I'm back, and with with the sequal to Busy Waging Wars on Myself. If you have never read that story, i advise you do so seeing as this is the sequal.
I once again thank Blue October and the song Calling You for the title.
Rated: PG-13 for a little swearing, and other things that may happen in the future
Disclaimer: I don't own OC
To Make You Smile
"Whose idea was it to hide out in Canada?" Marissa shivered, latching onto Alex's warmth. It had been so long since the shooting. She didn't even remember why they were here. Alex's name had been cleared. Still they ran and hid. The only thing she remembered was hugging Summer goodbye, not even telling her the reason they were going. Then the rest was blank. It was like she had woken up and boom; she was in Canada. "… Mmm, why are we here anyway? Your name got cleared." Marissa kissed Alex's lips, her eyes smiling.
She never got sick of Alex. How could she? Alex was perfect. No matter what Ryan or any other person said. Alex was perfect. But recently everything had changed. Alex had changed. She was leaving questions unanswered; she ignored any food placed in front of her, and she rarely ever spoke. Marissa danced a finger across Alex's cheek. She loved Alex no matter what, but she wanted the old Alex back, the Alex who talked nonstop, the Alex who answered her questions, not ignored them. The Alex she fell in love with.
Alex threw her legs over the side of the bed, leaving Marissa alone on it. She shuddered, the cool air biting at newly exposed skin. She hated when Alex did this. She never got an excuse, a reason, just a still silence. She despised that silence. With silence only loneliness could come. She couldn't have company if she was lonely. It just didn't work. She had to have someone by her side, someone to love. She sighed. She had to get the old Alex back. She had to get that smile back. She had to make her girlfriend happy. But she didn't know how. After the shooting, the things that used to will a smile onto Alex's lips only brought a subtle frown. Come to think of it, she hadn't seen Alex smile since the shooting. She'd only seen frowns. Marissa frowned. She had to find that special thing, that special sensation, that special moment that would make Alex smile. But what?
Marissa sighed. Her one chance to be the hero and she was clueless. She didn't have a sing trail to follow. There was nothing that led to that one something so extreme that it brought a smile to Alex's face. She was a hero without superpowers. She couldn't save Alex. Marissa bowed her head. She couldn't be the hero even when the situation called for her. She was useless. There was nothing she could do but wait for Alex to come back.
The clock's loud ticks invaded her ears, fighting its way under her skin. She could take it. The sound was so annoying. Tick, tick, tick, she just wanted to throw it on the ground. She took a long breath in. Calm yourself Marissa, don't get all worked up over nothing. Her body managed to relax for a few seconds, but the anxiety quickly returned, the ticking of the clock beating at her nerves. She couldn't take it. Marissa swiped the clock to the floor, accidentally knocking an untitled book on the floor. Curious, Marissa grabbed the book, caressing the black cover with the palm of her hand.
She ran a finger down the opening, carefully peeling the cover open. It was Alex's hand writing, her diary. She gulped. She knew she shouldn't read it. It wasn't hers. She had no right, but something inside her was scraping at her thoughts, turning them from what was right to what was wrong. She flipped through the book at first, spotting the anger in the pages already. The pages were torn in places, words were crossed out, and other places the corners and sides were ripped. Marissa held the book tighter, fingering the pages till she was on the first. It was dated the day after the murder.
Dear Diary,
I did something horrible I killed Ryan. I killed someone. I thought I wouldn't feel bad. He tried to… but I do. I just want to get rid of these thoughts. The picture of him on Marissa, the picture of me holding that gun my finger playing on the trigger, the picture of the bullet piercing his heart. I can't get them out of my head… It hurts. It hurts badly, like it was physical. When I see the picture of his death, when it flashes through my mind, I feel the bullet go through my heart; I feel the pain of death. I killed him. I'm going to hell. I killed somebody…
Marissa closed the diary, not able to continue; she placed it back where she found it. Alex was in so much pain. More pain then she had ever imagined. More pain then she suffered through. She frowned. How was she going to get through to Alex? How was she going to make a girl with so much trouble, her girlfriend smile? How? She bit her lip. Reaching for the phone, she quickly dialed up Summer, no answer. She sighed, slammed the phone down, and fell back onto the bed.
"I have to save her…" Marissa whispered to herself, entangling her fingers in her tresses.
"Save who?" Alex asked. Marissa jumped out of her skin, nearly falling on the floor. She hadn't heard Alex talk in so long. Hearing that familiar voice was like seeing Alex for the first time, it was new. She hopped out of her seat, scurrying over to Alex. She attempted to hug Alex, but the blonde just pulled away, walking into the bathroom. Marissa felt her stomach churned. Did she do something wrong? Why was Alex avoiding her? She had only wanted to hug her. She had wanted to giver her love. Marissa's lower lips quivered. Did Alex not love her anymore?
Alex trudged out of the bathroom a few minutes later, her face pale. Marissa patted the space next to her, hoping for some time with Alex. Alex slid in next to Marissa, resting her head on Marissa's chest, a protective hand lying over her own stomach. Marissa smiled at her, a hint of worry hidden in her eyes. Why was she being so careful about her stomach? Marissa decided to leave the topic alone, basking in Alex's presence. She was content for now, but she knew that she had a job to do. She had to make Alex smile. She had to make Alex happy.