Eddsworld!
Eddsworld!
Sorry, whose world is it?
Eddsworld!
With Tom!
(Blue Hoodie!)
Both angry and rude, maybe it's his smarts or maybe it's the 'tude,
One thing's for certain, he doesn't make sense,
Half the time is gibberish and the other half's ingooblyblench!
What?
And Matt!
(Purple Hoodie! Also green overcoat?)
No one likes him as much as himself,
He's got a formidable chin, though he doesn't know that word,
Cause he's got the intelligence of a kitchen shelf!
Hey!
Edd!
(Green Hoodie!)
Usually the leader,
Probably the first of them all to poke fun,
He's the artist, he loves cola,
And she's always trying to make a pun.
Probably due to his linguistic… EDD-ucation?
That's terrible.
Eddsworld!
I was a nice day, the kind you'd want to have an adventure during, but not for Edd, Edd couldn't even leave his house. It had been two weeks since he had drank the hundred year old bottle of cola, and Edd had gotten incredibly sick. He had been able to do nothing but sit on his sofa and watch reruns of Professor Why. About two hours later, the doorbell rang.
"Edd!" shouted Tom from the kitchen. "Can you get the door?"
"Yeah, sure." he replied, getting up and walking over to the door.
When he opened the door, the mailman was there in front of him with a box and a clipboard.
"Heeey I got a packet here for Miisteeer Eeedd…" the mailman said stumbling over his own words.
"A package?" Edd asked, he wasn't expecting anything actually.
"Yeees, caan you sign here for meee?"
Somewhat confused, Edd signed for it and grabbed the package. After closing the door, he walked over to the couch and opened up the package and realized that it contained a small book, on the cover it had the words; "The Second Diary of Edward Gold". Well, considering the fact that he had nothing better to do, he turned off the TV and opened up the book.
It was the year eighteen-hundred*horse*, and Detective Edward Gold was on his way to the old town he had saved the last time he'd been there. He was riding a carriage with Prince Matthew, Sheriff Thompson and a boot.
"So how's life, Boot?" Prince Matthew asked, trying to make conversation.
Boot replied making a small sound.
Unsure how to respond to this, Matthew simply went "Oh, that's nice."
Thankfully, they had made it to their stop. They got off the carriage, and began to walk through the town. Since the last time they had been there they had gained quite the reputation, as they were constantly greeted.
"Welcome back, Sheriff!"
"Hey there, Prince!"
"Owdy Hedward!"
"Morning Guys!"
After that, they decided to go back to the old saloon and relax. Right when they arrived though, someone came towards them looking for Sheriff Thompson.
"Sheriff, quick! Look at this!" she shouted.
He quickly got and walked over to her, there he spotted a large piece of paper nailed to floor. Sheriff Thompson tried to remind them that they didn't need to do that anymore, and that the problem was solved the last time Edward was there.
"No! Look!" she replied pointing at the paper.
After examining it for a few seconds, he noticed that the paper was actually a newspaper with the words; BANDITS BREAK OUT OF JAIL.
"Those men you stopped last time were furious at you," the women explained. "To get revenge they're now nailing EVERYTHING to the floor!"
"Looks like we should pay them a visit." Sheriff Thompson then said, now looking at Gun.
"Let's do this Brian." Edward also said, looking at his gun.
Eventually, they returned to the place where the showdown took place last time. When they arrived, they were greeted by Eduardo and his partners.
"Mira quien es!" Marco spoke to Eduardo.
"Um… What?" Eduardo asked, sounding confused before catching on and shouting. "Welcome back, LOSERS!"
"Hello Prince!" How are you?" Juan also called out.
"Alrighty, boys!" the Sheriff shouted. "You've lost once, and you'll lose again."
"Never!" Eduardo replied.
"Si, yo no querer." Marco agreed.
"What are you trying to say! Oh, you know what? It doesn't matter! FIRE!"
As soon as the word came out of his mouth all three men began shooting at Edward and his friends. They all went behind rocks, with Edward pulling out a cola. He opened it up and took a swig. Edward felt the incredible tasting liquid flow and time felt to stop. He pulled out Brian and pointed it, aiming for Eduardo's gun, before shooting. Somehow, Eduardo managed to easily dodge the bullet, by moving his hand just in the nick of time.
"What?" Edward asked in shock. "How… How did you do that?"
"Easy. I remembered that little drink you used to defeat me last time," Eduardo began. "When I was in prison, I gave it a try. The only issue was that the thing was loaded with calories, so after months of experimenting I got THIS!"
Eduardo then pulled out a small bottle that looked a lot like cola.
"Meet DIET Cola." he finally shouted.
"Doesn't matter, you can't stop both of us." Thompson suddenly said, standing up.
Eduardo, Edward, and Thompson all took a drink and began shooting. Nevertheless, Eduardo still managed to dodge all of the attacks. Edward quickly ran to Matthew and handed him a small sack.
"Matthew, I want you to take this sack and grab all the nails," he told him. "If we can't beat them, we can at least stop them."
As Edward quickly returned to the fight, Matthew sneaked towards the building. He walked in, and prepared to get every last nail. But before he could do anything, he was greeted by Juan.
"Hello, Prince. What are you doing here?" Juan asked him. "You're not trying to stop us, right?"
Thinking fast, he responded. "What? But of course not! I'm just looking around. Wouldn't you like a Prince's opinion on your home?"
"Oh, of course!" he replied with glee. "Go ahead! I hope you enjoy!"
Back at the battlefield, Thompson was having a tough time, and was barely dodging the bullets.
"Muy bien, amigo!" Marco cheered on his teammate.
"I- I appreciate it… I think?" Eduardo called back.
"Yo soy jugando con usted, tu sabes eso, si?"
"What?"
"Edward? You doing okay?" Thompson asked, trying to catch his breath.
"I think so. I just hope Matthew's almost done."
Meanwhile, Matthew hadn't even started due to one problem,
"Now to get that thing that I've completely forgotten." Matthew said to himself.
He thought about what Edward had said before, trying to remember.
"Matthew, I want you to take this sack and grab ANYTHING THAT ISN'T NAILS!" Fantasy Edward said.
"Also, Matthew, you are incredible!" Fantasy Thompson added.
"Parade for Matthew!" together they shouted. "Yaaaaaay!"
"Oh, and uh, make sure not to forget the nai-"
But Matthew wasn't listening anymore as went off on his new mission. When he returned, Edward quickly ran over to him to inspect the bag. However instead of nails, he found a quill, a paperclip, a horseshoe, and a small teddy bear with one line for eyes.
"Matthew? Where are the nails?" he asked.
"Oh… that's what it was." Matthew replied.
"Matthew," Edward began, with an annoyed look. "I hope your kids don't end up like you."
Meanwhile, Thompson was still trying to avoid getting shot but eventually Eduardo shot at his feet which caused him to trip and land in a small crater. There, he managed to spot a small gun, before he picking it up.
"Hello there, what's your name?" he asked it.
The gun replied silently.
"Sue?" he asked it. "It could use some work… how about Susan?"
The gun seemed to like that name.
"You do? Huh, I like that name too." he then got up and drew both Gun and Susan. "Let's go."
He quickly ran to Edward and showed him the new gun. Now with a fighting chance, they both took another sip of their drinks and prepared to end this. Edward shot and Eduardo's hand again, and just like before, Eduardo dodged it. But he didn't notice that Susan had also shot and made it perfectly; knocking the gun out of his hand. Finally, Gun managed to shoot Eduardo's gun out of his reach.
"NOOOOO!" he shouted in defeat.
Edward kept Edward's old gun and Eduardo and his friends went to jail. After that, they all went back to the saloon for a celebration.
"Hey Edward," Sheriff Thompson asked. "What are you going to name that new gun."
"Y'know." Edward began.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"I was thinking Brandon would be a good name." Edd continued. "Huh."
Now that he finished reading, he closed the book, put it down, and he went over to the kitchen where Matt ran over to him in excitement.
"Edd!" he shouted. "I got an idea, I'm going to make a show where I go in houses and rate them!"
"Matt," Edd replied, smiling a bit. "I hope your children don't end up like you."
The End