Connie pondered the exact method she could use to hit Steven Universe. Hard .
Her mind buzzed with an array of ideas, although they were hard to hear with the pounding of her headache. She struggled to clear her thoughts, her body running on the faintest of fumes at this point. Sleepless days and emotions flying between heaven and hell had left her more drained than she could ever recall being. She had not had a good night's rest since Steven left. Much of her longed for the sweet embrace of bed, ready to sleep like the dead but unable to as the memories of the past few days haunted her.
She grit her teeth through her exhaustion. She could not put off this conversation. Steven had parlayed his feelings for too long. He was back on the earth, safe and alive. They needed to confront what he did together.
Through nothing short of a miracle, he had escaped the iron clutch of Homeworld and made it back in one piece. The words of first reunion were short, the power of the moment robbing the Crystal Gems of their voices. The rest of the night was lost to a retelling of Steven's journey, leaving them all reeling in uncertainty. With that, nobody pressed Steven about his nearly-fatal decision to leave them all behind before he retired for needed rest.
Though the threat of invasion and the possibilities of a warp to Home World loomed heavy in all their minds, Connie resolved to have a real talk with Steven, despite the complex situation they were in. The weight that he had put upon her was dragging her down far too much, a heavy chain aching around her neck. She wouldn't be able to stand tall against Homeworld if she didn't talk to him.
So she braced herself under the morning, the glorious sun beaming down brightly on her head as she awaited for her...charge...to wake up and join her on the beach. She had made him promise he would talk after the blissful chaos of the previous night, once he got some sleep. The gems had all left to their own rooms, needing to recharge themselves and plot their next move. It would just be the two of them.
The tranquility of the beach — the rhythmic waves, the distant cries of gulls, the intermittent brushes of gust across her face — betrayed the raging typhoon within her. Every feeling that ran through her mind and heart as Steven turned his back on her — abandoning her — bubbled deep within her, boiling her barely contained anger.
It was only through measured breathing that she kept herself from combusting. She bitterly let the storm inside her build, knowing she could not properly break it apart unless it was face-to-face with him.
The soft shuffling of his sandals against the sand caused the gales within her to slow, the eye of the hurricane coming over as she sought calm for her crucial first words to him.
"Hey Connie." He took the first step, like he always had since they first met. His voice oozed with misery and trepidation as he uttered the greeting to her back. It had been a long time since he had been afraid to approach her.
"Come over here, Steven." The glaring sun did little to thaw the ice in her voice. She did not turn to look at him.
With quiet steps, the boy brushed past her — too close, a part of her aching to just hold him now that they were safe — and sat cross-legged across from her. He gazed into her eyes, open with his fear and sadness.
Not open enough, she chided him internally.
"Now talk to me." Something he had not done enough of before. She would give him the chance now.
The silence stretched long between them, Steven wavering under her unrelenting stare. But eventually, the boy worked up the courage to crack in front of her.
"Look, I'm...I'm sorry about what happened. I'm sorry for making you worry." His sincerity was sweet. But she knew he didn't fully understand yet, despite some of the hard looks she had sent his way upon his return home.
"I'm...I couldn't think of any other way and I had to do something. They were going to take you and I...I guess I just...couldn't let that happen," his voice trailed off into a wisp, the memory tearing up inside. The dam that he had tightly contained on Homeworld cracked further as the ordeal fully sank in.
Before she could stop herself, she closed the distance and held him.
She rocked together with him silently, letting him steady his breath as he clutched to her desperately. A couple of stray tears found their way down her face as his misery rubbed off on her, but she held back on the worst of it.
He already thought he knew how he had hurt her, had hurt all of them. She hadn't completely made it a secret.
But he still didn't know the half of it.
Connie waited some time for him to still before holding him at arm's length. He looked at her weakly, fondly, treasuring her understanding. But his face fell when he saw her mouth still held a hard liner.
She had to get this off her chest. She had bore this for days that stretched forever, through her nightmares in the dark trenches of the enemy base. She could not hold back.
"Steven, I...I get it," she tried to start off gently but her heart throbbed angrily as she gave herself permission to let it out. "But you have to understand this, Steven. That...that what you did...it destroyed me."
He gulped but nodded. He held her hands tightly and she couldn't help but do the same in kind. He breathed deeply, trying to find a measure of calm. As always, he could put his own hangups aside to help anyone in need.
She loved that about him. But it was a wall she needed to tear down — at least enough to make a doorway.
"I...I'm sorry." It was a genuine mantra from him. Yet it wasn't enough now. "I...I just couldn't think of anything else and it was my fault that it happened, I gave them the list, I had to find a way to protect all of you-"
"Steven, spare me that self-sacrificing crap."
He looked taken aback as if she had just slapped him in the face. Deep in the recesses of her mind, a part of her wanted to, like some of the more risqué heroines in her books. She took a deep breath and felt the inferno within her rise up. She wouldn't be able to stop it now.
"But…" he began, but she cut him off.
"What if you had stalled them? What if you had tried to knock the wand out of Aquamarine's hand?" A million scenarios had twisted through her mind as to how his capture could have been avoided. But they were all dependent on him. Him caring to try and save himself.
"There wasn't…there wasn't any time!"
"How could you know Homeworld wouldn't come back here if you gave yourself up?" She chose not to acknowledge his point. "What if the diamonds still wanted more humans? What if they decided to check on the Cluster when they realized it wasn't forming?" She found herself rising with her speech, shaking in feeling as she thought about his lack of consideration.
"I...I had to do something! I had to at least try to keep them away from all of you." Steven was weeping openly, rocked under the tide of her outburst. Pain gripped her heart hard at seeing him so hurt by her own actions. But she had to muscle through it.
"And you just assumed we wouldn't do anything?!" Connie glared at him with all the fire she could muster and he melted before her gaze, shrinking under the beating rays of the sun. "That we would just accept when turned your back on us? That we would just meekly go along with your plan and leave you to die?!"
She took deep, panting breaths as the pair of them trembled at each other as the memories consumed them. Connie looked down at him and felt herself crack at the pain she was causing him, a pale reflection of the turmoil he had caused her.
It hurt. This hurt too much, it was too much to take, even while remembering the sight of his back. Her resolve wavered and her throat choked. Before she knew it, she was sobbing, her breath unable to chase down the unstoppable train of her misery.
Steven wailed with her and she tackled him, relishing in the small comfort of his arms on her, crying into his shoulder. The two sobbed together, neither able to prop the other up, and so they fell together as one.
Gods, she had almost lost him. That was what hurt the most. That he had almost taken the most important thing in the world from her. For such ridiculous, short-sighted reasons. Reasons she should have been able to prevent.
"I love you more than anything, Steven," she whispered into his ear, confessing now because she knew now how fleeting their lives really were. Any moment, it seemed, Homeworld could come to rip them apart again. Time was not a luxury they had and she could not afford to hold herself back. "And I never realized how terrifying that was until I almost lost you."
"I love you so much," he murmured back, whispering more apologies to her as they worked through the emotional high. "It's why...it's why…" he hiccuped, unable to finish.
Connie took a few precious minutes to bask in his warmth, listening to the cadence of Steven's pulse — his living heartbeat — and the calming woosh of the waves. She wished the moment could have lasted forever.
But it wasn't over yet.
She gently disentangled herself from him, pulling him up with her into a sitting position. He went along meekly as she held his hands tight.
"Do you remember what you said to me when I started training with Pearl?"
Steven frowned, considering the question. His eyes rolled downward again, a look of shame crossing his face.
"I don't want you to...to give yourself up for me?" Steven guessed, referring to when she had been the one on a destructive path of self-sacrifice.
Connie shook her head. The corners of her mouth managed to tug upwards as she remembered the feeling when she said the words to her back then.
"'I want to fight with you, together,'" Connie quoted and watched as shocked realization unfolded on his face. "You forgot."
"That's...it's...that's not really the same thing," Steven tried to contest, meeting her gaze now, already knowing what she was getting at. "We did fight together, back on the ship. But we lost and I didn't know how else I could save you."
"I...I don't know if I can be with you anymore Steven. Not if you're going to leave me behind." She let the dread stop his tangent, let the weight of what was at stake fall upon him. Her heart hammered against her ribs despite her efforts to stay cool and she bit her tongue as an unmitigated misery fell upon his face at her words.
"Connie, I…"
"I can't do it, Steven!" she blurted out, unable to reign in the flames of her ire as the memories of his departure surged within her again. "I can't bear seeing you go like that. I can't bear seeing you put yourself at risk, over and over and over, without trusting in me."
"But I do trust you!" Steven tried to defend himself, imploring her with his eyes. "I trust you more than anyone."
"Then talk to me!" The stunned silence of her love spoke volumes, a question in his glance. "You can't keep...bottling up these feelings inside you, Steven. You keep blaming yourself for things you shouldn't and putting everyone's problems on your shoulders, but you don't have to bear it alone! Steven, you've saved us — all of us — more times than I can count."
She grabbed onto his hand as he started at her in awe. She saw her own teary gaze reflected in his.
"We're in this together. Let me help you like you helped me," she brought her face closer leaning her forehead on his. She could see his lips trembling. "Talk to me, Steven."
The seemingly open boy broke. The carefully maintained wall of his anguish, pushed aside for others, broke apart. The current of what had happened, what he thought he had done, what he had done, washed him away. She held him, acting as his rock, trying to lend what support she could.
He clutched her as he spent the time he needed to pour his heart out to her. She stroked his back as he cried into her embrace.
"I just..oh god I...it's so hard."
"I know, I know."
"It's...I...it was my fault."
"It wasn't. There was no way you could have known. The only one to blame is Homeworld."
"I just can't stand it. I can't stand the thought that I can't protect all of you."
"We'll protect each other."
"I love you so much it hurts."
"I know that feeling better than anyone."
"You have to promise me," she said, after his throat grew raw and quiet from all of the sobbing. She stared intensely into his eyes, needing to see honesty in them. "To never to do something like that again. To keep me by your side. We're in this together."
He sighed as if frustrated — she would have to work with him on that feeling — but nodded in submission. "I promise." There was no uncertainty in his voice.
Connie beamed at him. With a sudden surge of reckless inspiration, she planted a kiss on his lips, putting to bed her fears that she had forever lost her fears to do so. It was clumsy and wet, but still sweet. It made her stomach flutter in a way that was long overdue. His lips pressed back on hers and the childish bliss chased away the last of the shadows between them, reforging the broken chains that bound them.
They stayed on the beach to collect themselves a while longer, relishing in their togetherness with nothing left hanging between them. The impending doom and probable journey to Homeworld weighed surprisingly little on her, now that she knew for sure she would face it all alongside him. They feel asleep in each other's arms as fatigue claimed them, never minding the harsh rays of the sun.
The Earth would count on Steven to save it; he carried an insurmountable burden. But she was going to help him lift that up. They would bear the weight of the world together.
AN: Thanks to CoreyWW for great editing on this.
I greatly anticipate the show proper hopefully giving us a scene like this.
Leave a review if you enjoyed it; they mean more to me than you know. =)