"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! Dwarves, shemlen and elves! I'm your host; Mahariel, the Dalish Grey Warden..."

"And I'm her co-host; Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall. Welcome one and all to the Dances With Dragon Age, brought to you by the Blight, the Circle, the Chantry, and an old woman who talks to much."

"Urgh... really? Why'd you have to bring her into this? Anyway, here's the story – my group of adventurers decided to have a party at Vigil's Keep, when who should crash it but..."

"Us. Well, don't blame me. It was Isabela's fault. She heard Anders got an invite, and that there would be free booze. And probably some stuff to loot. And just maybe somebody to have sex with. She got her crew to throw us on her ship and shanghai'd us over here."

"Right, so not long after MY party was so rudely interrupted, somebody decided they didn't like the look of somebody else..."

"Isabela tried to get Morrigan into bed..."

"... and then a brawl broke out. Because I didn't want to have to rebuild the Keep AGAIN, we decided it would be a good idea to organize an official Battle Royale with Cheese. In the ballroom. With all the breakables removed."

"Right, so here's the deal. There will be six rounds of fighting with the companions divided according to their specialty."

"You know, MY companions are way more flexible in their choice of weapons and spells, not stuck with only a few special areas."

"Shut it Mahariel. Divided according to whatever specialty they had when they first met us, at any rate. The round will start, the companions will fight. The winner of each round will move on to the final melee. No killing, this is all for fun. Other than that, anything goes."

"Which is why Shale will be acting as a referee, along with Ser Fluffy and Barkspawn."

"Thank the Maker. The last thing we need is your pet golem forgetting the no-killing rule."

"You call Shale my pet, and it may be you who ends up dead, Hawke."

"I'd like to see it try..."

"Anyway the divisions are as follows; Round One: Healer Mages – Wynne, Anders, Bethany."

"Round Two: Shield Warriors – Alistair, Loghain, Aveline"

"Round Three: Dual Wielding Rogues – Zevran, Isabela, Sigrun"

"Round Four: Offensive Mages – Morrigan, Velanna, Merrill"

"Round Five: Warriors with Gigantic Weapons – Sten, Oghren, Fenris, Carver... wait a second, I thought one of your siblings was dead Hawke!"

"A wizard did it."

"Oh well, if that's the case..."

"And finally Round Six: Sniper Rogues – Leliana, Nathaniel, Varric, and Sebastian"

"And then... GRANDE FINALE ROUNDE!"

"Really?"

"What?"

"Never mind. Again, welcome one and all to Dances With Dragon Age, and may the best companion win!"

A/N – Updated 11/28/11 – So I was rereading this the other day, and realized there were still a number of errors in the story that needed correcting. Not to mention bits that I wasn't totally happy with and needed polishing up. So here's the new and improved Dances With Dragon Age, now hopefully error free, and a much smoother read. I don't own any of these characters, the all belong to Bioware. Thanks, and enjoy!