AN: I wrote this for Valentine's Day (the inspiration hit me and would not let go, similar to what happened with the Paperclip Charms Valentine's Day special) – I have a secret weakness for rom-coms of the Love, Actually style (though I will vehemently deny it). This is the result.

The title is from the rom-com There's Something About Mary and honestly doesn't have any relevance to the plot (there are no similarities between the rom-com and this story, I think – to be honest, I have only seen ten minutes of it and am going off the Wikipedia plot summary…), but I thought it was amusing.

Essentially, this is a fusion of a rom-com and how I wish that some of the romances (*cough* Jack's love life *cough*) had been treated in the show, with a healthy helping of friendship (in particular Jack/Mac/Bozer bromance) and Team-as-Family (or at least, that was my intention…).

VALENTINE'S DAY 2017

MAC'S RESIDENCE

PASADENA

Today is February 14th.

Or, to most people on the planet, Valentine's Day.

In 496, this day was declared St. Valentine's Day by Pope Gelasius I, but it originally has its roots in an ancient Roman fertility celebration, Lupercalia, which was actually celebrated on February 15th.

Things have changed an awful lot since, and now it's a day that might be marked more by Hallmark cards and overpriced dinners and overblown marketing campaigns, or some say.

I'm probably an idealistic romantic, but I still believe that underneath all of that commercialism, there's still a heart to be found.

I still believe that the spirit of the day, the love and the romance, is not dead.

Sitting in the backyard, around the fire pit, three men, two young, one not-so-young, stared at the fire, beers in hand.

Unfortunately, none of us actually have a date today.

In fact, none of us have had a date all that recently.

Yeah, things haven't been too good on the love front for any of us, to be honest.

See the brunette in black?

That's Jack Dalton, forty-five, ex-Delta Force, now a mechanic and owner of Dalton Auto Repair in Pasadena.

We met in Afghanistan, six years ago, now. We've been through a lot together, saved each other's lives more than a few times, and he's not just a friend, he's family.

An older brother, or maybe even a father, sometimes.

The poor guy's having a terrible Valentine's Day.

Yesterday, he got a save-the-date card, for a wedding.

The wedding of a CIA agent he served in a taskforce with when he was in Delta Force.

Her name's Sarah.

Jack calls her the one that got away. The right one, sometimes.

Talks about her all the time.

2001

SOMEWHERE IN IRAQ

They, like the rest of their taskforce, were pinned behind cover in the abandoned building.

Jack ducked out from behind the crate for a moment, fired off a couple of shots, and then returned to cover and turned to the CIA agent beside him, who had just calmly fired off a couple of shots of her own, taking down two of the guys who were shooting at them.

'You know, I'd marry you in a hot minute if you didn't have a boyfriend!'

Sarah just shook her head at him, a smile on her face despite their situation, and kept shooting. Jack glanced around, and looked briefly out the window next to them. A plan started formulating in his head, and he signalled to Sarah, and then to Davies, the soldier nearest him. Davies nodded, sent some signals back, and then started passing the signal to the rest of the taskforce.

As Sarah covered him, Jack reached out and smashed the window, then returned fire as Sarah, as planned, jumped out of it.

'Ladies first!'

2007

DAVIS RESIDENCE

LA

'Don't you dare come near them ever again, you hear me?'

Jack all but tossed the other man, who reeked of alcohol, onto the front porch.

He watched with an almost-vicious satisfaction as the abusive bastard scrabbled to get his balance, a healthy dose of fear in his eyes, and then ran off as best as he could.

Then, he looked back inside, down the hall.

At the slightly-shaking woman standing there, staring at him with wide eyes, almost horrified eyes.

At the dark-haired fifteen-year-old peeking out of her room, that same look in her eyes.

Like mother, like daughter.

(Riley was so much like her mother in so many ways.)

What he'd just done hit him like a ton of bricks.

He glanced back onto the street again, then back down the hall.

He locked eyes with Diane, who was still shaking. Still wide-eyed.

What had he done?

He shook his head.

'God…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I…I…I messed up…' He swallowed. 'I…I'll leave.'

He walked out the door and out of their lives.

'Jack!'

He ignored Diane's cry, shaken and scared and heartbroken, even if it made his heart wrench.

They were better off without him.

And the guy in the cardigan?

That's Wilt Bozer, but everyone calls him Bozer.

He's a twenty-seven year old aspiring filmmaker who currently works as a cook in a burger joint. He's also my roommate and my best friend.

He's been my best friend since the fifth grade, when he broke Donnie Sandoz's nose for me.

Bozer's a great guy, the best, but, as he puts it, his romance game's not quite on point, because he's also very dateless this Valentine's Day.

2007

MISSION CITY

'…I'm sorry, Bozer, you're amazing and all, but…I really do just see you as a friend.'

Bozer shrugged and smiled at his Prom date and dear friend, Penny Parker, and then reached out and bumped fists with her.

'Ditto, Penny, definitely ditto.' He shrugged again. 'Well, we gave it a go.'

The girl grinned at him and reached out and pulled him into a side-hug.

'Let's go grab a few pints of ice-cream and head to Mac's?'

Bozer returned her grin, and then they both shared a rather sad look, thinking of their friend, at home with his grandfather watching a live shuttle launch on TV on Prom night.

'Sounds like a plan! What are BFFs for, after all?'

2009

'I just need to focus on my studies. I really don't have time for a relationship right now…'

2011

'I'm sorry, Bozer, you're a great guy, you really are…but I'm just not interested in you that way.'

2012

'It's not you, really, it's me. I'm…I'm just not in the right headspace right now…'

'…Thanks, really, for being so understanding. I really appreciate it.'

'…See you around.'

2015

'…I understand. I know this long-distance thing has been really hard.' The young woman on his computer screen sniffled as he spoke. 'I...I guess I feel the same way too. I just haven't been able to say it, I guess…' She gave a sad little smile at his words (which weren't completely true, if he was honest), and he continued. 'Thanks…thanks for being the one brave enough to come out and say it.'

She waved at him, that sad look still on her face.

'Goodbye, Bozer…I…I wish you all the best…'

He sighed and waved too.

'Goodbye. I wish you all the best, too.'

And the blonde guy?

That's me, Angus MacGyver. Please call me Mac. Twenty-five, ex-Army EOD, now employed at JPL here in Pasadena.

I've won twelve science fairs, I met my best friend when he saved me from a bully, I spent Prom night watching a live shuttle launch on TV, I graduated from MIT at eighteen in only two years, I get excited by weird things, and I own a pancake-making toaster, which I made myself.

And crazy engineer is pretty much my job description.

Not that surprising that I'm dateless this Valentine's Day, is it?

FEBRUARY 2008

MISSION CITY

'…Wait…am I now you and Bozer's mutual ex-girlfriend?'

Mac's rather morose expression (even if he agreed with her that they were better off friends and probably really only loved one another as friends, he was still sad that they didn't work out) lightened somewhat at Penny's comment, and he gave a snort of laughter.

NOVEMBER 2013

MAC AND NIKKI'S RESIDENCE

Mac looked around their apartment.

When he and his girlfriend of five years had moved in together, last year when he'd been home from deployment, he'd thought that the distinctions between his stuff and her stuff had disappeared.

But now, everything that had at some point been Nikki's was gone from their home.

The throw blanket on the couch that she loved to cuddle under in the winter, that painting on the living room wall that she adored but Mac secretly hated, the tea set in an ornate box that her grandmother had given her that normally sat pride of place on a shelf in the kitchen.

Her coats no longer hung on the coat hooks by the door, and every last pair of her shoes were gone from the shoe rack.

There was a suitcase and a duffle bag by the door, just next to where they stood.

Mac turned and looked at his girlfriend (or should it be ex-girlfriend, now?). He saw the sadness in her eyes, but also the resoluteness.

He felt something break inside him. Tears welled up in his eyes.

'Nikki…greeting me at the airport just then…was it all a lie?'

Nikki sighed and looked down, reaching out and putting her hand on her suitcase's handle.

'You were gone, Mac. All the time. You were so far away, and we could barely talk…' She looked up at him. 'I was so lonely, Mac…' She looked down again, unable to meet his eyes. 'I met someone, earlier this year, at work.' She looked up at him briefly, then at the wall. 'We were just friends at first, I swear. I never intended to…' Mac felt his heart shattering. '…but it happened. A couple of months ago.' She looked up at him, eyes teary and almost regretful. But only almost. 'I…I tried to tell you, I really did, but…it didn't feel like something I could tell you over a screen!' She paused for a moment and bit her lip. 'What was I supposed to do? Break up with a war hero at the airport the moment he arrives home from Afghanistan because I met another man?'

Mac fought hard to hold back the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes.

'Nikki…I…I love you.'

She sighed and looked down. For the first time, she didn't say it back.

'I'm sorry, Mac.'

And she tossed the duffle bag over her shoulder, grabbed the suitcase, and walked out of the door and out of his life.

He stared at her as she left, struck still and dumb, and then stumbled his way over to the couch, collapsed on it, and sobbed.

Yes, long-distance was difficult. His job made things difficult.

But she'd said she understood. He'd asked, talked to her about this, and she'd said she understood. Understood that sense of duty, that sense of responsibility, that drove him and kept him away from her. Understood that he did, always, want to come home to her, but that he also felt that he had a job to do.

The Ghost was still out there, after all. The man who'd killed his mentor and so many others. And there were so many others like him out there, too, who had to be stopped and brought to justice and whose potential victims had to be saved.

And he'd tried, tried so hard. He'd sent her emails whenever he could, and real paper letters, too. Did everything he could to show her that she was often in his thoughts, even if he was far away and facing death and danger and darkness on a daily basis. (Maybe especially because he was.)

With yet another heart-wrenching sob, Mac reached out and knocked over the bowl of paperclip charms, talismans, symbols, on the coffee table, the bowl of little things that he'd made for her from the paperclips that he carried everywhere with him, and sent back to her from Afghanistan.

Tokens of affection.

Symbols of his love for her.

He sobbed again, and picked up one of the bent paperclips, reshaping it into a heart, cut in two with jagged edges.

FEBRUARY 2014

OUTSIDE NATO HOSPITAL

GERMANY

The beautiful young nurse with blonde curls (whom he'd made a Taser for out of his electric razor so that she could protect herself from her abusive ex) smiled at him.

'If you are ever in Germany again, look me up.'

Mac's ears reddened, and he fiddled with the cloth of the sling that his left arm was in.

'I…I am terrible at plans, but let's plan to make plans?'

Katarina's smile widened, and she waved and walked away.

'Goodbye, Angus MacGyver.'

Jack, also currently stuck in a wheelchair (they had both been badly injured in the line of duty and although they were expected to make more-or-less full recoveries, as Jack would likely always have a dodgy left knee and right wrist, and there were a few concerns about the mobility of Mac's left arm, given the bullet and the shrapnel he'd taken to the chest, their military careers were now over and they were both getting honourable discharges on medical grounds), smirked at the young man whom he called his brother, as they waited to be picked up to be transported back to the US.

'She likes you, brother.' He turned more serious for a moment. 'You could go and try and get her email or something? Try out long-distance?' Mac was already shaking his head as Jack spoke. 'Brother, is this to do-'

'I'm not still in love with Nikki, Jack.'

JULY 2016

MAC'S FAVOURITE DINER

PASADENA

'This isn't working out, Mac.'

Mac, who'd been lost in his thoughts, trying to pin down why this just didn't feel right (they'd had two very good dates, but tonight, their third date, had just felt off), smiled sheepishly at Cindy, biting his lip.

'It isn't, is it?'

She nodded, then shrugged.

'Ah well, we tried. It's a shame though, you're really good at escape rooms.'

He gave a half-laugh.

'Sorry for ruining your perfect record for nothing.'

She smiled at him.

'It wasn't for nothing; I had fun.'

He nodded in agreement.

'So did I.'

They sat there in awkward silence for a moment, before Cindy got up.

'I'll see you around, Mac.'

He waved and smiled at her, hoping that it didn't look as awkward as he felt.

'See you, Cindy.'

She walked out of the diner, leaving him there to finish his pie.

Dating was complicated, and weird.

VALENTINE'S DAY 2017

MAC'S RESIDENCE

PASADENA

Jack, staring at the fire, sighed and chugged down the rest of his beer. He reached for another one, leaning towards Mac's self-opening Esky, which popped open as his hand neared it.

Mac reached out and put an arm around his shoulders, while Bozer held out the bowl of chips to the older man.

'I'm sorry, Jack.'

'Me too, man.'

Jack gave another sigh. Sarah's save-the-date card arriving had really thrown him for a loop.

'Thanks, Mac, thanks, Bozer.' He looked into the fire for a moment. 'But the ship sailed a long time ago. I missed my chance years ago. Thought I was over her, honestly. As over her as I'm ever going to get, anyway, one that got away and all.' He snorted. 'Apparently, I was very wrong.' He sighed. 'Still, a few minutes with the right one is better than a lifetime with the wrong one.' He glanced at both the younger men, eyes firm. 'Now, promise me, both of you, that when you meet the right one, you don't let her go without a fight, okay? Tell her how you feel, and don't wait around thinking she'll be there forever, because one day, she'll be gone.'

Both younger men nodded solemnly.

'I promise, Jack.'

'Promise, man.'

They all clinked their beers together in a toast, and sat there in comfortable, companionable silence for a while.

Eventually, Mac broke it.

'We each have only one stable and functional relationship with a woman.'

Jack and Bozer both gave snorts of laughter.

'Our mutual ex-girlfriend is seriously awesome, bro.'

'I don't know if you can call my relationship with Patty stable or functional, brother. I mean, she hasn't killed me yet, but…I'm still not sure if she actually has a sense of humour…'

Patty was Patricia Thornton, a District Attorney who trained at the same gym as Jack. They were training buddies and friends of a sort, despite being rather mismatched in almost all ways. Jack was big and bulky, not delicate-looking at all, and also rather goofy, while Patricia was slim, deceptively fragile-looking and serious.

Jack continued.

'Also, you're forgetting Matty.' He shuddered. 'You can't forget Matty. She'll know, and she'll have her revenge on me.'

Bozer and Mac just exchanged a look, and then chuckled. Jack shook his head at the two younger men.

'You don't know her like I do, kids, you really don't. The Hun is terrifying.'

While we all do have a stable and functional, well, relatively-speaking, relationship with Matty the Hun, I'm really not sure if she counts.

She's a cat.

Jack's cat, actually. Whom he claims hates him.

Yes, Jack is terrified of his own cat.

I guess she does have very sharp claws.

She didn't like me at first. I won her over when I 'proved myself' to her by making her a very fancy custom cat-tree. Now we get along just fine.

Jack claims that Matty still hates him, which I think is ridiculous.

She is his cat, after all.

Funnily enough, she's always liked Bozer.

Though, I guess everyone likes Bozer.

An alarm clock rang suddenly, and they all looked over to the grill, which Mac had long ago modified so that Bozer's incredible pastrami would cook in only half an hour.

Bozer got up and opened the grill, and transferred the pastrami inside onto a plate. (It looked perfectly cooked, and there hadn't been a fire this time, which was excellent.)

'Time to eat!'

All three friends exchanged a grin, and as he and Jack walked over to the little dining table on their deck, where Bozer was carving up the pastrami, Mac smiled at his two closest friends, reaching out to grasp each of their shoulders.

'We might have far less than stellar love lives, but we've got each other, so I guess we're not lacking in love, at least.'

Jack and Bozer smiled at him, and Jack raised his beer in a toast.

Bozer handed him a plate of food.

'Amen to that, brother.'

'Love you too, bro.'

Of course I'd like a girlfriend, and a wife and kids someday.

I want that whole white-picket-fence happy ending.

I know Jack and Bozer do too.

But I'm happy with what I've got right now: great friends.

Family, really.

I'm really not lacking in love, even if I haven't got a valentine this year.

Besides, there's always next year, right?

AN: So, what do you think?

Penny being Mac and Bozer's mutual ex-girlfriend is very, very loosely inspired by the Gibbs/Diane/Fornell situation in NCIS. Apparently, such situations do exist in real life- I once met a guy who had a mutual ex-girlfriend with his best friend. The girl was actually their other best friend.

And yes, I made Matty Jack's cat. Honestly, I find that so amusing that I'm only about as sorry as Mac was for putting that gum wrapper in just the right position to take out the Phoenix's security system!