*Title:* What Hurts the Most
*Author: *Leslie
*Rating: *PG-R, not sure, just saying R to be safe for like swear words
and such
*Characters: *Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Ironhide, Prowl, Prime, Ratchet
and a few others
*Summary: */Sunstreaker walked away… or did he?/
*Disclaimer: *They aren't mine, they never will be, so please don't sue
me. Thanks!
*A/N: *The title comes from the Rascall Flatts song "What Hurts the
Most" but it's not really a song fic. I just happened to be listening to
the song when this story came to mind. I also took some inspiration from
the Nickelback song "If Everyone Cared".This is my first Transformers
fic and it'll be 2007 movie verse and since I haven't seen the series in
so damn long, there will probably be cannon issues. Anyway. Please read
and review and please be kind. Thanks and enjoy.
*/Sideswipe POV/*
I'm not sure how it happened or even when. All I know is I came online
one morning and he was gone. His bunk was empty, everything in our room
in its place, and a painting left to dry on the desk in our quarters. I
had been in the infirmary for a week and had returned to our quarters
the day before. Sunny had been somewhat quiet but he'd done everything
he could for me. He'd half carried me down the hallways and into our
quarters. He'd put me in the bottom bunk so I didn't have to try and
strain a gasket getting into the top bunk. He'd brought me an energon
drink for dinner and sat with me until I faded offline.
The last thing he said to me was that no matter what, he hoped I would
always know he'd never be far away from me. I didn't think anything
about it at the time but now… now I sit here in our quarters, on the
cold metal floor, and I wait for the day when he comes back because I
know he will. He promised he'd never leave me alone. I just wish I could
remember what happened before I ended up in the infirmary. I wish I knew
what had happened while I was there. No one will talk to me about it.
Prowl just tells me not to worry and that it'll all be okay soon enough.
He won't tell me where Sunny went or if he's coming home anytime soon.
He says very little.
Ratchet just gives me this fatherly look every time he comes to check on
me. I think he knows something but he's reluctant to say. I haven't
dared to ask Prime. There are times when I think he hates Sunny but he's
a leader and leaders don't hate their warriors. Do they? I've seen Prime
whenever Bumblebee has been injured. It kills him to leave the little
one behind. I remember when we first got him back from the Decepticons
all those years ago… his voice box had been ripped out and that wasn't
even the worst of it all. Sometimes I think Prime must have had a hand
in Bumblebee's creation. I'd never ask, but I think maybe Prime knows
what it's like to lose someone that's close.
Ironhide checks on me, takes me with him on patrol but it's not the same
as it was when Sunny was here. Sunny is my other half, the part of me
that's cold, hard and grounded just like I am the part of him that's
warm, sincere and irrational. We each need the other to survive, so why
isn't he here…
*/Ratchet POV/*
I keep watching the kid wander through the halls looking for all the
world like someone kicked his robodog. For all intents and purposes,
they might have. Without his twin, Sideswipe is not his normal self at
all. In some ways, I think we all knew it would be like this. We all
knew that without one, the other would slowly begin to fade away from
us. I've watched him and I see what he's doing, even if he doesn't
realize he's doing it. The humans call it withdrawal, depression, grief.
We're not human but Sideswipe is exhibiting all those symptoms and more.
He refuses to recharge unless Ironhide or Prowl drags him down to me and
makes him recharge. He's trying to shut himself down.
I told Prime we should have told him the truth, but Prime wanted to
wait. He wanted proof. He needed to be sure. It's been weeks and that
hard-aft yellow bastard is still gone. The blow up leading to his
disappearance had been long coming we all knew it. I guess we just all
thought Sideswipe'd be able to control him. But then there'd been the
accident and the red twin had found himself in my infirmary for a week.
His brother had only left his side twice during that whole week, the
last time being the catalyst that set all of this in motion.
Prowl keeps telling me that everything will work itself out. I keep
telling myself that it's not going to be that easy. Ever since Prowl and
the twins had arrived, along with a dozen others in slow succession,
things had not been easy at all. Jazz's demise had taken a toll on many,
especially Prowl. I knew then that Jazz had tried to tell the older
autobot goodbye when we'd left at Bumblebee's signal but Prowl had told
him there was not going to be any goodbyes. He'd join us as soon as he
could…
Prowl had been the first to arrive after the call sent out by Optimus
Prime after Megatron's defeat. The twins had come shortly thereafter,
having been in the state of California when the call had come. Wheeljack
arrived a week later with Mirage and Cliffjumper. Personally, it would
have been best if Cliffjumper hadn't come, but I'll never voice that
opinion out loud. Everyone knows how much trouble Cliffjumper causes the
twins…
But I digress. I was talking of my twins wasn't I? I say 'my twins'
because I probably know more about them – inside and out – than anyone
else, including their creator. All I can say, as I sit here in the
common room and watch Sideswipe walk back to his quarters, is I hope
that someone tells him the truth soon. Otherwise, we'll have lost them both.
*/Prowl POV/*
I have had great reservations about all of this from the very beginning.
I voiced my concerns to Optimus Prime but at the time he simply told me
that it was for the best. I disagreed with that assessment, but he is
our leader and we follow his lead no matter what. I am his second in
command and yet, there are times when I wonder what is going on his
cranial unit and why he does not share his complete thoughts and plans
with me. Perhaps this time it would have been better had he done so.
Perhaps things would not have come to this…
The twins have always been a source of… shall we say interesting times
around here. So it was no surprise to anyone that when Sunstreaker
disappeared, Sideswipe began to slowly withdraw from everyone and
everything. For the last millennia or so, they had never been separated.
Ever. Where there was one, you'd find the other and vice versa. Warrior
mech twins. I had never heard of such a thing until the day I met them.
Imposing. Intimidating. They stood at least a head taller than most
autobots, including myself. Everyone seemed to get along just fine with
Sideswipe, but most of us stayed far away from Sunstreaker. It was safer
that way, for us and for his brother.
Reckless to a fault, both of them, and merciless to any who dared harm
the other. This is why we have not told Sideswipe the full truth of his
brother's disappearance. It is why we have not told him about the other
missing member of our team. This is why we remain quiet and watch the
red mech slowly fade away from us. Because we know that should we reveal
the nature of all that happened leading up to his own accident and then
to his twin's disappearance, heads would roll. Literally.
I have a great deal of respect for the twins. They are unique. Granted,
there are brothers among our kind, Prime and Megatron prominent among
them, but they are few and far between. Twins are all together something
rare. It is not supposed to happen, and yet, it did and they are the
functioning proof of such. Sustained by a single core of energy that
split, they share memories, thoughts, feelings, everything. This is one
thing that has me concerned. Sideswipe should know what happened. We did
not count on Sunstreaker protecting his brother – and us – throughout
all of this. Maybe we underestimated the yellow mech; maybe we should
have known better…
*/Optimus Prime POV/*
This was not what I had planned on happening. None of us had seen it
coming but I guess, in hindsight, we should have. Sunstreaker warned us
when he first arrived but none of us listened to him. None of us ever
did listen to him. So different from his twin, Sunstreaker often took
the 'shoot/torture/kill first, question later' approach. That is not
what we are, how we operate. I have heard the whispers, here and back on
Cybertron, that Sunstreaker was geared more towards being a Decepticon
than an Autobot. The only thing that kept him with us was his brother.
Sideswipe is a good warrior. They both are good warriors. I was there
the day they were created, but I was not Prime back then. I was Orion
Pax and I was a warrior, much like they are now. I saw what drove
Sunstreaker to what he became and I saw what kept Sideswipe from a
similar fate. I would do whatever I could for them both, even if there
are times when I would like to deactivate the yellow mech. I would never
take one from the other.
And yet… that is exactly what I have done. I have done what most would
consider the 'right thing'. Sam has told me of a saying from a science
fiction movie that says, 'Sometimes the good of the many outweigh the
good of the few or the one'. I think, perhaps, I should have done what
was good for Sunstreaker and told the others to go straight to the pit.
He wouldn't let me, though. He took the decision out of my hands and now
he is gone. He has been gone for far too long. I will have to tell his
twin soon and that thought alone sends my thoughts back to Cybertron all
those centuries ago…
/TBC/
*Chapter 2: How it all began*
Disclaimers can be found in the previous chapter.
*(Thousands of years ago...)*
Cybertron was a world unlike any other during peaceful times. The
technology was endless and the abilities of the robots were vast. At
peace, life on Cybertron was something everyone there seemed to enjoy.
Cybertron at war, however, was a harsh and deadly world. And so were
here children. Especially those led by the young and ambitious one known
as Megatron; Megatron, who had betrayed the faith and beliefs of his
older brother and had turned his abilities and power towards evil.
It was Megatron who first sought to separate the young mech warrior
twins. He wasn't much older than them and he knew Optimus Prime had been
present at their creation. He knew his brother had a soft spot for the
brothers and Megatron wanted to take them from him. Specifically the
brother called Sunstreaker. He saw within Sunstreaker a coldness and
ambition that rivaled only himself. And he saw Sideswipe as an obstacle,
something to be cast aside and destroyed.
And so it was that, on one horrible deadly day that Megatron sent the
Seekers out after the twins with orders to capture any and all who came
in their path, but specifically Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. The Seekers,
Starscream, Thundercracker, and Skywarp, returned mere hours later with
four prisoners; a talkative show off named Jazz, a youngling called
Bumblebee and the warrior twins.
Megatron watched in silent amusement as the four were brought before
him. Starscream shoved Sideswipe rather harshly and the mech lost his
footing and fell to the ground. Sunstreaker turned immediately and
punched the Seeker hard enough to send him flying across the room.
"Touch my brother again and I will kill you slowly, gut you and sell
your parts for scraps," he threatened. Megatron knew he wasn't kidding.
And now, the evil leader had something to use as incentive to keep
Sunstreaker at his side. It only took one day of forcing Sunstreaker to
watch his twin assaulted by the Seekers before the mech agreed to work
with Megatron and his forces.
And all it took to destroy that pact was when, the very next day, he
watched as Starscream shot his brother full charge in the chest as
Sideswipe tried to rescue Bumblebee from Megatron. Sideswipe lay there,
draining vital fluids onto the cold, metal floor as Sunstreaker began to
systematically and mercilessly gun down everyone in that room. Only
Megatron and Starscream managed to escape with their lives, but they
were both severely injured. Sunstreaker's actions were too late, though,
for the younger bot. Megatron had ripped out his vocal transponders and
Sunstreaker knew there was no way to repair that kind of damage. He
freed Jazz and together the two of them carried their injured comrades
back to base.
That night, Optimus Prime began to see the transformation begin in the
quieter twin. When Sunstreaker disappeared that night and the next no
one knew where he'd gone and no one was foolish enough to ask. Sideswipe
lay dying in the infirmary and Bumblebee lay silent in his quarters.
Jazz had sequestered himself with Prowl and no one had any answers.
When Sunstreaker returned, he was dented, bruised and looked as though
he'd fought an entire war all on his own. In his hands he held a gray
sack, which he dropped at Prime's feet before making his way to the
infirmary and to his brother's side.
"I'm here, Sides," Ratchet and Prime both heard him whisper. "I swear to
you on my very core that I will never let you be hurt again by anyone.
And I swear to you, here and now, the I will never leave your side or
let anyone ever separate us again."
Prime later told Ratchet that the sack had contained various parts of
each robot responsible for the final assaults against Sideswipe and
Bumblebee. He never condemned the younger robot for his actions.
Instead, Prime destroyed the sack and kept the incident out of
Sunstreaker's records.
Sunstreaker had made his decisions during those two days he was gone.
Upon his return, he asked Ratchet to erase Sideswipes memory banks of
everything that had happened to him. Ratchet had reluctantly agreed.
That same night, Sunstreaker finally approached Prime behind closed
doors and told him everything that had happened and everything he'd done
as a result.
As days passed, Sideswipe grew worse and Prime, fearing for
Sunstreaker's sanity, cornered him and shut him down. Ratchet took the
now offline twin to the infirmary and secured him to a table near his
brother. If Sideswipe woke, they would re-instate his twin. If Sideswipe
died, they would leave Sunstreaker off line as well.
It took several weeks before Sideswipe finally opened his eyes. When he
turned, he saw his brother and knew Sunstreaker was offline. He begged
and pleaded with Ratchet to bring him back but Ratchet refused, stating
that, until Sideswipe was completely healed, there was no one to contain
Sunstreaker. Sideswipe knew the robot was right and so he focused on
getting better so his brother could be returned to him.
When the twins were both finally online once more, Prime noticed the
differences and knew nothing would ever be the same again. Sideswipe had
returned to them carefree, reckless and full of life once more, but his
brother had become vigilant, hardened and cold. As time went on, the
twins grew apart and Sunstreaker's rampages came more frequently and
Sideswipe never knew why.
The Great War raged on until Cybertron was destroyed and her children
were scattered throughout the universe. Prime wondered when he would
find the twins again and if anything would have changed when he did…
*Prime POV*
My thoughts have taken me to places I have not visited in far too long.
By the time we were all reunited here on Earth, we had all forgotten
that Sunstreaker would do whatever it took to protect his brother. We
also forgot that, friend or foe, to cross one was to incur the wrath of
the other. We should have remembered. Megatron and Starscream should
have remembered…
As I watch, Sideswipe walks out of the caves and into the rain, looking
out across the open road. Once again, there are no memories for him, his
brother having done all he could to save not just his physical form but
his mental form as well. Once again, Sunstreaker has saved Sideswipe,
but at what final cost?
*Sideswipe POV*
I know he's alive. I wouldn't be here if he wasn't. We can't live if the
other is dead; we wouldn't want to. It is something we've discussed on
more than one occasion. So, I know he's alive, I just don't know where
he's gone. I feel a faint spark that tells me, no only is he alive, but
that he misses me and worries for me. I can only hope he knows that I
miss him too. I hope he can feel that, no matter what he's done, I want
him to come back home to me. Yes, I said no matter what.
I hard hushed rumors today. I don't know if they are true but I heard
them nonetheless…
Cliffjumper had been seen with Thundercracker not too long ago…
I was ambushed during my last patrol… ambushed by the Seekers…
Sunstreaker is the one who found me, nearly dead. He proceeded to
immediately kill and behead two of the Seekers outright. He then spent
his time slowly killing Thundercracker in ways I don't even want to know…
It was murder, or so I hear, cold-blooded and vicious…
Afterwards, he returned me to base but said nothing to anyone about what
had happened to my attackers… and then he went after Cliffjumper…
Two days before I woke, the trouble-making mini-bot went missing… The
day after I woke, Sunny disappeared.
Someone said he killed Cliffjumper and Prime had him deactivated for good…
But I still feel him… I know he's alive and I know…
"Sideswipe?" I look behind me to find my leader watching me, his face a
mask of concern and perhaps even a little fear.
"Yes, Optimus?" I answer quietly, almost nervously. Is this it? Is this
when he tells me the truth? Is this when I learn that my brother has
betrayed me and gone to the other side as some have hinted? Or is this
when I learn he really is deactivated and that it's just my foolish hope
that keeps me from accepting the truth?
"We need to talk. I think it's time." He turns and without a word I
follow him.
Tonight I will find the truth…
*/TBC… (next chapter is Sunstreaker's POV)/*
*Chapter 3: Forgiven*
*Sunstreaker's POV*
I watch as Optimus lead's Side's back into the caves that we use as our
base and I choke back the desire to call out to him; to reassure him
that I'm alive and that I haven't left him. But I can't. Not yet. He
doesn't know what happened – back on Cybertron ore out here more
recently. I've done everything I can to protect him. I always will. He
is my twin and I love him.
That's why I left. To protect him. To protect them all. Only Prime knows
the truth and soon, Side's will know and then I'll let him decide what
he wants. I will do whatever he asks of me.
I should have hunted down and destroyed the Seekers back on Cybertron
but I didn't. I knew then that I had to get Sideswipe and Bumblebee back
to base or we'd lose them both. I went back later and cut off pieces of
the ones I'd killed. I'm not really sure why I did it, or how long I
stayed here. I only know I did it; and that I gave those pieces to Prime
and he never said a word.
It's been raining now for days, ever since I left and the rain is an
extension of my tears. Not that I can cry, but if I could, my grief and
my anger would fill an ocean with tears.
What led me here, standing in the rain, watching my beloved twin from
afar, following our leader inside once more? What chain of events caused
me to leave him alone, hurting, still recovering? What have I done that
rips my core to shreds and makes me feel as if I am bleeding out all
that keeps me alive?
What I have done, what I did… are things I cannot change now. I look
down at my battered hands and sigh heavily. My paint is chipped and I am
heavily dented in more places than I can count. I am missing part of my
chest plate and my left optic is dark. At least I still have my voice.
At least I still have my life.
The same cannot be said for others.
As I stand here, hidden from my twin and my fellow Autobots, I can
vaguely remember a time before I was like this; before I was angry,
bitter, harsh and cold. Back on Cybertron I was an artist. I was
emotional, caring, friendly and sociable. Back on Cybertron, Side's was
a dealer so to speak. You could take him to any market, anywhere on the
planet, and he could haggle and sell with the best of them. He could
also infiltrate anything and anyone if need be. That's what made him so
fragging good at his jobs. Not me. Never in a million life times would I
have ever guessed that we would become warriors.
And yet we are, two of the best Optimus commands and I'm not saying
these things to boast or brag. It's a fact, much like the fact that this
war will never end. But I never wanted my twin to become as I had. It is
why I have done the things I've done. It's why I know that, soon, I will
have to choose between his life and mine and the choice is already made.
There is nothing I wouldn't give to keep him safe. Nothing I wouldn't do
to make sure he is well guarded, even though he will never know that. He
knows he has my love; he is the only person who deserves such an emotion
from me. He is the only one who could ever garner such an emotion from
me anymore. All he has to do is look at, watch me in a certain way,
speak to me in a certain tone of voice, and I am his to command. The
ironic thing is, I don't think he knows that. I don't think he fully
understands what he does to me. I don't think he ever will.
But I have done things now that may change all of that… I have ended
what began so many years ago…
*Sideswipe's POV*
Optimus has led me to his office and we sit in silence for a few moments
before he leans back and begins to speak.
"What do you remember about your life on Cybertron, before we all left?"
he asks quietly.
"Not much," I reply, thinking hard. "I remember my time as a marketer, I
know Sunny was an artist before the war and that he wasn't always such a
hardass. I remember, just before the last part of the Great War, that he
began to change. He would explode at nothing at all and his anger would
last for great lengths of time…" I trail off and look up at my leader
slowly. "Why do you ask? What has happened to my brother?"
"Please, believe me when I say your brother is alive," Prime began
softly, "and that when you are ready, he will return. But for the
moment, I just ask you to listen." I nod slowly, some of my fear
abating. Sunny's alive. For the moment, that's all I need to hear. After
a moment, Prime looks at me and I nod slowly. "Very well. Many years
ago, when we were on Cybertron, just before the end of the Great War,
you, Sunstreaker, Jazz and Bumblebee were captured by the Decepticons.
You have no memory of this, do you?"
"No," I answered quietly, wondering why. "Were my memory chips damaged?"
Prime slowly shook his head.
"Your brother… how do I explain this…" Prime brought a hand up to his
optics and covered them for a moment.
"We obviously have time, Optimus," I said quietly. "But please, just
explain it to me in some way." He lowered his hand and nodded slowly.
"Your brother has always had your safety and well being first and
foremost in his mind, much as you feel the same towards him. Your
capture was well planned by Megatron. He wanted your brother to join him
and, after being given the proper incentive, Sunstreaker agreed." I
looked at him in shock but I couldn't speak at that moment. Sunny was a
Decepticon? "But it didn't take long for him to go back on his word to
Megatron. All it took was watching you try to save Bumblebee and be shot
down for it. Sunstreaker broke and turned on everyone in that room. He
killed them all without mercy and managed to severely injure Megatron
and Starscream in the process. He freed Jazz and together the two of
them got you and Bumblebee back to base. You were dying and Bumblebee's
vocal processors had been destroyed." I nod slowly.
"I knew Bee had been hurt badly before we scattered, but I never knew
how or why."
"When Megatron told him to give up the location of our base, Bumblebee
refused. For his silence, Megatron ripped out his vocal processors,
damaging them forever. You were shot in the chest full on by his ion gun
and barely survived. Sunstreaker brought you back to base and then
disappeared for two whole days. I thought he had returned to the
Decepticons and I was fully prepared to go after him if he didn't
return. But he came back…" Prime sighed heavily. "When he returned, he
brought with him a bag of parts from all the Decepticons that had taken
part in the assault upon you and Bumblebee. He handed it over to me and
we never spoke of it again."
"Why can't I remember any of this?" I asked softly.
"Sunstreaker had your memory banks erased of the capture, torture and
your return. He did not want you to become hardened by all that was
happening. It was his way of saving, not just your physical form, but
your mental form as well…"
*Sunstreaker's POV*
I remember back to the days on Cybertron when I thought I was going to
lose Side's. I was beside myself with grief. I exploded at everyone and
Prowl found that he could no longer put me in solitary. It did no good.
I only injured myself. Finally, Prime cornered me and deactivated me. I
remember, as I my body began to shut down, that I didn't want to wake up
again if it meant living my life without…
*Sideswipe's POV*
"…his twin. I knew that if you didn't wake, I would never again be able
to bring him back online." I nodded slowly. I knew this as well. I only
wish I had the memories.
"What about now, Prime? Why is he gone? What happened to cause him to
erase my memory banks this time?" Part of me was angry, angry that Sunny
had thought he had the right to control my life in this manner. How
could he do this to me, take away parts of me that I needed to have?
"Several weeks ago, we received word that there was a possible spy among
our ranks. Ever since Starscream returned with reinforcements, we knew
it was only a matter of time before he struck at us again. During a
patrol, Ironhide and Sunstreaker came across what looked like Cliffjumper…"
*Sunstreaker's POV*
…talking with that damn Seeker, Thundercracker, the one most responsible
for the assault on my brother all those years ago. I knew Ironhide saw
my anger, knew the rage that was flowing through my capacitors, but he
kept his peace and we returned to base once more. We spoke to Prowl and
he told us there had to be some logical reason for what we saw. I like
Prowl as well as the next Autobot, but sometimes, he's too logical for
his own damn good. I knew the reason. The mini-bot was a traitor, but no
one wanted to hear that. They all thought I was just being unreasonable,
which most of them thought I was full time anyway.
They were wrong…
*Sideswipe's POV*
"…and we paid for our mistake dearly," Prime finished quietly. I needed
a moment to process all of this and I guess he knew that because he
didn't start up again right away. I bowed my head into my hands and just
sat there. Sunny's inability to socialize or function well within our
group had caused the others to think him unreasonable and that had led
up to whatever had happened to drive him away. Again, part of me was mad
at my twin, but part of me was mad at everyone else, too. I slowly
raised my head and nodded towards Prime to continue.
"A few days after the sighting, you were out on patrol with Mirage. You
split up, agreeing to meet back at base, and not long after, you were
ambushed by Thundercracker, Skywarp and Ramjet. During the ambush, you
were gravely injured and a weak call back to base fell into
Sunstreaker's hands. He left without warning and no one thought anything
of it. When Mirage returned and you didn't, we searched the message
files and found your distress signal. Along with myself, Ratchet, Prowl
and Ironhide found the area where you'd been attacked. We were too late
to do anything, though."
"But I'm alive, I mean, what happened?"
"You were barely alive and Sunstreaker had gone almost mad with his
fury. Ramjet and Skywarp had been killed fairly quickly, judging by
their injuries. Thundercracker, however…"
*Sunstreaker's POV*
…suffered a great deal at my hands. I first blew out his knees, which
grounded him for the remainder of his time. I then began to slowly and
systematically shoot off smaller body parts as I very calmly reminded
him of all he'd done to Sideswipe back on Cybertron. He begged me for
mercy, there towards the end, but I was beyond mercy. All I could see
before my optics was the sight of my brother… my twin… the other half of
my life… bleeding out on that cold, metal floor, fluids covering him,
dents and scrapes, his optics fading, his voice harsh from screaming,
begging for mercy and it never came. When I finally heard the roar and
hum of my comrades closing in, I raised my gun and shot off his head.
Before leaving him, though, I ripped off his Decepticon shield and hid
it within my chest wall.
I saw the look Prime gave me when he arrived and surveyed the scene
before him. It was fear mixed with sadness and I knew my time was short.
I knelt next to my brother and held him in my arms, pleading with him to
stay awake just a little long. Once Ratchet had him stabilized, we
placed him into Prime's trailer and we headed back to base. I followed
close behind; I carried him to the infirmary…
*Sideswipe's POV*
"…and once you were there, Sunstreaker left and went in search of
Cliffjumper." He stopped again and I was glad he had done so. This was
all too much to take in. I didn't understand. I looked up at him and
tried to speak, to ask, to say something, but nothing came out. I stood
up then and paced the office slowly and quietly.
Sunstreaker had gone beyond a simple rescue and extraction. He had
tortured Thundercracker and then murdered him. That alone should have
gotten him a trial and a very long time in confinement… I stopped short
and looked over at Prime.
"Why didn't anyone take Sunny into custody after he returned to base?"
He looked surprised, as if he hadn't expected such a question from me.
"We had no idea what he'd done until later, when your memory banks were
being searched and erased. You saw everything he did, Sideswipe. You
watched your brother kill Skywarp and Ramjet and then torture and murder
Thundercracker." For a moment I didn't understand what he was telling me
and then it set in and I collapsed on to the floor, my back against the
wall. Prime came from around the desk and knelt before me. "By the time
we knew what had happened, you were awake and he was gone."
Gone… but gone where… and why… I slowly shook my head. I didn't
understand. I couldn't make myself comprehend everything and then…
"What happened to Cliffjumper?"
*Sunstreaker's POV*
Prime told me I would need proof of my charge in order to prove my
actions had been just. I told him I'd get him his damn proof and I had
it, too, but it had come at a cost. I knew I was damaged and I knew my
time was short, but I refused to return to that base until Side's came
for me.
I had confronted Cliffjumper the day of Side's ambush and he'd gotten
defensive and told me to take a long walk off a short cliff. I knew he
was the traitor but no one else would believe me. They thought I was in
shell shock from Sideswipe's attack. They all knew he was dying. I saw
it in their optics. Even Prowl was worried he'd have to deactivate me
but I swore I would kill anyone who tried. When Side's finally woke and
I got him back to our quarters, I vowed to find the reason behind his
attack, no matter what the cost. Even if it cost me the love of my brother.
I followed 'Jumper's trail back to an abandoned building where I found
him talking with Dirge. I hadn't even known Dirge had arrived until
then, but it looked as if I'd just taken out half the Seekers without a
second thought. Dirge was nervous, I could tell, and the mini-bot wasn't
much happier. I knew then I had the right traitor. I just needed proof.
I followed them back to their base and slipped inside, moving and hiding
through the walls, hearing conversations, recording words and pictures
as much as I could before trying to get out of there and back to my own
base.
Getting out, however, proved much more difficult than getting in…
*Sideswipe's POV*
"Do you know where Sunstreaker is?" I asked quietly, having calmed down
a little for the moment. Prime nodded slowly.
"You must understand that, without proof to justify his actions,
Sunstreaker will be tried and he will be shut down; permanently. This is
not something I can hide any longer. Too many people know what's
happened, or at least they think they know. To allow him to return
without anything said or done could cause a mutiny and we can not have
infighting if we hope to win this war." I nodded slowly, almost sadly.
"He wants my permission to come home, doesn't he?" Prime nodded again.
"He knows what will happen and yet he will face his punishment if it
means that you have forgiven him."
"What if he has proof?" Prime sighed heavily.
"If he has proof than he might be safe. But we still have to deal with
his actions towards the Decepticons the day you were attacked. We are
not murderers, Sideswipe, you know that."
"I know, Prime. What must I do to bring him home?"
"Walk outside and wait for him…"
*Sunstreaker's POV*
And so, here I stand, the rain falling all around me, growing heavier by
the hour. I hear thunder in the distance and I see lightening begin to
flash. I hold the proof of my actions within me and my outward
appearance shows how I got away. No one will doubt my loyalty even if
they doubt my sanity.
For a brief moment, I look up and as the lightening flashes again I see
him walking out of the caves and into the rain. For a moment, I feel
something within me tighten, close around me and envelope me and I know
it is my core reacting to his. He turns and he looks right at me and I
know I have to acknowledge his presence. I step out from behind the tree
and for a moment I hesitate. Time is short, but for a moment I am
afraid. We look at each other through the rain, across the barren land
and then he begins to walk towards me and I towards him.
We meet there, in the middle of the road and he looks at me, sees the
damage done to me by our enemies and I know that, if he could cry, his
tears and mine would mingle and entwine much the way our bodies do now
as he drags me into his arms and tells me I am forgiven…
*Sideswipe's POV*
What else could I do? He is my brother, my twin, my beloved and nothing
he does will ever make me feel less for him. As I hold him there in my
arms and whisper words of forgiveness that he seems to need so
desperately, I realize now what I have been feeling all along. The pain
within my chest begins to lessen, it doesn't hurt now because he's home,
he's in my arms and I can feel his body against mine once more. Nothing
he's done will ever be enough for me to stop loving him. I tell him that
I love him, now more than ever, and he repeats the same to me. And I
know, somewhere behind us, Prime is watching, guarding, as he has always
done and as he will always continue to do.
My brother is home and he is alive and for now, that is all that matters.
/The next chapter will tell what Sunny learned and what his fate shall be…/
*Chapter 4: Trials and Tribulations*
*Prime's POV*
I stood at the entrance to the base and watched them come together in a
mixture of arms as the rain poured down around them. I knew from the way
Sunstreaker held on to him that Sideswipe was giving him his
forgiveness. I knew then that Sunstreaker would return. I could only
hope he carried with him evidence that would justify his actions. Until
then, though, as leader of this group, I had a job to do; and at that
moment, I hated being the leader.
"Prowl, come in," I called through the intercom that ran throughout the
base as well as through all of our systems.
"Go ahead, Prime," answered my tactician and head of security.
"Bring Ironhide and meet me at the entrance of the base."
"On our way." The com went silent as I waited and watched. Prowl hadn't
even asked why, he just did as he was told without question. I could
only hope Sideswipe would understand and wouldn't cause trouble. It was
the last thing any of us wanted, including Sunstreaker.
As I heard Prowl and Ironhide approach, I saw Sunstreaker finally
realize I was standing there. Almost painfully, I watched him step away
from his brother. He turned his gaze back to Sideswipe and I watched as
he slid his fingers alongside his brother's face. Words were exchanged
once more and I saw Sideswipe look my way as Prowl came up on my left
and Ironhide on my right. I saw anger as he turned back and quickly
began to shake his head. Sunstreaker pulled him close and whispered
something to him, which seemed to calm him for the moment. When they
separated once more, Sideswipe took his arm and helped him walk towards us.
"Prime, are you sure about this?" Ironhide asked quietly.
"If we do not do things as they should be done, you know as well as I
that we could have a mutiny on our hands," I answered quietly. "I don't
like it anymore than you, believe me."
"I'll do what I can for him," Prowl said quietly. I nodded just as the
twins stopped before us.
"Optimus Prime, I ask for permission to enter the base and I accept the
consequences of such actions," Sunstreaker said quietly. I looked at him
and did my best to hide the sadness from my eyes. He was battered,
dented, bruised, missing part of his chest plate and unable to see out
of one optic. I began to wonder if Ironhide wasn't right after all.
"Permission is granted for you to enter, Sunstreaker." He nodded and
glanced at his brother.
"Let go, Side's," he pleaded in a whispered tone. "Please, let them do
their job and then I promise you everything will be okay. I promise."
Sideswipe looked at him for a moment then nodded slowly and released the
hold on his brother. Sunstreaker touched him on the face one more time
then turned and stepped towards Ironhide and Prowl. They both looked at
him, concern on both their faces. "It's all right," Sunstreaker said,
bowing his head slightly. "I knew what I was coming home to."
"Sunstreaker, look at me, please," Prowl asked softly. Sunstreaker
looked up at him. I looked at them both, worriedly. "I have to take you
into custody. I have to write up the charges and I have to share my
concerns and decisions with the board. If you can promise me that you
will not leave your quarters accept to go to the infirmary, I will ask
to have you remanded to your brother's custody and you will be placed on
base arrest until the trial begins." Sunstreaker nodded and met Prowl's
gaze head on.
"You have my word," he answered. Prowl nodded.
"Good enough. Shall we?" Sunstreaker nodded and followed behind Prowl as
Ironhide walked next to him. I turned to Sideswipe who watched them
leave then looked up at me.
"What happens now?" he asked, concern in every word.
"Prowl will take him to the brig and call Ratchet down to check him out
while he writes up the charges and his recommendations which will be
presented to the board. The board consists of myself, Ironhide, Mirage,
Inferno, Hound and Bluestreak. I have no doubt that Sunstreaker will be
in your custody by this evening." I watched the red mech think this over
then nod slowly as if comprehending it all.
"And the trial?"
"Depending on what evidence he can give Prowl will depend on if there's
a trial and, if so, what charges are to be issued, the arguments and
whether or not it is a trial for time in solitary or if a guilty finding
would result in his deactivation." I watched him tense up, saw the fear
in his eyes and I reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder. "I will
do whatever I can within my power to keep him alive, Sideswipe. You have
my word." He nodded slowly.
"Can I go down to the brig and wait with him?"
"Of course." Sideswipe nodded and slowly walked away. I had a feeling it
was going to be a very long day.
*Prowl's POV*
If I did not know better, I would have thought all the injuries
sustained by Sunstreaker were self-inflicted with the exception of the
darkened left optic. I have seen him hurt himself before, but nothing
like this. I knew these injuries had been sustained at the hands of the
Decepticons. I only hoped he could justify his previous actions. I did
not want to be the one to have to deactivate him if it came to that.
Behind me, I hear Ironhide talking softly to the mech and I can only
hope that his brother will listen to reason before coming down here to
be with him. They are inseparable when given the choice and we have all
learned that it is best to leave them be.
I do not want to have to put Sunstreaker on trial. I hope it will not
come to that. We have not put one of our own on trial since long before
Cybertron was destroyed. Times have changed and there are many here that
do not like Sunstreaker only because he keeps to himself and is known
for his bouts of rage. What they do not understand is that Sunstreaker
was not always like this; watching the attacks on his brother is what
drove him to become what he is now.
As we arrive in the brig, Sunstreaker sits down in a chair as Ironhide
calls Ratchet down from the infirmary. I have a feeling the medic is not
going to be happy about us bringing him down here first, but I have a
job to do and I must do it as quickly as possible. As we wait for
Ratchet to arrive, I turn to face my well-known charge. He looks as if
he has already been sentenced to deactivation. I wish I knew how to help
him.
"Have you no faith in those who care for you, Sunstreaker?" I ask him
quietly. He looks up at me slowly and tilts his head slightly.
"I have faith in one," he answers softly and I wonder if we have already
lost him. I sit across from him and pick up a data pad to begin making
my notations. I watch him reach under his damaged chest plate and pull
out a microchip, which he slowly hands over to me. I can see his fear.
"Why are you afraid?" I ask, taking the chip from him and sliding it
into the port on the data pad in my hands.
"I have no copy of that chip," he answers, looking down. "If it is lost
or tampered with, I have no way to prove my claims." The chip syncs with
the data pad as Ratchet enters the room, Ironhide closing the door
behind him. He sees Sunstreaker and for a moment, I think he will turn
around and leave but when Sunstreaker looks up at him, I see something
inside of the medic melt.
"Were you planning to stay here and let your injuries worsen or were you
planning on letting me help you at some point?"
"I needed to do this first, Ratchet," Sunstreaker answered, his voice
still that same monotone quality it's had since he first entered the
base. "I'm sorry for the trouble it causes you to have to come down here
and fix me." Sunstreaker looks back down and Ratchet looks over at me
and I can do little more than shrug my shoulders. For all intents and
purposes it is as if the mech has completely given up all hope
completely. Ratchet turns back and kneels next to him.
"It's my job to take care of you guys, you know that. It's no trouble
for me to come down here but I'd feel better if I could keep you in the
infirmary over night to make sure everything really is okay. I have a
feeling it's going to take some work to get that left optic of yours
back to normal again."
"Sunstreaker," I begin quietly, "While Ratchet works his magic, I'm
going to take a look at what you brought back and then we can talk." He
nods and Ironhide walks over to stand next to me as we scroll through
the information on the chip he'd just handed over to me. The more I see
the more I realize just how much we have to be thankful for at that
moment. I also realize that we all owe Sunstreaker more apologies than
ever before.
On the data pad, Ironhide and I get a good look at Cliffjumper
conspiring with Starscream inside Decepticon headquarters. We hear
conversations, which prove that Cliffjumper set up the ambush on
Sideswipe, which justifies Sunstreaker's actions right after Sideswipe
was brought home. With all the information he has brought us, I know
there will be no trial. And yet, I still do not understand why
Sunstreaker has give up hope.
Until the video continues and we watch as Sunstreaker exposes his
whereabouts to the group of Decepticons willingly when he guns down
Cliffjumper without apology. The footage continues for only a couple of
minutes but in that time, Sunstreaker is outnumbered, shot up, battered,
and left for dead as the Decepticons flee. But in a last ditch effort on
his part to right the crimes of the past, Sunstreaker sets off a grenade
and manages to finally rid himself and us of Starscream, Barricade,
Thrust and a few others.
I look up finally as Ratchet finishes what he can and leaves his patient
to come to Ironhide and myself.
"I need to take him to the infirmary," he says quietly. I nod slowly.
"Take him then. Once I have shown this to the board, no charges will be
filed against him." Sunstreaker looks up slowly at my words and for a
brief moment I think I see hope in his one working optic and then he
grows sad once more.
"Prowl," he calls quietly. I walk over and kneel next to him. "I must
ask you to do something for me."
"Whatever I can," I answer, resting a hand on his knee.
"Make sure Sideswipe sees all of that. Please." I nod slowly as he turns
to Ratchet. "Ratchet, what did you do with Sideswipe's memory banks that
were erased from his core?"
"They're still catalogued and locked away, Sunny. Why?"
"I think it's time he knew the truth," Sunstreaker answered softly.
"It's time they all knew…"
*Sideswipe's POV*
I'm speechless. I don't know what to say. I don't know what I'm supposed
to do. Everyone is looking at me as if they expect me to say something;
as if they expect me to do as I have always done and defend my twin. I
can't even look at them. There is anger within me at them all because
they knew what Sunny had done and yet they never said a word. They knew
why he'd become the way he was and no one had done anything to help him
or stop him and they'd all left me out of the loop.
"Sideswipe," Optimus said quietly. "You should know that it was
Sunstreaker's decision to show all of this to you." Like that's supposed
to somehow make it all okay? Are you kidding me?
"Hey, Side's, listen," Ratchet began, "Sunny did what he thought was
right for you. He has always done everything to protect you. He didn't
want to see you…" He falters and I finally look up at them.
"Didn't want to see me what? Become like him? How was he to know that
would happen? How could any of you known how I would be? And the thing
is, none of us will ever know because Sunstreaker decided to play
Creator and take away all those memories from me! He chose to run my
life and you all let him!"
"He wanted to protect you, Sideswipe," Prowl said quietly. "We thought
he would know best. He's your twin and we have all learned that it is
better to stand back than to interfere with either one of you. He wanted
you to be happy, to be as you always were."
"And while I got to live happily and free of all these horrible
memories, Sunny had to live with all of it, not just his actions but the
memories of everything ever done to me by our enemies. Explain to me how
that is better." No one spoke. I hadn't really expected them to
understand. "Is he being charged with anything?"
"No," Optimus answered. "His actions were all justified due to his
findings that Cliffjumper was, indeed, a traitor." I nodded slowly.
"I need some time alone if you don't mind. Please." They all stood and
slowly left the room, leaving me alone with the images that played
silently on the screen before me now. My memories, ones that had been
stolen from me, as well as the video recording of Sunny's recon mission.
I didn't understand any of it. Why had he done it? Why hadn't he let me
deal with everything myself? Did he not trust that I could handle it all?
"Sideswipe." I sighed heavily.
"Yes, Ratchet?" I answered without turning around.
"I'm keeping your brother in the infirmary overnight. I just wanted you
to know."
"Will he be okay?" I heard Ratchet sigh and it worried me. I turned
around to face him.
"I don't know, Sideswipe. I wish I had the answer to that question. I
can repair him, yes, but will he be okay? I just don't know." I tilted
my head to one side.
"What's wrong with him?" Ratchet slowly shook his head.
"I think he's giving up on himself." I didn't know what to say to that
as Ratchet turned and walked away. I let him go. I didn't think I could
see Sunstreaker right now. I wasn't so sure I could keep my temper.
I looked back at the screen as it replayed the incident that had led to
the current situation. I watched Sunstreaker come to my aid and then
watched as he killed two Seekers and then tortured Thundercracker. Part
of me still couldn't believe I was watching my brother and the other
part of me understood why he'd erased all this from my memory.
"I always thought that as long as I was around you'd never be hurt." My
breath caught and I couldn't speak. I didn't dare move. "I never dreamed
that they were hurting you to get to me. After what happened on
Cybertron, I thought Megatron had learned his lesson. I should have
known better. I found out this time that every attack against you was
just some way to hurt me, to drive me to action, to break me in some
way. I would do anything to keep you safe." I heard him moving behind me
but I still couldn't move or speak. Then I felt his hand on my shoulder
and I sighed softly and leaned back, feeling my head connect with his
still damaged chest plate. "I will always do everything in my power to
keep you safe and alive because without you I'm nothing."
"You're not a god, Sunny," I whispered almost angrily. "You can't keep
stealing my memories every time something bad happens to me. You had no
right to keep all of this from me."
"I know," he answered softly. He pulled back and I made no move to stop him.
"You should go," I told him quietly, trying to keep the pain from my
voice. "Ratchet wants to keep you overnight."
"Okay," he said and I heard the defeat in his voice but I couldn't call
him back. I was too angry and hurt still. I didn't know what to do, who
to believe or trust. I turned to face him.
"Damnit, Sunny, you're my brother! My twin. We have a bond that goes
deeper than anything else in this world. How could you do this?" I was
yelling now and I watched him bow his head and slowly shake it in
silence. "Did you honestly think I'd never know the truth one day? Why!
Just… Frag! Tell me why you did it!" He looked up at me slowly and I saw
the first trail of fluid leak from his right optic.
"Because I love you," he whispered brokenly before turning and walking
away. I watched him go and found I couldn't say anything to him as he
left. I caught a glimpse of red in the corner of my eye and turned
around just as Optimus turned the corner that led to another part of the
base. I slammed my hand into the wall and fell to my knees. What had I
just done…
/TBC… please read and review. Thanks!/
*Chapter 5: Stories*
*Ratchet's POV*
Three weeks have passed since Sunstreaker returned to us and he spent
those first two weeks here in the infirmary with me. His sight was
damaged beyond what I could fully repair. The left optic lights up but
his sight is limited with it. He has said he can live with it. His only
visitors during those two weeks were Prime and Prowl. Sam had come to
get Bumblebee and had been introduced to the yellow mech and then to his
red twin. He had later confided that it seemed to him as if something
almost irreparable had come between them. I had silently agreed.
Ironhide had left the same day as Bumblebee. He was returning to Captain
Lennox and his family who lived just outside Tranquility. The rest of us
remained here.
Sunstreaker has been closed up in his own quarters now for the past
week. Sideswipe remains in what use to be there shared quarters.
Sunstreaker spent that first week in the infirmary asking for his
brother. By the second week he'd stopped asking for him, knowing by then
that Sideswipe wouldn't be coming to see him anytime soon. The yellow
mech confided to me quietly one evening that he knew he'd lost his
brother for good this time and, try as I might to tell him otherwise, he
had given up. I had cornered Sideswipe a couple of days later and the
red twin had silently listened to my lecture and had walked away without
saying a word.
I've spoken to Optimus and he has told me that, the night of
Sunstreaker's return, the yellow twin had gone to apologize to Sideswipe
and had tried to explain everything to him but that the red mech had
dismissed him from his sight. The last thing Sunstreaker had told his
brother was that he'd done everything because he loved him and Sideswipe
hadn't replied. I finally recognized the problem.
Sunstreaker had been so hardened by everything that had ever happened to
his brother that I'm not sure when the last time those words had ever
come out of his vocal receptors. Sunstreaker just doesn't come out and
say, "I love you" to anyone, including his brother. Oh sure, he has his
ways of showing his feelings, but to actually voice them? Never. Now I
understood. Sunstreaker had taken a risk and had finally said the words
to his brother, albeit probably not at the best of times, and Sideswipe
had not returned the sentiment and now the yellow twin felt as if his
brother had rejected him for good.
Honestly, I was beginning to fear for his sanity. He stayed locked up in
his room unless he was specifically asked to do patrol or something
else. He'd do his job and then he'd go right back to his room and lock
himself in once more. When I mentioned it to Prowl, he told me it wasn't
unlike the times when he'd had to lock the warrior up in solitary for
some infraction or another. Sunstreaker would retreat within himself. I
knew that was happening now.
But Sideswipe and Sunstreaker are unique, rare, and that is the problem.
Only Optimus understands the relationship between brothers, and even
then he was never close to Megatron like Sunny and Sides were before all
of this happened. I do not know anyone who can relate to what they are
experiencing…
And then Ironhide came back with Captain Lennox one day and the human
said he wanted to talk to Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. He said he thought
he might be able to help.
Optimus decided that it couldn't hurt and had allowed the human into our
base and had escorted him to Sunstreaker's rooms and had left him to
deal with the moody mech warrior.
*Will Lennox POV*
The first thing I'd noticed when Ironhide returned to me was that he
seemed distracted and unhappy. I thought maybe he hadn't really wanted
to return and I was prepared to let him return to his comrades. But that
night, he had transformed into his robot form and he was sitting out in
the empty field when I walked out and sat next to him. That was when
he'd told me about the brothers and about what had happened. It
explained where he'd been the last month and I listened carefully as he
told me everything that had happened up to the day he'd left to return
here to my family and me.
"I just don't know what else to do for 'em," he said quietly. "They've
always been close and I just never thought anythin' would ever split 'em
up."
"Brothers sometimes spend so much time together that time apart is
what's needed in order for them to reforge that bond," I explained.
"I don't understand how bein' apart can make 'em close again," the
autobot had replied and I smiled.
"There is an old Earth saying that goes, 'Absence makes the heart grow
fonder'. Basically, what it means is, while you love being together with
someone, time apart often makes your reunion and the time spent
afterwards even better and brings you even closer." Ironhide slowly
shook his head.
"They would kill anyone that separated 'em," he said with a heavy sigh.
"I've seen Sunny attack enough people for tryin' to take Sides away from
him. I've seen Sides act the same way. What I can't understand this time
is why Sides won't fight for him, bring him back to us."
"This one called Sunstreaker, you said he made decisions regarding his
brother's life and that the brother was upset with him for it?" Ironhide
nodded.
"Thing is, we all understand why Sunny did what he did. I mean, hell, if
we could've done it to Bee we'd have done it. I mean, no one should have
to remember that torture he went through at Megatron's hands before
Sides tried to rescue him." I nodded slowly. I'd heard the story of
Bumblebee's torture from Sam one night as the boy had sat next to me and
cried. Like Sam, I we beginning to feel a bond with my own guardian and
I felt badly for Ironhide in that moment because he seemed genuinely
concerned about the brothers in his unit.
"I had a brother," I began softly. Ironhide looked over at me. "We were
only eleven months apart so we might as well have been twins. We were
inseparable from the time I was born."
"Where is he now?"
"He's dead," I whispered and I felt Ironhide's hand on my shoulder,
trying to convey his own sense of comfort. "Listen, 'Hide, why don't you
and I take a ride to base tomorrow. I think maybe I can talk with your
twins and maybe help them out." Ironhide nodded.
"We'd appreciate that, Captain Lennox. Thank you…"
And so, here I am, standing outside the locked door that led to the room
of the one named Sunstreaker. I knocked a couple of times before the
door was unlocked. I pushed it open and entered the room, closing the
door behind me.
"Sunstreaker? My name is Will Lennox. I was wondering if you and I could
talk?" I glanced around the room, which was bare except for the bed that
sat against one wall and the autobot who sat against the other. He
looked up at me and his blue optics reminded me of Bumblebee's for a
moment. "You feel up to some human company?" The autobot tilted his head
for a moment then nodded slowly. I sat down next to him and he looked
down at me then back to the wall across from us. "Can I tell you a
story, Sunstreaker?" When he didn't answer, I wondered if maybe his
voice had been damaged like Bee's but then I heard him, faint and soft,
but there was so much pain in that voice that I knew I might be here awhile.
"I like stories," he whispered. "Sides use to tell me stories…" I knew
then that I had his attention.
*Sunstreaker's POV*
I had not been expecting the human to enter my room and yet his presence
was much more calming than that of my fellow Autobots. I had a small
hope that perhaps my brother had finally come around, but I begin to
believe that hope should be let go.
"Can I tell you a story, Sunstreaker?" he asked me and for a moment I
couldn't speak. No one had ever told me stories… except Sides.
"I like stories," I whispered to him. "Sides use to tell me stories." I
trailed off and left that sentence incomplete. I didn't want to talk
about my twin right now. I wasn't so sure I could do so without hurting
the human or myself. Speaking of the human… "To whom do you belong?" The
human chuckled and I looked down at him again.
"Depends on who you ask," he said with a smile. "My wife would tell you
I belong to her, the military would say I belong to them and Ironhide
would say I belong to him so take you're pick. I'll never be a free
man." I smiled at him, understanding completely what he was saying.
"You have a good guardian in Ironhide," I told him. "He's a good friend,
too."
"Yes he is," Lennox answered. "Look, he told me a little about what's
been happening and I know that brother's are rare in your lives and that
twins are even more rare. Humans have siblings all the time and twins
aren't as rare here as they are where you come from. See, I had a
brother once upon a time." I tilted my head as my bio scan of him
revealed that he was unhappy, but not angry. He was sad. Speaking of his
brother had made him this way. I wondered why.
"Why does mention of your brother make you sad?"
"Well, that's the story," he answered quietly. "See, my brother,
Christopher, was eleven months older than me so we might as well have
been twins. We were inseparable once I was born. We did everything
together." I nodded. Sides and I had always been that was as well. "As
we got older, everyone thought we'd go our separate ways but we never
did. We hung with the same group of friends, our girlfriends in high
school were sisters and we even went to proms together. When Sarah and I
got engaged, Christopher announced his engagement as well. We even
planned a double wedding."
"Who is Sarah?" I asked curiously. He smiled and I picked up on the
happiness within him.
"She's my wife and we also have a baby, a daughter. Anyway, the
engagements were announced and I finished college and decided I was
going in the military." For a moment the human stopped speaking and I
picked up on the sadness again. "And that's when things between
Christopher and I began to fall apart. You see, he had no faith in our
military. He thought the wars we were fighting were useless and that I
was putting myself in needless danger for no reason. I argued back that
I was joining the military because I wanted to make a difference. I
believed in my morals and my rights and I believed that everyone should
have the right to be free to make their own choices and live their own
lives. He told me if I went in to the military he wouldn't be following
me. I told him that was his choice…"
He stopped for a moment and I picked up on the fact that he was having a
small amount of trouble breathing.
"Are you in need of medical attention?" I asked him quietly and he
slowly shook his head. That's when I noticed that his eyes were wet but
I said nothing else about it.
"So, I signed on with the military and went to basic training. When I
came home three months later, I found out that Christopher and Sarah's
sister had called off their engagement and that Christopher had taken a
job in sales and barely came home to visit anyone. I went to visit him
and we both said a lot of ugly things to each other. When I left, I told
him I loved him, that he was my brother, and I would always love him. He
didn't say anything, just turned his back on me and walked away." I
watched as streaks of what humans called tears fell down the human's
face. "The uh… the next day, a police officer showed up at the house to
tell us that… that Christopher had taken his own life the night before.
Apparently right after I'd left him."
"You blame yourself for his death," I said softly and he nodded slowly.
"All I could think of was that I was so upset that he hadn't told me he
still loved me and I left him alone. I kept thinking that, if only I'd
stayed, maybe he'd still be alive."
"I did things I shouldn't have done," I told him quietly. He looked up
slowly and I sighed heavily. "My brother was attacked back on Cybertron
and it was so horrendous that I had his memory banks erased of the
incident. More recently, he was attacked again and I did some things I
didn't want him to know about so I had his memory erased of the incident
once again. But then I gave it all back to him and after he'd seen it
all, I went to him and told him in my own way that I was sorry for what
I'd done. He yelled at me and I let him and then he asked why I'd done
it and I told him it was because I loved him. When he didn't say
anything in return, I left." I sighed once more and turned my attention
back to the human. "I don't want to live without him, Will, I've never
had to live without him and now, for three weeks, he has not come to see
me or spoken to me and I fear I have lost him for good."
"Have you tried seeking him out?" Will asked me and I slowly shook my
head. "Why not?"
"I wronged him," I answered. "I should wait for him to find me." Will
shook his head.
"Go find him, Sunstreaker. Fight for him. Don't give up on him because I
can pretty much guarantee that he's feeling what you feel right now. He
thinks you don't seek him out because he couldn't tell you he loved you
at that moment. He's your brother, man. He loves you. He will always
love you even if he can't tell you. Whenever people get mad at each
other, they have a hard time saying those words, but it doesn't mean
they don't still feel it." I watch as he stands and I realize I have
just made my first human friend and I smile at him.
"Thank you, Will Lennox," I said as I slowly stood as well. "I think
I'll go track him down. Want to come?"
"No thanks," he said with a chuckle. "I need to get back home before
Sarah throws a fit about me running away with my truck again." I laughed
at that because Sam had said the same thing about Bumblebee once before.
Bumblebee, I thought somewhat soberly. "You're frowning again," Will
said quickly.
"I was just remembering that there is someone else I need to talk to
once I've settled things with my brother."
"Mind if I ask who?"
"The boy's guardian," I answered and Will nodded slowly.
"Bumblebee?"
"Yes. The little one has been through a lot in our lives and I've never
told him that what he sacrificed in order to keep our comrades safe was
the bravest thing I've ever seen anyone do in a long time." I smiled
again and bent down just a little. "If you ever decide to ditch the
truck and get a sports car, just let me know." He laughed and shook his
head.
"I may call you in sixteen years when my daughter is old enough to
drive." We walked out of my quarters and Ironhide stood waiting for us.
I gave the older mech a quick smile before I turned back to the human.
"Thank you again, Will. I hope to see you again soon." With that, I
turned and made my way down the hall, leaving Will with his own
guardian. What he'd said had made sense and I knew it was time to
swallow my pride and take the first step to getting Sideswipe back once
again…
/TBC/
*Chapter 6: Forged in Steel*
*Sideswipe's POV *
I keep telling myself that I should have gone to see Sunny while he was
in the infirmary. I knew he was asking for me, but I just couldn't face
him and, believe it or not, it had nothing to do with my being angry.
Honestly, I was no longer angry, not after he'd come to me that night
and told me he loved me. Don't get me wrong. I've always known he loved
me, but to hear him say it that way, I was shocked and I couldn't say
anything and then I saw Prime and well… here I am. Feeling sorry for
myself. What a waste.
The reason I couldn't face him is because I blamed myself for all of
this. I blamed myself for my brother being hurt, not just physically but
by the others around us. They all think he's a murderer, even though
almost every autobot here has seen the video chip that use to be my
memory banks. I had Ratchet return my memories to me and he'd agreed,
albeit grudgingly. I needed those memories. I needed the truth and I
have it now. My brother would do anything to save me, including destroy
himself.
I can't let him go on thinking I don't love him or that I haven't
forgiven him. I forgave him that day in the rain as I held him in my
arms and told him I was still his and that he still belonged to me and
nothing would ever change that. I could never leave him and yet, I did…
I hurt him. Oh Primus, what have I done?
I stand from the bunk with every intention of going after my brother
when there is a knock at my door. For a moment, I can't bring myself to
answer the door, to see yet another 'bot standing there begging me to
fix this thing between me and Sunny… but then I take a step forward,
open the door and find matching blue optics watching me, waiting, and
hoping that I won't screw this up yet again…
"Before you say anything, please, just let me talk," he whispers and I
nod, stepping back and letting him inside. He steps in and closes the
door behind him. I am not oblivious to the fact that he also locks the
door as well. It doesn't frighten me that he's done this. If anything,
it gives me hope that I haven't lost him. "I need you to understand why
I did the things I did." He looks at me and nods slowly, sitting down on
the bunk. He stands before me and leans against the wall.
"You have always, always, been more important to me than anything or
anyone in this universe. I saw what the horror of our war was doing to
me. I had given up my art; I'd lost my ability to be social, friendly,
and happy. You still had all that innocence, that part of you I loved
the most. When you and me and Jazz and Bee were captured I had to sit
there and watch everything that happened to you and I knew…" I watch as
Sunny looks up towards the ceiling then back down at the floor again. "I
knew I'd kill them all before it was over and I would do anything and
everything to save you." This time he looked up and looked straight at
me. "Even if it meant betraying everything I stood for and joining the
Decepticon forces. But as it turned out, all I had to do to save you was
erase your memories and live with my own memories and guilt."
I watched as he started pacing the small space slowly, arms crossed over
his chest as he did so.
"There were times when I jealous of the fact that you were so happy,
that everyone liked you and trusted you. Everyone had me labeled as a
murder, a psychopath, someone to never be fully trusted. I guess they
were right." He stopped and looked back over at me. "All I have ever
wanted was to keep you safe, to keep you as you always should have been
and to not ever let you be harmed no matter what. I failed in that,
twice." He walked over to me and knelt in front of me, his hands resting
on my legs. "You have to know that I love you, Sides. I hope, somewhere
inside that CPU of yours that you know I only ever do anything like this
out of love for you. And I can only hope that one day you will forgive
me and you will love me again." He started to stand but I grabbed his
wrists and pulled him back down to his knees and I held him there,
watching him, waiting for his eyes to meet mine.
"I was angry with you at first, but then I realized, as I sat there
watching my memories play across the screen that you did the only thing
you could think of to do and I knew, even after you left me that night,
that you did it out of love for me and Sunny, listen to me and listen
good. I have never, ever stopped loving you and I never will. I swear to
Primus that I will never leave you or make you doubt me or yourself ever
again." I probably would have said more but I found myself pinned to the
bunk with my brother looming over me. For a moment, he still looked
loss, as if some small part of him still doubted everything I'd just
said. I did the only thing I could think to do. I reached up and drew
him down and kissed him…
I won't say things were fixed right then and there because they weren't.
Sunny was still healing and he had nightmares for a while. So did I for
that matter, but we took the bunk bed apart and pushed the two beds next
to each other and being able to recharge while he was in my arms seemed
to keep the nightmares at bay for us both.
I can only hope, as time goes on, that Sunstreaker will find it within
himself to let the others see in him what I see and that, eventually,
he'll forgive himself. He already knows he has my forgiveness just as he
knows he will always have my love; and sometimes, that's what hurts the
most.