Summary: Which is more important? Your job, or the one you love? Mikan Sakura works as an actress. She had a boyfriend named Hyuuga Natsume. When Natsume proposed to her, she rejected it because she loves her job. But what if she realizes that her job isn't important at all, and that Natsume was more important to her?

Disclaimer: I'm tired with all these formalities but I do not own Gakuen Alice. I do own this fic though, quite obvious, isn't it? -chuckles-

Regrettable Decisions

"If only I could turn back the time, I would've chosen to stay with you…"

a romance/hurt/comfort fanfic by sayuri sumichi

Being in a relationship sure is tough, especially when you're both sick and tired of it. Yes, we are in a relationship and we both had enough of it! But despite that, we still love each other. We were trying to patch things up and start all over again, until I knew something I really didn't want to know.

"Natsume!" I called out. He stopped from walking but he didn't face me.

"Is it true?" I continued, my voice shaky that any minute, I might burst out crying. He didn't answer; instead, he just stood in front of me and gave me a long stare.

"A-Are you…really engaged to her? A-are…Are you really going to States for good?" I said, almost in a whisper but I'm sure it was audible enough for him to hear. And this time, my eyes are blurry because of the tears that started forming in my eyes. I heard him sigh and he turned his gaze somewhere else.

"Yes…It's true." he said, almost in a whisper, not bothering to even look at me. I scoffed, more tears came rolling down my face, but I didn't wipe them. So it's true. He really is engaged and he will be leaving. I can't believe it! Does that mean he'll break-up with me? My own question was enough to make my heart ache. I don't want this to end, I don't want to see him get married with another girl, and I don't want him to leave me for good.

"So…is it over between us?" I asked. My hands turned to fists, and seriously, I want to punch him straight on his face. He didn't answer my question and just lowered his head. I hurriedly walked up to him and slapped him hard, even if I was totally against the idea of hurting him physically.

"Stupid! Speak up!" I shouted. I just can't believe what was happening right now. If it involves my modelling career, I'm willing to give it up now just to fix this stupid relationship we had.

"I'm sorry…I…I have to give you up." he said, his voice trembling. And what he said really made me speechless. Now I know what he felt when I rejected his proposal a year ago. Maybe, this is what they call karma. It hurts, and I hate it! I so damn hate it!

"I have to do this for my mother." he continued. His mother? Oh, right. His mother has heart disease and their company's facing major problems. But are those reasons enough for him to give me up?

"I…I see." I said plainly, trying to sound casual and I looked away from his gaze. I didn't want to hear another word of excuse so I decided to walk away. He stopped me from doing so, but I didn't face him.

"Let's meet tomorrow, at the port. Just, for a day, even just for a day…let's be together, and forget those stupid problems that we both can't put an end to. Be there at 9am, I'll be waiting." I heard him say. I felt his hold on me loosen and I heard his footsteps tail off, he was walking away. I looked back and saw his retreating figure. I cried again. It hurts. It hurts so much.

"Just, for a day, even just for a day…let's be together, and forget those stupid problems that we both can't put an end to. Be there at 9am, I'll be waiting."

"Does that mean, everything's over between us?" I asked myself, but found no answer to it.

Suddenly, joyful memories flashed back in my mind. Even though we're sick and tired, I still can't deny the fact that I'm truly, madly, deeply, and irrevocably in love with him.

The next morning, I woke up and hop out of my bed. I hurriedly did my morning routines. Usually, I'd wake up late because I really am a heavy sleeper. But this time, I do not want to be late with my prior appointment. I wouldn't want to let my 'one day' of being with him to pass easily. I took my cell phone and rushed out of my bedroom, ran out of my apartment and hopped inside my car.

-At the port-

How unusual of me, I thought as I took a seat on one of the benches. It's 8:30am and I arrived earlier than I thought. It looks like I have no choice but to wait for him. The good thing is people nowadays ignore actors/actresses and do their own business.

-An hour and 30 minutes later-

I can't believe this! He's late! I know that when it comes to important meetings, he's not late. But right now? He's an hour late. Well, I don't care. No matter what happens, I'm still going to wait for him.

-2 hours later-

Until now, he's still not showing up. I was about to call him when I realized that my cell phone wasn't charged. Perfect timing! Where the hell is he? Am I not really important to him anymore? I feel like an idiot, waiting for someone and I don't even know if he'll show up or not.

-2 hours and 30 minutes later-

He still hasn't showed up. Today is the day that we must be together without bothering any of our problems. This must be the time that we'll be enjoying ourselves together, even just for a day, today. All of my hopes of getting our problems solved withered. He made me look like a fool. He made me wait for 6 damn hours! I can't take this anymore. I can't wait for another 6 freaking hours without him showing up.

I stood up from where I was sitting, ready to walk away from the bench when something caught my eyes. From afar, I saw a manly figure that looked exactly like him. I stared at him, and unexpectedly, he looked back at me with a warm smile. My eyes widened in recognition. It's him! He showed up! I was about to run to him, but I accidentally bumped into someone who passed by in front of me. I apologized to whoever it was and when I looked at the direction where he was a while ago, he wasn't there anymore. Maybe, maybe it was just my imagination. Maybe, he really didn't intend to show up. Unexpectedly, I felt my eyes began to water. I can't think of anything else but to walk away from this place

I was crying while walking. I didn't care if I caught attention; I just need to get out of this suffocating place. Just then, a group of people caught my attention. They were saying something like, "What happened to this poor guy?", "Who did this?", or "Call the ambulance!" I wanted to ignore them but my curiosity won. I sauntered over to the group of people to see what they were so hooked up about.

"Excuse me…" I said politely and they gave me a way. To my surprise and utter shock, I saw a man's body swimming in his own pool of blood, lying unconscious on the cold ground.

And it wasn't just any ordinary man…He was my Natsume! More tears came out from my eyes. And as if on cue, I hurriedly ran and knelt to his side, trying to wake him up. His head was bleeding profusely and I didn't know what to do, panic shot through me.

"Natsume! Natsume, please wake up…" I cried as I shook his head lightly, but he won't budge. I checked his pulse, and thankfully, it was still beating. I didn't care if my clothes were drenched with his blood, all I care about was, to help and cure him…NOW.

"Natsume! C'mon baby, wake up!" I yelled.

"Onegaishimasu. Onegaishimasu, help us! Please!" I cried even more, begging for help, and hugging him. Later on, I didn't notice that an ambulance arrived. They hurriedly but carefully placed Natsume on a stretcher and we went inside the ambulance. One of the nurses placed oxygen on him, and suddenly, his eyes jarred open.

"Natsume!" I called out as I began caressing his cheeks.

"Just hang on a bit, ne? Just hang on." I said to him.

"P-Polka…" he managed to say as he tried to smile and touch my face.

"Don't pressure yourself. We're almost to the hospital." I said to him, crying. I was holding his hand tightly, like my life depended on it.

"M-Mikan…a-always, r-remember that…I…I l-love you, f-forever." he said almost in a whisper.

"I know, Nat. I know. Just hang on please." I pleaded, and I recognized that his eyes were starting to close.

"Natsume, please, no. No, don't close your eyes yet. Please, no. No, no, no. Not now." I sobbed even more.

"I…I-I'm sorry…" he whispered, trying not to close his eyes.

"Kami-sama, not now. Please. I'm not ready to lose him yet. Not now. Not now…"I prayed as I tightly held one of his hands. I never believed in miracles, but I needed one right now.

Things happened so fast like a speed of light. The next thing I knew, we were running through the hospital corridors. The nurse stopped me from letting me enter the room where Natsume was brought, and they closed the door.

My hands were shaking and I heard voices calling my name. I looked up and saw my friends standing in front of me. I cried even more when, Hotaru, my best friend, hugged me. They comforted me and tried to let me stop from crying, but my mind was still occupied by Natsume's presence. I can't stop worrying about what will happen.

-5 hours later-

The door opened and a doctor came out. We all stood up, waiting for whatever it is that he has to say. I immediately saw that disappointed look on his face when he approached us. I felt anxious and helpless. I didn't want to think that something had gone wrong.

"May I know who among you the family member of the patient is?" he asked.

"I-I'm the sister, doc." Aoi said to him and the doctor nodded in acknowledgement.

He cleared his throat first and hesitatingly said, "We tried our best to save him but I'm sorry. We can't retrieve him back." before he walked away. I fell onto my knees and my mind went blank. I couldn't think straight nor could I hear anything. All that I knew and could think of was him. He's gone. Gone. Gone...

Why did you have to leave me, Nat?

"Happy Anniversary, Nat!" I yelled, entering his office room. I came closer to him and hugged him from the back. He faced me and returned back the hug I gave him. I smiled and I gave him a peck on his cheeks.

"Happy anniversary, babe. Oh yeah, I have a surprise for you." he whispered to my ears which brought shivers to my spine and butterflies on my stomach.

"Really? What is it? What is it?" I jumped up and down like a 5-year-old kid who received a candy. Well, I didn't care if I acted childish, idiotic or what. In fact, he told me that that's what he loved about me. We were together for about 6 years. We started dating when we were 16 and we're one of those famous high school sweethearts in the academy.

"It's a secret for now, 'kay?" he smirked and planted a chaste kiss on my lips. I noticed that he placed his right hand on one of his pockets. Maybe, that was the surprise he was telling. I shrugged and ignored it.

"Let's go?" he suggested and placed his left arm around my waist.

"Go where?" I asked.

"It's part of the surprise." he told me and we left the room.

I snapped back to reality and realized that I was inside the morgue room. There, I saw his cold body, lying peacefully at the hospital bed. I walked closer to it; he looked so innocent and so serene. I smiled, trying to fight off the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes.

"Natsume, you're pale." I whispered as I began caressing his cold cheeks.

"Natsume, why did you leave?" I asked him, even though I know that he can no longer answer me.

"Nat. Baby? It's me. Stand up from there! Why can't you answer me? Why? Stand up, you idiot!" I cried even more. I heard everyone telling me to stop and they were trying to pull me out of the room. I struggled. I didn't want to stop. I didn't want to leave him alone there. And I don't want to believe that he was gone.

"Let me go! I don't want to leave him alone in here! He needs me! He-" I screamed and I felt a hard slap on my face. It was enough to stop me from getting hysterical. And when I looked at the culprit who did it, I was surprised to see Hotaru...crying.

"Just stop, Mikan! Stop this nonsense, idiot!" she screamed. My knees were wobbly and I felt her catching me. I was astonished when she hugged me tight and again, my eyes started to emit hot tears like a mad dam.

It wasn't long enough when we reached our destination. He brought me to our old school, the Alice Academy, where he confessed his feelings for me. It sure brings back old yet wonderful memories. We sat on the green grassy ground under our favorite Sakura Tree.

"How's work today, Nat?" I asked him as I laid my head on his shoulders and he placed an arm around me.

"Tough." he said plainly. I smiled at what he said. He would always say that word every time I'll ask him about his work. I didn't even notice that I fell silent when he told me: "Polka, you're quiet today."

"H-Huh? Oh! Don't mind me." I said to him and let out an exasperated sigh.

"What's wrong?" he asked me. I didn't know what to tell him. This morning, my manager informed me about the world tour that I have to participate in for 6 months. I started modelling and working as an actress after I graduated. At first, Natsume was against it. But later on, he agreed to it.

"Nothing. Anyway, what's that 'surprise' you were talking about?" I said as I looked up to him, quickly changing the topic.

"You really can't wait, can you?" he told me. I sighed in relief, thinking that he didn't notice anything.

"You know I'm not that patient, right?" I giggled.

"Patience is a virtue, baka." he said coldly.

"But I do not have that kind of virtue." I mocked and grinned at him. Suddenly, he stood up in front of me and I saw him knelt. His crimson eyes were hidden by his raven hair, which I find cute. He looked up to me seriously and took my left hand. I looked at him confusedly and he planted a kiss on it.

Then, he took out something from his pocket and I saw a small red box. He opened it, and a thing sparkled. It was a sliver ring. I gulped and stared at him in awe. I know what's gonna happen next. I should be happy, but I don't know why I don't feel anything.

Days passed by so quickly. Today is his funeral. The memory of that dreadful day is still fresh on my mind. I removed the locket around my neck and stared at it. I opened it and saw a picture of us together. I closed my eyes and kissed it, remembering the day when he gave this to me.

"Mikan?" I heard someone calling my name. I opened my eyes and saw her.

"Mrs. Hyuuga?" I blurted and I stood up from my place. Unexpectedly, she approached and hugged me tight, which I gladly accepted. Again, I felt hot tears streaming out of my eyes.

"I'm sorry, dear." she said to me and I shook my head.

"No, Mrs. Hyuuga. I am sorry. It was my entire fault. I shouldn't have hurt him before. I'm sorry. I really am." I cried and covered my face by my hands.

"Mikan, dear. Stop blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault. You know, my son really loves you. He didn't want to get engaged, because it's you he wants to marry. If only I wasn't diagnosed, I wouldn't convince him to get engaged. And maybe, he will ask you to marry him again. My dear, the day Natsume passed away, he told me that he needs to see you. But that day was the day he was about to be married. He ran away, just to see you Mikan. And I regret persuading him to marry someone he doesn't even love. I'm sorry, Mikan. It was my entire fault why both of you became miserable." she confessed to me.

"It's okay, Mrs. Hyuuga. I...I forgive you." I said which was almost in a whisper.

"Please, call me mom instead. I'd like it if you call me that way." she smiled with tears in her eyes.

"Thanks…mom." I sobbed and she hugged me.

"Mikan Sakura, marry me." he said, which sounded like a command. I knew it. He was going to propose.

"Natsume, I…I…" I looked away from his gaze. I felt guilty.

"I…can't." I finally said. I saw how pain crossed his eyes, and it hurt me.

"Why?" he asked, his aura darkened. I know that he wasn't expecting me to turn down his proposal, and I wasn't expecting myself to him down either.

"I…Forgive me, Nat. I have to work abroad for 6 months." I told him, my voice shaky. I want to accept his proposal. I want to marry him. But I need to fulfil my dreams first.

"Work? Modelling again?" he asked irritatingly.

"You know how important my job is to me, Nat." I reasoned out.

"Mikan, which is more important? Me or your modelling career?" he asked as he stood up. I, too, stood up and faced him. I lowered my head, letting those hot tears from my eyes flow freely.

"Why are you asking me to choose, Nat?" I asked as I glanced up at him.

"Just answer me!" he shouted.

"I can't! I can't…I can't…" I cried.

"I see." he muttered as he turned his back on me.

"Nat, I'm sorry." I apologized and hugged him from the back. I felt him touch my hands and he released my hold on him.

"If your work is more important than I am, I won't stop you. If that's what you want and you're happy with it, I'll support you. That's what I've always done, and I will continue doing it." he said, his voice shaky. I saw him wiped his eyes heard him sniff. I was about to approach him but he started walking away. I knew from that moment, I broke his heart.

-At the Cathedral-

Friends and families were asked to do a speech for Natsume before his burial. And I wasn't an exception. Every speech I heard about him made me cry. They really know him a lot, I thought. Then, it was my turn to speak. I hesitantly went on stage, because I was really crying and I didn't know if I can make it.

There's a song that's inside of my soul.

It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again

I'm awake in the infinite cold.

But you sing to me over and over and over again.

"Hyuuga Natsume. Just 2 words that would surely make a girl go gaga over his name. If you'd describe him physically, he had those tantalizing crimson eyes and messy raven hair. He's 6 ft tall, and very very smart. And boy, he was every girl's dream for he was a very good-looking man. But if you'd describe his attitudes, he's the most arrogant, conceited, big jerk, and a complete narcissist that ever existed. He's the most serious and the rudest guy I ever knew. He's the guy who wouldn't give a damn on other else's business. His face had always been void of emotions. He hated his fan girls, because he said they were so noisy and such a nuisance. Normally, he'd skip classes and he'll stay under the Sakura Tree, usually reading his manga. One would say that he's always mad, but that's just how he is."

So, I lay my head back down.

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only yours, I pray,to be only yours

I know now you're my only hope.

"I was 10 years old when I met him. Our first meeting wasn't a good one. He called me 'polka-dots' that day, which at first, I had no idea why he did. Until I realized that he saw my undies. Starting from that day, he would start teasing me with what I's usually wear. I started hating him because of his teases. We really hated each other's guts. But years later, I don't know if I had taken the wrong medicine and I just started falling for him. When we were 16 years old, the school organized a promenade night. I guess that's one of my most memorable experiences, because I never expected him to ask me to be his date, which of course I gladly accepted. After the event, he took me to his favorite spot, the Sakura Tree. There, he confessed, and it was my first time experiencing a 'sweet kiss' from the one I love. From that day onwards, we started dating, until we became an official 'girl-boy thing'. I find him cute, every time he'd get jealous and a bit obsessed with me when other guys approaches me. It was as if they had a very contagious disease and he didn't want me to get infected. This heart-shaped locket was his first gift to me which he gave me after graduation. I started my modelling career after that, though at first he was against it, later on, he agreed to it. He was always there beside me, supporting me, every time I had new projects or whatsoever. Even if he has a lot work to do, he'll always find time just to be with me."

Sing to me the song of the stars.

Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.

When it feels like my dreams are so far

Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

"He...He was...the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. He was my everything. Even if I had no relatives left, he was always there for me. He stood up as my guide to every path that I was taking. Natsume, if there is one thing that I really regret doing; it is when I rejected your proposal. At that time, I was blinded by my career and I didn't realize that I was being selfish. You've given me everything, but the one thing that you've wished from me, I wasn't able to give it to you. The truth is, I really wanted to marry you. But I can't turn back the time now, can I? You know, I will give up this modelling career. I know that it's too late, but Nat, if only I could turn back the time, I would've chosen to stay with you. It was too late when I realized that careers can be easily replaced once you've lost it. But you, now that you're gone, you can't be replaced. And I really hated myself for choosing work over you."

So I lay my head back down.

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours

I know now, you're my only hope.

"These past few days, I was really having a hard time accepting that...that you're gone. I miss your touch, your warmth, your voice, your hugs, and your kisses. I miss the way you'd glare at me like I'm the most stupid person you've ever laid your eyes on. I miss the way you'd call me names, the way you'd call me an idiot every time I act childish, and the way you'd stare at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world you've ever seen. I miss you so much, Nat. From the day that I met you, up to now, I still love you. Although we were tired of our relationship, I'll always love you Nat. And I want to thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you, because you were the best part that has ever happened to me. Thank you for everything that you sacrificed for me. Thank you and I love you...so much. You'll always be in my heart, Nat. And my love for you will never end."

I give you my destiny.

I'm giving you all of me.

I want your symphony, singing in all that I am

At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.

I went down the stage, still crying. Mrs. Hyuuga came to me and hugged me tight.

"It'll be all right, Mikan. It's going to be all right." she comforted me, and I just let my tears out.

"Mikan-nee." I heard Aoi called my name. She smiled at me and I smiled back at her. She then ran and hugged me tight.

"I'm sorry Mikan-nee. I'm sorry." She said to me. She, too, was crying.

"What for?" I asked, totally bewildered as to why she was apologizing.

"For hating you before, because I thought that you're stealing nii-chan from us. I'm so sorry." she said.

"It's ok, Aoi-chan. There's nothing to forgive." I told her, reassuring her that everything is okay. Then, the gang appeared and they approached me as well.

"Hey, you better stop crying." Koko told me.

"Natsume wouldn't want to see you like that, right?" Anna and Nonoko said in unison.

"I bet your eyes are tired. Give 'em a break, Mikan." Ruka, Natsume's bestfriend teased, which made me giggle.

"Mikan, you're not alone." Sumire whispered.

"Yeah, we'll always be here if you need us." Yuu reassured.

"Baka, you better fix yourself." Hotaru, my best friend said icily, though I felt her concern.

"Thanks guys." I smiled and hugged them one by one.

So I lay my head back down.

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only yours, I pray,

to be only yours I pray, to be only yours

I know now you're my only hope.

hmmmmm, hmmmmm, oooooh.

"Hey Nat! How's life up there in Heaven?" I asked but particularly pertaining to no one. I sat on the grassy ground, placed a bouquet of flowers beside the tombstone and touched it.

"It's been almost a year, huh? I didn't know I can make it through those times without you."

"Well Nat, I have good news for you. Remember that special night we shared? Last month, I gave birth. I remember asking you what we are going to name our children. If it is a boy, you said to name him Yojiri. If it is a girl, you said to name her Natsumi. Guess what, they're twins. And I named them Yojiri and Natsumi just like what you've told me." I smiled as I remembered my twins.

"Yojiri inherited your pointed nose and crimson eyes, while Natsumi inherited your lips and raven hair. You know what, they're so cute and they really look a lot like you. I wonder who will be the genius you and the idiotic me between them." I chuckled lightly.

"Nat, sometimes, I can't help but wonder what life will be for us if ever you're here. I know we'll be a happy family and all." I sighed, reminiscing and cherishing the moments we had together.

"Nat, again, thank you. Even if you left me so sudden, in exchange for that, you left me with two precious children. I did regret rejecting your proposal though, but I will never regret loving you and I'll never regret that one night we shared. I'll take care of them for you, and I will love them just like how you loved me. Arigato." I stood up and wiped the tears forming on my eyes.

"Take care of us, ne?" I finally said before walking away, going back home.

"There's only one lesson I've learned. Nothing's more important but to be with your loved ones. Learn how to tell them what you really feel before it's too late. Time is running. Don't waste it or you'll surely regret it."

-end-

6:51pm(Bahrain Time, 23-06-09, Wednesday)

Soo...How was it, minna? Ever wondered what caused Natsume's death? Hit-and-run. That's all I that I could ever think of. Ciao! :]

~ Frantic Emotions