Disclaimers: I do not own Cowboy Bebop. Boohoo.

Seventy-Two Hours

Staring at a ceiling.

Spike puffed on a cigarette as he lay upon the tattered yellow couch, listening to the steady hum of the Bebop's engine as it carried him through space. A song was playing on the radio and he nodded his head to the soft, steady beat.

Everything was quiet today. Ed and Ein were off the ship, snooping around the city. Upon finding out, Jet had stormed off the ship, clutching his left arm and muttering under his breath about premature death...something about, "...incompetent lunkhead, couldn't even babysit a kid..."

Spike sighed.

And the lovely Faye Valentine? She was off doing her own thing...some bounty she was after. She seemed determined to get it on her own, with no help. And of course, it was a complete secret.

Which meant, of course, that everyone knew.

With a smirk, Spike put his cigarette out in the overflowing ashtray on the table, the last silver-purple strands of smoke rising desperately in an unsuccessful protest.

"Hungry," he mumbled, making his way toward the fridge.

As he opened the door, an involuntary yet automatic sigh escaped his lips. He ticked off the names on the various containers of food. "Ed, Ein, Ed, Jet, Jet, Faye, Ein, Ein, Faye, Ein...hey...stupid dog has more food than I do..." His voice trailed off as he caught sight of a small container in the back corner. He smirked. "Hm. Spike. About time someone thought of me..."

His first instinct as he opened the container was to gag.

Oh. Crap.

Then again, burning it would be a waste of certain fuels. So, he relabeled it, "Faye" and stuck it back in the fridge.

"Bored," he breathed. "Fucking bored. No food, no people. No nothing."

Suddenly, a door slammed, and in strode the scantily-clad Faye Valentine.

"Hey, cowboy. What are we pouting about today?" She asked as she sat down at the table. Spike wondered at how she could make even this simple movement look skanky. "Is it hot in here?" she asked, a little too innocently. She pulled out a wad of cash from her pocket and began fanning herself. Ah, Spike thought, that explains the innocence. Now how about the stupidity?

Her hair flicked momentarily away from her face and Spike noticed a dark gash, surrounded by a bruise on her cheek.

"Wow, Faye, what's that blood on your face? Did you finally take my advice about saving money on tampons and do what I suggested?"

"Lunkhead," she breathed airily.

Spike raised an eyebrow. She hadn't even reacted...very unlike her. The bounty must have gone well. He gave an internal sigh. This could take hours. "You're all scraped up. What, your reaction speed isn't what it used to be?" Yeah. Poke the anthill.

She sneered at him. "My body is eighty years old, you know."

"Wow. Is that your main pickup line or your backup?"

She continued in a light, happy voice. Even more unlike her. "You're just jealous because I got the bounty...and a nice stack of cash for myself."

"Yeah, which you probably owe to the rest of us."

She rolled her eyes. "Spike, I do enough around here to pay my way."

"Like what, fashion police us?"

She gave a small snarl. Ah, now we're getting there, thought Spike, and leaned back, contented, in his chair.

"No," she replied haughtily. "I do clean, you know. And I watch the brat and her mutt more than you think I do. Besides," she continued, rising from her chair, "I'm part of the team. Without me, we wouldn't have caught half of the bounties that we've had so far. And then, Spike Speigel, where would you be?"

Spike shrugged. "Asleep on the couch, minding my own damn business, not developing a headache from your constant whining and nagging."

"Oh, really?!" she snorted in contempt. Yes, she was definitely getting mad.

I can now go to bed knowing the day was well spent, Spike thought smugly.

"Well then, I'll tell you what," she said, "how about I go on a little vacation, and you two can take care of the damn dog and the girl."

"She really seems like the tomboy type, when you think about it," Spike smirked.

"Whatever." She stood and shrugged. "She's all yours for the entire week. No, wait, you know what, I don't think you two would last with her for three days." She turned and stalked away into her room.

"Women," Spike sighed. He went and deposited himself onto the couch once more, lighting up a cigarette.

A short while later, Faye reappeared, with a suitcase in tow, and her sunglasses on. "Venus, here I come, baby! Spike, you be a good boy...and remember...I'm always just a phone call away, if you find that you can't...handle everything." She winked at him and slid out of the door. A few minutes later, the sound of her Redtail could be heard starting up...and then she was gone.

"Good riddance," he mumbled, as he drifted off into his own little world. Staring at the ceiling.

"She did what?!!"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Is it just me, or did your voice just echo throughout space?"

"She took a vacation?! Does she have any idea how much work there is to do around here, let alone bills to pay, and bounties to track...we're one short on the team!"

Spike closed his eyes. "What team, Jet? She doesn't actually do anything. And the only time we act like a team is when we track a bounty...and even that's a pretty shaky definition of 'team'."

"Yeah, that's what you think. Jesus, Spike, you just had to get onto her nerves, didn't you?"

"Jet, shut up. It's no use yelling, the bitch already left. Now I just say that we enjoy these three days of silence. No nagging, no sadistic remarks, and more importantly, no PMS." Spike swung his legs around so that we was in a sitting position on the couch. "Stop complaining, Jet. We can handle this. It'll be fine. Look at it this way, you'll have one less person trying to rip off whatever loose change you have."

Jet grumbled a little. "Fine, Spike, but let me warn you, should anything happen on this ship, if you screw up just once, if you let the kid and the dog run wild, I swear to God, Spike, you will not see the daylight again for a very long time."

"We're in outer space, Jet."

"Well then, you won't see any food again for a very long time!"

Spike shrugged and raised an eyebrow. "What, you think that what you serve us could be classified as food?"

"Spike, don't tempt me..."

Spike held up his hands. "Jesus, alright. Just calm the hell down. Nothing bad is gonna happen. I can handle it from here. Even the kid and the dog."

"Good," Jet muttered. "Now, let me go fix us some dinner."

As Jet stalked off, Spike cracked his neck. It was wonderful. No Faye Valentine for three whole glorious days. Just Jet and himself, and as for the two "children", they would be easy to control.

Spike was just drifting off to sleep when all of the sudden...

"WHAAAAAHHOOOOEEEYYY!!!"

A big orange blur landed on his stomach, squishing the air out of him and making him gasp for breath.

"Ed, what the hell are you doing?!" Spike lurched to his feet and dusted himself off. As he reached for his pack of cigarettes, an unseen force swept them out of his grasp.

"What the...hey, Ed, give those back, damn it!!! Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Spikey should not smoke!" she caroled back at him.

"Yeah, well until I quit, I need my nicotine fix to get me through the day so I can catch a bounty, get rich and buy something better. Like cigars."

Ed bounced around the room. "Well, then, Spike-Spike, I will destroy your temptation!" And with that, she threw the pack up in the air. It soared across the room, and as it landed, Ein jumped up and snatched it, then proceeding to rip it in half and devour its contents.

Spike sighed and closed his eyes. "Yeah. Cigars." He glanced at the dog. "Or maybe crack."

Spike sighed and stood, a small moan escaping his lips. God, what am I, like 50? He sauntered into the kitchen and sat at the table. Jet, who was cooking, turned and grunted. "What do you look so upset about?"

"Oh...nothing. Ein started smoking."

Jet raised an eyebrow. "Need I ask?"

Spike's silence was answer enough.

Jet shrugged and turned back to the stove. "Well, Ed has already managed to screw up stuff for me too. I'm sure no one else has ever owned a bonsai tree with no leaves. But do you see me complaining?"

Spike looked up and smirked. "No, but you're being a little rough on the bell peppers and beef."

Jet raised an eyebrow, confused. Looking down at the pan, his face crumpled as he saw that he'd been stabbing the food so maliciously that it'd been reduced to a pulp. Then, lightning fast his jaw clenched and he whirled to face Spike, snarling and jabbing with his spatula. "Well, you're not getting any of this so you can go hunt for your own dinner!" He slammed out of the kitchen, and Spike heard a lock click.

He groaned. Last time Jet had locked himself in his room, he'd only reappeared three days later. Three days. Another involuntary moan escaped Spike's lips. Exactly how long it would take for all hell to break loose.

He walked into the living room and saw Ed upside down on the couch, orange strands of hair brushing the floor.

Spike twisted his neck to look at Ed. Suddenly he realized that she appeared close to tears. "Ed? What's wrong? And why are you laying like that?"

She shook her head. "Secret," she whispered, and clamped her mouth shut.

Uh oh. Spike knew that if there was something wrong enough to make Ed cry, then it was something bad.

"Ed, I need to know why you're so upset. You are upset, aren't you?" Spike added, with the hope that she would say she wasn't. Yeah. Right.

She shook her head again. "Ed doesn't want to tell. It's a secret from boy-boys."

Ok, so she was upset. Now Spike knew that he really needed to know what was going on. If anything happened to Ed, Jet would kill him. Not to mention it would totally screw up his day.

"Ed..." he tried in a coaxing voice. "You can tell me what's going on. You can trust me."

"That's not what Faye-Faye says."

His eyebrow shot up. "Well...Faye's not here right now. And Jet's...asleep. So you need to tell someone what's going on. And seeing as I'm the only one here, it has to be me. And I care about you as much as everyone else does. You're part of our crew."

God. Where do I come up with this stuff? I sound like some after-school special, he thought. Regardless, he plunged on.

"So Ed...what's bothering you? I can help."

Ed bit her lip. "I hurt."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "You're hurt?"

She nodded. "And red."

Spike took a step back. "Red? What do you mean, red?"

Ed blinked. "Like when you come back from a fight-fight and your eyes are black and blue and your nose is red and wet." Her face was getting flushed from hanging upside-down for so long.

"Red and wet?" Spike pondered this for a moment. "Like bleeding? Oh no," realization swept over him. "You're bleeding? Where?" Crap.

Quicker than Spike could blink, her hand rose from the floor, index finger extended, and poked him right in the...

"Jesus!" Spike doubled over as the pain spread through his gut. "What did you go and do that for, you twerp?!" He eased himself onto the couch, breathing heavily.

"Does it hurt Spike-Spike too? Does Spikey have it? Is it a diseeeeeeaaase?"

The pain began to recede, but Spike still remained slumped. "No, Ed, it's...um...a girl thing. Crap. I knew we kept Faye around for a reason!"

"What does Edward do?" Ed asked, holding back tears.

Spike rolled his eyes. "First you need to sit up like a normal person. Then we'll figure out what to do."

Ed shook her head. "If Edward sits, everything moves around."

Oh, gawd. Spike stood shakily. "I'm just gonna go...get...Jet..." He left the room without finishing the thought.

Once out of sight of Ed, he went into panic mode.

"JEEEEEET!!!"

Jet stuck his head out of his room. "What?" he asked irritably. "Can't find any mastodon for your dinner?"

"No...it's...Ed...girly things..." Spike shuddered in repulsion. Jet grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. Hard.

"Stop babbling and tell me what's wrong with Ed, you moron!"

Spike took a deep breath and yelled, "She got her first period!"

Jet dropped Spike on the floor and stared in horror. "No..." he said desperately. "It can't be..."

Spike looked up from his position on the floor and nodded as he took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit up. "Yep. Which means...one of us is gonna have to tell her what's going on." He smirked. "Not me. You're the father figure, after all. You said so yourself."

Jet grabbed the cigarette out of Spike's, threw it on the floor, and crushed it with the heel of his boot. He jabbed his finger at Spike. "No, Spike, it should be you," he jabbed, "because you're the one who pissed Faye off," yet another jab, "and you're the one who got us into this. So it's gonna be you."

Spike growled. "That was my last cigarette."

"And another thing," Jet continued. "You're going to be the one who'll take her to get those...things...that women buy."

"I don't have any more cigarettes." Spike's tone was calm, yet cold.

"And furthermore, you're going to pay for those...those things!" Jet huffed.

Spike clenched his hands into fists. "Now I have to go buy cigarettes. And it's all...your...fault..." Suddenly, his leg lashed out and a second later, Jet was sitting on the floor beside him.

The vein in Jet's forehead began to twitch. He silently reached into his pocket and withdrew two cigarettes, keeping one for himself and giving one to Spike. They lit up in silence.

Finally, Spike spoke. "I still think you should do it. Why don't you deal with a pissy woman for once?"

Spike heard Jet move, and then his door slam, and Spike was left sitting in the hallway.

"Craaaaaaap..."

"Okay, Ed," Spike announced as he sauntered into the living room. "We're going shopping. For...new toys for you."

"Yay!" Ed jumped up and down on the couch.

Spike rolled his eyes. "I need to call...someone."

He grabbed his phone and rushed into the kitchen. Frantically, he dialed a number and waited until Faye answered. "Faye, I need to talk to you!"

"What." It wasn't a question. It was more like a "what the hell do you want" in disguise.

"Well, hello to you too." Spike smirked. Despite himself, he already missed that bitchy voice playing across the living room, spitting out insults and retorts. "Look, I need a little information." Just play it cool, don't let her know you're freaking out... "Ed just got her first period, and seeing as we need supplies, I was hoping you could tell me what to get for her."

Faye snickered. "I can't believe this. This is just too perfect. Are you sure you're not calling me to get me to come back early?"

Spike grinned. "And ruin your vacation? I wouldn't dream of it. Just give me the information I need and I'll be out of your hair."

"Fine. Don't get her any tampons," Spik cringed involuntarily at the word, "because she won't know how to use them. Pads would be perfect...something with wings, a regular size."

"Anything else?"

"Pain killers. Nothing too strong, you don't want her to OD or anything."

Spike rolled his eyes. "I'm not that stupid, Faye."

"What, you think "lunkhead" is a term of endearment? You moron." Click.

Spike sighed and put the phone on the kitchen table. "Sadistic bitch."

He walked back into the room where Ed was waiting and stopped dead. "Ed, what's that stain on the couch?"

She smiled. "It's the icky!"

Spike slumped against the wall. "Okay. Let's go." He made a mental note to buy stain remover. Or, if all else failed, a new couch.

The aisle was huge. It was all Spike could do to not cry.

Ed was currently bouncing around the candy aisle. The sales clerk was glaring at him as if he strongly disapproved of Ed's antics, but Spike shrugged it off. "Let someone else deal with a damn problem for once," he mumbled to himself.

Okay...he had to narrow it down. Wings, that's what Faye had said. Okay. Wings.

Looking around, Spike repressed a foul word as it rose to his tongue. Half of the damn aisle was pads with wings. Something regular. Okay. He would do this by process of elimination. Not slims, not maxi, not mini, not g-string...wait, what? He shook his head and kept going. Night-time, panty liners...ah, here it was. Regular with wings.

He grabbed a pack of twelve and paused. How long was a period supposed to last for? He couldn't remember. So how many did he need?

A few seconds later he had a total of sixty pads in his arms and was making his way up to the checkout counter. He dumped the packages onto the counter and paused. What else had Faye told him to get? He couldn't remember. He decided that it wasn't that important if he'd already forgotten. He paused...wait...it was coming to him...

Stain remover. That's what he'd forgotten. He raced to the back of the store and picked up a bottle from the cleaning section. Cleans any stain in seconds. Perfect.

"Ed, let's go!" Spike swiped his card and paid the cashier, then strolled out of the store and back toward the ship, Ed in tow.

She was skipping around and singing songs about butterflies. Weird little kid.

Once they got home it was a breeze. The stain came out of the couch, the icky stopped coming out of Ed, and a few hours later, she was asleep.

Finally. The end of an incredibly tiring, embarrassing, and trying day.

Spike flopped down on the couch, careful to avoid what he had dubbed the spot and turned on the TV. A few minutes later, he'd already drifted off into his own little personal world of dreams and no women.

Suddenly, a scream tore throughout the Bebop.

He jumped up from the couch and raced toward Ed's room, panicking.

There she was sitting on the bed, clutching at her abdomen. "I hurt! Spike, make it stop!!!"

Crap. Now he remembered what he had forgotten.

Pain killers.

It was going to be a long night.

TBC...

Hey guys...my first fic after three years. Tell me what you think. I'm so excited to get back into the ff.n community!! Hurrah!!! Let me know. Next chapter up soon. Smilies!