Whatever the hell the date is, 1912
To: The White Star Line Company
From: The Bottom of the Ocean
To The Idiot White Star Line People,
Thanks for caring about the passengers. It seems that looks are everything with you idiot first class nitwits. I assume you never thought of those second and third class people who also paid for tickets on your stupid "unsinkable" ship. Unsinkable, huh? Of course, that would the title given to a ship that's just bigger than the others by thousands of tons that is owned by a bunch of stupid pompous asses.
In my opinion, I think all your stupid "unsinkable ship" shit is just a bunch of bull. If you haven't noticed, your damn ship is sitting at the bottom of the ocean broken into two halves with over fifteen-hundred of it's passengers still roaming the decks. And how is that possible? BECAUSE THEY'RE DEAD, YOU DUMB FUCKS!
By the way, it was nice of you to keep a spare set of keys for handcuffs. It would have made things a lot easier for Rose, the beautiful sexy bitch that I fell in love with, to rescue me from your damn sinking ship. Instead, she had to use an axe. What if she had cut off my hands, huh? Would that have mattered to you? No, because all you care about is your damn name and your stupid pompous ass selves! You weren't here on this stupid ship, so you wouldn't know how terrible it was!
Now, here I am, God knows how many days or months or years later, sitting at the bottom of the ocean with my pal, Fabrizio snogging this Norwegian chick every minute. Could you at least do me favor and get a message to that beautiful bitch that I mentioned in the previous paragraph to come down here and join me? I'm quite lonely….
By the way, no one gives a damn (haha, quoting some dude before me with a mustache) about the beauty of a green statue that has no boobs. I mean, come on, that's all us sons of bitches care about! The boobs on my sexy bitch were hot… hehe she was perfect and every way. Her boobs looked perfect on the paper that I drew them on, and then in the back of a car, I squeezed them until she milked herself… hehe she liked it.
Anyway, back to my point. I want my money back for the ticket that I won in a poker game. I may not have bought it, but who gives a fuck? I want my money back! You can just put it in an envelope and throw it into the water, I'll get it that way. I don't care much for your response, because you probably don't give a damn (haha mustache dude) about what a third class passenger has to say, because you're a bunch of fucking pompous asses who don't care about other patrons to your damn company.
All in all, I hope you are well. How are things going in the White Star Line? Are your other ships doing better? I hope so, BECAUSE I'M NEVER RIDING ON ONE AGAIN! (not that I can anyway haha)
Hope you fuck yourselves to Hell,
Jack Dawson
P.S. – Tell Rose that I am waiting to fuck her in the back of this car.
…
I got bored and decided to do a bit of humor haha. This is probably not what Jack would have said, but it's a strongly worded letter that I would have sent to the White Star Line if I had been in Jack's position. So take that!