Prompt #59: Fic: Crack premise but taken seriously. Severus and Hermione are teamed up on a reality show and have to work together. Snarking and happy ending are good. Crisis and problems a must. Not AU, canon still applies.

Disclaimer: All characters, settings, etc are the property of their respective owners, etc, etc, etc. No copyright infringement is intended. In other words: not making any money off this, it's a gift.

A/N: When I read this prompt, I thought of my favorite television program. Dear recipient, I hope you like the result.

I have added our heroes to TAR Season 4. I could not have written this without the help of Miss Ali's brilliant recaps over at Television Without Pity. As always, soft caresses and long, wet snogs go to my betas, who know who they are.

"Absolutely not."

Severus Snape crossed his arms across his chest and scowled. "I would rather take my chances with the Dark Lord."

"Severus," Dumbledore's voice came from the painting on the wall in the Headmaster's office at Hogwart's. "We agreed that, for your own safety, you must disappear for a while. Obviously Voldemort thinks so too, otherwise you would not be here."

Snape's scowl deepened.

"My cousin should be here any minute," McGonagall added. "He has a plan to help you drop out of sight without being locked up somewhere unable to leave your rooms."

Snape opened his mouth to respond at the same moment there was a knock on the office door. He wasn't sure, but he thought he heard Dumbledore murmur: "Saved by the bell."

Minerva opened the door and admitted a tall, slender man with short, spiky, reddish-blond hair. His face split into a wide, toothy grin and he enveloped her in a huge hug, lifting her off of her feet before setting her gently back down.

"Minerva! It's been ages. How've you been, love?"

Snape tried to place the man's faint accent. He was maintaining a very good American, but there was a hint of something else…

McGonagall's smile faded a bit. "I've been better, Philip," she said. "Thank you for coming and offering to help."

"No worries."

Ah, Snape thought. Australian. Fabulous. If they think they're going to send me to the Outback…

"Severus Snape," McGonagall's voice snapped him to attention. "I'd like you to meet…"

Another knock on the office door interrupted the introduction. With a hurried "excuse me a moment" the new Headmistress opened the door a second time.

"I headed back as soon as I received your owl, Professor."

Snape's anxiety ratcheted up several notches at the familiar, slightly bossy voice. Oh, no, it couldn't be…

"Hermione!" McGonagall's delighted exclamation confirmed his worst fear. "I appreciate you interrupting your holiday to help us."

"Oh, it's okay, Professor," the young woman said as she stepped into the room. "My folks were going skiing again—" she spied Snape, stopped in her tracks and whipped out her wand. "You."

Snape drew himself up to his full, student-intimidating height and raked a contemptuous gaze over her. Her clothing was muggle; low-rise blue jeans, a small red tee shirt, white trainers and a leather jacket slung over her arm. What in Merlin's name was she doing here?

"It's alright, Miss Granger," Dumbledore's painting said gently, snapping him back to the issue at hand. "Professor Snape is the reason you are here."

Hermione's expression changed from outraged to elated in the instant she heard the old headmaster's voice. She turned and crossed the office to address the painting.

"Professor Dumbledore? But…but…Harry said he" she pointed her wand in Snape's direction. "Killed you!"

Dumbledore smiled at her. "Professor Snape, my dear. Yes, he did. However, he really had no choice in the matter, I'm afraid. And, that's all water under the bridge now. Professor McGonagall and I have asked you here to help us keep Professor Snape out of sight until the Ministry's attention turns to other things. Our goal is for him to be able to continue his very difficult task of working inside Voldemort's organization and at the same time reporting back to the Order."

Snape observed Hermione closely as she processed the scant information Dumbledore had given to her. Her gaze shifted from the portrait to him and back more than once. Snape was tense, but maintained a stoic demeanor.

Minerva McGonagall was not so reserved.

"Miss Granger, put your wand away! The scheme we have concocted will not work unless you agree to help. Whatever your personal feelings are for Professor Snape, the Order needs him more than ever, so it is in everyone's best interest to help keep him safe."

Snape watched Hermione lower her wand and move away from the wall of portraits to walk across the room and stand before him. Before he could blink she whipped up her wand and pointed it at him with a whispered command.

"Legilimens!"

He heard McGonagall gasp "Hermione, no!" and he peripherally saw her draw her own wand.

Snape stayed the headmistress with a raised hand, without taking his eyes off of Hermione's. He was astonished and slightly bemused when he felt the young witch's mind tickle his in a determined, albeit amateurish attempt at Legilimency. With a mental shrug, he allowed her access to certain memories. She witnessed the Unbreakable Vow he had made with both Narcissa and Dumbledore. And, in a fit of pique, he allowed her to see a particularly nasty round of Cruciatus he'd endured from Voldemort once when the Dark Lord was particularly disappointed in the lack of solid information Snape had delivered. Pain, and more pain—exquisitely excruciating—certainly unlike anything Miss Granger had ever experienced. When she tried to withdraw, he held her in his mind as he recalled every explicit detail.

"That will do, Severus," Dumbledore remarked.

Snape released her mind, noting her hasty retreat with grim satisfaction. She surprised him when she maintained eye contact and he steeled himself; ready to endure sympathy or, even worse—pity.

She did neither. She acknowledged what he had allowed her to see with a slight nod of her head, her expression contemplative as she tucked her wand into her jeans pocket.

"All right." She turned toward the former head of Gryffindor House who had tucked her own wand away. "I'll help you."

Hermione did not perceive the very palpable feeling of relief which swept through the room because she had noticed Philip. The Australian wizard still stood behind McGonagall, where he observed the proceedings with his own wand drawn. The young witch's eyes widened in surprise.

"You're him!" She turned to McGonagall. "It's him! It's Phil! Oh, my gosh!" She scurried over to stand in front of the object of her exuberance, who had a huge grin on his face. Hermione took McGonagall by the arm and positioned the older woman beside her.

"Okay, Phil," Hermione said excitedly. "Eliminate us!"

Snape felt alarm rising within him and wondered if she had lost her senses. McGonagall was smiling, which gave him pause. Eliminate-? What the hell was she talking about? He slipped his hand into his robe and grasped his wand, just in case.

To his utter astonishment, Phil drew himself up, rearranged his face into a more somber demeanor and raised one eyebrow to unbelievable heights.

"Hermione and Minerva, you are the last team to arrive. I'm sorry to tell you…you've both been eliminated from the race."

The expression on Hermione's face bordered on rapturous. She clapped her hands in delight and flung her arms around Phil.

"Thank you so much! My friends will never believe I've actually met 'The Philiminator' in person. Why are you here? I can't believe you're a wizard!"

Phil chuckled. "How do you think I'm able to beat the teams to the pit stop every time?"

"That is so awesome!"

Philiminator? Pit stop? What the hell-?

McGonagall smiled at his confusion. "Severus Snape, let me introduce you to Phil Keoghan. Phil is an Australian wizard, but also—and more importantly for our purposes—he is the host of an American television program called The Amazing Race."

Snape was familiar with the term "gobsmacked," but he had never experienced that particular feeling himself—until now. Since one of the symptoms seemed to be the temporary loss of the ability to speak, he raised his eyebrows instead.

Phil stepped forward, grasped Snape's hand and shook it. "Pleased to meet you, Professor Snape. I suppose you've never heard of 'television' never mind 'The Amazing Race.'"

Snape swallowed. "I have heard of television," he replied. "A useless, Muggle time-waster. However, I have to admit that you have the advantage of me with the...amazing race?"

Phil smiled, his blue eyes sparkling. "In a nutshell, The Amazing Race is a contest. The contestants consist of eleven teams of two people who have some kind of pre-existing relationship. These contestants race around the world for a prize of one million American dollars."

Snape felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He could see where this was going and he was sure he wasn't going to like it.

"We are gearing up for the next race and Minerva thought it would be the perfect cover for you. We are always on the move, so you will never be in the same place long enough for the Aurors to get a bead on you, so to speak. You would be hiding in plain sight, as it were…"

"You said this…race…is a television show…"

"Well, we are going to have the usual eleven teams of two, plus you and Hermione here as a twelfth team. Once you have been eliminated from the race, we'll just Obliviate the rest of the teams and edit the show so you will never appear on camera. Then you can spend the rest of the race sequestered with the other eliminated teams before you slip back here and continue your work. Minerva has told me of your cleverness, and that of Miss Hermione, so we feel you should do well."

Snape's head was spinning. "Just a moment. You said that the contestants are teams of two people with a pre-existing relationship." He gestured at Hermione, who looked positively thrilled at the idea. "To my knowledge, Miss Granger and I do not have anything of the sort."

McGonagall cleared her throat. "Well, that is true. However, we decided your partner should be someone who was smart, quick thinking and had experience in the Muggle world. Professor Dumbledore suggested Harry—"

Snape snorted.

"—but I felt that Hermione would be a better choice. Your 'relationship' will be put forward as 'reconnecting friends'."

Phil cast an appraising glance at Hermione. "The only problem I can see at the moment is that she is a bit too young to participate…"

Dumbledore spoke up. "Oh, we'll have Minerva age her up a bit, don't worry."

"I thought all the contestants had to be American citizens?" Hermione asked.

"That's true. We will say you two are naturalized citizens or something," Phil replied. He turned to Snape. "You will have to behave like Muggles…and," Phil paused for a fraction before continuing. "Neither of you can use magic. Not only would it give you an unfair advantage during the race, the Aurors could possibly trace you if you do."

The former potions master drew himself up to his full height. "I will not be without my wand."

"You may take your wand. You just can't use it to gain an advantage in the race."

"So, Severus," Dumbledore began. "What do you think of our little scheme?"

"It is utterly mad."

Dumbledore smiled, his infamous twinkle sparkling out from the painting. "I completely agree, which is why it should work."

"Unfortunately, I have to admit that you are right. As usual."

"So, you'll do it then?"

Snape heaved a sigh of resignation. "Yes."

"Great!" Phil's grin was wider than ever. "You have two weeks to get ready and meet me in Los Angeles, California. Don't worry," he reached into his back pocket and withdrew his wand. "I'll make sure that Burt, Elise and the rest of the production team are 'prepared' for your arrival."

The next fortnight passed in a blur of activity—of which Snape remembered the first day with crystalline clarity. Dumbledore and McGonagall thought it would be beneficial for he and Hermione to spend as much time together as possible, to get to know each other better. During the trip, they would be together twenty-four hours a day. To that end, it was decided that Hermione should accompany Snape to London to purchase the things they would need for their journey.

Snape waited impatiently for Hermione to arrive at the Apparition point near Hogwarts. He already regretted agreeing to this madness, and her tardiness was doing nothing to improve his mood.

It was nearly a half an hour before he heard the sound of footsteps and turned in the direction of the sound.

"What in Merlin's name took you so…"

The rebuke died on his lips and his eyes widened.

Walking toward him was most definitely Hermione Granger. Snape felt his heart begin to pound and his hands became clammy. This, however, was Hermione Granger all grown up.

McGonagall had aged her all right. Hermione now appeared to be in her early thirties. She was taller and her body had lost its coltishness. Snape moistened his lips with his tongue as he took in her firm full bosom, her rounded hips, narrow waist, slender arms and long legs. Her hair was still long and somewhat wild; she had pulled it back into a ponytail. Her face was more angular, accentuating her large eyes.

She took his breath away.

"Hi, Professor," she said as she drew near. "Sorry I'm late. Professor McGonagall wanted to age me before we started so I can get some clothes as well. Oh, and to give me some time to get used to my new body." She stopped in front of him and spread her arms. "What do you think?"

Snape thought that if he wasn't careful, he would forget that she was only seventeen. Her cleared his throat.

"McGonagall did a nice job. Did she use a potion?"

"No, she transfigured me. She thought it would be best—that way I don't have to keep taking a potion to maintain my form."

"Ah. Good point." Snape was utterly nonplussed.

"Well, should we get going then?"

"Yes."

"Oh, and Professor Dumbledore said we should begin using our given names when we're together." Her cheeks reddened.

"He is correct of course—Hermione."

They spent the rest of the day outfitting themselves for their upcoming adventure. Black jeans, tee shirts, socks and trainers were the concessions he made to his clothing. Snape felt unfamiliar warmth when Hermione complimented him about his appearance in the Muggle clothing. They also bought backpacks, toiletries and something called 'Power Bars' to eat on the run.

The couple stopped for lunch at a Moroccan restaurant on Oxford Street. As they ate, Snape listened while Hermione told him all she knew about The Amazing Race. And her knowledge was considerable. She had watched all three of the previous "Races" on the telly, and she had strong opinions about the successes and mistakes of the previous contestants. She explained the Roadblocks (a task that only one team member may perform), the Detours (a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons), and the Fast Forward, a task which may performed by the first team to claim it and allows that team to then skip all tasks and go straight to the Pit Stop, the stopping place for each leg of the race. It is at the pit stop where the last team to arrive may be eliminated from the race by Phil—which explained his nickname. Snape opined that they should simply choose to do the Fast Forward every time. Hermione dashed his hopes by telling him that a team can only do the Fast Forward once, so they have to choose the best time to try for it. Snape's head was spinning, and not only from the information about The Amazing Race, when they finally returned to Hogwarts that day.

They spent the rest of their time huddled in a guest suite at the castle as they watched the recordings of the previous races which Phil had sent to them. As each episode unfolded before him, Snape became more intrigued by the game. The Amazing Race seemed so easy…but there was always some small event which stymied even the best racers. The teams he thought would win often were eliminated early and when he watched the outcome of Race 3, Hermione had to stop him from blasting the television with his wand.

Finally, the day came when they were to travel to America to meet Phil and the other teams. Hermione and Snape stood in the Headmistress's office, outfitted in their Muggle clothing, with their backpacks on the floor at their feet. Dumbledore was smiling down from his portrait, along with the other former headmasters (with the exception of Phineas Black who was visiting his other painting) and Minerva was nervously twisting a piece of parchment between her hands.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather just take a broom?"

Hermione chuckled softly. "Oh no, Minerva. I hate broomsticks. Besides, Severus should really get an idea of what it's like to fly in an airplane. We'll be doing a lot of that in the next month or so."

"Quite right, quite right," came Dumbledore's voice from the wall. "Hermione, I must say, I have no doubt your team will do very well. Now, don't forget—we will be expecting owls from both of you during your adventure."

"But we're not supposed—" Hermione began.

"Phil has been advised that you will be keeping us informed. He will make sure the others do not know what you are up to, don't worry. Besides, you're not really competing—so it's not really cheating."

"You're right—I keep forgetting!"

"But we haven't packed any…" Snape's comment died on his lips when Minerva stood and handed each of them a leather-bound packet which contained parchment, ink, quills and ties.

"Phil has advised us of your route—we will have owls waiting at all of your Pit Stops for you," she smiled. "Now go, you don't want to miss your plane."

Three days later, a brown owl flew into McGonagall's office and landed on her desk. She removed the parchment from its leg, gave it a treat and indicated Fawkes' old perch which the bird accepted with a grateful hoot. She untied the roll and found two letters. She reached for the first, written in Snape's untidy scrawl:

Minerva,

Eleven hours on the aeroplane to America.

Four hours of sleep in the hotel.

Fourteen hours on the aeroplane to Milan.

Seven hour bus trip to Cinque Torri.

Two plus hours tramping around in the snow.

Eighth team to arrive at the hotel.

So far, I'd rather face Cruciatus.

Severus

The headmistress smirked and picked up the other letter.

Dear Professor McGonagall,

The trip so far has been, well—amazing. We had a chance to talk a bit with some of the other teams on the plane and the bus ride. Amanda and Chris are really funny but, wow—she uses so much profanity! I'm afraid I blushed, but she just laughed. Millie and Chuck are quiet, and seem very nice. They have been engaged for ages! Jon and Al are so funny—well, they would be since they are professional clowns! We haven't really interacted with the other teams, yet.

When we got to Italy, first we had to search the Galleria for bus tickets. We got the second of three buses. Then we spent the night at a hotel with the other teams. Severus is doing okay so far with keeping his temper. I had to stop him from hexing a crying baby on the plane which is the only time he's tried to use magic so far.

Today, we rode a zip-line—which is a cable stretched across a huge gorge—and hiked in the snow. That was really hard, since the air is thin there, but we managed. Severus kept up a lot better than I thought he would. He's in great shape for someone who has spent most of his time brewing potions and teaching.

We arrived eighth and after getting some food and a shower, we're ready to fall into bed. Phil and the production team had to film interviews with us before we ate, even though they won't be used, just to maintain the illusion. Severus was not pleased about that, but I'm hoping he'll get used to it.

I'll sign off now, since we will be leaving again in about 8 hours…

Hermione

It was two more days before another owl landed on Minerva's desk. Once again, both letters were tied together on the bird's leg.

Minerva,

Up at midnight after seven hours of sleep.

Cab to ski jump. Raft down. Cab to train station.

Four hour wait for the train. Observed the stupidest argument in history.

Two and a half hour train ride to Venice. If Russell does not start treating his partner better, I will hex him and no one will stop me.

An hour and a half gondola ride through the canals. (Thankfully, our gondolier did not sing.)

Six and a half hour wait in line. Hermione did the Roadblock task and did it well.

Fifth team to arrive at the boat.

Instead of wasting all this time doing nothing, I could be doing something useful for the order, you know.

Severus

Minerva smiled. Snape was certainly going to learn the art of being patient during this trip if nothing else. She unrolled Hermione's parchment and began to read.

Hi, Professor McGonagall!

Wow, the last couple of days were so much fun. First, we got to slide down a ski jump in a rubber raft! I was sitting in front of Severus, and we had to have gotten up to at least 90 Km/h!

After that, we had a long wait at the train station, since the first train wasn't until almost six in the morning. We tried to rest, but some of the other teams seemed to be arguing about who would get in the door first once the station opened. I don't know why this seemed so important to them, since everyone would be getting on the same train…and it really didn't matter anyway, since we all wound up taking a bus to a different train station so we could catch an earlier train. Severus wanted to cast the Babbling Curse on them, but I stopped him. He accused me of being a goodie two shoes. I informed him he was behaving as badly as they were. He didn't speak to me for the entire train ride.

Anyway, we arrived in Venice a little after eight in the morning. We found the Ponte della Guglia Bridge and our next clue. It was a Roadblock and the choice was either "Waterway" or "Pathway." We chose "Waterway" since Severus has had so much experience with map-reading. I have to say, if you ever get a chance, you must go to Venice and take a gondola ride through the canals. It was beautiful. Even Severus seemed to enjoy it. (Which was a miracle, since he's been the world's biggest grouch throughout the whole trip so far.)

After that, we had to wait in line again. We sat on the ground outside the building and waited. Some of the teams did some sightseeing, but we decided to take the opportunity to rest.

I did the Roadblock, which was basically matching up a photograph of a mask with the actual mask on a person inside the building. Which sounds easier than it turned out to be. The people inside the building were all in fancy dress and they all had on masks; many of which were quite similar. I had to be really careful, because if I messed up and chose the wrong mask, I'd have to go outside to the end of the line and wait before getting another chance.

You know I didn't want that to happen…you-know-who was crabby enough as it was.

Anyway, I found my mask and then we ran to the pit stop boat—arriving in fifth place. We improved our standing! Unfortunately, Chris and Amanda were eliminated. I'm going to miss them. Afterwards was the interviews and such, then dinner and now we're headed to sleep.

Hermione

Seven hours of sleep. Up at 4 am, get clue, go to train station.

Destination: Vienna.

While waiting for train, we observed Millie in asthmatic distress. I assisted with a Calming Draught so we missed the first train. The second train arrived in Vienna after eight pm. We got a hotel room for the night.

Our first task was to walk through the sewers of Vienna. I repeat: iwe walked through a sewer./i

After that we took a short carriage ride to Schonbrunn Palace. I carried a string bass six miles. Do you know how heavy a string bass is?

The Roadblock was something called "bungee jumping." I informed Hermione that I would rather face the Dark Lord on a bad day. Fortunately, she seemed excited to do it.

Yet another train ride to the pit stop.

We arrived seventh at the castle.

I cannot believe I let you talk me into doing this. A sewer, Minerva. I owe you for that.

Severus

Minerva wished she could have witnessed Severus Snape lugging a string bass through the streets of Vienna. She chuckled softly to herself as she read Hermione's letter.

Dear Professor McGonagall,

Two days of trains, trains and even more trains! Yesterday morning, when we got to the first train station, Millie was having a really bad asthma attack. Jon and Al, Steve and Josh and Severus and I missed the first train to help. Millie had an inhaler, and Severus gave her a Calming Draught which helped. Once she was feeling better, we all got on the next train to Vienna. It took all day to get there, so all the teams got hotel rooms since the sewer task didn't open until eight in the morning. It was nice to get a good night's sleep.

The sewer was gross. The worst of Neville's melted cauldrons never smelled that bad.

Luckily the next thing was a ride in a horse-drawn carriage called a fiacre. Some of the teams didn't realize you have to grab the pass on the door, so there was some pushing and shoving by some of them. I have to say I was pretty disappointed in Millie. Severus and I claimed a fiacre sort of in the middle of the pack and we had a pleasant ride to the next task which was the Detour.

We picked "Mozart" since we figured hey, six miles wasn't that far…Severus carried a string bass…I think he cast a Lightening spell on it, but I can't be sure. He is quite strong, so perhaps I'm not giving him credit.

Next was something I was hoping I'd get to do…bungee jumping! (That's where you go up to the top of a high tower or bridge or something, tie a big elastic band thing to your ankles and jump off. You free fall until you get to the end of your elastic and then boing! Bouncing up and down.) It was just as much fun as I thought it would be. Severus said I was crazy to do it—but I loved it!

After that, we had to take another train to Seeschloss Orth in Gmunden. It's another castle. We got there seventh…probably because we helped out Millie. But I'm still glad we stopped. And we're still in it. Thankfully, Russell and Cindy were eliminated. I don't think I could have kept Severus from hexing Russell any longer.

We're both pretty tired, so I'll sign off. I'm having the time of my life!

Hermione

Minerva had just finished her supper three days later when a beautiful tawny owl landed on her desk, ruffled its wings and held out its leg. The headmistress smiled and eagerly untied the scrolls before signaling the bird toward Fawkes' old perch. She had moved the bowl of treats there, since the owl traffic had risen considerably, due to both her new duties and her new correspondents. She poured herself a cup of tea, and settled back in her chair to read.

Minerva,

Extended pit stop-36 hours. Slept as much as we could, although we did take the opportunity to walk by the lake. One of Hermione's best qualities is in knowing when to be silent. An admirable trait.

Up at 3 am for a 5 am departure. We had a two hour cab ride to Salzburg then a three and a half hour aeroplane ride to Paris.

Took another taxi to Le Mans. I took the Roadblock. I suppose knowing how to change the tires on a race car will come in handy one day in the war against the Dark Lord. I have to admit that the ride around the track was exhilarating.

Next was a seven hour automobile ride to Marseilles. Hermione is teaching me how to drive. It is trickier than it seems, but I am more confident daily.

Spent the night in the car.

Followed a map to a clue which gave me the very welcome news that we would be driving another ninety miles to the next location. Fabulous. It would be so much more efficient to Apparate.

Rappelled down a cliff. Wish you were here.

Another two and a half hour car trip to the Chateau des Alpilles.

Arrive sixth.

I intend to share my rappelling experience with you at the first opportunity.

Severus

McGonagall shook her head and picked up Hermione's letter.

Professor McGonagall,

We spent a day and a half at the castle at Gmunden. It is so peaceful here, the castle is on a lake and Severus and I took in the beautiful scenery together just walking and talking. I am so glad to be spending this time with him...getting to know him better. He is loosening up some, especially when we are not around the other teams. He is smart and surprisingly funny. Well, anyway, we were well rested when it was time to get going once again.

We took a cab to the Salzburg airport but we were not able to get on the first plane out. So, we took a flight that went through Zurich to get to Paris then we took another taxi to Le Mans. Severus did the Roadblock. He had to put on a one-piece suit called a "coverall" which suited him. He watched another team for a minute and then he changed the tires on the race car like a pro! I was so envious that he got to take a lap around the track at almost 200 MPH. I could tell that he really enjoyed it.

We were given cars to drive to Marseilles. We took turns driving so that Severus could practice. He really has no conception of speed limits, and I often have to remind him to slow down.

We got to the lighthouse only to find that the gate doesn't open until 9 AM. Drat. There were already a few other teams there, so we parked in line and slept in the car. In the morning, two of the other teams who spent the night in a hotel just drove right up to the gate! Severus was really angry and I can't blame him...to tell you the truth, I wanted to hex them all myself. (We didn't of course.)

Anyway, we went in and found the next route marker. We had to drive to Gorges du Blavet where the Detour was "Ropes" or "Slopes." Everyone took "Ropes" because rappelling down the cliff was much faster than walking down the path. Severus grumbled a bit, but I think he secretly enjoyed it—I know that I sure did!

After that, it was only a couple of hours drive to the pit stop—at the gorgeous Chateau des Alpilles. We arrived sixth! Time to rest—I'll write from the next pit stop.

Love from,

Hermione

Two days later, Minerva stormed into the office, slamming the door behind her and then sat down in her chair in a huff.

"I take it your meeting with the Minister wasn't a spectacular success?"

"You might say that. You might also say that he is the most imperious, insolent, superior, pompous, swaggering, egotistical, presumptuous, condescending, overbearing, self-important person I've ever had the misfortune of dealing with."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Well, you've had an owl while you were gone."

She unrolled the parchment and smiled. "More letters from Snape and Hermione."

"I thought so. How's the plan going?"

"So far, so good. Here, I'll share them with you…oh dear, we have more than a timetable from Severus…and what is that smell?"

"Minerva,

The Chateau was magnificent, but our stay was too short. Hermione warned me that there would be sleep deprivation; however I am not feeling it yet. We slept for six hours, getting up at 2 am. We had a quick shower and were racing again by 3, going to Amsterdam.

We arrived at the airport to find the Air France ticket counter closed. And, predictably, we were subjected to more pointless bickering by the other teams. Hermione surmised there might be limited seating on the Air France flight, so we checked with British Airways. The BA flight was routed through London so we went back to Air France. Got a flight routed through Orly with a connection through Charles de Gaulle airport.

Had a two plus hour flight to France then grabbed a cab. Our cab driver warned we may not have time to make our connecting flight. Then we ran into what Hermione described as a "traffic jam." We realized we were not going to make it so we paid the cab driver, got out and found a deserted alley and then we Apparated to the Amsterdam airport where we got yet another cab to the Magere Brug, which is a skinny white bridge. We found the clue which told us to drive a metal boat to Scheepvaart Museum. Boat driving instructions and random boat Muggle were included. We found the Detour clue. And what were the tasks, you may ask?

Either moving 500 kilos of cheese or searching 15 feet of manure.

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE DID?

I have included a sample in this letter.

"So that's what the smell is! Look, Albus, he's smeared the parchment with manure!"

Dumbledore chuckled. "Be thankful he didn't send an entire package full. Please, continue!"

"We drove to Monnikendam. The Roadblock involved live eels. Hermione took this one. The faces she made while handling the eels almost made up for digging in the manure.

Drove to the pit stop, Kasteel Muiderslot. Another castle.

Arrived third.

I can think of many other things to see in Holland besides manure.

And tell Albus to stop laughing.

Severus

Minerva and Dumbledore laughed anyway.

"Poor Severus," Minerva said, wiping her eyes. "He sneers at Crucio, laughs at danger, but when faced with a big pile of manure…he can't cope!"

"What is Hermione's take on this leg of the race?"

Minerva unrolled the parchment.

"Professor McGonagall,

The Chateau was so beautiful and so very peaceful! Severus and I walked through the park, mostly to get away from the other teams' bickering—which is becoming tiresome. We had a nice conversation with the resident ghost, who was also the first owner of the property during the thirteenth century. He remembered me from Nick's Deathday party and sends his regards to Sir Nicholas.

After our walk, Severus and I had dinner and then fell into bed. The Amazing Race is set up to be exhausting…and it is. We take every possible opportunity to sleep and eat. We mingle with the other teams only at mealtimes. I really like Jon and Al, the clowns. They are so nice and really funny. Last night, Jon was balancing a chair on his face! Severus muttered that he'd like to show them some real magic, but I shushed him. Another team we enjoy spending time with is Monica and Sheree. Their husbands play American football. They are doing really well so far. One team we do not like is Kelly and Jon and I try to steer Severus away from them, for everyone's sake.

Anyway, this morning we got up at 2 and started our journey at 3 am. When we got to the airport, the teams who were there before us were arguing in line again! I am so tired of hearing that petty stuff…I swear I could just hex them all myself. Anyway, when we found out that British Airways connects through London, we figured we better not risk it and got an Air France flight instead. It had a very tight connection which would require perfect timing to make. Well, we got stuck in traffic and bailed out of the cab. I suggested to Severus that we just Apparate to Amsterdam airport. I know, it was cheating, sort of. But since we aren't really in the competition, it doesn't matter anyway, right?

We navigated a boat through a canal and got a clue for the Detour. I'm sure Severus has told you what we did. I have to say that I never thought I'd ever see Severus Snape up to his knees in manure—or myself, either. And since this farm basically processes the stuff, there was more coming off the conveyor belt above our heads all the time. At one point, only his reflexes saved him from having a poo helmet. I just had to laugh which made him snarl all the more. I wish you could have seen it. I know you got to smell it! I'm sorry about that—I could not talk him out of "sharing."

After that, the rest of the day was kind of dull, really. The Roadblock was fairly easy, just putting live eels into a box. I handled that pretty well, I think. They were slippery, but it wasn't gross or anything.

We arrived at the pit stop third. If we hadn't Apparated to the airport, we would have been in the back or might even have been eliminated. Dave and Steve were the last to arrive and they were on the flight we would have been on…so that justifies our decision, I think.

I've got to run. We are getting cleaned up and having dinner with the other teams.

Love to Professor Dumbledore,

Hermione"

"Well, it sounds like they are getting along famously, don't you think?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes, I really do. Hopefully, when she returns, Hermione can convince Harry that Snape isn't all bad…"

"One of the reasons we chose her for the task."

"I have to say, I had my misgivings. But you were correct as usual."

"Honestly, Minerva, if I wasn't a painting, I'd be blushing."

"So," Dumbledore began. "What do our intrepid travelers have to say today?"

McGonagall unrolled the scroll and began to read:

"Minerva,

After an extended pit stop, we were up at 3 am. Our next clue directed us to fly to Mumbai, India and find gate number one at Film City.

Of course, there were no flights until morning. The other teams are finding the continual bunching frustrating. I find it amusing. It was a long flight, Hermione and I slept as much as we could.

Arrived in Mumbai late in the evening. Took a cab to the film studio, slept outside the gate. In the morning, we go inside and discover we have to ride a … bicycle … to find Studio 10. Do I have to tell you that I have never ridden a bicycle before?"

"Oh, Albus…Severus never had a bicycle?"

"His childhood was difficult, as you know."

"Poor boy," Minerva returned to the letter.

"After the other teams rode away, Hermione cast Pondera Equito which helped my balance, but put us behind the others. We found the correct studio and got the next clue, a Detour.

We rode a train to the task location. The less said about that, the better.

Arrived at the outdoor Laundromat and had to "wash" clothes to find the next clue. Have these people never heard of House Elves?

We took a cab to the next location, the Sassoon Docks and a Roadblock.

Have you ever smelled a fish market, Minerva? I did the Roadblock and I have to tell you that the aroma was almost as pungent as the manure task.

Cab to the pit stop and we arrive fourth.

Interviews (useless waste of time), shower, dinner and next: sleep.

I will be recreating the smell of the fish market just for you upon my return,

Severus

Minerva shared a chuckle with Dumbledore and turned to the next letter.

Dear Professor McGonagall,

The pit stop at Castle Muiden was an extended one. Severus and I met the original owner's ghost, Count Floris. He is still bitter about his untimely death at the hands of his lords in the eleventh century. The castle itself has been restored to the way it looked in the 17th century and is now a museum. It is so gorgeous, with tall, spire-topped towers and a moat all the way around! Severus and I really enjoyed exploring it together.

All too soon it was time to get back to racing. Since we left the castle at 3 am, we had to wait at the airport for the flights to resume in the morning. Luckily, there was none of the bickering we've come to dread this time, just some complaining about the bunching. (Have these people never watched the show?) Anyway, the flight was all day and we didn't get to Mumbai until late. We got a cab to our next location which is the famous Bollywood Studios. Of course it was closed. We spent the night with the other teams camping outside the gates.

Daylight revealed the crushing poverty many of the Indian people live with every day. It is so sad, I couldn't help crying a little.

When the gates opened, we ran inside and the clue instructed us to ride a bicycle through the studio grounds to find Studio 10. Since Severus had never ridden a bicycle before, we waited for the other teams to go tearing off and then I cast a spell so that he could appear to be riding. This delay put us in last place, but I felt pretty confident there would be another bunch before the end of the leg, so we weren't too worried. We found the correct place and got our next clue.

We had to take a train to get to the next location and I have to tell you, it was awful. The trains are so crowded, people are stuffed into the cars and some are even hanging off the sides of the trains. We had to force our way in and then I started to feel hands on my body, groping me. Severus pulled me close and cast Protego around us.

It was awful, I hate to think what the other women went through since they didn't have a magical spell to protect them.

We finally arrived at the Laundromat and washed the clothes to find the next clue. Then we got a cab to the Docks for the Roadblock. It was Severus' turn and he had to take a basket, go find a particular fish merchant, get twenty of a specific kind of fish and bring it back. He was not happy about the fish water leaking out of the basket and all over his clothes and he cast Scourgify as soon as he could.

We got to the pit stop, the Gateway of India, fourth.

This was the most difficult leg so far. I'm feeling really exhausted right now. I'll write again soon,

Hermione

"Oh dear," Minerva said. "That does not sound good."

"India is a country full of contrasts, Minerva. It is stunningly beautiful yet full of horrific poverty. I think the strain might have gotten to Hermione."

"Well, we'll find out in another day or two."

It seemed to Hermione that she had hardly closed her eyes when the telephone rang. She reached over to the table and fumbled for the receiver.

"'Lo?"

"Your wake up call, Miss."

"Thanks." She put the receiver down on the table and closed her eyes once more.

"Hermione."

She groaned and pulled the sheet over her head. "I'm tired," she whined.

"You will feel worse if you do not shower before we get started."

She hated it when Severus used logic against her so early in the day. She peeked out from under the sheet. He was standing in the bathroom doorway, silhouetted by the light, buttoning his jeans. She smiled. They had become increasingly comfortable with each other during the race and she had to say she was glad. She had discovered so much to like about her former potions master that she doubted she would ever think of him as anything other than 'Severus' ever again. She continued to watch him as he donned his tee shirt, socks and trainers. When he finished, he met her gaze and raised an eyebrow.

"You are wasting time."

"Okay, okay—I'm getting up." Hermione threw the sheet back, sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed. The last fourteen days had been the most exhilarating of her life, but she was ready for this adventure to end. She was exhausted and the travel through India thus far had undone her emotionally. Hermione didn't know how she could have coped on the train if Severus hadn't been with her. Cradled in his arms, she had felt safe and…something else she was afraid to name.

"Hermione, you have precisely 48 minutes before we have to be downstairs to catch the cab to the Gateway to begin the next leg of the race. I would suggest you stop daydreaming."

"You know," she grumbled as she stood and headed toward the bathroom. "You sounded exactly like a greasy git of a teacher I once knew just then."

"That is because you are acting like an annoying know-it-all student."

Hermione harrumphed, grabbed some clothes from her backpack and flounced into the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind her.

Snape watched her until the door closed between them and then, with a frustrated growl, he ran his hands through his hair. It was getting harder every day to remember that Hermione was still a seventeen year old girl and not the thirty-something woman she appeared to be. For the last several days, he had to concentrate on that fact every moment. Yesterday, when they'd endured that horrific train ride and he had drawn her into his arms—it had nearly undone him. Their bodies fit together so perfectly. His thoughts had taken a dangerous turn and he had quashed them mercilessly. Snape knew that when he and Hermione returned to the Wizarding World, he must go back to the Dark Lord and continue his work for the Order. He could not allow himself to indulge in any fantasies about the future …since his chances of survival were so slim …but…if he did make it through…

No, he told himself. Stop being foolish.

Severus rose, collected their backpacks and then waved his wand at the coffee maker which began to percolate agreeably. The sound of the shower stopped and after another few minutes, Hermione emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her head. She was dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a tee shirt which clung to her body fetchingly. Snape shook those traitorous thoughts from his mind and busied himself pouring the coffee. He added cream and sugar to hers then carried both cups over to the small table beside the bed on which she was now seated, rubbing the towel vigorously through her hair. He set hers down then sat on the other bed and sipped his.

"Thank you, Severus."

"You are welcome." Snape watched with interest as she discarded the towel, picked up her brush and attacked the mass of snarls. In very little time, she had brushed her hair smooth and plaited it into what she had informed him was a 'French braid'. He found the style both serviceable and fetching as, no matter how hard she tried, little wisps and curls escaped their constraints to frame her face and neck.

Stop it, Snape told himself crossly. He covered his annoyance with himself by finishing his coffee and then tying his own hair back into a ponytail.

"Drink your coffee, it's nearly time to go."

Hermione sighed and swirled her cup. "I really wish we could just stop racing, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. If you recall, I was against this madness from the beginning."

Her mouth twitched up at the corner. "I remember." She sobered and looked up into his eyes. "So…what do you say we do our best to be eliminated?"

"Well, the whole point of this endeavor was to keep moving so the Aurors couldn't get a bead on me."

"I know. But if we are eliminated, then we get to go to an exotic resort and just relax for the next two weeks. If we don't use any magic…don't you think you'd be safe enough?"

Snape had to admit, her suggestion was very tempting. Still, he hated to quit the competition. It was not in his nature to just give up. Then again— he had come to loathe the ridiculous tasks they had to perform, not to mention the public transportation.

If he never saw another taxi cab in his life, he would be a happy man.

Hermione was looking at him expectantly.

"Perhaps," he allowed.

Her face split into a wide smile. "Okay, let's go out there and lose The Amazing Race!"

"Now wait just a minute—I never agreed…"

Hermione rose, picked up her backpack and stuffed her brush inside. "Oh, come on, Severus!" She sat down beside him, so close he could smell the fragrance of her still-damp hair. She laid a hand on his thigh, leaned against him and murmured, "You are as sick of doing this as I am."

"Miss Granger," he spoke through gritted teeth. "What do you think you are doing?"

"Something I've wanted to do since Paris," she whispered before she captured his lips in a soft kiss.

Snape told himself not to respond, warned himself of all the reasons it was wrong and then took her face in his hands and kissed her back anyway. He caressed her mouth with his for a few moments before he gently pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers.

"Please," his voice was strangled. "We cannot…I cannot… not now… it is too dangerous…"

To his great relief, Hermione answered, "I know. I-I'm sorry…I just…I feel—"

Snape pulled away slightly and put his fingertips over her mouth to silence her. "Stop. Please." He moved his hand to caress her cheek. "I understand what you mean. Perhaps, after the Dark Lord has been defeated…and you are a bit older…if you still have the same feelings…we can explore them at our leisure. Until then…" Snape leaned forward and kissed her again, more fully this time. He pulled back reluctantly and met her sad gaze. "We will both have to settle for friendship."

Her eyes shone bright with unshed tears, but she managed to smile. "Friendship, then. Until Voldemort is defeated. But," her eyes searched his. "Only until we kick that bastard's ass back to Hell. After that, I am going to come looking for you."

Snape's mouth twitched in amusement. "I assure you, Miss Granger. I will not be difficult to find. Now," he rose and waved a dramatic arm toward the door. "Shall we go and get ourselves eliminated?"

Hermione's happy smile almost undid him. "Yes, let's!"

Minerva,

Just a short note to let you know that Hermione and I were eliminated from the race yesterday and will now be spending the next two weeks pretending to be Muggles in what is quaintly known as "Sequesterville" with the other eliminated contestants. Once the race has ended (in about two weeks) we will be back at Hogwarts.

Hermione and I are enjoying the peace and quiet. We intend to spend our days reading by the ocean and our evenings playing chess or simply talking.

Do not expect any more letters as the owls attract too much attention. Besides, there is nothing more to report.

Sincerely,

Severus

Snape cast a questioning glance over his shoulder.

"That's perfect," Hermione smiled. "And it gets us off the hook nicely."

"I liked my idea better," he groused.

"Severus, we could not just stop writing without an explanation!" Hermione was scandalized. "Not if we want to have peace and quiet for the rest of our holiday." She laid a hand on his shoulder.

"That is the only reason I agreed to write one more letter," Snape replied. He sealed the parchment with wax and tied it to the leg of a waiting owl. He stood, carried the raptor to the window and tossed it out, then watched the bird until it disappeared into the darkness of the Lisbon night. Hermione walked over and embraced him from behind.

"So, what is on the agenda for tomorrow?"

She laid her cheek between his shoulders and hugged him. "We could spend some time with Amanda and Chris at the pool, or we could play cards with Steve and Dave. I think Monica and Sheree are going to try hang-gliding, if you're interested."

Snape snorted.

"Okay, I didn't really think you were the hang-gliding type, anyway," she giggled.

Snape turned, put his arms around her and pulled her into a warm embrace. "No, I am more of a bookworm, myself."

"Me too. Why don't we just find a couple of books and go down to the beach and read? We can sit under an umbrella and watch them fly. What do you think?" She grinned up at him.

As Snape looked at the woman in his arms, he made a vow to himself that if they both survived the upcoming troubles, he would seek her out and win her at any cost. She would be older then, truly older, and there would be no self-imposed restrictions on their relationship. He bent and kissed her softly.

"I think that would be perfect."