Title: A Change in Priority
Spoilers: All Episodes are fair game
Summary: Like any new parent, Olivia worries about the healthy and safety of her growing baby. However, for her, there is so much more to worry about. The season that never was.
Author's Notes: Comments = love. More parts coming soon! Special thanks to amynoemi for a fly by beta!
Disclaimer: These are not my characters, I just play with them. No copyright infringement intended.
He took her home. Not their home, but her home. Almost as soon as they got into the old, beat-up station wagon, the adrenaline rush of the last few days and especially the last few hours began to wear off. So much had changed in such a short amount of time.
Olivia hunched down in the passenger seat and leaned her head against the cool window. She watched the nurse push the wheelchair back through the automatic sliding doors. Doctor's orders: Every patient gets wheeled to their waiting car. Olivia didn't try as hard as she usually would to fight the rule.
She was spent. It had taken her a few hours to wake up after… She didn't want to think about what had happened on the cargo ship. She remembered everything except how she had got from the middle of the ocean to the hospital in Boston. Walter said the physical symptoms resulted from the Cortexiphan being burned up. Her body was readjusting without the drug. Olivia didn't quite believe him. She thought it had more to do with her body readjusting after a bullet was removed from her brain.
Either way, she didn't care right now. 'Later,' her mind kept saying. She couldn't process anything. Cortexiphan. William Bell. Dead. Alive. Baby. Peter. Home. Sleep. Only the last idea seemed like something she could comprehend. She wanted her bed and Peter's arms around her.
She could barely pulled herself up as Peter pulled into parking spot outside her building. "Peter, I'm going to need some help," she said before he was even out of the car.
"What's the matter?" he asked. He had been watching her so closely, like he was afraid she would disappear.
"I'm just tried. Give me something to lean on."
He hurried out of his seat and over to her side of the car. He opened her door. She took the arm he held out. She put most of her weight onto his grip.
They moved step-by-step to the elevator, to her floor, to her apartment, and into her bedroom.
"Are you sure you are all right?" His voice full of mother hen worry.
Olivia eased onto the bed. "I'm fine. Worn out. I want to sleep. Get me some pajamas out of the drawer."
"Agent Dunham, I thought you believed sleep was for the weak."
She smiled, but couldn't muster more of a response.
He passed her an oversized t-shirt with FBI printed across the front and a pair of thinning striped bottoms. "Olivia, are you sure? Maybe we should go back to the hospital."
"No, I'm fine."
"It's not only you I'm worried about."
She breathed in. It was different now. "I'll make you a deal. You let me sleep for a few hours and if I don't feel better, I'll go back. "
"It's a deal."
She settled back against her pillows. Peter pulled the cover from underneath her legs and then over her body.
"You let me know if you need anything. Okay, Liv?"
"Okay."
He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. Olivia wasn't sure if it was conscious or not, but it was the same place where the bullet had penetrated her. She shivered. "Don't go."
"I'm not going anywhere. At most, I'll be in the kitchen."
"No, I mean stay until I'm asleep." She was so unsettled, rattled. It was too much. Like she had for her entire life, she wanted to feel safe. And for probably the first time in her entire life, she wasn't afraid to ask for it.
Without saying anything else, he sat down on the edge of the bed. She viewed him through half-closed eyes. He took off his shoes one by one and slid onto the bed beside her. He wrapped his arms around her body and pulled her close.
"Just for a few minutes," she almost whispered.
"Only a few minutes," Peter repeated.
She was able to close her eyes. She took in his scent, his warmth, the weight of his arms. She was able to rest.
Olivia opened her eyes. She inhaled deeply, but didn't move. She was alone in her bedroom. The sunlight skirting the edges of her curtains had an afternoon glow. Without looking at the clock, she knew it had to be late afternoon. She couldn't say what day though. She might have been asleep for years. Her muscles seemed stiff, but rather than sore. The sleep was what she needed.
Still, she would have much rather still be untroubled by everything that had happened the last few days. The same words ran through her mind again. Cortexiphan. William Bell. Dead. Alive. Peter. Baby. She still didn't know how to process any of those words, especially the last one. She felt like she couldn't even touch the last one. Not yet. Not with everything being so uncertain.
The floorboard creaked slightly. She rolled over to find Peter hovering in the open doorway.
"Hey," she said, her voice filled with sleep.
"Hi, Mommy," he said.
Her heart skipped. Mommy. His voice had been soft and full of relief, but he glimmered. It was only momentary, but it was definitely there. Olivia closed her eyes for a heartbeat. She took a deep breath and tried to smile, tried to ignore what she had just seen. "How long have I been asleep?"
He moved closer and perched on the bed. "Almost a day. I was worried."
"I guess I needed it."
"I would say so. How are you feeling?"
"Better."
"Do you think you could eat something?"
"Yes."
"Good answer. Eggs and toast?"
"Scrambled, please."
"As the lady wishes."
He went back into the kitchen. She listened to the pans banging as he tried to find the right one. It was comforting, knowing he was there.
She eased herself into a sitting position and, when the room didn't start spinning, inched her legs over the edge of the bed. Carefully, she lowered her feet to the floor and tested her weight. She was able to stand. She pulled the blanket off the end of the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders. Still moving slowly, she followed Peter into the kitchen.
"I was going to bring it you to," said Peter when he noticed her standing in the kitchen. "You shouldn't be up." He hurried over to her and led her to a seat at the kitchen table.
"I'm okay." But let him help her anyways.
She tucked her knees against her chest and leaned them against the table. It was so easy and domestic as if it was always meant to be this way. Reading the newspaper. Drinking a cup of coffee.
This was something she could understand. The two of them making breakfast. It was beautiful, as Peter had told her once in another timeline. That's where things got complicated. Between the two of them, they knew where they stood. Together. From the outside, the missing timelines and missing memories were not easy to understand. No one outside the lab was going to understand. She'd done her best to explain it to Nina, but how was someone like Rachel ever going to understand?
Technically, she'd known Peter for only four months. Technically, they'd only been together for only a few weeks. It didn't matter her memories told her she'd known him for almost four years. It didn't matter she had probably been in love with him for most of that time. And now she was having a baby. God, a baby.
Peter was busy dishing the eggs onto a plate with toast. He slid the plate into the table in front of her. She sat in her chair properly, putting her back on the ground. He began to sit down opposite her but jump back up as soon as his ass hit the chair.
"Butter," he said.
"And a fork," said Olivia as she sat forward and let the blanket fall away.
He was nervous. He was going to want to talk about everything right now. She wasn't ready yet. He scurried around the kitchen again, collecting what he had forgotten.
He placed the reminding item in front of her.
"Thank you," said Olivia.
Peter leaned in for a kiss. "You're welcome. It's the least I can do after everything you've been through."
She smiled at him. He settled in the chair across from her. She picked up her fork but found she wasn't really hungry anymore. She took a few bites of the eggs because she knew he wanted her to.
"So what do we do now?" he said.
"I don't know. There are a lot of things to figure out."
"I agree. I just want to make sure we're on the same page. We're going to do this? We're going to have a baby?"
"Peter, I wish I could answer that right now."
"You were so happy at the hospital. I thought—"
"I want this so much. I want to be a mother. I want to give you a son or daughter. I just wish there was some way to guarantee that he or she is going to be okay."
"No parent can guarantee. They just do their best."
"But's it different with us. With me. You know that. Peter, I died. I had a bullet in my brain. I was dead. I healed myself. I had enough Cortexiphan in my body to destroy two universes. This was just what happened while I was already pregnant. I can't imagine what effect everything else I've been through has had. I can't be excited about this or want this until I know she has a least a chance."
Peter was quiet as if the thought he only just occurred to him. Dead. That was a word to add to his list. "We have a doctor's appointment next week. They'll—"
"They can't. How are their tests going to be able to tell us whether our baby has Cortexiphan for blood or something worse?"
"We'll talk to Walter. To Nina. They know what we're dealing with," Peter said as he leaned forward.
"I can't if there is any chance the baby won't be normal. She deserves to be normal."
"Our baby is going to be extraordinary."
"But I want them to be extraordinary because they are ours, not because of some experiment," Olivia said, nearly in tears.
He moved even closer and cupped a hand around her cheek. "I can't guarantee you, but I can do everything to try to make sure he or she is okay. Starting now. Our baby is going to be perfect. I just know it."
"How?"
He hesitated and let his breath out. "There's something I haven't told you."
Olivia closed her eye, a moment of relief. "What else could there be?"
"When I went inside the Obverser's mind to try to find out where you were, he showed me something. The other Olivia, she had a son." She looked at him sharply. "I mean past tense. He disappeared when I did. She doesn't remember."
"Your son?" She pulled away; his hand dropped to his lap.
"Yes, Liv. My son." She didn't say anything else, so Peter kept talking, "The other Olivia's son disappeared because he wasn't supposed to be. Our baby is what's supposed to be. For some reason, the universe wants our child. You would have asked me a few months ago, even a few days ago if I believe in fate, I would've said no. But I've seen it. In every version, you had to die, yet here you are. Both things happened. We can't fight our fate."
"Destiny?"
"Yes, destiny. The Observer said the circumstances were never supposed to be and it would have changed everything that is to come. I have no idea what that means. I don't want to know, expect it means our baby is going to be fine."
"I want to believe that because I want to be a mother. I want this baby so badly. I don't want our baby to have to go through anything that I did. I wish things were different."
"So do I. I wish there was something I could do to make everything better. To make everything that happened to you go away, but I can't. We have to make the best of it. We can get tests as many times as you want. I know Nina will put all the resources of Mass Dynamic into making sure everything is okay. I bet Walter will regrow parts of his brain to make sure everything is okay. I saw the look on your face when you told me. Hold onto that. We can do this."
"We can do this," Olivia repeated even though she didn't really believe it. "You need to tell me every day."
"Everything is going to be okay. We can do this," he said with a smile.
"Again."
Peter took hold of the bottom of her chair and pulled it closer to his. "Everything is going to be okay. We can do this."
The chair made a scrapping noise as it scooted nearer.
"Again," said Olivia and she was smiling too.
"Everything is going to be okay. We can do this." He kissed her. She kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his neck.
They stayed like that for a long time. It was Peter who finally pulled away. "You need to eat something," he said.
He wiped his nose with the back his hand. His eyes were shining.
Olivia had found as much calm as she was going to. She focused on the rest of her breakfast.
"Stop it," she said after a few minutes.
"I'm not doing anything."
"You are. You're staring."
"Okay, I am. But how do you expect me to stop it?"
"I don't know."
"You just said it. You're here and you're going to have baby."
"I know, but stop it."
He pretended to stare at the ceiling. "Better?"
"Much. Thank you."
"Oh c'mon."
"Fine. Do the dishes or something. Just don't sit there and gape at me."
He made a face, but got up from the table. He began filling the sink with soapy water. She finished the last few bites and added her plate to the small stack. She slid her arms around his torso and kissed him on the shoulder. They leaned against each other.
The dishes had only been there two days. She had a bad habit of rinsing her dishes and leaving them in the sink. She would wash them and reuse them rather then filling up the dishwasher.
The pile had been from the dinner they started before Jones had turned the sun into a weapon. How could that be only a few days ago? How was it possible so much had changed since then?
She was alive. That was different then the way the last few days should have turned out. She had Peter. She was going have a baby. God, a baby. The strangest part was she didn't feel any different. Yes, she was still exhausted, still fragile, but she never suspected she was pregnant. The blood test had been a part of the standard panel the nurse had sent while they examined her at the hospital.
The doctor had come back with the results.
"Well, I'm not entirely sure what to say," said Dr. Bryant. "From what I can tell, everything seems normal. Rather, relatively normal. My basic summation would be your body is recovering like you've run ten triathlons in a single day. You have to take it easy for a while. I'm not signing off on your field papers. And there is something else."
Olivia had been sitting up in her hospital bed, still wearing a hospital gown and feeling very vulnerable. She had felt oddly disconnected. She had gripped the edge of the sheet for something to hold on to. She would have preferred Peter.
"What else?" she had asked, sounding much calmer than she felt.
"We send out a standard panel for every blood test and for women it includes a pregnancy test."
"And?"
"Yours came back positive."
"I'm pregnant?"
"Yes," the doctor had said. "Now, especially with what you've been through, we're going to keep a close eye on you. Make an appointment with the OBGYN as you're leaving."
"That's it?" Olivia had managed to say despite the buzzing static in her mind.
Dr. Bryant smiled. "For now. I'm saying go home, rest, and make plans. Talk to your boyfriend and the rest of your family. But for now, we're all set. Get changed and I'll let them know you are ready."
And then he had left her alone. Olivia had no choice but to get out of the bed, begin to put her clothes back on, and wait anxiously for Peter. She wasn't worried about how he would react, but what came afterwards. She had said the words 'Peter, I'm pregnant.' His concern had turned into happiness and he had looked to her to make sure that was right, if she felt the same way. She did. It was hard not to when she saw the emotion reflected on his face.
Peter turned off the water and she was brought out of her thoughts. "What do you want me to do now? The dishes are all clean," he said.
"Let's go back to bed," she said.
He hesitated. 'Let's go to bed' usually meant something other than sleeping.
"I don't think that's a good idea," he said.
"I mean actually sleep. We'll put on a movie and spend the day in bed. I don't want to think about anything that happened in the last few days or the last few months. Let's pretend it's the day before you stepped into the machine. Or better yet, let's pretend it the it's the morning before Bell took over my brain and we've just got back from the street fair." Her voice was strong, but the look on her face said she was close to falling apart. She didn't really believe the mantra they had been repeating earlier.
Peter flipped around. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. She pressed her forehead against chest and allowed herself to be held.
"Everything is going to be okay. We can do this," she said after nearly twenty minutes. She stepped backwards a little.
"We can," he said. "You go get back into bed. Do you want anything?"
"No, thanks," she said as she started moving back to the bedroom.
She picked up the remote. The TV blinked on and she turned the volume down to almost silence. She flipped through the channels until she found a black and white movie.
Peter came into the room and sank onto the bed next to her. Together, they curled up against the pillows.
"What movie?" he asked.
"The guide thing said Casablanca but I don't remember this part."
"You've seen this before?"
"Yeah, who hasn't?"
He didn't answer. She didn't expect him to. She had what she wanted. She was half asleep and half distracted and in the arms of the man she loved. For now, it was all that mattered.
The end credits were rolling across the screen the next time Olivia was really aware of anything. He was getting out of bed. She figured he was just going to the bathroom until she realized he was going in the opposite direction.
"What is it?" she said.
"The door."
Then, she heard the light knocking. She sat up and opened the drawer in the nightstand. A small caliber pistol sat on top of the other junk. She didn't pick it up, but was ready.
Peter opened the door. "Hi, c'mon in," he said to whoever was in the hallway.
"Thank you," come Nina's voice. "I'm sorry to barge in. I just wanted to check in."
Olivia relaxed and pushed the drawer closed again. She looked around the room for a way to make herself mildly more presentable and then gave up almost at once.
"You're not barging, but she might be asleep," he said.
Olivia smiled a little to herself. He gave her an out. Given what she had said a few hours ago, he knew she probably wouldn't want to go over the entire situation again. Although she was wishing her life were exactly how she remembered it, Nina's presence was one thing she wouldn't change. She was the closest thing Olivia had to a mother after all and she needed someone like that desperately.
"I'm awake," she said as she entered the living room.
Nina looked at her as if she couldn't believe her eyes. She wished everyone would stop doing that. Though, she had to admit it was hard to believe. Nina had been there in the helicopter that took Olivia back to New York before she was moved to Boston. She had needed to stay to deal with the aftermath of Bell's actions. The last time Nina had seen Olivia, she had been unconscious and Nina had been told she'd been shot in the head. Not something you want to here about the closest thing you have to a daughter.
"Oh my dear," said Nina and moved closer for a hug. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you woke up. I so wanted to be."
"I know. You had more important things to do and I was in good hands," Olivia said and smiled at Peter.
"Nothing is as important to me as you are."
Olivia smiled again.
"How are you? Is everything all right?" asked Nina.
Olivia nodded. "I'm just tried and a little weak. I already feel better than I did this morning. You don't have to worry."
"I can't help but worry. Do you need anything? What can I do?"
"Nothing. Being here is enough."
Nina took Olivia face in her hands for a moment. She had done that since the day Olivia and Rachel had stepped off the train in New York. "I'll make us tea. You two relax," said Nina.
She bustled into the kitchen.
Peter moved back to Olivia. "Do we tell her?"
"A lot of people know. I want this to be for us for a while, but I want her to know."
"Okay."
He followed Nina into the kitchen. He leaned against the door jam. Olivia leaned against him.
"Nina, there's something else," said Peter.
Nina froze as she reached for the mugs and turned to face the couple. "What's the matter?"
"There's nothing wrong," said Olivia. "It's something exciting, I think."
"Olive, what is it?"
Olivia looked up at Peter. He gave her a look that said, 'go ahead.'
She chose the same method she had used for Peter. Direct. "We're having a baby."
Nina looked surprised and then—the look at Olivia was hoping for—excited. "Oh Olive!"
The tea was forgotten. More hugs and kisses and Olivia realized Nina was crying. Big, fat, happy tears rolled down her cheeks.
"I'm so happy for you," she said at last, wiping her eyes. "This is so exciting."
"I'll get the tea," said Peter. "You two relax."
Nina led the way to the sofa and they sat down together. She took Olivia's hand and held it on her lap.
"I can't believe this," Nina said. "It's so remarkable. And just try to stop me from spoiling the child rotten." She kept talking.
Olivia didn't know what to say. She wasn't able to think that far into the future. She thought again about how she didn't feel any different. She didn't feel like a mother or like she was pregnant. She just felt scared. And scared was the mildest way of putting the emotion.
"What are you thinking?" said Nina when she realized how quiet Olivia was.
Olivia shrugged. "I'm happy, but I'm worried."
"I can only imagine. We are all here for you."
"I know."
"Talk to me, Olive."
"Cortexiphan," said Olivia. She put her fingers to her lips as though she was surprised at what she had just said. "The doctor says I'm probably less than a month pregnant. Bell has been trying to activate me the entire time and then there's what happened on the cargo ship. You know all I have ever wanted was to be normal. I want that for my child."
"We have no reason to believe that your baby will be anything but normal. The entire resources of Massive Dynamics are at your disposal. We will do whatever we have to make sure your baby is healthy. I promise."
They embraced.
"Thank you," said Olivia.
"Of course, my dear. You are going to be a wonderful mother. Absolutely wonderful."
As they broke apart, Olivia caught sight of Peter leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. He was facing the opposite direction now and watching them. He shook his head with a smiled as he looked at both misty eyed women.
She smiled back. She was not sure of the future or of the little life whose heart was beating inside her, but maybe she was beginning to believe him. Everything was going to be okay. They could do this.