The meeting with the Lymphoma Research Foundation went really well. Diane Blum and I held the same compassion for Cancer research and I shared with her my ideas for the foundation's upcoming Gala fundraiser. She was thrilled when I told her I was able to get started right away.
The following weeks I spent volunteering for the LRF were some of the most rewarding experiences I had had in years. Not only did I work on the fundraising committee, but I did direct volunteer work at local hospitals and cancer centers. It was a joy to get to know the staff at the cancer research hospital. But I got the most satisfaction working in the children's cancer ward. They didn't know me or who my famous boyfriend was. Although I know the teenage girls would have flipped had they known.
Thankfully, it made my days go by quickly since Rob had been out doing all the promotional work he had promised his publicist. His many promotional appearances kept him away for days at a time, sometimes weeks. We spoke every day and sometimes Skyped, but it just wasn't the same as having him there with me. And how I needed him to be there with me again.
He was flying back home from Germany that night, but he called and said his flight was delayed. We didn't know what time he would get to the house. He had been gone over three weeks and the separation had wreaked havoc with my sleep again. It was almost two o'clock in the morning and I still wasn't sure I could fall asleep once I laid down my head.
When I had surely gotten to the end of the internet highway, I shut down my laptop and turned out the light on my desk. I walked down the hall to our bedroom and entered the dressing room. I opened Rob's dresser drawer, threw on one of his t-shirts and slipped into bed.
I rearranged my pillows, took off and then put back on the duvet twice, but still couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep. I had counted three creaks and eleven thuds in the house while I lied in bed, thus completely freaking myself out. The last time I checked the clock it was 2:17 before exhaustion gave in to slumber.
It seemed only minutes later that I was jolted awake when a thunderous crack sounded in my bedroom.
"What? Oh my God, who's there?" I reached around my bed searching for something to protect myself with, but ended up flailing my arms about, knocking several pillows from the bed.
"Marissa! It's ok, it's me." Rob had run his foot into the bed and let loose a string of cursory words that would embarrass a sailor. I watched as he dropped his duffel bag to the floor and tried to walk off the pain in his foot.
"Rob? I thought your flight was delayed. You told me you didn't know when you'd be home."
Rob breathed air in through his teeth, still trying to calm the ache in his toes. "I know, I was trying to surprise you."
"By sneaking into our room and scaring me half to death?"
"No, damn it, by slipping quietly into the bed beside you and making love to you, but that's all gone to bloody hell!"
I lifted myself onto my elbows ready to give a smartass remark, but stopped myself. The moon that shone through the row of French doors glowed just bright enough to make out his muscled back and the tone cut of his biceps when he took his shirt off. When he lifted the covers and slid into bed next to me, I cuddled in close to him and rested my hand on his chest. His skin felt cool against mine and I shuddered a little before my body heat warmed him up.
"Um, I'm glad you're home."
"Finally," he said wearily as he rubbed his eyes.
"You had a rough flight?"
"Yeah, it was a bloody disaster. But it doesn't matter. I'm home now."
He ran his hand over my arm and weaved his fingers in with mine. Before I realized it, he took my hand in his and twisted the ring on my finger.
"What is this?"
I sighed, knowing he was going to gloat about it. "It's the ring from the necklace you gave me."
"Reallllly?" he said, drawing out the word. "And why are you wearing it on your finger?"
I was agitated when I heard the smugness in his voice. "If you must know, I missed you when you were gone and it…made me feel closer to you."
"Do you always do this?" he asked quietly, lifting my hand up so he could see it better.
"These past few weeks you've been gone, yes."
He was quiet a moment before he said, "Does this mean I get to give you a real ring now?" He stopped playing with the platinum band, wove his fingers in mine again and brought my hand to his lips and kissed it.
"Now, I didn't say that."
"No, but you showed me you care enough to wear something that I gave you."
"Of course I care enough. I love –"
"And if I give you a ring, you know I'd expect you to wear it all the time – even in public?"
I smiled to myself because I knew that he had won the battle, if not the war. The time spent away from him was getting harder and harder to deal with. I seemed to miss him on a whole new level.
"I know."
"And that's because?"
"You don't really expect me to make it that easy for you, do you?"
He leaned in and kissed my temple. "Humor me."
"Because a ring from you comes with a very serious question," I stated, trying to sound bored.
"Just a question?"
"A promise."
"Only a promise?"
I could see him smiling in the moonlit room. "What else is there?" I asked.
"Maybe a vow."
I laughed nervously and pulled my hand away. I turned over and lay with my back to him. "Now you're going too far."
Rob spooned me and wrapped his arm around my waist tightly. "I'll go as far as I need to if it means you'll say yes," he said, nuzzling his face in my hair.
I lay my hand over his arm and squeezed. "I know you will," I said and looked back at him. "Who knows? Maybe it won't be as far as you think."
Rob raised his eyebrows in what looked like surprise, if not shock. He kissed me again and laid his head next to mine. "That's good to know."
He was asleep within minutes, his breathing deep and the weight of his arm heavy against my waist.
With my thumb I played with the band around my ring finger. I wasn't sure why I started wearing the ring when he went out of town. I simply tried it on one day after my shower and I must have been feeling particularly lonely that day or something. I told him it was because I missed him, but I had to admit it was more than that. I didn't just miss him when he was gone, I longed for him to be there with me; it felt almost like an ache inside. Wearing his old t-shirt just didn't do it for me anymore. I moved the ring from my necklace to my hand because it made me feel more connected with him. Because I knew how much it meant to him for me to wear his ring. He wanted more than just a live-in girlfriend. I finally understood.
The next morning, he came up behind me while I sat at the desk in my office and rubbed my shoulders. I was in such deep thought while working on my project that I hadn't heard him come in.
While the strength in his hands relieved some of the physical tension I felt after being at the computer working on a proposal for two hours, it was simply his touch that made me melt. As his fingers pinched and released my shoulders, his knuckles brushed the side of my neck and I couldn't help but lean into his touch.
I dropped my head back and smiled dreamily when his lips kissed my forehead. I reached my hand up and touched his cheek with my palm. "I really missed you Mr. Pattinson."
He moved his hands from my shoulders to the back of my neck. "I know. I missed you, too.
"Mm, that feels good. So, I know you had a bad flight home, but how was the rest of your trip?"
His hands stopped rubbing a moment before he answered. "It was ok. I'd much rather have been here with you."
"You didn't have any trouble while you were gone, did you?"
"No, why?"
I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at my hands in my lap. Against my will, my eyes filled and tears quickly fell down my cheek.
"Whoa, whoa, what's wrong?"
I shook my head and said with a squeak, "Nothing, it's nothing. I'm just…glad you're back."
Rob knelt on the floor before me and took both my hands in his. "Marissa, you have never cried over my leaving before. Talk to me."
I dropped my head and watched as my thumbs rubbed circles against his hand. I swallowed hard, but still couldn't speak.
"M, come on. You're worrying me here."
I let out a heavy sigh before standing up and leading him to our bedroom down the hall. I opened the door to my dressing room and slid open the top drawer of my dresser. From underneath some lingerie, I pulled out a folded sheet of paper and handed it to him.
"What's this?"
"It's another fan letter. Well, Jerry called it more of a death threat, but…you know, potatoe, potahto," I laughed nervously.
"What are you talking about?" He took the note from me and read it out loud.
Dear Robert,
This "relationship" you're supposedly in is ridiculous. I've watched you with her, Robert, both in person and on TV. You obviously don't love her the way you love Kristen. It's so obvious. So why don't you quit this stupid game you're playing. I know you're just trying to get Kristen's attention again so you can get back together with her. So drop this Marissa bitch and go back to your true love. If you don't want to hurt Marissa's feelings, and I'm sure you don't because that's how sweet you are, you shouldn't worry about that. You've hurt Kristen for too long now. Leave Marissa. Or maybe you need some help getting her out of your life. I can help with that. I would do that so you and Kristen could get back together. You belong together. I can help you find your true love again.
With love,
The biggest Robsten fan in the world
Rob folded up the letter and traced its edges with his fingers. His hands shook. His breathing became labored. "Why didn't anyone tell me about this?"
"It just came yesterday."
"Why wasn't I called?" he repeated slowly, enunciating each word.
"I asked Jerry not to bother you. I knew you were coming home soon, so I told him I'd show it to you when you got here."
"We've been through this before, Marissa. That wasn't your call."
Rob turned away from me and walked back into the bedroom, his hands pulling at the hair on top of his head. I followed him from the dressing room.
"Wait, what? Not my call? This is most definitely my call, Rob. It involves both of us and I have a say in how we handle these things."
"Fuck! This shit has got to stop! I can't go anywhere without constantly worrying about you being hurt – or worse."
I flinched at the angst and anger in his voice. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."
Rob flung around and within two strides was standing directly in front of me, his finger pointed at my chest.
"Do NOT tell me I don't have a right to worry. It is my job to keep you safe."
I stood up defiantly. "No, it's not! Where does this middle-age chivalry come from? I'm not your responsibility."
"You most certainly are. You're my—."
"Your what, Rob? I'm your girlfriend! Your significant other! I'm no princess. I can take care of myself. Why do you have this extraordinary compulsion to be my knight in shining armor?
"Because I feel the need to protect you. Because it would just about kill me if something happened to you," he said. His tone had become dramatically calmer. "Especially if it's because of this fucked up life I've gotten you into. You don't know what this person will do to you! What lengths will he go to? He's insane."
"You think I don't know that? I've done everything I've been told to do, Rob. I rarely go to any events with you anymore. I can't go and visit Sandra. I have to invite her here all the time. I stick by Josh everywhere I go. That's why he's there in the first place, Rob, remember? So you don't need to worry about me."
"But it should be me. I am the one who should be here with you. It makes me feel helpless. I can't keep you safe if I'm traveling on the opposite end of the world."
"And your being by my side is supposed to change that? You can't protect me all by yourself, Rob. We have a whole team of security people for that."
"Well I should at least be there to make you feel safe."
I placed my hand on his chest and leaned my forehead against him.
"You always make me feel safe. You're always here with me," I said holding my necklace against my chest.
Rob scoffed. "A fucking necklace isn't going to keep you safe," he said and stalked out of the room.
"Ever since TMZ aired the piece about Rob and me living together, the paparazzi have increased its presence by like a zillion," I said to Sandra.
"I was afraid that would happen," she said as she kicked off her shoes and lounged on the chaise lounge in the bedroom.
"And despite, I don't know, a hundred calls to the police, they still park themselves outside our gate to get pictures of us. Last week they caught me coming out of the gym and literally surrounded me down the block to my car. Josh had to push them out of the way so I could get in."
. "Ooh, what did Rob say about that?"
"He made one of the bedrooms into a home gym. Now I'll 'never need to leave the house'," I said sarcastically and with as much venom as I could muster.
"I'm so sorry, M. Anything new from the stalk monster?"
"Oh yeah, that's another thing. The letters are coming in all the time now. Joshua is stuck to my side like sticky gum on my Manolo Blahniks. I can't even bathe myself without an armed guard outside my door. Rob is constantly worried about me. I tell you, Sandra, I am going bat-shit crazy."
"An armed guard, really?"
"Ok, I made that part up. But it feels that way."
"Are you still able to go to the Cancer hospital to volunteer?" she asked.
"Just barely. I've had to cut my visits down to once a week now. Jerry wanted me to stop them altogether, but I put my foot down. I mostly just work from home, which sucks big time because Rob has been gone more than he's been here these past couple months."
"Damn, girl, you sound like you need a vacation."
"You have no idea."
"He's home now, though, right?"
"Just for a few weeks. We have the gala fundraiser coming up and he's making an appearance there. After that, he starts another movie. I tell you, Sandra, the scripts have been coming to him left and right lately. If anyone needs a vacation, it's him. He comes home so exhausted. Sometimes we hardly speak. He just eats something and collapses in bed."
"Oh that sucks. Has it affected your…you know, "you-and-me time" together?" She asked, making air quotes with her fingers. "Or are you still getting banged sufficiently when the man returns home from his journeys?"
"Wow, Sandra, really? I tell you how distraught I am and all you think about is whether I'm getting laid regularly?"
"Hey! A girl has needs. And it sounds to me like you need him to…satisfy them, if you know what I mean," she said, grinding her butt into the chaise lounge. Sandra then went on to make an offensive male and female gesture with her hands.
I rolled my eyes and threw my hands in the air with a disgusted groan. "You are impossible, do you know that?"
"Oh honey, with me all things are possible. You just let Sister Sandra handle this. You all need some together time and by the time I'm finished, you and brother man will be doing the nasty in no time."
"Doing the nasty?"
"Yeah, you know, ride the pony, bring it downtown, hump, bump and grind, copulate, have coitus, put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up?"
"Yeah, yeah, I get it."
"Or for your British gent, getting your shag on."
"I get it! What do I need to do?"
"Absolutely nothing. That is, until Euro Man comes a knockin'. Then you can just let…him…in…if you know what I—"
"I know what you mean! Stop already."
Sandra laughed as she scooted herself off the chaise lounge. She sat down beside me on the bed and moved in real close, touching her head to mine.
"Please don't tell me 'I told you so' about getting involved with Rob."
"I wasn't going to. But then, maybe I didn't have to since evidently you thought there was a reason I would," she said, bumping her shoulder against mine. "If it gets to be too much, sweetie, you can always come back home to the East Bay. I have this really nice house with a great guest room. The landlord is a little bitchy at times, but she hardly ever comes around."
I grinned at her not-so-subtle dig at me. I reached my arms around her shoulders and squeezed her tight. "I just love you, Sandra-Banana."
"I love you too, M. God, we need to find you a nickname."