Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. I only own The Hat Plots I, II, III, and IV.
Author's Note: Part IV of The Hat Plots is a pairing between Crabbe and Millicent. Please, if I haven't already specified, feel free to tear it apart. Just don't forget to tell me what to do about its flaws. I'm begging you, FLAME ME! FLAME ME! In all seriousness, reviews should be renamed "editorial suggestions".
"Crabbe!" blurted a tense voice. "Quit following me! I do not want you to beat anyone up. Get a life!" exclaimed an irritated Draco all in one breath. A shy, little mouse of a girl, who happened to be standing right next to Draco when he made this thunderous announcement, dropped her books in shock. A professor gliding though the halls during his free time, paused, surprised at the outburst of this usually reserved student. Down the corridor, a pair of eyes was seen peering around the corner in startled amazement at the sudden racket. The entire hall sucked in its breath as it regarded the furious Draco, who seemed to be hyperventilating. "Agh!" he screamed, throwing his hands into the air in frustration at Crabbe's blank look. Draco stomped down the hall in a furry. With his departure, the hall breathed a sigh of relief and continued its subdued after-class activities.
Crabbe blinked in confusion, glancing at his feet with a sigh. "Get a wife? How am I supposed to do that?" He began to walk down the hall dragging his feet, looking glum. Then, a single thought burst into his mind. It was the epiphany of the century. He should go to the library. Smiling in delight at his "smartness" (brilliance not being a part of his vocabulary) he lumbered to the library. It took him awhile. He didn't really know where it was. He eventually had to ask Professor Snape how to find it. He discovered him having an argument with a professor Crabbe recognized as having been his professor at one point. He hoped Draco didn't expect him to miss meals over a wife. However, he expected to find the answer to getting one at the library as it was where Draco always studied and Draco was… well, he knew things. And that meant he was… that one word. (Smart, in this particular case was the word that Crabbe was searching for. He had just forgotten what it was.)
Crabbe read many books before he decided to ask the librarian for what he needed. She looked a little surprised, but in the end, merely pinched her skinny lips together and pointed towards two different aisles saying that if he needed more help, she was too busy to be of assistance. One aisle was marked potions and the other romance. At first, he couldn't decide which one to choose. He finally asked a nearby girl which one she liked better. She scowled and said, "Potions," stomping off indignantly.
Crabbe started reading... and kept reading all of his spare time. His teachers noticed a marked improvement in his vocabulary and he became especially good in potions, since that was the subject he was working on.
At home that summer, Crabbe's mother made a fuss over him. "You're getting so thin," she'd cluck disapprovingly. "You're right my dear," his father would bellow from behind his newspaper. "It's just not right. I've never seen a boy read over vacation. It's positively unhealthy!" his mother would reply.
Even reading over summer, Crabbe never got to romance until the following summer. Once he did get there, he never understood half of what was going on, though he did understand flowers and sweets. Now it was time to pick a wife. He wasn't sure how to do it, so he asked the advice of Professor Snape since Draco was so scarce these days. Professor Snape slowly replied, with a cynical sneer, "If you can find a girl who won't slug you when you pop the question, you have done well for yourself." Crabbe considered this a short moment, thanked Snape, and left.
At dinner that evening, Crabbe scanned all of the Great Hall with his eyes hoping to find a perfect wife. Defeated, he walked to his dorm, dragging his feet. With his head on his chest, he sighed deeply, feeling greatly disappointed.
The next day in potions, Crabbe was paired with Millicent. He gazed at her wondering how he could have possibly missed such a beautiful specimen. (Specimen was a word he learned reading those potions books.) Crabbe knew what to say in situations like this, "Where have you been all my life?" Crabbe and Millicent dated steadily until the end of school and got married at graduation. Before the ceremony, Crabbe told Draco, "See, I got a wife!" Draco forever remained confused at this cryptic message.