A/N: Im so sorry! life got hectic and things happened... we didnt like the bad grammar in the old rewrite, so we are doing it again. please enjoy and be warned about the content. i promise regular updates.
Draco:
as I sit in the last compartment of the train, my eyes stare out the window though, im not seeing the passing scenery. This was a lovely start to my fifth year at this stupid school, I think bitterly. I had put my stuff away and was just sitting alone in that empty compartment. I didn't even have an animal to keep me company. Although, I wasn't ungrateful for the silence that accompanied the lonely compartment, I just didn't want someone to stumble in and assume that I didn't have any friends, for image sake. Where were those ungrateful bastard friends of mine? I growl angrily, staring into those dark blue sapphires that the shiny window reflects back to me.
They are disgusting, pale, and they are practically identical to my fathers, what a sick joke that the universe is playing on me. I am a spitting image of what my father looked like when he was my age. How cruel could the universe be? Was I doomed to be just as heartless, just as horrid as he was?
Staring into the reflection brings up pain that I have tried to keep hidden, that I have shoved far down inside me. I have to look away. I looked too much like my father, the man who haunted my nightmares with his 'lessons.' I hated the reflection that the window gave off because it was a lie. What the reflection saw, what others saw, was a lie. I wasn't this flawless skinned boy. I wasn't… the boy everyone thought I was.
The more and more that I grew to be like him, the more I hated myself. Every time he laid a hand on me, my hatred for myself grew. The more I hated myself, the more I pushed people away and I punished myself, like a house elf breaking rules. The loneliness that came with having only two friends, who were only my friends because they feared me, helped me hide pain. I didn't have anyone to tell. I had no one who wanted to care.
The only thing that kept me going was that I wasn't completely like my father. I didn't hurt others, but of course, the door opened and that thing flew out the window. It was potter, mine only enemy.
The words are at my mouth before I can stop them, "what the hell are you doing in here, potter, this isn't the girls lavatory." I snap, clenching my hands. The anger in me, over everything ive ever been through causes me to lash out against potter.
I stare at him. He is so perfect that it sickens me. The way his clothes fall onto his frame, how snappy he looks in his school robes. It makes me gag. My eyes clench at the scarf he is wearing. Well, that's just plain disgusting. He looks like a fucking faggot.
His voice snaps my gaze to his face, taking my eyes from his scarf as he growls. "Sorry, my mistake Malfoy seeing you here had me confused for a second." He remarks, his eyes holding as much hatred as mine did. I laugh, glaring up at him. "That's a pretty smart thing for such a stupid kid to say." I observe looking to my nails. "too bad you cant summon those kind of smarts on tests, potter." I spat back at him.
he replies calmly. "At least im smart enough to pass with out my daddies help." I growl. "at least I have a father." I snapped back. "Well, if mine was still around, you know I wouldn't be a cowardice that has to hide behind his daddies power and bribe his way through school. I bet youre daddies little angel, aren't you? I bet he regrets having you, doesn't he Draco? Because you cant pass a single test on your own. You don't have any talent."
That is when I hit him.
I don't know why I am shocked that he hits back. Then we are both throwing and receiving punches like pros. I rip that ugly scarf off and we freeze. My eyes tighten at the dark purple cuts on his throat. I spat a horrid thing at him. "What's this? The fucking perfect potter boy tried to go home to his parents? What, did the world get too hard for you? Is it too hard to be worshipped every day?" I spat at him. "You're pathetic. You're weak. You're just like your pathetic father." I growled. And he hit me, square in the jaw.
His anger grows and I am soon at a disadvantage. He keeps hitting me, pinning me to the wall. I spat on his face, growling angrily, he kept hitting me and deep down, I was scared. That's when that annoying ugly Granger walks in and screams, grabbing harry and pulling him off of me. Though, she hated me. "harry!" she scolded. "You can't just go around punching people! No matter how much of a low life they are." She spat towards me.
I cussed at him. "Looks like mommas come to save little baby potter." I spat, growling wordlessly at the whore. "Go on, tell momma how much you missed her." I began laughing. He had his scarf on again, so granger didn't see the cuts. She spun around to face me and growled. "youre a pathetic little wuss." She growled and dragged harry out of the room, muttering to him.
Alone, again, I collapsed into the empty compartment and growled, pushing the pain and sadness down deep inside of me. Im only alone for a few minutes before the compartment door opens. I stand up, fists clenched. I growl at crabbe and goyle. "where the fuck have you been?!" I screamed. I get into their faces. "there had better been a fucking unicorn having babies in the middle of the train that kept you from getting here sooner." I spat violently.
one opens his mouth to reply, but I snap. "never mind. I don't fucking care. Youre here now." I plop down into one of the seats and pinch the bridge of my nose angrily.
the silence that follows is thick. I don't care that ive insulted them. I don't care that ive been mean. I was so much like my father that it killed me inside, but I didn't show that. I just went back to staring out the window.
"what the hell has gotten into him?" one of the idiots asks the other. I tune them out, clenching my fists. I closed my eyes, loathing myself. The rest of the ride passes in silence. Neither of them ask me anything, and I don't ask them. I'm pushing my only friends away from me emotionally. Soon, I wouldn't have any.
when the train stops, I storm out of it. I walk slowly once on the grounds, not ready to go into the great hall. Some gryffindors walk by, already having heard the tale of the fight between potter and I, one screams. "thatll teach you to insult others!" I pull my wand out and he runs. I laugh and walk inside.
Instead of going to the great hall to eat, I walk into the nearest bathroom and lock the door. I needed a moment. I needed a break. I needed… a moment to myself. I slide down into a sitting position under one of the sinks.
I am ashamed that I cried. The words the potter boy said sunk in and suddenly I was just… weak. I sobbed for a really long time. After I was done crying, I turned the showers on and stripped down to my boxers. I removed the glamour spell and stared down at the wounds that proved how weak I was. I had new bruises forming on my face where potter had hit me. I sighed and let out a deep breath of air.
I stripped down all the way and got into the shower, letting the boiling hot water wash over my bruised and broken skin. I washed slowly, being gentle. My mind wandered to how I got the bruises that covered my skin. I lost track of how long I was in the shower before I got out. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist before I stepped out. I froze when I saw the man standing there. For a moment, I just panicked.
"m-Malfoy?" He whispered softly, just as frozen as I was. "what happened to you?" he asked and it was then that I remembered I didn't have my glamour charm on. I panicked and began digging through my clothes to find my wand. Upon finding it, I hid my wounds. I was still numb inside.
"what happened?" he repeated and then, anger swelled in my mind. I growled and got dressed in a hurry. "you fucking happened." I spat, though that wasn't true. "just leave, Potter. Go confess your love for Weasel and ruin someone elses day." I spat at him, glaring.
"don't try and change the fucking topic, Malfoy." He spat at me and I shuddered, glaring at him.
"how long were you standing there, creep?" I asked, clenching my fists. "were you watching me shower?" I asked, growing angrier. "How dare you?!" I screamed at him. Even though potter is flustered, he doesn't miss a beat. "oh, like there was anything for me to see!" he screamed.
"if you don't mind, ill be going to tell the whole school how much of a creeping faggot the potter kid is." I taunted and went for the door. He shoved me into the wall. "you do that and ill tell them all about the bruises youre hiding, Malfoy." He growled.
"if you do that, potter, ill tell about the cut on your neck. The suicide attempts, Mr Potter. Ill tell everyone." I spat back.
"theyd never believe you over me." He hissed, though he seemed angry. He seemed threatened.
"they wouldn't have to believe me, Potter." I spat. "one look at your neck and theyd see the truth, That youre just a weak little boy."
he slammed me into the wall again. "shut your filthy little mouth, you little shit! Im not a faggot!" he screamed, slamming me into the wall again. I was ripped into a memory.
it was small, short. Daddy shoved me into the wall, I was bleeding, it was bad. He hit me, and then hit me, cursing at me, calling me a faggot. I whimpered, eyes shut tight, "no, daddy, no more!" I screamed, and then the silence echoing on the bathroom walls, I remembered where I was.
Harry:
This stupid scarf was giving me trouble. It kept rubbing against the cuts, reminding me of home. Of Dudley whispering to me that next time I should do it right, with a fucking gun. Of Vernon shouting at me that if I messed up again he would kill me himself. I laugh bitterly to myself, opening the door to a compartment. I had prayed in was empty, that I could be rid of this pitiful scarf for just a moment, but no. It was Malfoy. Of course.
"What the hell are you doing in here, Potter? This isn't the girl's lavatory." he snaps, looking up from the window. He looks me up and down, stopping at my scarf. Can he see? Does he notice the way I wince when it moves? No. Of course not. "Sorry Malfoy, my mistake. Seeing you in here had me confused for a moment." he laughs, a laugh filled with hate and bitterness. A laugh just like mine. "That's a pretty smart thing for such a large twit to say." he growls, looking down at his nails. "Too bad you cant summon that kind of intelligence on tests, Potter."
"At least I'm smart enough to pass without my daddies help." I sneer, feeling my hatred swell. "At least I have a father." he says, and I want him to burn. I am going to grind him to dust, rip out his heart, to scream and stomp on his body. "Well, If mine were around, you know I wouldn't be a coward that had to hide behind my daddies power and bribe his way through school. I bet you're daddies little angel, aren't you?" I want to laugh, his expression is so full of hate. "You know what I think? I think he regrets having you. Doesn't he, Draco? Because you cant pass a single test on your own. Because you have no talent. Because you're weak, and pathetic. Just. Like. Him." I say, smiling with my anger.
I am almost surprised when he hits me. Almost. Then I eagerly hit him back, throwing punches like I can do nothing else, like it was what I was born to do. He hits me too, hard. But its nothing I cant handle, until he pulls off my scarf. "What's this? The perfect fucking Potter boy tried to go home to his parents? What, did the world get to hard for you? Is it too hard to be worshiped every day?" he laughs at me, the little fuck. "You're pathetic. You're weak. You're just like your pathetic little father."
Suddenly I am pressing him against the wall, hitting him over and over wherever I can reach. I cant feel my fists anymore, cant feel anything but my anger and my pain. Someone is pulling me off of him and I am fighting them too, trying to get back to the pathetic boy in the corner. "Looks like mommas come to save little baby potter." I stiffen and growl like an animal. "Go on, tell momma how much you missed her." he begins to laugh, and somehow my scarf in back in position.
Hermione, yes, Hermione, that's who is holding me, just snarls at Malfoy. "You're a pathectic little wuss, aren't you?" and pulls me out. When we get to the compartment with ron she starts to yell at me. "What the hell do you think you were doing Harry?! If anyone else had found you-! Do you have any idea what could have happened to you?!" I just sit and look over at ron, who is looking at me with surprise. Oh. I have some of dracos blood on my knuckles. I start to laugh. Nice. The laughter turns into hysterical giggles, until even Hermione stops talking.
We sit in silence for a long time, Both of them just starring at me. "Mate, what happened to you?" ron whispers and I look at him with a smile. "Nothing." Another tiny laugh. "Just got tired of Malfoy's shit." I touch my neck and laugh again. My sleeve slips a little, and I see the bandages there as well. It makes me stop laughing, looking at the proof of my failure. They stare at me again, but I don't smile. We sit silent again, this time until we arrive at the school. I walk alone, for the first time. I watch as Draco almost hexes some other students and I feel sick. Pathetic. Picking on second years.
I end up sitting next to ron and Hermione in the great hall anyway, just to stop other peoples chatter. I end up giggling during the sorting when I see ron and Hermione look at me with concern. Finally I get up after pretending to eat. I am feeling sick again, wondering if I really will die this time. I head to the closest bathroom, rushing in and stopping dead when I hear the shower running. I look over to see Malfoy, stepping out of the shower with his towel around his hips.
"m-malfoy?" I whisper softly as his eyes bug out. "what happened to you?" unlike before, my voice is small. Could I have done this to him? But no… there were to many. And they were to old. He fumbles in his pile of clothes for his wand, casting a spell that makes all the wounds disappear. But I know they're there. "What happened?" I say, my voice stronger.
He turns away from me, getting dressed quickly. "You fucking happened!" he spits in my face, and I can see his eyes flash with a hatred I echo. "Just leave Potter. Go confess your love for Weasel and ruin someone elses day." I glare at him, spitting "Don't change the fucking topic, Malfoy." I know it shouldn't I should be nice, but he is making me furious. "How long were you standing there, Creep?" he asks, clenching his fists. "Were you watching me shower?" he screams, "How dare you!" and without missing a beat I snap back "Oh like there was anything for me to see!"
"If you don't mind, I'll be going to tell the whole school how much of a creeping faggot the potter kid is." he growls, heading toward the door. But I push him against the wall snarling "You do that and I'll tell them about the bruises your hiding, prick."
"If you do that, Potter, I'll tell then about the cut on your neck. All the suicide attempts, Mr. Potter. I'll tell everyone." he spits back.
"They would never believe you over me."
"They wouldn't have to believe me, Potter. The proof is hidden just under your scarf." he laughs. "The truth that you are nothing more than a weak little boy. Nothing more than a legend made up to help old people sleep at night." he laughs again. "You're nothing more than a name Potter. And after I tell them, you wont even be that."
I pick him up by the front of his shirt, slamming him into the wall again. "Shut your filthy mouth you little faggot!" I scream, slamming him into the wall again, Hard. But instead of hatred, his eyes glaze over in fear. "No, Daddy, No more! Please!" he yells, and I drop him., his scream echoing around the room over and over.
He looks up at me, remembering who he was with and starts to cry, turning to run. He makes it out the door before instinct kicks in and I run after him, faster than ever before. I can hear his swears echoing down the hall. He calls me a faggot, a bastard, a pussy. Weak, stupid, putrid, ugly, emo, anything he can to make himself feel better. Finally I hear his footsteps stop, but his crying continues.
I find him in an empty classroom, backed into a corner with tears streaming from his eyes. I am panting, but I walk over to him anyway. "I thought you were supposed to be a snake, not a fucking gazelle!" he just stares at me, tears streaming from his hate filled eyes. My scarf falls completely off, revealing the whole cut. I don't bother to put it back, instead laughing and throwing it in the air. "Isn't it fucking great?!" I shout. "The two most fucked up students in the whole school, sitting right across from each other." and I laugh again, falling onto the ground in front of him.
"Oh, but lets nor forget these pretties." I say, pulling my sleeves up to show him the fresh bandages and all the scars. "aren't they beautiful?!" I roll onto my stomach, looking into his eyes. "But what about you? Did your daddy give you all those cuts and bruises?"
"Fuck you, Potter." he says, his tears slowing as he becomes more angry at me than weepy. "Or what you little baby? Are you gonna be like your daddy and hurt me? What will you do? Punch me? Kick me? None of it matters." I sneer at him, laughing still. "Nothing you do ever matters, does it?" and then he leaps at me, punching me in the jaw, twisting my head painfully.
"Who the hell do you think you are Potter?! You don't know anything. You never have. So stop fucking talking about things you could never, ever, understand!" he screams, his voice stabbing into my head. "Well then…" I whisper, my voice hoarse with pain, "You had best keep quiet Malfoy." I look up at him, smiling
evilly. He start to cuss at me again, calling me a lunatic as I scoot closer to him. I grab his shoulder and a fistful of his hair, pulling his lips down to meet mine. It doesn't matter that his tears still haven't dried on his face, or that I'm sure my neck is bleeding. For one moment both of us are quiet, feeling the softness of each other lips. Then he pushes me away and swears again, calling me a faggot. But I know he enjoyed it too. His pale skin gives away the slightest blush.
Just as he starts to really cuss at me, Snape walks in with his cloak swishing behind him, his own monstrous sort of wings. "And just what do you two think you are doing?!" he says in his dark voice, looking both of us up and down. "Nothing Snape. Just having a little fun." he sees my arms and neck and walks over, starring down at us intently. "Well, let us see to it that this type of 'fun' does not continue. Detention. For both of you." he turns around, cloak floating on an invisible breeze.
Malfoy mutters under his breath that he hates Snape, and the man turns around in a flash. "Don't you Dare talk of me in such a manner, you little slut!" Snape snarls. "Do not make me let your father in for a little 'lesson'. Or better yet, I could give you one myself." he smiles and turns to leave again, pausing in the doorway. "Oh, and Potter," he says, "Do us all a favor and finish the job next time, Okay?" Then he is gone and I am left with Malfoy.
"What the hell was that?!" I say turning to look at him, with fresh tears in his eyes. "None of your fucking business Potter!" he snarls at me, pulling himself away. "Keep out of my life." I stand, holding my hand out to him. "I'll make it my business. Now tell me what the hell is going on between you and Snape!" But he says nothing, standing without taking my hand, even as the tears blur his vision. He tries to push past me, but I grab his shoulders, holding him in front of me. "I wont let you leave until you tell me."