Authors Note: Hi guys! If you don't me I'm Major Dover. I'm a humor author who writes stories that make you wet yourself.
If your not familiar with Comedy Roast of The Twilight Saga...then get your fine ass over there and read it!

Why do I bring this up? Well Comedy Roast of The Twilight Saga is three friends talking about Twilight and bashing it. It drives those pesky fangirlsup the wall. Buuutttt We also plan to do one for Harry Potter. Now don't get your wands in a knot, we love Harry Potter, we kinda hate Twilight...but it's healthy to poke fun sometimes. So this is just for fun. Don't get a wedgie.

So enjoy my wandswishers.

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Major Dover ft. Cordial Craig and Voxy

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Major Dover: Ever think Dumbledore does crack?

Voxy: Ha, totally, he hides in his office and starts snorting it like pixie sticks.

Major Dover: He gets high and goes to a wizard dance club...doing fucking epic dance moves.

Voxy: He's all like "Ahhhhhh, the club can't even handle me right now!"

Cordial Craig: Does some swish and flickerig with his wand, making all dem hoes grind up on him.

Voxy: He braids his beard, puts glitter in it and shit. Puts on some gold robes and rocks that shit out.

Major Dover: "Fuck yeah, this is some good tunes right here"

Voxy: Dumbledore is one sexy bitch. Hoisting up his robes and starts doing the cupid shuffle.

Cordial Craig: He starts seeing like unicorns and shit, on an acid trip

Voxy: He waves some glow sticks around griding up some witches...hell yeah

Cordial Craig: "I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH!"

Voxy: He would whip that shit around, especially with that beard.

Major Dover: He gets back in the wee hours of the morning, totally shitfaced.

Voxy: Minerva comes in all concerned "Oh my Albus, did you get into a fight...did someone attack you?"

Cordial Craig: He's so wasted he just undresses right there and passes out at her feet.

Voxy: All day he is just so tired and hungover he just screams at kids "SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Major Dover: "DO YOU NOT SEE I AM HUNGOVER? YOUR FACES ARE ANNOYING ME, GO TRY AND STUN EACH OTHER OR SOMETHING"

Voxy: At dinner, he just puts his wizard hat over his face and lays on the table.

Major Dover: "Fuck this shit, I'm going to bed"

Cordial Craig: Snape gets all pissy because Dumbledores feet landed in his egg salad.

Major Dover: "Uhh...excuse me Professor Dumbledore, but I do not care for your wrinkly old feet in my delicious egg salad"

Voxy: Dumbledore just gives him the bird and starts to snore loudly.

Cordial Craig: Snape gets up knocking his chair over and walks out like a bitch.

Major dover: You know Snape is the ulitmate emo. Writing in his diary in a dark room and shit

Voxy: Only the spiders keep him company.

Major Dover: Yea he cries every night, "Dear Diary, today the Weasley said my dress robes were out of style...I cried"

Voxy: Yea he probably calls the Ron the ginger or the orange one...haha code names.

Major Dover: Snape finds Voldemort to be a prissy bitch. Everytime he comes walking in Snape does a eye roll.

Cordial Craig: "Pssh he thinks he is soooo awesome, just because he is bald and has no nose..."

Voxy: Voldemort probbly is a prissy bitch, coming in. cloak billowing behind him. He sits down all lady like, puts a napkin on his lap.

Major Dover: Yea he starts the death eaters meeting like "Ok, so today someone, I wont say who...wrote a very insulting thing on my door and it deeply hurt me"

Voxy: He then goes off on a long tagent about how hurtful teasing is and that he is issuing a sexual harrassment meeting because he thinks there has bee some inapprioate touching going on.

Cordial Craig: Haha yea like "I'm making this sexual harrassment meeting mandatory for everyone...except for you Wormtail...no one would ever sexually touch you"

Major dover: Lucius Malfoy is smiling like a pedophile at Wormtail...

Voxy: Ohhh...you know he has a secret..something completely weird that Voldemort doesnt even know about

Major Dover: He probably likes to dress up in ladies clothes...because it makes him feel pretty

Cordial Craig: He comes into the next death eaters meeting in a lovely dress, Voldemorts lookes at him like 0.o

Voxy: "Lucius, what is this...I don't even..."

Cordial Craig: "My lord, tis it not a beautiful garment? Does it not go lovely with my blonde hair?"

Major Dover: Lucius probably has an obbession with his lucious blonde hair

Voxy: In the middle of a death eaters meeting he silently takes out a brush out and starts to brush his hair

Major Dover: It pisses Voldemort off to no end like "LUCIUS DAMMIT I SAID NO BRUSHING YOUR HAIR DURING MEETINGS!"

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You know you laughed.

Look for our next part soon

Cia