstation 2 eating small children.
The latter went on to become a running gag, including a joke regarding Kid Hero's premise ("The next time you see a kid with a sword coming at you, just feed him to the nearest PS2!").
Thus the title, and thus the fic. I know that if you need to explain a joke, it's not a joke at all (as said by The Joker himself), but I still felt the need to write this, and once I'd written it, I posted it because why not?