A Collapsing Momentum

by xoKrystalMox

Jim had always dreamt about a boy, growing up with him in his mind. On his first year in Starfleet Academy, he bumps into the boy from his dreams. Too bad that person is a pointy eared ass named Spock who wanted nothing to do with Jim. Oh, and he's with Uhura. Well, Jim isn't giving up. Jim's convinced Spock's his soulmate. Spock? Not so much. [Spock/Kirk, Spirk, Academy AU]

Disclaimer: Not mine!

A/N: I was bored. I was writing other things when this idea popped into my mind. It's a one-shot and completed. Originally posted at AO3 about a day ago. Well, this is the Academy AU and a total AU where Vulcan never exploded, there is no Kobayashi Maru cheaters, no Jim being the captain straight away and no...T'Pring? Anyways, enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this! Leave a review before you go to let me know what you guys thought! -Krystal

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A Collapsing Momentum

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It started way—way back. Probably since he was born, Jim guessed. He wasn't the one to believe in destinies and soulmates, but he couldn't remove the tingling noise at the back of his mind every time he woke up gasping for air from those dreams that yes, maybe it was destiny.

Because if it wasn't, then why would he dream about him all the time?

It was about a boy. It was always about the boy. The boy was three years older than him and growing up with him in his dreams. If he was twelve, the boy in his dreams, Jim guessed, was fifteen. If he was fifteen, the boy in his dreams was eighteen. When he was twenty, the boy in his dreams was twenty three.

It didn't make sense why Jim kept on dreaming of the boy.

It irked Jim because all of his dreams were nautical and probably the craziest ones he ever dreamt of. But when he hit his puberty, the dreams changed into something different—something softer and paler. Something that soothed him from inside whenever he went to bed angry or disappointed.

At first, the boy's face wasn't clear. Jim remembered the first time he started remembering dreaming of the boy was when he was barely five years old. But he couldn't remember how he looked like or what his name was. All he knew was that the boy was his best friend—someone closer to him than anyone else he ever knew. The boy knew his deepest and darkest fears but never used it against him.

Jim finally remembered his face when he was twelve. He woke up at five in the morning from the dream, only to realise that he could remember the boy's face. He was a serious looking boy, his eyes dark as coal and his hair neatly trimmed and raven-coloured. His skin was slightly paler—and a bit greener.

As Jim grew up, the boy in his dreams grew up with him. He felt connected somehow and he liked the feeling that even if it was all in his head, he had someone who understood him. It was different. It was special to Jim. But that didn't stop the fact that he still didn't know who the boy was or why he had these dreams.

"Maybe it's your destiny or something," Sam, his brother, had said once when Jim decided he needed to tell somebody about it.

But then Tarsus IV happened, his mother dying happened and Sam disappearing happened, and the boy in his dreams suddenly didn't appear around anymore. He was restless after that, feeling like someone had ripped a part of his soul out. Years passed by and still no signs of the boy returning into his dreams. He felt lost all of a sudden. But soon, he settled into his life, drinking, sleeping around—it helped him to calm down. It made him forget this annoying empty hole in his heart. He was mostly drunk anyways until one day, a man named Christopher Pike challenged him to do better than his dead father. Challenging Jim to do better than what his father did for Starfleet.

Challenged him to do better than anyone else could.

Well, Jim was never good at refusing a good challenge.

So, he walked up to Pike the next day and told him, 'Four? I'll do it in three.'

And thus, here he was, his first year of Starfleet Academy. It wasn't like how he expected. It was different from the way it looked outside. His days were suddenly busier and he couldn't even squeeze in some time to get drunk. Not to mention, his roommate and his first best friend Leonard McCoy aka Bones, was a doctor and a complete mother hen. So, there was no luck trying to get himself drunk anyway.

But Jim didn't mind. He felt—he felt loved for the first time after so long. He felt like someone genuinely cared for him and he liked it. But that didn't mean he was going to be a good boy. Hell, even more, he began chasing more skirts, loving the way the girls he caught felt underneath him. But that was all—after one body to the other, he couldn't find the temporary fill to this longing in his chest anymore.

If anything, it got worse.

And suddenly—the boy appeared in his dreams again.

It was a different setting, Jim guessed it was in an apartment. He was in an apartment, sitting down on the couch and looking through something on his PADD. He was talking to someone, laughing when he heard a deep sassy reply with a monotonous tone. The person stood behind the couch before leaning to face him. Jim looked up and his eyes met the dark ones.

He laughed a bit more, a smile carving on his face before he stretched his neck a bit more and pecked on the man's lips. The man simply quirked his lips to the side before saying—

"Jim."

And he woke up, gasping. "Ah, god," Jim said as he took in a deep breath. He felt himself trembling slightly. It was intense. It was so deep that he ended up with tears in his eyes, running down his cheeks. He touched his right cheek, his fingers shaking slightly when he saw the wetness. Huh, this was new.

It had been a few years since he last dreamt of the boy—now a man. He remembered the dark coal eyes and to see them again after so long, it felt weird. And the intense feeling in his dreams, he could still feel its aftermath after waking up. The warmth that caressed him until to his toes made him squeamish. Bones was groaning under his breath before he opened his eyes and looked at Jim.

"Jim?" he questioned before he slowly sat up, running his fingers through his hair and yawning. "What—it's three in the morning, Jim."

"Y—Yeah," Jim said slowly, feeling a thick lump in his throat. He rubbed his eyes, hoping nobody could recognise his eyes were wet. But Bones simply narrowed his eyes before ordering for the lights to be up 25 percent. Jim closed his eyes before taking a deep breath, the image of the man still assaulting behind his eyelids.

His bed dipped and he opened his blue eyes, looking at Bones. Bones simply stared at him, his eyes were in a darker shade because of the worry and his eyebrows furrowed deep. "Are you—crying?"

"Uh," Jim said as he sat up straighter and rubbed his eyes again. "No."

"What happened, Jim?" Bones asked again, his voice slower and softer. Jim sighed before running a hand through his hair. Bones didn't know about his dreams because Jim wasn't planning on telling him. But suddenly, he came back and took him by shock and Jim lost his emotional control for a moment. He shook his head before grinning at his friend.

"Nothing," Jim said with a shrug. Bones raised his eyebrows at that before he narrowed his eyes again.

"You woke up three in the goddamn morning crying, Jim," Bones said. "I'm a doctor. What's wrong?"

Jim's grin faltered for a minute before he erased it completely from his face. Jim decided it wouldn't change anything anymore. So, he looked at Bones and gave him a weak smile. Bones simply stared back monotonously. Cold bastard.

"Dreams," Jim said slowly as he looked at Bones in the eyes. "I always had these dreams, Bones. It's always about the same person and it's always about me and him."

Bones remained quiet as he looked at Jim, but the blond man knew that his friend was having a hard time processing it. Jim took the silence as consent to continue. "I always meet him somewhere, at the park, in a house, in the theatres—anywhere. I will meet him and he will talk to me. Sometimes we talk about things like the stars and how we will go there one day. It's like—it's like a fragment of a memory, you know? But I never met him, not in this lifetime. But I feel like I knew him all my life."

"Okay," Bones said slowly, nodding once before he furrowed his eyebrows. He flicked his right wrist, asking Jim to continue before he crossed his arms against his chest, listening. Jim licked his suddenly dry lips before taking in a deep breath.

"He grows up with me," Jim said and that earned a weird look from Bones. "I know, I know it sounds crazy but he grows up with me, Bones. I think he's three years older—no, I know he's three years older than me. If I'm twelve, he's fifteen. If I'm eighteen, he's twenty one. It's like we're growing up together, you know? But when I was—I was on Tarsus IV—Bones, he didn't appear since then."

Bones's eyes widened at the fact. "Tarsus IV? You—you were one of the survivors."

"Yeah," Jim said with a shrug. "But we're not talking about that now. He didn't appear anymore since then. And then suddenly, tonight—he came back again, that bastard," Jim continued with a dry laugh. "And you know what freaks me out? I think I missed him. I missed him so badly that when I saw him again, I felt overwhelmed. Bones, I'm nuts. Screwed up in the head for missing a boy from my own imagination."

Bones kept quiet as Jim sighed, taking in a shaky breath and rubbed his face. "I'm fine. I'll get used to it."

"Do you remember how he looks like?" Bones asked slowly.

"Yeah," Jim said. "I started realising that I could remember his face when I was twelve."

"Well," Bones said but he didn't continue for a while. "Maybe, you should go and see a therapist, Jim. Or maybe I can pre—"

"No, no," Jim said as he shook his head. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure, Jim?" Bones as he looked at Jim.

"Yeah," Jim said as he glanced at Bones. "You don't think I'm crazy?"

"I'm an old-fashioned guy, Jim," Bones said as he stood up from the bed and manoeuvred to his own bed and slumped down. "If you keep on dreaming about him—maybe he's your destiny or something."

Jim almost chuckled at the familiarity of the words. "Destiny, huh?"

"Oh, don't give me that shit," Bones grumbled, his cheeks reddening slightly. "But if the dreams get out hand and you feel like you're about to have a psychotic breakdown, let me know."

"Bastard," Jim said without venom as Bones rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious, Jim," Bones said after a while. "If you feel like you can't sleep anymore, you have to tell me and I'll keep the dreams at bay. You can't—it's not normal if the dreams started to bug you."

"They're not," Jim said slowly. "Never did."

"Good," Bones said. "Now go to sleep and shut up. I have early class of xenobiology tomorrow."

Jim grinned at his friend before sighing and slumped back on his back. "Computer, dim lights to zero percent."

The lights dimmed and Jim closed his eyes again, feeling slightly better. "Hey, Bones?"

Bones grumbled under his breath as a response.

"Thanks," Jim said after a while. He could hear Bones snorting.

"You're welcome, Jim. Now, shut up before I make ya."

Jim chuckled at that before he turned to his right and took in a deep breath. The darkness claimed him easily after that.

---

Jim's days were starting to get frantic when the mid-exams were around the corner. He cursed under his breath when he saw the time, already getting out of his bed before stumbling around the room for his clothes. He looked at Bones and saw him slumped face first with his book sliding off from the edge of the bed. Jim quickly wore his uniform before kicking Bones on his behind.

"W—what?" Bones woke up startled. "What the fuc—what the hell, Jim?"

"Classes," Jim said as he took his books and ran his fingers through his hair to make him look presentable. "Bones, you have xenobiology test, don't you?"

Bones blinked for a few seconds before his eyes widened. "Oh, shit," Bones said as he scrambled out of his bed and looked for his clothes. It had been two weeks since he told Bones about his dreams. The man, even though he was occasionally grumpy with a bad mouth, understood what he was saying. Jim didn't actually talk about his dreams occasionally, just whenever he couldn't contain it inside of him.

"I'll see you soon, Bones," Jim yelled at Bones as he wore his shoes and stumbled out of his room. Running down the hallways to his classes, he passed by some of the other 'zombified' cadets. Even though he had a reputation for attending parties and becoming the King of Alcohol—well, not really, but hey, Jim could dream, couldn't he?—he still had classes like normal cadets. He attended them and finished his assignments and aced his exams.

None of his so-called friends could understand how he could balance his pandemonium life and his studies but Bones knew. Jim had a tendency to forget time and space when he started studying. Bones would force him to eat his food and nurse him like a mother hen he was. Even though Jim was a genius he didn't really neglect his studies.

He loved studying.

Nobody else saw this side of him besides Bones.

Jim didn't want anyone else to see this side of him either.

He ran down the hallways, turning around the corners when he bumped into someone. Jim's face palmed on the person's chest before he fell flat on his butt. He groaned as he felt like he had run into a brick wall. The other person stumbled a few steps back before he straightened himself. "Oh, fuck, my nose," Jim mumbled as he rubbed his face.

"Cadet, running down the hallways is dangerous and could possibly cause bodily harm," a voice spoke in disapproval. Jim's blood boiled from irritation. This bastard's chest was made out of stone and instead of apologising, he chastised him?

Jim looked up, opening his mouth to give that man some of his own Kirk sass when he felt something freezing in him once their eyes met. Those dark coals, those familiar eyes met his blue ones and Jim was stuck. Jim blinked for a few seconds, his mouth hung open and looking struck. The man simply raised his eyebrows, his expression so neutral, he could make even the walls cry.

"Cadet?" he asked, his eyebrows now furrowing. "I suggest you see a doctor. It seems you have a malfunc—"

"You," Jim said for a while as he scrambled to stand up. His eyes searched the man's face for a while before he saw the ears. They were pointed and not definitely human. This person in front of him was a Vulcan.

The person who had been haunting his dreams ever since he was young—was a Vulcan and standing pretty much alive and breathing in front of him.

"Pardon?" the Vulcan said before an almost invisible frown crossed his lips.

"It's you," Jim said. "It's you!"

"Cadet—"

"You're the guy from my dreams."

The Vulcan's eyebrows shot high up until they disappeared behind his bangs. Jim licked his lips when what he had said settled in his mind. Ah, damn. Maybe he could've phrased it a little better. He felt his cheeks reddening as he looked away from the man. "Cadet," the voice started, startling Jim from how cold it was. "It is none of my concern of what you dream about when you are achieving maximum REM cycle completion but telling your professors about the inappropriateness of your dream to who he is featured in is considered as an offence to a professor by Starfleet regulations two point three dash four."

Jim worked his jaw, feeling his cheeks reddening a bit more before he opened his mouth. "But that—"

"Now, if you would excuse me, Cadet," the Vulcan said with his eyes boring through the blue ones. "I have classes to attend. Do not repeat this offence again or I would be forced to take actions."

Well, that went well. Jim groaned under his breath as he watched the Vulcan walked away. His—the person in his dreams was a damn professor! He closed his eyes in a moment of embarrassment before shaking his head from his thoughts. He still felt that slight surge of glee in his heart, realising that this person existed and he was here—here with him in the same academy.

Grinning widely as he opened his eyes, he picked up his books from the floor and headed to his class.

He would find out about him soon.

---

"Let me get this straight," Bones said as he looked at Jim in the eyes. "The guy in your dreams is a Vulcan?"

"Yes," Jim said as he ate his sandwich. They were currently at the academy canteen, just waiting about until their afternoon classes started. "I met him a few hours ago, Bones. He's here, he's real."

"Well," Bones said as he bit into his salad. Jim watched in grimace as he ate his own mouth-watering sandwich. Okay, maybe not so mouth-watering but still definitely better than a plateful of rabbit food. "Did you talk to him?"

"Yeah," Jim said. "He's a professor."

Bones choked on his salad as he looked at Jim, his eyes widening. Jim never saw anyone swallowing their food so fast before in his life. "Jim—Jim—he's a fuckin' professor?" he said dramatically, placing his fork on the table. "Forget it, Jim. Forget about this now. Abort. Mission. And he's a Vulcan at that. Give up."

Jim rolled his eyes at his friend, a childish smile playing on his lips. "Relax," he said. "I'm not going to hit on him. Just talk to him."

"No, Jim," Bones said as he shook his head. "Bad idea, kid. Bad—no, it's a disastrous idea. He's a freaking professor! You can't date a professor!"

"I'm not going to date him, Bones!" Jim protested. "I just want to know more about the guy from my dreams, that's all. I don't even like him that way."

Bones levelled a stare at Jim.

Okay, so maybe that was a lie. "Much."

"Jim!" Bones said as he grabbed onto Jim's shoulders and shook him. "Have you finally lost it? You are in love with a professor. A professor who's a Vulcan. Those pointy eared bastards are emotionless weirdos."

"Woah, xenophobic much?" Jim said as he pushed his friend back down to his seat. Then, the implication of Bones's words finally settled in his mind and he quickly glanced back at his friend. "And who said anything about love? I'm not in love with him! I—Bones, no, I just want to know him. That's all. I'm not going to be in love."

Bones looked at Jim for a minute before scowling. "You dreamt about him ever since you were five. You said it yourself, you felt connected, like another part of your soul, Jim. Now you find out he's alive and breathing and you act like a love-sick teenager. Jim, face it, it's there, in there already and it's a bad—bad idea to act on 'em."

Jim sighed before he stood up, finishing up his sandwich and grabbed onto the empty tray. Saluting at Bones, he said, "I'll see you around, Bones. Relax, I'll be fine."

Bones just rolled his eyes before he scowled again. "Fine!" he said, raising both of his hands in the air. "If you get expelled, don't come crying to me."

Jim just rolled his eyes with a smile before patting on Bones's shoulder and walked away. He wasn't in love with the Vulcan. He was never in love and he didn't think he could either. He sighed, remembering his first bad impression on the Vulcan.

Of course anybody would get flustered and excited when they realised that the guy in their dreams existed. And well, Jim could do smooth when he needed to—but somehow everything he built inside of him to become this persona dropped in front of the Vulcan. Sighing, he ran his fingers through his hair as he walked down the hallway.

He liked him. He remembered liking the boy in his dreams—slowly realising that he would be the only one who could understand him. It sounded weird back then because he wasn't sure if the man existed. So, he didn't tell anyone about his shallow feelings, realising it would be best to keep them inside. But when he saw the Vulcan—well, now it was a different story.

He touched his chest absent-mindedly, remembering the slow thumping of his heart when he saw him. He was a professor. Jim wondered what he taught and continued walking until he suddenly stopped in front of a lecture hall. He furrowed his eyebrows when he looked around him.

Huh, he had walked all the way here.

He shook his head and was about to turn and walk away when the door to the lecture hall opened and the cadets started to walk out. Jim stood aside as the cadets walked out, some looked pale and shaken up. Jim raised his eyebrows at that when his ears perked up from a passing by conversation.

"He is so scary!" a girl cadet said as she tugged onto her best friend's arm.

"Professor Spock is scary even when he's talking," another said next to her, his lips thinned.

"Well, he is a Vulcan, isn't he?" another spoke as they passed by Jim. Jim suddenly felt his interest perking as he waited at the sideway, waiting for everyone to walk out before he slipped inside of the lecture hall. He quickly hid himself near the chairs and watched from afar. His heart leaped again when he realised who it was.

It was the Vulcan professor from when he bumped him. He felt his heart thumping loudly in his chest. He watched him closely but frowned when he saw someone blocking his view. Looking closely and quietly, he noticed who it was.

It was—the girl who didn't have a first name from wherever she came from.

Cadet Uhura.

He felt the frown deepening as she stood near the Vulcan and pointed to her papers, talking as the professor leaned closer to her and nodded, talking as well. Something about them didn't look like they had a normal cadet and professor relationship. This made way something bitter in Jim's guts.

Could it be?

Jim could read people. He knew who hooked up with whom from just their body gestures. And their body gestures spoke in volumes. Even if the Vulcan didn't do anything inappropriate and looked like a normal professor teaching his cadet, Jim had seen this man in his dreams longer than Uhura did. He somehow could pick up on his body language like it was his mother tongue.

She was with him—or precisely—he was with her.

Jim huffed out a dry quiet chuckle at the realisation. Cadet Uhura finally smiled at the Vulcan before she nodded and grabbed her things. Then, she walked towards where Jim was. Jim thought he was caught but when she walked past him to the doors, he sighed out in relief.

"Cadet, you do not have to hide anymore. It is futile," the voice spoke to the empty room. Jim jerked in shock so fast that his head hit the back of the chair.

"Shit," Jim cursed as he rubbed his head and slowly stood up. The Vulcan simply looked at him before he raised his eyebrows. "How did you know?" Jim asked with a cheeky grin, willing himself not to blush when the Vulcan didn't react.

"I have superior hearing compared to Humans," the professor said as he cleaned his papers on the table. "To what I owe you this visit, Cadet?"

Jim shuffled on his feet before he took in a deep breath and walked slowly to the Vulcan. Once he was in front of the professor's desk, he simply grinned. "It's Kirk. Jim Kirk."

"I know who you are, Cadet Kirk," the professor said as his dark eyes met Jim again. This time, Jim wasn't prepared at how different they were from his dreams. His grin faltered and dropped before he broke the eye contact. He rubbed the back of his neck, wondering why this guy in front of him was so different from the one in his dreams.

This all started to sound foolish now, Jim thought.

It was too good to be true.

"Again, to what I owe you this visit, Cadet Kirk?" the professor asked again. "I do not have the leisure to entertain cadets who are not in class and not taking the Academy seriously."

Jim winced at the tone before he looked at the Vulcan and raised his eyebrows. "If you heard about me, you'll know that I ace all of my classes, top in first three."

The Vulcan didn't look impressed. "Cadet," he started. "In this academy, we do not just see academic results, we see their personalities and ensure they are suitable for Starfleet."

"Oh?" Jim asked, this Vulcan suddenly grating on his nerves. "And I don't have the qualities?"

"To me at the moment, no, you do not," the professor said before grabbing on his things. "If you will excuse me."

Jim's jaw worked again as he watched the Vulcan walking away. "Pointy eared bastard," Jim muttered.

"Pardon?" the professor stopped walking before he turned around to face Jim. Jim froze, slowly turning around to meet the man in the eyes. "What did you say, Cadet Kirk?"

Jim felt the irritation spike him. Before he could think about what he was doing, he said, "I thought you have superior hearing, you figure it out."

"Cadet," he said coldly. "This is your second attempt to insult a professor. I have no choice but to take you for an offence."

Jim bit his bottom lip before he took in a deep breath. "Sorry," he finally said as he avoided the man's eyes. "Sorry, sorry. I—I—never mind. This is a bad idea. Bones's right."

With that, he looked at the professor one last time and nodded. "I apologise. I was—I apologise. It won't happen again."

The Vulcan remained quiet, watching Kirk working his bottom lip as he avoided his eyes again. "See to it that it does not happen again." With that, the professor turned around and continued to walk out of the room. Closing the door shut, Jim huffed out a shaky laugh.

This was so laughable.

Jim Kirk—the ladies' man—was stumped down by a cold bloody pointy eared bastard a professor. He sat down on one of the chair and rubbed his face. He was with Uhura too. There, it was done. Maybe—now his dreams could end. Jim felt the dread washing into him as he shook his head. What was he feeling?

---

"Spock, come on! That's—that's cheating!" he said as he tried to get up from the mat. Spock just loomed at him with a smirk—well—a Vulcan equivalent to a smirk. He groaned when Spock pressed his own body down on Jim. "S—Spock! Come on! That's—"

"Do you yield?" Spock asked, his voice near his ears, dark and rich. Fuck. He was getting aroused. Spock was a cheater in this! He shouldn't have agreed to wrestle Spock. Spar, his ass!

"No—gah! Spock!" Jim squealed when Spock nipped the tip of ears.

"Yes, Jim?" he questioned, sounding as cool as a cucumber. Jim tried to move his arms which were effortlessly pinned at the top of his head.

"This is—ah, cheating, bas—ah—Spock!"

Spock looked at him in the eyes before he leaned in close and said, "Is it, Jim?"

"Spock!" Jim sat up with a gasp. He was breathing heavily. This was—this time, he remembered everything. The images in his head were flittering through his mind with an evil cackle. He huffed out shakily as he leaned against his headboard of his bed. He rubbed his face. His dreams didn't settle down at all—instead—they intensified.

They were more intimate. Jim shifted on his bed when he felt the tightness around his boxers. This was—just great, he muttered darkly in his mind. After seeing the professor, he had walked back to his room, ignoring Bones's calls about his classes. When Bones came back, he was given an earful of his lecture. But Jim didn't care and waved him off.

The man he met and the man in his dreams were two different people. Jim then realised that he was beginning to remember his dreams and the man's name and words even clearer ever since he met the real life version of him. His name was Spock and Jim found himself gasping his name out every time he woke up.

And coincidentally the professor's name was Spock as well.

But that didn't help anything. Jim felt even more connected and he felt the emptiness inside of him every time he woke up. "Again?" Bones questioned as he woke up grouchy. "Jim, this is getting ridiculous!"

"Sorry," Jim said as he quickly got out of bed and wore his pants. He took a shirt and wore it over his head.

"Where are you going?" Bones questioned loudly.

"Out, I need air," Jim said absent-mindedly as he threw his friend a half-hearted smile. With that, he wore his shoes and walked out of the room. He walked down the quiet hallways. He didn't know where to go but anywhere from here sounded good. He made sure he didn't see Spock's face for three days but the dreams were getting harder to be contained.

It was as if the hole in his heart was getting bigger.

He didn't know when but halfway out of the academy, he had ended up jogging. He took in a deep breath when he finally reached to the entrance. Walking out, the cool night breeze caressed his face. He felt different inside ever since that day. Sure, he would get a glimpse of the Vulcan but before the man could realise it, Jim would walk away.

Walking down the stairs, he decided to take a walk around the campus. He shoved his hands into his pockets, realising it was getting colder. Walking for a few minutes, he let his mind wander around. The smoke puffs created against his lips warmed his upper lip a bit.

Spock, he was so different.

Jim knew he was a bastard though from the moment he met him. He was so serious and so uptight. But the Spock in his dreams, he was different—so calm. His eyes were so expressive and they always conveyed fondness. But when Jim saw this Spock's eyes—they were nothing but coil of darkness.

There was nothing beautiful about them.

There was nothing beautiful unlike his dream's Spock's eyes. He closed his eyes for a moment before he opened his eyes again. Just then, his eyes caught onto a figure, sitting on one of the campus benches, a PADD lighting his face. Jim raised his eyebrows, wondering if he should go up to him.

But as he neared him, his eyes caught onto the familiar pointed ears and he stopped a few metres. His heart started to thump louder in his chest and something coiled in his chest, urging him to go and greet himself. The aftermath of the dreams also made him feel squeamish, his mind wandering for a moment what it would really feel like to have the Vulcan's body against his.

But just as the thoughts came into his mind, he quickly removed them. Shaking his head, he reminded himself that Spock wanted nothing to do with him. He had no qualities of a Starfleet Officer apparently in his eyes. He was about to turn around and walk away when Spock's eyes snapped up from the PADD and caught his.

Seconds filled in between them with silence before Jim cleared his throat. He could simply walk away but he found himself hesitating. Instead, he ended up walking closer to the man. "Hey," he said slowly. Spock looked at him carefully.

"It is past two in the morning, Cadet," Spock said coolly, looking back to his PADD. "You are supposed to be asleep."

"I can't sleep," Jim said before he sat next to Spock, only at the other side of the bench. "What about you?"

Spock stopped tapping on his PADD before he glanced at Jim and back to his PADD. "That is none of your concern, Cadet." Jim thinned his lips, shifting in his seat when he heard the dismissive tone. He sighed, wondering why he even tried. But something in him knew that he wasn't a quitter.

"Fine, just asking out of politeness," Jim said as he raised his hands and crossed his legs, sighing. The huff of air against his lips made him shiver silently.

"You should not be out here," Spock said after a while. "Humans are not suitable for cold conditions without proper attire." Spock glanced at the Jim's clothes before he looked at him in the face. "You are not in proper attire."

"Geez, thanks for noticing," Jim said before he bit his bottom lip.

"I am merely suggesting for your own health," Spock said immediately, his voice sounding cool again. Jim somehow found this version of Spock very annoying. He wondered if the Spock in his dreams even existed in this man. He glanced at Spock, realising that the Vulcan was looking at him.

"Thanks," Jim said after a while. "But I'm fine. I like the cold."

Spock shook his head before he went back to his PADD. "Very well."

Jim bit his bottom lip before he said, "Spock, I ju—"

"Cadet," Spock started, this time his voice sounded tight. "It is Professor Spock or Sir. You are a cadet, do give respect to your professors."

Jim sighed before rubbing his face. "Fine, Professor," Jim said with sarcasm. "Happy?"

"I do not appreciate that attitude, Cadet Kirk," Spock said as he narrowed his eyes at Jim. Jim finally looked at him and thinned his lips. After a while, Jim nodded and relented.

"Sorry," Jim said as he sighed. No, he saw something flashing in Spock's eyes. That person in his dreams was in him after all. But Jim had a runny mouth and it usually was a downfall for him. So, he decided to try and get along for at least a few minutes. "I didn't—I just don't have a filter."

Spock looked at Jim for a while before he nodded. "Apology accepted." With that, he went back to his PADD. Jim silently watched him work for a few seconds before he found himself smiling. He remembered that face. Spock's concentrating face, he remembered it well. Spock glanced back at him two seconds later and raised his eyebrows when he caught the look on Jim's face. "Is something humorous, Cadet?"

Jim's eyes widened as he felt his cheeks reddening. Clearing his throat, he looked away and ran his fingers through his hair. "No, no," he said, the smile turning sheepish. "You just look so focused and it's attractive on you."

Ah, shit.

He and his damn nervousness. Spock's fingers froze on the PADD again before he looked at Jim once more. His eyebrows were scrunched deep and Jim thought for a moment that there was going to be a permanent crease there. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and stood up, deciding it was best he left before he made another comment that would land him in front of the court for sexually assaulting a professor verbally.

"Uh, night, Spoc—Professor," Jim said as he licked his lips and hurried off. He felt the eyes on the back of his head and he knew that Spock was staring at him as he ran off. He never felt like a coward like he felt now. Jim, the smooth talker, couldn't even charm his way out of paper bag if this was what he becoming the moment he was near Spock.

A wrecked system.

---

Bones was laughing after Jim finished telling him the story. "You are so getting charged for this, Jim," Bones said as he grinned widely at his friend.

"I thought you were worried for me!" Jim protested as they walked down to the canteen after class.

"Jim, he's a Vulcan," Bones said after a while. "And you just told him he was attractive when he's serious. Something tells me that that is a funny story. Besides, I thought you were the one who wanted to talk to him."

"I did," Jim said after a while. "Did you know he's dating Uhura?"

"Uhura? The linguistic major?" Bones asked, frowning. "She's dating Professor Spock—the cold pointy eared bastard?"

"Yeah," Jim said with a shrug.

Bones looked at him for a while before his eyes landed back in front of him. "Speaking of the devil, here he is." Jim stopped walking immediately before he looked at Bones. He followed his friend's gaze and saw Spock, eating his food at the canteen while clicking through his PADD. Jim felt the blush creeping into his face remembering the way he made a fool out of himself yesterday.

Jim wanted to turn around and walk away but—he was hungry. So, he sucked it up and walked ahead, heading to the main counter to get his food. After that, he grabbed his tray with Bones next to him and they walked to one of the empty tables. As he sat down, he groaned mentally when he realised that he could see Spock's table clearly.

"I can see him," he said slowly as Bones sat in front of him.

"Great," Bones said dryly before he began to eat his food. Jim couldn't help but to keep on glancing back at Spock once in a while. But by the fifth time he did, Spock's eyes caught him from across the canteen.

"Shit, he saw me," Jim said as he looked back at Bones. The doctor simply raised his eyebrows before he sighed.

"Jim, he's just looking, relax," Bones said. Somehow, Jim felt the switch up between their two personalities, Jim the worrywart and Bones the cool cucumber. Jim nodded. Bones was right. He was just watching them, it wasn't as if Spock was going to laser them both dead.

Probably.

Maybe.

As Jim quietly ate his food, he didn't think his day would get any much different.

That was until Spock was standing behind Bones, hands clasped behind him and looking at Jim. "Cadet Kirk," he started, startling Bones along the way with a 'Holy shit!'. "If you have the time, I would like to speak to you in private."

Jim gulped his food before standing up. "Uh, yeah, sure." He looked down at Bones and smiled a bit before he looked at Spock. Spock simply turned around and walked out of the canteen, leaving Jim to trail behind him. Before he left, he stole the apple from Bones's tray. "So, what's up?" he asked, trying to settle back to his original personality while following Spock.

Spock didn't say anything as he clutched onto his PADD behind his back and continued to walk until they reached to his office. Spock clicked in his code before walking in. Jim guessed he was supposed to go in as well, and he did. Once Jim was inside, Spock walked to his desk and placed his PADD.

Biting into the apple, Jim said, "So, uh, what do you want me for?"

"Cadet Kirk," Spock said for a minute before looking at Jim. "Are you attracted to me?"

Jim choked into his apple for a moment. He coughed as he looked at the Vulcan in front of me. "You don't beat around the bush, don't you?"

"I do not beat any bushes. I do not see the relevance of the action while we are talking," Spock said with a slight tilt of his head. Jim couldn't help but to grin, realising that he actually saw this side of Spock. This was the more familiar one. "Answer the question, Cadet Kirk."

Jim grinned again as he bit into his apple, feeling a bit better and more confident. "And if I am?" he asked. Spock narrowed his gaze at Jim.

"I would like you to cease these inappropriate feelings for me immediately," Spock said after a while. Jim blinked for a few seconds before he chuckled.

"No." Spock's jaw tightened for a minute.

"I beg your pardon, cadet?"

"I said no," Jim said after a while and started to walk around his office. "What I choose to feel is not up to you to decide."

"It is inappropriate to think of your professors that way," Spock said.

Jim sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "But I want to, so what's it to you? It shouldn't bother you what other people are thinking about you, Spock."

"Cadet," Spock said. "Do not touch that."

Jim took his hands away from the books and took a step back. "Sorry," he said sheepishly before he took another bite out of the apple.

"You are the most infuriating person I ever met," Spock said after a while.

"Same here," Jim said. "But we only talked twice. You can't judge someone too fast, Spock. It's illogical."

"Are you mocking me?"

"No," Jim said seriously. "No, I would never mock you, Spock. I don't mock."

"It seems that the tone you are using is stating otherwise," Spock said after a minute, his jaw clicked tight. "And do not call me by my name. I have told you, you are only allowed to call me Professor Spock or Sir."

"Is that why I'm here?" Jim asked after a while. "Because of something I said yesterday? It just slipped out, okay?"

Spock silently watched Jim. Jim just took another bite of his apple before locking eyes with Spock. "Can I leave now?"

"You can."

Jim left Spock immediately afterwards. He bit into his apple a bit more harshly this time as he walked down the hallway. His feelings bothered Spock. That felt like a slap against his face. He knew that it would feel weird when a guy he had never met came up to you and said he liked you. But, to tell him to stop feeling this way about you was just a wrong move.

Feelings couldn't be controlled. Jim had tried. It didn't work on him because at the end of the day, he was just an emotional person. He stopped walking for a minute as he rubbed his chest, wondering why he felt this slight ache in his heart. It felt different, like someone was driving a screwdriver through him.

He bit his apple one more time and decided to just ignore this feeling for now.

---

He rubbed the back of his neck as he walked out of his dorm room, wandering the hallways for something to eat. He was so tired from studying all night for that stupid test only for him to realise it was as simple as—as—god, he needed food. A bag of chips maybe. Bones was going to kill him, he chuckled at the thought.

It had been two days since the last conversation with Spock. He was a bit upset that Spock would even order him to forget his own feelings—as if he had the power to ignore his feelings. Somehow, he knew halfway that he had fallen for the Spock in his dreams. The dreams were such a beautiful place to be. The reality Spock didn't match up a worth to his dream Spock.

He had pondered all day what he felt after leaving Spock's office two days ago. But that night, the dream was the most vivid one and it ended with Jim whispering 'I love you' to Spock's face. And then, Jim woke up, this time right at six in the morning. Jim was confused after that, realising that his feelings were actually not a fluke—in fact—it was love or affection for Spock.

But not for this Spock.

Because this Spock was an ass who thought he could order someone to forget their feelings.

He walked down to the canteen, stopping when his eyes caught onto Spock. The Vulcan was sitting on one of the empty tables and ate his—soup—quietly. Jim bit his bottom lip before slowly making way to the counter and bought his own food. Rubbing circles into his face with his right palm, he slowly looked around the room for another empty table.

To his downright shitty luck, the only table that wasn't occupied completely was Spock's table. He sighed as he gripped at the edges of the tray and walked up to the Vulcan. Taking in a deep breath, he said, "Hey, can I sit here?"

Spock looked up from his meal, his eyes catching Jim's blue ones immediately. He saw Spock's lips thinning for a moment and Jim thought he was either going to say no or he was going to get up and leave. "You may if you wish."

Jim blinked for a few seconds before he nodded, feeling his heart thumping against his chest again. He slid his tray on the table and sat in front of him. He smiled at Spock before he took his bread and chewed on it quietly. Awkward silence settled on them as Jim ate, not even glancing at Spock.

But finally, someone had to break the silence and surprisingly, it was Spock who did so. "Cadet Kirk," he said. Jim looked up from his meal, raising his eyebrows at the Vulcan. The professor looked a bit nervous if Jim could read him (he could) as Spock finally looked at him in the eyes. "I apologise for the events happened two point one days ago."

"Events?" Jim questioned before he realised what Spock was referring to. "Oh. That."

"I apologise," Spock said and he sounded so sincere. "It seems that I have—been a bit irrational with my decision. I realise it is impossible for something like emotion to be controlled especially in Humans. Unlike Vulcans, Humans did not learn how to control their emotions and therefore, I apologise for the miscommunication."

Jim nodded. He wanted to stay mad at him but this was the first time he heard Spock speak without telling him off. So, Jim smiled at Spock and he saw how the Vulcan's tense shoulders relaxed. "Apology accepted," Jim said with a grin now. "Just for the record, I won't trouble you with these feelings."

Spock looked at Jim for a while before giving him a nod.

"So, you teach xenolingustics?" Jim finally asked. He knew he shouldn't but every time he was in front of this Vulcan, his anger dissolved and he wanted to know more about him. He wanted, something in him wanted to know more of this Spock. He couldn't just let go and say that he didn't want anything to do with him.

He had dreamt about him for as long as he could remember. How could he walk away? But he remembered the Vulcan's coldness and he kept himself in check. Spock looked at Jim before he said, "Affirmative. Mostly Vulcan."

"Ah," Jim said with a grin. "I could see why."

Spock didn't take it as an offence and Jim took it as a good sign. "Is Vulcan hard to learn?" Jim asked after a while. "You know, because—I'm just interested to learn it."

"You are in the command track, are you not?" Spock asked. "Linguistics is not important for a command track cadet."

"Hey, if I'm to lead an entire ship, I need to know a bit of everything, right?" Jim said as he shrugged and shoved the bread into his mouth. Spock looked at him for a while before he noticed something in those dark orbs, something familiar.

"Your logic is sound," Spock said. "Vulcan is not the hardest language to learn but it is one of the hardest."

"It's a challenge, then?" Jim said as he shoved bread into his mouth.

"Affirmative," Spock said as he drank his soup. "It is not a language that everyone could master or understand."

"I see," Jim said, something sparked inside of him at the sound of a challenge. "You don't think I can do it?"

Spock eyed him for a moment, Jim guessed he was being wary. "I believe I cannot judge you yet since you are not taking any of my classes, Cadet Kirk."

"Well, that didn't stop you from judging me the last time," Jim said a bit bitterly than before. Spock went rigid again as he looked at Jim.

"I apologise," Spock said once more. "I did not mean to offend you."

Jim just waved him off. "It's alright," Jim said. "I didn't take it to heart." Lies. He did. But he wasn't about to tell Spock that, not when he just started talking to him like he wasn't someone who Spock wanted to murder.

"If you think you can learn Vulcan, you can take extra classes during the summer break," Spock said, continuing the conversation. Jim grinned at the effort before shrugging.

"I don't know," Jim said slowly. "I'm already on tight schedule. And besides, it's not only Vulcan. I want to learn other languages too."

"Indeed," Spock said as he ate his soup again. Jim chuckled at him. Soon, they found themselves to be conversing without anybody snapping at each other.

By the time Spock had to leave for his classes, Jim waved him off. Jim thought he spotted the quirk of his lips and he flashed back to one of his dreams—when he recalled looking at them. Jim felt his face heating up as something warm washed into his chest. Smiling gently to himself, he got up from his seat as well, deciding that he should head back to the dorm room for some sleep.

---

After that day, Jim kept on finding himself conversing with Spock. He didn't take any linguistic classes which Spock taught but Jim still went to his lecture hall once he was done with his classes. He would walk to the front desk and ask him about his day or just randomly talk about anything in mind. Soon, Jim found himself noticing the little quirks Spock had. The way he concentrated when he worked too hard on his reports or when he was actually laughing from within. His eyes were expressive and Jim found himself realising that he was beginning to see the resemblance between his Spock and the reality Spock.

One day, Jim tried extending a lunch break request to eat together to Spock. The Vulcan looked at Jim and for a minute, Jim thought he was going to be rejected. But to his surprise, Spock accepted it and they ended up having lunch break together whenever they could. He was starting to like spending time with Spock.

The Vulcan would tell him things about his latest report or what happened in his classes. Usually it was something boring but Jim found them interesting. It teased his heart every time he could hear Spock's voice. And the dreams, they were becoming less and less vague but Jim would wake up to the same longing in his heart.

The longing was singing to him from within and for a minute or two, he would end up getting out of his bed to go and search for Spock. He would then quickly retreat back to his bed and slump face first. His sleep was becoming less and less comfortable as well. He didn't know why but he just couldn't sleep. So, he took the night to study.

Bones noticed this pattern and suggested for a hypospray so he could sleep in. Jim finally relented to it when he almost collapsed one morning, trying to get out of the bed. "Jim, this is getting worse. Ever since you and that hobgoblin had been spending time together, you're getting restless."

"I'm fine," Jim said. "I've had this before."

"What?" Bones questioned as he dropped Jim back on the bed. Jim was like this when he realised he couldn't see the boy in his dreams anymore. It took him a few years until he became properly relaxed. That was why he slept around. Maybe he needed to do that now.

"I just need to get laid," Jim said with a huff as he closed his eyes, chuckling weakly when he saw Bones's frown.

"Stupid, kid," Bones said as he sighed.

---

"You are looking pale and restless," Spock commented finally as he looked at Jim in the eyes. Jim was eating lunch with him but he had no appetite as he kept on yawning. He looked at Spock and just shrugged.

"I'm fine, Spock," he said. Spock at first disliked the inappropriate way to address a professor. But Jim didn't relent and finally, the Vulcan decided it was useless to debate with Jim, much to Jim's glee. It had been almost four months since they started to really get to know each other.

"You are not," Spock said after a while when Jim almost shoved a forkful of vegetables (Bones's orders. Damnit Bones!) into his nostrils.

"Oops," Jim said with a chuckle as he placed the fork on the tray and sighed. "I'm just not having enough sleep, that's all."

Spock raised his eyebrows but Jim could see the worry in the Vulcan's eyes. "Cadet, you need to achieve optimum rest to be able to function properly."

"Seriously," Jim said with a smile. "I am fine."

Spock's jaw tightened at that. "Have Doctor McCoy not been taking care of you?"

"Spock," Jim said. "I'm fine, really. Bones's taking care of me perfectly."

Bones and Spock met for the first time three months ago. It didn't end well for them. Bones had ended up getting up and storming off, yelling to himself how the 'pointy eared bastard' was going to make everything in his life a hell. Jim didn't think it was true. Spock had taken a steady dislike on him as well. But Jim knew that deep down, these two would like each other somehow.

"If he is, you would not look like this," Spock said.

"Spock," Jim whined steadily before he sighed. "I'm going to be late for class." Spock looked at him for a while before he nodded, his lips thinning.

"Very well," Spock said getting up. Jim got up too but his mind decided that it was time to shut down and there he went. He felt the gravity pulling him to the ground, his eyes closing and the last thing he felt was someone clasping his shoulders and shaking him. After that, it was just blankness.

---

Jim woke up slowly, groaning to himself when he felt the light blinding his eyes. He felt like he was drained out of energy. He lifted his hands and rubbed the heel of his palms against his eyes, trying to wake himself up. After a while, he heard rustling and noises. His mind was still too muddled up before he opened his eyes again, this time his vision sharpening. His hearing finally recognised the voices.

"Jim, Jim," Bones said as his face came into the view. He felt a prickle against his neck and hissed silently. "Jim, wake up."

"What—what happened?" he asked as he blinked for a few times, feeling his mind clearing. Whatever it was in that hypospray, it helped Jim to think clearly. He plopped his hands to his sides as he looked at Bones's scowl. "Well—that's a pretty sight to wake up to."

"Damnit, kid!" Bones said as he sat at the edge of the bed.

"Is he awake?" another voice spoke. Jim looked past Bones to see Spock, standing near the edge, looking down on Jim.

"Oh, hey, now that's a great face to wake up to," Jim said, chuckling at his own jokes. Bones grumbled under his breath.

"You idiot, I told you to skip class and sleep in today!" Bones said. "It was a simple order, Jim. Why the fuck are you not listening?"

"I'm fine," Jim said slowly as he tried to sit up. He felt his head pounding for a minute before he took a deep breath and settled against the headboard. Finally, he lolled his head against the wall and smiled at them both. "I'm fine."

"You are not," Spock said as he looked at Jim, his eyes narrowing. "You have neglected your health."

"And whose fault is that, pointy?" Bones said as he stood up. Spock looked at Bones and raised his eyebrows.

"Pardon? Did you just—"

"Yeah, I did," Bones said.

"Bones," Jim started.

"Shut up, Jim," Bones said. "Ever since he came into your life, you've becoming more and more restless. He is the cause for this."

"It really isn—"

"Please do enlighten me, Doctor on how I could be the cause for Jim's health," Spock said as his jaw tightened once more and took a menacing step forward to Bones. Jim caught Bones eyes and shook his head. This wasn't the time and he didn't want Spock to know about it. Bones cursed under his breath before he sighed.

"Whatever, I have classes to attend," Bones grumbled. "Get some sleep, Jim." He eyed Spock one last time before he walked out of the dorm room. Jim sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair before looking at Spock and giving him an easy grin. Spock, however, did not respond in any manner that Jim wanted. He could hear the rant coming on and he sighed.

"No, Spock," Jim said as he patted at the edge of the bed. "Sit down with me."

"Ca—"

"Please?"

Spock stared at Jim for a few seconds before he relented and sat at the edge of the bed. He looked at Jim carefully, calculating him for a few seconds. "Leonard believes it is my fault you are deprived from sleep. Is that true?"

"No," Jim said, hoping he sounded convincing. "You're not the reason. I just am like this sometimes."

Spock looked at Jim sceptically but Jim hoped he would just take the reason. He wasn't ready to tell Spock about it, not yet. After a minute, the Vulcan nodded. "You should not push yourself, Jim."

Jim grinned when he realised that this was the second time Spock called him using his name. "You used my name," he said with an amused look. Spock simply raised his eyebrows even though the ends of his lips tipped upwards.

"Indeed," he said.

Jim felt the Vulcan's stare on him and that made his heart thump louder. The truth was, he was falling for this Spock as well. These four months were incredible. He got to know Spock closer and found out that he was a half-Vulcan. His mother was a human named Amanda Grayson. He learned about the VSA accepting him despite deeming his human mother a disadvantage.

In return, Jim told him about his family. Despite from the reports, Jim told him about the real things in his life—some things that nobody else but Bones knew about. Until now. He never felt platonic feelings for Spock, he knew that and he was aware of it. But now, it was growing into something else, something much warmer.

Spock was sitting close to him and Jim felt his cheeks reddening. He felt the longing in his heart urging him to do something—anything. Jim just took in a shaky breath, biting his bottom lip. Looking back at the half-Vulcan, Jim's eyes widened when he saw where Spock was looking at. He was looking at his lips and Jim knew for a while that maybe Spock wanted it to.

"Spock," Jim said softly and Spock looked at him in the eyes. Jim slowly pushed himself from the headboard and scooted closer to Spock. The half-Vulcan tensed for a moment. "Were you worried for me?" Jim teased, hoping to lessen the tension.

"Worry is not something a Vulcan does," Spock said as he looked at Jim.

"No?" Jim said with a cheeky grin. "Then why are you here?"

"I am merely making sure you are well," Spock said.

"Ah, so not worrying, gotcha," Jim said and licked his lips. Spock's eyes travelled to his lips again and Jim knew they were close now. A few more inches and Spock's lips would be on his. Spock slowly placed a hand on the mattress while the other on Jim's shoulder. Jim felt his heart thumping louder as Spock leaned in closer until they were just a hair breadth away.

Jim watched how the dark eyes looked into his own blue eyes as their lips slowly caressed each other, tickling. Jim took in a sharp breath and shuddered at the sensation and before Jim knew it, Spock leaned back and got up. Jim's eyes snapped open wide as he saw Spock collecting his things. "Spock?"

He didn't look back, he just walked out of the dorm room as if Jim hadn't called him. Slight fear worked into Jim's mind but suddenly, he felt too tired to care about it. Maybe Spock freaked out or something.

---

Jim was wrong.

Spock didn't want anything to do with him after all.

It had almost been one week since the incident and every time Jim tried to contact him, he was being avoided. Jim felt a slight pang in his heart every time he was pushed away. Regret washed into him, realising that if he hadn't done anything, Spock would still have stayed. Jim just finished his classes, wandering down to Spock's class.

He was going to talk to him. One week was more than enough for Jim. He wasn't a patient man and not even Spock could make him into one. He knew the classes were over, so he didn't knock on the door, instead, he just barged in only to freeze when he witnessed the scene in front of him.

Uhura had her hands on Spock's shoulders, looking like she was hugging him. Her eyes landed on Jim before she moved away. Spock looked at Jim too but then he looked away. "You are dismissed, Cadet Uhura."

Uhura nodded at Spock before she looked at Jim one last time and walked out past him, closing the door. Jim looked at Spock for a few seconds, feeling his insides going numb. "Well, I'm sorry to have interrupted your little love session. Glad nobody else came in but just me, huh, Spock?"

Spock tensed up, walking to his desk and clearing up his things, avoiding Jim's gaze. Jim finally walked up to him and stood in front of his desk. "Is there something you needed, Cadet Kirk?"

Jim's jaw clenched as anger boiled in his blood. "Oh, so it's 'Cadet Kirk' again, is it?"

Spock finally straightened himself up and looked at Jim in the eyes. "Is there something you needed, cadet?"

Jim frowned deep before he let out a harsh laugh. "Right, of course. What was I thinking? Harbouring feelings for a bloody Vulcan. Bones told me not to do it but I did it anyway, I came to you anyways."

Spock glared at Jim, his jaw now clicking tight. "I have told you to not harbour any feelings for me. It is not my fault you have failed to remove those feelings."

"Spock, that's bullshit," Jim said as he took a step forward. "How are my feelings any less different than Uhura's?"

Spock tensed once more. "Do not speak about her."

"Or what?" Jim challenged, his heart feeling like someone stomped on it. "Or what? You'll report me? I know you feel the same way, Spock. That day, you were about to kiss me. I know you felt it too."

"Negative," Spock said coldly. "I do not harbour any attachment of that kind to you, Cadet James Tiberius Kirk. And I never will. It is just a momentary lapse of my control on my emotions. But that is all it will ever be."

Jim felt like someone had ripped out his heart and tossed it into the trash bin. Jim bit his bottom lip, the frustration building up from inside. "Fuck you, Spock," Jim said finally in a harsh tone. Spock's eyes narrowed a fraction.

"Cadet Kirk—"

"Fuck you," Jim said. "I didn't—I shouldn't have even talked to you. I should've walked away. For a Vulcan, you're the coldest one there ever is. And I met my share of Vulcans. Two precisely. And you are the third and the worst kind. I—I love you, Spock and you just—you played me."

"I did not," Spock said as he took another step forward to Jim. "You are responsible for your own feelings. You have acted on impulse on your own decisions. I did not do anything to warrant or encourage you to develop these inappropriate feelings for me."

"You almost kissed me!"

"That is a mistake and shall remain as one. It is best if we do not continue our friendship," Spock said. Jim felt the wetness in his eyes as he glared at Spock.

"Inappropriate feelings my ass," Jim muttered. "You're a pointy eared bastard after all. Good riddance, Professor."

With that, Jim turned around and walked out of the lecture hall.

---

Things for Jim got worse after that. Bones had watched him for a while, carefully cataloguing his sleeping patterns. Jim tried his best to avoid Spock. Every time he even got a glimpse of those pointed ears, he would turn around and walk the other way. His dreams that were once vague suddenly started to focus. Jim groaned under his breath as he tried to will the images away. It had been a month since then, since Jim even gave Spock a glance.

Sometimes, when Jim was in the canteen with Bones, Spock would walk in. Jim would then immediately get up, dispose of his tray and walk away. Jim knew Spock watched him silently—he could feel the gaze at the back of his mind every time he avoided Spock.

"Damnit, Jim," Bones said as he sat on his bed. "You can't keep on waking up at three in the morning and curse. I need my sleep."

"It came back," Jim said helplessly. Bones was up and near him the next minute, grabbing a tricorder. "Bones."

"Shut up, kid," Bones said as he checked Jim.

"I keep on dreaming about him again, Bones," Jim said with a slight choke in his words. "These feelings won't go away. I—I miss him."

"Ah, God," Bones said after a while. "Are you—are you in love with him, Jim?"

Jim bit his bottom lip, wondering if he still was. But the answer was as clear as day. "Yeah."

Bones cursed under his breath. "You can't, Jim," he said slowly as he patted on Jim's shoulder. "He doesn't see you that way. He's a bastard. He almost kissed you and then told you it was mistake."

Jim laughed bitterly, running his fingers through his wet blond hair. "What should I do?"

Bones hesitated to answer before he said, "I can't believe I'm encouraging you this but you need a night out. Go and find somebody to remove your thoughts about him. You haven't slept with anyone for God knows how long. The whole academy is beginning to think you're going to die or turned into a monk."

Jim laughed at that before he gave Bones a cheeky smile. "Want to be that warm body tonight?"

"Fuck no," Bones said even though his lips quirked upwards. "I don't swing that way, kid."

Jim just sighed before nodding. Maybe Bones was right. He needed to get laid or something, just getr rid of the thoughts about Spock. His heart constricted at the thought of his name alone.

---

By the time the next day arrived, everyone knew Jim as the 'Skirt Chasing Womaniser'. It wasn't as if Jim wasn't anything like that but he still refused to be called a womaniser. He wasn't leading any of them on. He strictly stayed with women, moving from one body to the other each night, flirting heavily at one or two of them until they got irritated and slapped him across the face. But he just grinned.

Like today, he was walking down the hallway, placing his hand on this Orion girl's shoulder and tugging her close. It had been two weeks since he started with his sleeping around habit and Gaila was his long standing partner. She wasn't into relationships and she was mostly content with having a physical relationship with him. It was a win-win for Jim.

She was talking about something and he listened but his eyes suddenly focused on Spock when the half-Vulcan walked down the hallway. The half-Vulcan stopped walking when he saw Jim and his eyes followed Jim's hand until they landed on the Orion. Jim felt some kind of glee when he saw something flashing into the Vulcan's eyes.

Something dark and triumph poured into him as he finally broke eye contact from the half-Vulcan and continued to drag her away to the nearest private place for the next round. But it wasn't satisfying, Jim noted by the time they were done and exited the closet, he was still feeling empty inside. She was giggling, licking her lips as she winked at him and walked away, swaying her hips seductively.

To be honest, none of them were satisfying Jim. It wasn't—it wasn't as good as it used to be. It wasn't that Jim didn't have the moves because he did—oh, he did alright—it just the person he was with didn't mean so much to him. He sighed as he rubbed his hands on his face and walked away.

He didn't know Spock was watching. He didn't care. Well, he tried not to care. But he felt Spock's eyes narrowing at him every time he was with a different woman, walking down the hallways and Jim found himself purposely looking at Spock as he traced his fingers down her arm.

Bones noticed this one day and stopped him as he made his way to the cafeteria. "Jim, this is a bad idea," he told him. Jim just gave him his best innocent face but that wasn't fooling his best friend.

"What? You're the one who encouraged me," Jim said.

"Yeah, but I didn't ask you to go around and deflower every woman in this academy, Jim!" Bones said as they walked into the cafeteria. "I just told you one night."

"Cheer up, Bones," Jim said as he slapped Bones at the back. "If you're jealous, just say so."

"Oh for the love of," Bones groaned as he pushed Jim back and went to the counter. Jim just grinned before he walked to one of the empty tables and sat down. Before he knew it, someone sat next to him, smiling coyly.

"Gaila," he said politely even though there was a leer in his words. "What can I do for you?"

She immediately placed her right hand on his thigh, tracing it gently until it reached near his crotch. "Well, guess," she whispered as she leaned in close.

He grinned at her for a moment before he nodded. "My room?"

"Perfect," she purred. But before they could get up, someone stepped up to their table.

"Cadet Kirk, Cadet Vro," Spock said, his voice deadly cold. Gaila winked at Spock but the Vulcan wasn't looking at her. "Cadet Kirk, I need to speak to you privately."

"You do?" Jim said, his eyebrows up but a playful grin on his face. "Sorry, I'm busy."

Jim got up, grabbing onto Gaila's right hand and was about to walk away when Spock's hand grabbed onto his wrist which was holding onto Gaila's. Jim winced at the strong grip before glaring at Spock. "I need to speak to you privately, Jim."

Jim just glared at Spock. Yeah, just because he was calling him by his name did not warrant any changes. But he let Gaila go, looking at her and giving her a grin. "Later?" he asked and she looked at him before looking at Spock. She shaped her mouth into an 'O' before winking at him. Before Jim could react, she caught him by the collar and dragged him into a heated kiss.

Jim thought he heard Spock growl low in his throat and the next thing he knew, he was being dragged away harshly, the grip around his wrist starting to hurt him and his mouth tasting of Gaila. "Spock, what the—where—let me go!"

"You will remain silent, Cadet Kirk," Spock said as Jim was manhandled into Spock's office, the door locking immediately. Before Jim could react, Spock had slammed Jim's back against the door and released his grip on Jim's wrist. That was going to bruise. Spock slammed both of his hands at each side of Jim's head and stared at him in the eyes. Jim rubbed his wrist before glaring at Spock.

"What the hell was that for?" Jim exclaimed. "Can't you see I was busy with Gaila?"

"You are here to become a Starfleet officer or in your case, a captain of your own star ship," Spock said lowly and coldly. "You are not here to engage coitus with each and every female you could get your hands on."

Jim leaned his back against the door, wincing slightly at the soreness before he looked at Spock and smirked. "What? Jealous?"

"Cadet—"

"I'm sorry," Jim said harshly. "Since when what I do in my spare time any of your business?"

Spock's jaw tightened as his eyes narrowed at Jim. Jim's smirk wound up crueller at the edges. "We have terminated our friendship, remember? And I have every right to do whatever the flying fuck I want as long as I do well in my studies. Who do you think you are to stop me, huh, Spock?"

Spock's eyes narrowed dangerously and before Jim knew it, Spock had grabbed onto Jim's neck and held him against the door before his lips descended on Jim's. The grip on his neck wasn't tight, but more like a comforting presence which tightened slightly. Jim gasped at the kiss, feeling Spock's tongue latching out of his own cavern. Jim brought his hands on Spock's shoulders and squeezed them.

He wasn't sure whether he was trying to push the half-Vulcan away or he was dragging him close. But the kiss itself had sent down a thousand flying prickling sensation down his spine and his mind went blank. Before long, he was kissing back, his eyes closing shut and enjoying the sensation of Spock's tongue caressing everything inside of his mouth. He moaned slightly when Spock touched the edges of his teeth.

Spock only growled slightly before he slowly pulled his tongue away and licked at his bottom lip before biting at them harshly. The emotions playing in this kiss was too much for Jim as he moaned slightly when Spock licked his bruised bottom lip. Finally, they broke the kiss, Jim gasping for air as he felt his knees giving out and his hands gripping Spock's shirt on his shoulders tight. Spock's right hands had travelled to his waist and kept him upright.

Jim licked his lips before looking at Spock. "What—what the hell—"

"Do not," Spock said slowly. "Do not engage in any more physical or intimate relationships with anyone else."

Jim's mind zeroed again before he chuckled lamely, feeling like someone had decided to punch him from within. He felt tears prickling in his eyes as he felt Spock's grip around his neck loosened until he was caressing Jim's skin. "I hate you, Spock," Jim said after a while, looking at the Vulcan in the eyes. Spock froze all his movements before his lips quirked upwards slightly.

"You do not," he said. "I believe you love me."

"I don't," Jim said as he pushed Spock away. And this time, the half-Vulcan gave him the space he needed. "Why did you kiss me?" Jim asked as his right hand travelled to his neck and rubbed it absent-mindedly.

Spock stared at Jim before he looked away. "I apologise," he said after a while, straightening up. "I have—I have made a mistake by letting you go."

"Oh, really?" Jim snapped. "Well, too fucking bad, Spock."

Spock flinched, Jim knew he did. The half-Vulcan took another step forward. Jim just glared at him before he rubbed his eyes, hoping his eyes weren't wet. "You pushed me away, Spock. You told me that my feelings were inappropriate. When I'm finally trying to move on, why can't you let me be?"

"Because," Spock said immediately. "Because it is not what you want."

"Oh, so you know what I want then?"

"Based on how responsive you were when I kissed you, I would say, affirmative, I know what you want, Jim," Spock said coolly, causing Jim to clench his jaw.

"You don't! What I want right now is to leave me alone!" Jim said as he took in a deep breath. His knees wobbled and before he knew it, he was sliding down to the floor, his back against the door. He rubbed his face while Spock knelt in front of him. "I—I just—you—why?"

"I have—It has taken me this long to realise that indeed, I am—attracted to you," Spock said after a minute. "I had denied it because it would not benefit a professor and a cadet being in an intimate relationship. Jim, I am a Vulcan. We do not engage in casual relationships. You are not serious on being with me. I had to let you go."

"That's bullshit, Spock," Jim said as he looked at Spock in the eyes. "I love you, you know that. You felt it, right? When I kissed you? I love you. And I—I want to be with you. But you pushed me away for Uhura. You wanted her."

"I do not," Spock said as he looked Jim in the eyes. "She is not involved in a romantic relationship with me. We are nothing but friends. Nyota is important to me but only as a friend."

"But I saw you—"

"I had told her about you. I had told her about what I had almost done," Spock said as Jim saw something like regret washing into his eyes. "She had hugged me, telling me that I had done nothing that you did not want. That was when you had come into the lecture hall. You had caught us in a wrong time, Jim. There was nothing between us but friendship."

Jim kept quiet, feeling the pain and the ache in his heart slowly subsiding at the words. "But you still pushed me away. How can I be sure that you won't push me away when I become illogical again? I can't—I can't love you first and then suddenly to realise you don't want me anymore, Spock."

Spock nodded as he said, "I understand, Jim. That is why I apologise. It would have not healed the pain I left you inside but if you give me a chance, Jim, I will try and heal it."

"Do you love me?" Jim asked finally, as his eyes watched Spock carefully.

"I—I am attracted to you. You are aesthetically pleasing and you have a bold personality that fascinates me," Spock said gently. "You were the only one who had managed to elicit emotional response from me and it surprised me that you were able to shake my shields. You are special, Jim. You are special to me. I harbour deep affection for you. If you would be mine, I will take care of you."

Jim felt the tears welling up in his eyes again. "You hurt me, Spock." But before Spock could talk, Jim had launched himself at Spock and hugged him tight, burying his face into the half-Vulcan's neck. "But you're a smooth talker."

He felt Spock quirking his lips into a smile against the hug. "Jim," Spock started as he pulled Jim away from him slowly. "I cannot say those words out yet because I have just started experiencing them. But I will say them once I am sure."

Jim tightened his hands on Spock's shoulders. "You won't leave me right?"

"Negative," Spock said. "Jim, you are special to me."

Jim smiled at him before he hugged the half-Vulcan again. "God, all this time I dreamt about you, I can't believe this is happening," he mumbled into the hug. Spock froze and Jim finally caught up to what he had said. He cursed mentally before he slowly pulled away and looked at Spock. "Uh, yeah."

"You have dreamt of me," Spock said, his cheeks were greening and so were the tips of his ears. "I assume—"

"No!" Jim said quickly as he felt his own cheeks reddening. "No, the dreams—I have to tell you something, Spock."

"Enlighten me, Jim," Spock said as he looked at Jim.

"Uhm, well," Jim said, wondering how to start it. How was he going to tell Spock about the dreams? He decided to try his luck anyway. It—this was the first time he was going to really try and be in a relationship with someone. He wanted to do it honestly. Bones would be proud.

Probably not when he found out that it was Spock who he was in a relationship with.

"I always had these dreams," Jim said. "Dreams about you. I started dreaming about you ever since I was born. I would dream about us—about us being together as friends, as brothers and then slowly as lovers. When I was twelve, I finally could remember how you looked like when I woke up. I—You were with me every night, you kept me company. We grew up together. You grew up with me even though you weren't with me really. But—but halfway you started disappearing and I never saw you again until—until eight months ago.

"Eight months ago, I finally saw you again in my dreams and you have been appearing ever since until I really met you. And Spock, you need to understand that I was so excited to see you—because—I felt the love between us in my dreams and I wanted to have that. But you weren't the person from my dreams, not even close but I fell for you slowly the more I got to know you. I—Every time you're near me, the dreams disappear but I get restless. It's like, I want you near me all the time, does that make sense? I'm convinced—you're my soulmate, Spock."

Spock looked at Jim for a while. "You are telling the truth."

"Yes," Jim said as he nodded. "You have to know, I didn't go after you because of the dreams! I didn't want to be with you because of the dreams. I want to be with you because I want to."

Spock remained quiet for a while before he said, "Jim, if I may, I would like to see them myself, these dreams."

Jim frowned slightly at that. "What? How—a mind meld?"

"If you will allow me," Spock said. Jim thought about it for a few seconds before he nodded.

"Okay," Jim said slowly as Spock raised his fingers and placed them against Jim's meld points.

"I would not infiltrate your privacy, do not worry, Jim."

"I know that," Jim said as he smiled at Spock. Spock uttered some words before Jim felt a presence slipping through his mind. He closed his eyes and he felt the presence filtering through his subconscious mind and there—the dreams past by him in flashes. Every dream he had ever dreamt about flashing in front of him. He felt the warmth and the secureness around each frame before the meld slowly broke, making Jim to gasp and open his eyes.

"I did not know," Spock said slowly as he looked at Jim. "It perhaps explained why I felt such a strong attraction with you when you collided into me the first time we met."

"Do you think we're soulmates?" Jim teased as he wrapped his hands around Spock's neck.

Spock's lips quirked upwards. "It is illogical to—"

"Spock," Jim said with a sigh. "Shut up, yeah?" With that, Jim leaned in and kissed him again, his lips mashing softly against Spock as the half-Vulcan kissed him back, slowly peeling his right hand from his neck. Jim closed his eyes and felt the electricity and warmth caressing his insides. Spock slowly intertwined their fingers before he grazed Jim's index and middle finger. Jim gasped into the kiss from the sudden shot of electricity.

Jim felt Spock smirking into his lips.

Bastard, Jim thought with glee, letting himself to be carried away by this. Breaking the kiss, Spock licked his own lips for a few times before saying, "Do not engage in any physical or intimate relationships with anyone but me, Jim."

"I won't," Jim said with a smile. "And besides, if I, you know, forget, you are always welcome to remind me who I really belong to," Jim continued with a cheeky wink. Before he knew it, Spock had pushed him on his back and loomed over him, a predatory look in his eyes.

"I would be amenable to that suggestion," he said before he tightened their intertwined fingers and caresses their index and middle fingers, causing Jim to gasp again under the feeling. Jim rolled his eyes before he looped his free hand around Spock's neck and dragged him into another kiss.

---

"I don't know, Jim," Bones said as he took out his graduation cap. "Space with you? I'm not gonna live until forty."

"Aww, Bones," Jim said, looping a hand around Bones's neck. "It'll be fun! You and me, and space!"

"And the hobgoblin too," Bones said with an eyebrow raised. "Speaking of the pointy eared elf, I see him walking towards us."

Jim had graduated from Starfleet Academy in three years with Bones. They were assigned on the U.S.S Enterprise under Captain Christopher Pike's command meanwhile Commander Spock was his First Officer. Jim was optimistic he would get his ship, he would get Enterprise. He calculated in another two years, he would be named Captain.

He had beat Pike's challenge before, he could beat it again by being the youngest captain the Starfleet ever had. He grinned at Spock as the half-Vulcan and his official lover for three years finally stood in front of him. "I'm gonna talk to the new crew. I ain't gonna watch you two flirt."

"Tell me about it," Uhura spoke as she appeared behind Bones and winked at Spock before looking at Jim. Jim grinned at her and shrugged.

"What?" Jim asked innocently at Uhura. Uhura and him met after the first two months of dating Spock—well—officially met. Not the bar-type met. She was different from the bar, she was funny and she was daring. She loved Spock and she wanted to keep him from harm's way—which was also Jim. She made him promise he wouldn't hurt him.

Jim didn't think that was possible. She didn't warm up to him immediately but gradually she did. "Come on, Leonard." Bones went with her, heading to meet the new members of U.S.S Enterprise.

Spock clasped his hands behind his back and looked at Jim. "Congratulations, Cadet Kirk."

"Uh-uh, it's Lieutenant Kirk, now, Commander," Jim said with glee. Spock simply quirked his lips upwards before they started to walk away from the crowd. Jim took in a deep breath, knowing he would be leaving Earth in another ten hours. "U.S.S. Enterprise. My lady."

Spock raised his eyebrows at that. "Indeed?"

"Yeah, indeed," Jim said with a smile. "I'll be her captain one day."

"In two point three years," Spock corrected him. Jim grinned and nodded.

"Yeah, in two point three years."

Jim had shared everything he could think of with Spock in the last three years. Spock had introduced him to his parents when they took a vacation holiday to Vulcan in the second year. It was hot there and Jim ended up having difficulties breathing, dragging Bones with him at the end of the day. His parents liked Jim, well, Jim hoped. Amanda was lovely though. She was warm and soft and she was—everything a mother should be. He was reminded of his own mother for a while before he shook the thought off. Now, Spock's father was someone else entirely. He was downright serious but he had the sense of humour Spock inherited.

"What are you thinking, Jim?" Spock asked slowly as they quietly walked down the campus.

"Nothing," Jim said. "Just the first time I went to Vulcan. And that we're going to be serving in the same ship."

"Indeed," Spock said before he stopped. He then turned around and looked at Jim in the eyes. "Jim."

"Yeah?" Jim said as he looked at Spock, raising his eyebrows when he saw how serious the orbs were. "What?"

Spock's lips quirked upwards before he extended his index and middle finger. Jim reddened slightly before he touched the fingers with his own and clasping their hands together. "Jim," Spock started, his cheeks greening and the tips of his ears colouring as well. "I love you, ashayam."

Jim froze, a sudden burst of happiness inside of him as he looked at Spock and grinned. "Did you just?" Spock looked away from him immediately on what seemed like embarrassment before Jim looked around him. When he saw nobody was around, he quickly grabbed the back of Spock's neck with his free hand and brought his lips against Jim's.

Spock stiffened for a millisecond before his free hand travelled to Jim's jaw and kissed him back. Jim smiled into the kiss before they broke apart. Grinning and intertwining their fingers even more, Jim said, "I love you too, Spock."

Spock quirked his lips upward again as they resumed walking, their hands still intertwined and clasped tight. Who knew that this all happened thanks to Jim's dreams?

They were soulmates, Jim was sure of it now.

An odd but a fitting pair.

Two sides of the same coin.

And their adventure was just about to begin.

---

THE END