title: the text message chronicles
pairing: guess. i dare you.
summary: Operation: Protect Katara's Honor is underway. Text messages galore. Crack.
disclaimer: i own nothing!
notes: inspired by ohwhatsherface's text message fic: what i go to school for.
notes2: Toph is blind, and thus does not text. So she relays her messages via Aang, her bestie.
xx THE TEXT MESSAGING CHRONICLES xx
From: songs.
To: you.
11:07 AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
CODE RED.
ZUKO, THIS IS CODE RED.
NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT, NOT A DRILL!
PS. I will ALWAYS judge you for your lame-o username. Bahaha.
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11:09 AM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: BoomerangBoy450
...What the hell, Sokka?
PS. There's nothing wrong with my username. Go die.
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11:11 AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
Mhm. Be a jerk, sass me, see if I care.
ONLY I DO. Because this is an EMERGENCY.
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11:11 AM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: BoomerangBoy450
What do you mean 'emergency'?
Is everything okay? Is Katara okay?
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11:13AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
NO SHE IS NOT.
Zukes, ya big jerk, she was on the phone with a BOY this morning.
A boy that was not:
A) Aang
B) You
C) Me
(obviously, because I was in the house because I am her brother and all that jazz but SHE WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A BOY.)
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11:15AM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: BoomerangBoy450
First off, NEVER call me Zukes. EVER. I will kill you.
And this was seriously code red?
How did you know she was talking to a guy?
Maybe it was like, Suki or something.
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11:18 AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
As her Older Brother,
I have the right to listen in on her phone conversations If Deemed Necessary.
(and do not doubt code red. Ever.)
Innocent, pure, young Katara was chatting it up with JET!
THE. JET.
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11:21 AM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: BoomerangBoy450
You don't mean...
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11:23 AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
Jet. The senior.
Mr. Failing half his classes.
Mr. Dated 4/5 of the girls at our school.
Mr. Even-Kissed-YOUR-Sister-Once-At-In-A-Closet-At-A-P arty.
MISTER MAN-SKANK OF THE CENTURY.
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11:23 AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
And he's talking to MY BABY SISTER.
On the house phone. That I happen to use.
That will forever be stained with his WHOREHOOD.
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11:26 AM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: BoomerangBoy450
He even got Azula?
...That's rough, buddy.
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11:29 AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
Yeah, listen. The whole point of informing you of Code Red...
Er, Zukes, I dunno how to say this, but...
I NEED your help!
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11:34 AM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: BoomerangBoy450
What do you mean... 'help'?
PS. What did I tell you about Zukes?!
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11:37 AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
I wouldn't be able to carry out Operation: Protect Katara's Honor! without you. :(
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11:38 AM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: BoomerangBoy450
I guess...I mean...her honor.
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11:41 AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
I knew you'd understand, pal!
I ALSO happen to know that you've been in LURV
with her since we were in kindergarten.
And b/c you're like, mi amigo and shiznit, I'm marginally okay with it.
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11:41 AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
Like. You'd have to marry her first, of course.
And then wait a few years so you guys can hold hands.
You're about a billion times better than Jet though.
He'd definitely initiate premarital hand-holding.
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11:42 AM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: BoomerangBoy450
...You don't know that!
Katara is my FRIEND.
Like Toph, like Aang, like you, like Suki, like Haru—
Er, probably not Haru.
But you get the picture!
…
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11:44 AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
NO TIME FOR DENIAL, BUCKO.
I need you to...
(drumroll)
SEDUCE MY SISTER.
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11:48AM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
(whilst still preserving her honor).
You can regain consciousness any time now, Zukes.
xxx
1:57 PM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: PaintedLady783
Hey Katara.
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2:02 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To: HonorIsPower200
Hi!
What's up, Zuko?
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2:05 PM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: PaintedLady783
Not much.
Uh, so...how's the honor?
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2:07 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To: HonorIsPower200
...What?
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2:08 PM
From: HonorIsPowe200
To: PaintedLady783
NOTHING! I mean, uh.
Nice weather today.
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2:11 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To: HonorIsPower200
Are you okay, Zuko?
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2:13 PM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: PaintedLady783
Oh, yeah. Everything's...dandy.
Hold on, one sec.
Gotta make tea. For, uh, the animal.
Cat. Yup.
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2:15 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To: HonorIsPower200
...Sure thing.
XXX
2:27 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To: FanGurl800
I THINK IT'S WORKING.
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2:30 PM
From: FanGurl800
To: PaintedLady783
TEAM SUKI AND KATARA FOR THE WIN!
Muahahahahaha.
XXX
2:40 PM
From: SpiritualGangster345
To: BoomerangBoy424
Yo, yo, yo. Wassup, my nizzle?
Aang here, relayin' the message of my b, Toph:
Hella goo' luck on: Operation: Protect Katara's Honor.
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2:42 PM
From: SpiritualGangster345
To: BoomerangBoy424
Here's her wordz, verbatim and shiz':
"You are a dumbass, Sokka. A total dumbass.
I don't even know why I put up with you."
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2:45 PM
From: BoomerangBoy424
To: SpiritualGangster345
To Aang: Thanks man. Although you really need to lay off the whole... you know.
To Toph: I know you love me, woman. We'll have a double wedding, with Zutara.
XXX
2:46 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To: FreedomFighter65
Thanks again for the call this morning, Jet!
Sokka flipped shit. And called Zuko.
I think it's gonna work.
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2:49 PM
From: FreedomFighter65
To: PaintedLady783
No prob. Anything for my ex, but still gorgeous, make-out partner.
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2:50 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To: FreedomFighter65
...We've never made out, Jet.
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2:51 PM
From: FreedomFighter65
To: PaintedLady783
There's still time ;)
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2:52 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To: FreedomFighter65
Uh. No?
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2:53 PM
From: FreedomFigter65
To:PaintedLady783
I love it when u talk dirty. ;)
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2:54 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To:FreedomFighter65
I'm gonna give Azula your number.
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2:55 PM
From: FreedomFighter65
To: PaintedLady783
Good day, madame, and good luck with claiming your turtleduck.
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2:56 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To: FreedomFighter65
:)
XXX
3:01 PM
From: FanGurl800
To: HonorIsPower200
SEDUCE HER ALREADY, YOU DOUCHE.
IT'S ONLY BEEN 15 YEARS.
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3:03 PM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: FanGurl800
Suki, what the hell?
Did Sokka tell you?
Why. Do. You. Know. This.
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3:04 PM
From: FanGurl800
To: HonorIsPower200
JUST MAN UP, VIRGIN.
XXX
3:06 PM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: PaintedLady783
Lovetara.
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3:07 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To:HonorIsPower200
Huh?
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3:08 PM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: PaintedLady783
Fuck. I mean, Katara.
I, uh, doyoulikeJet.
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3:09 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To: HonorIsPower200
Um... I... why do you ask?
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3:11 PM
From: HonorIsPower200
To: PaintedLady783
Because I lo—I mean. Ugh.
Fuck.
Just, can you come outside?
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3:13 PM
From: PaintedLady783
To: HonorIsPower200
Are you here? Sure, just hold on a minute—
adsjfkldjgklfjdgklhfhg;hhng;lh
(Message Not Sent)
XXX
4:08 PM
From: BoomerangBoy450
To: HonorIsPower200
STOP MAKING OUT WITH MY SISTER.
THAT WAS NOT PART OF
OPERATION: PROTECT KATARA'S HONOR.
NOT AT ALL.
fin.