A/N: This story is based off the video "Llamas with Hats" by SecretAgentBob (FilmCow Productions). If you haven't seen it, I suggest you do before you read this fanfiction. It's really funny, but you may not be humored if you're an adult. They never find FilmCow funny. Silly them. XD

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters, for Ryan Murphy does. I do not own Llamas with Hats either, FilmCow/SecretAgentBob on YouTube does.

WARNING: Minor character death, mentioned homicide, and mentioned cannibalism. There's a reason this is rated T, you guys.

Reviews are love! Lessthan3

CANNIBLAINE
(AKA Klaine with Hats)

It was around noon when Kurt arrived home from Rachel's overnight bachlorette party. He had woken up with a mad hangover, which he had treated by now with a few bottles of water. This surprised him, for normally all the drinking happened at the batchlor's party. He had heard that the guys at Finn's party didn't even drink; they just spent the night battling each other out in a live Call of Duty tournament, with BB guns and helmets and everything. Kurt was a little hesitant when he heard Blaine was invited, for whenever Blaine was involved in these kinds of games, it would take him a while to get out of character. In High School, he would occasionally have Nerf gun battles with other Warblers, and for the next few days Kurt would have to make sure he wasn't around sharp objects and people at the same time. An incident like that hadn't occurred since graduation, and now that he and Blaine were happily married living in Brooklyn, Kurt was glad he would never have to worry about it ever again.

Until today.

Kurt took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He adjusted his pink sun hat before unlocking the door and stepping inside the house, closing the door behind him. He looked around, checking to see if any wreckage had been done to his outlandishly-decorated living room.

He sighed in relief. It was spotless.

"Blaine? I'm home!" He called, hanging his coach bag on the door handle and slipping off his mink coat. Yes, Kurt was an expensive shopper. Lucky for him, Blaine had the money to pay for it all. "Blaine? Honey, where are you?" He tried again when he didn't receive an answer.

There was still so reply. Kurt looked around curiously, taking a few steps forward, when suddenly it hit him. The sudden gut-wrenching stench of rotting metal. Kurt's hand flew up to his nose, blocking his nostrils from the smell. He gagged, spinning around. He immediately regretted it.

"BLAINE!"

He heard a serious of pots and pans crashing to the ground from the kitchen, and suddenly Blaine was busting through the double-hinged door, holding a frying pan in the air and wearing a green night cap. "What? What's wrong? Is someone in the house?" He was frantically searching around, completely overlooking what had scared the wits out of his husband.

Kurt's eyes were wide with shock as he stared at the wall in horror. "BLAINE! There's a DEAD HUMAN in our HOUSE!" He pointed a trembling finger at the limp body leaning against his expensive wallpaper, which was now stained red. He suddenly recognized the body. His jaw dropped when he realized the man was no other than Jeremiah, the GAP junior manager Blaine had serenaded and got fired back in High School. The last time Kurt saw him, he had rejected Blaine and stowed off in an Edward Cullen like way, throwing a hood over his long, messy hair so no one would see his face. Now, he was a bloody mess on the floor of the Hummel-Anderson household, eyes struck with fear.

Blaine's head turned from behind the sofa to his former crush, his eyebrows arching in surprise. "Oh, hey! How did he get here?" He spoke in a rather nonchalant way, tilting his head in curiosity.

Kurt snapped his head to give Blaine a horrified look, then back at the body. There was no way Blaine was totally unaware of the rotting human in the living room. It was right there, stinking up the place and staining his four thousand dollar rug with blood! He locked eyes with his husband again. "Blaaaaaaine! What did you do?" He accused, his eyes narrowing as he folded his arms over his chest.

Blaine dropped the pan, letting it hit the sofa as he held his hands up defensively. "Me? I-achk- I didn't do this!" His was rather casual considering the circumstances.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Explain what happened, Blaine!"

"I've never seen him before in my life!" Blaine shrugged, but Kurt could tell by the way his eyes got a little bigger that he knew he had been caught in a lie. Of course Blaine had seen him before; he had sung Robin Thicke to him in front of about twenty mortified shoppers!

"Why did you kill this person, Blaine?" Kurt shouted frantically, barely believing his own words. But it was quite obvious that Blaine had something to do with this.

Blaine kept shrugging, speaking in a carefree but still defensive tone. "I do not kill people. That is… That is my least favorite thing to do."

Kurt narrowed his eyes again, staring daggers into his husband. "Tell me, Blaine, exactly what you were doing before I got home."

Blaine seemed to quickly recollect his thoughts as he began to explain. "Alright, well, I-I was in the kitchen…"

"Okay…" Kurt nodded.

"I was-ugh- I was at the counter…"

"Yes…"

"Making lunch…"

"Go on…"

"And, uh, well, this guy walked in…"

"Okay…"

"So I went up to him…"

"Yes…"

"And I-ugh- well, I stabbed him thirty-seven times in the chest."

Silence.

Both their faces were completely void of expression. Blaine just stared blankly at Kurt, waiting for him to do something other than stare back at him with raised eyebrows. Nobody moved until Kurt finally face-palmed himself.

"Blaaaaaaaine!" He groaned in frustration. "That kills people!"

"Oh!" Blaine looked over at the body in realization, only slightly shocked. "Oh, w-wow! I-I-tuh! I didn't know that!" He chuckled guiltily, running his fingers through his curly locks.

"How could you not know that?"

"Yeah, I'm in the wrong ear. I suck."

Kurt rubbed his temples. He felt a migraine coming on. How could Blaine do something like this? And not only that, but how was he not freaking out? This was insane. He had to be dreaming. There was no way Blaine killed a person and left him on the floor of the living room. He turned his attention to the body once again, cringing a bit when he realized he'd have to move the body to clean the blood before it stained. He'd have to touch it. Gross…

Wait a minute…

"What happened to his hands?" Kurt asked sceptically. As if he wasn't skeptical about this situation already.

"What's that?" Blaine's head snapped up. He had picked up the pan and was in the process of sneaking back into the kitchen while Kurt wasn't paying attention, and was now frozen in place.

"His hands," Kurt pointed to the bleeding stubs at the end of Jeremiah's arms. "Wha-Why are they missing?"

"Well, I, ugh…" Blaine rocked on the back of his heels, avoiding Kurt's glaring eyes. "I kind of, uh, cooked them up… And ate them."

Another silence.

Kurt's face slowly twisted into a look of disgust as he took in Blaine's words. He couldn't believe it. Blaine had eaten human flesh? He felt sick. Horribly sick. This was just so wrong. He had to support himself against the wall to keep from collapsing. Blaine bit his lip, looking slightly embarrassed.

Kurt finally composed himself and stood up straight. He had to convince himself, for now, that everything was normal; that was he just heard wasn't sickening at all. He and Blaine had been together for seven years now, and there was no way he was going to let a stupid thing like this come between them. But, of course, he was still upset. "Blaaaaine!"

"Well, I-I was hungry," Blaine once again shrugged it off. "And, well, you know, when you crave hands…"

"Why on earth would you do that?" Kurt stressed, his eyes begging for a more reasonable excuse.

"I was hungry for hands! Gimme a break!"

"Blaaaaaine!"

"My stomach was making the rumblies." A wicked smirk crossed Blaine's face as he said this, his voice lowering into a rather creepy, seductive tone.

"Blaine!"

"That only hands would satisfy."

"What is wrong with you, Blaine?" Kurt deadpanned.

Blaine quickly switched back to his defensive, yet casual pitch. "Well, I kill people and I eat hands, that's two things."

A/N: LOL! Hope you enjoyed! XD

I may write one for Llama with Hats 2, 3, and 4 when I get the chance. But for now, I'm going to celebrate...

YEEEESSSSSS! I FINALLY FINISHED A ONE-SHOT! SUCCESS! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I HAVE A STORY COMPLETE! :D

Oh, sorry, I forgot you were still here. Haha, silly me! ^^ Why don't you leave a review before you go, yes? If you want to see a sequel, tell me. ;)\

Loz uv luvz...

~Mima Roses