Living in the gloom of northern industry had given Merlin Emrys a built in resistance, the relentless lifestyle of the coal mines gave him strength of will that men from further south could not fathom. As he grew up with the heavy and dark themes of the newly created genre of Metal music, him and his friends something to cling to as around them, Thatcher closed their lives down. The long winding tedium of the dole queue only gave him, more strength and determination, to get out, to find something better for himself. He did not want this life for himself, find a girl, get married, have kids, this list did not appeal. Also adding to this Merlin was gay, giving him more need to get out to a more accepting world.
He now stood awkwardly out side the cold stone building, ancient limestone and Georgian arcutecture making him feel smaller than his already stocky five feet and two inches. His usual dress of bell bottoms, band t-shirt and patch covered leather jacket replaced by a smart borrowed suit and his Dad's Sunday shoes . His black hair which usually hung around his face was scraped back in to business like bun. He sighed.
This was his first job interview in six months of failed applications. Slowly he climbed the stone steps, heels clicking sharply. The door opened in front him, taking him by surprise. Stood in the door way, was a tall slim man, his long blonde hair that was slicked back into a greasy pony tail and pressed suit alien to the more rustic Merlin.
"Mr Emrys?" he asked in a clipped almost strained voice. It was as if it pained him to be pleasant.
"Yes, err...Mr..." He had forgotten the name of the man He was supposed to be meeting.
"Pendragon, Arthur Pendragon." He extended his hand, Merlin took it. The skin of Mr Pendragon's palm was soft, unlike Merlin's which were calloused and dry. "Pleased to meet you," again with the strained tone of voice. His accent showed him to be from the south, and so far every cliché He had heard about southern men appeared to be a reality.
"Please, come in" he led Merlin through the building. The high walls made him feel trapped, added to the stuffy heat of the hallway, he felt slightly dizzy. They entered an office at the end of the corridor.
"Please take a seat Mr Emrys, welcome to the east midlands branch of our publishing company, I trust your journey was pleasant?" He smiled tightly, closed mouthed, there was no real happiness in the curved lips.
"Yes Sir thank you," his hand were shaking slightly, his voice wavered. Again Mr Pendragon smiled.
"Please Mr Emrys, no need to be nervous." He continued to smile almost as if he enjoyed Merlin's discomfort. "So, let's begin shall we?" He only nodded.
The interview dragged on, Mr Pendragon asking questions and Merlin dutifully answering them. After what seemed to be a life time, Mr Pendragon appeared to reach a decision.
"Well congratulations Mr Emrys, you have the job, too are now the North east's branch secretary" He smiled again and this time it reached his eyes.
Merlin for a moment was speechless, after over a year of trying he had finally accomplished what he wanted, hadn't he? Why didn't he feel elated? Why did he feel numb? He didn't have time to answer himself as Mr Pendragon opened his mouth once more.
"Fancy a drink to celebrate?"
In his still shocked state of mind Merlin blindly agreed.
They walked down several streets, straying ever further from the main part of the town, eventually they arrived down a damp and dark back alley.
Merlin looked around sheepishly; maybe this had been a bad idea, his paranoia beginning to get the better of him. Had Mr Pendragon had less innocent intentions than a friendly drink to celebrate success? They came to a stop in front of a concrete staircase. It lead down to a door, from which the muffles thumps of Motorhead's Sacrifice came. A heavy metal bar? They descended the grey stairs and Mr Pendragon opened the door allowing Merlin in first. The air inside the bar was a harsh, thick soup of smoke and alcohol. Slowly he followed him to the bar, he turned and smiled warmly.
"Drink?" He asked, his voice raised to be heard over the din of the speakers.
"Yes please, err... Jack and Coke" Merlin answered. Pendragon nodded. He paid for the drink and led Merlin to a secluded booth, at the back of the room. It was much quieter here, and much less crowded. The atmosphere was calmer, more sedate than it had been in the main body of the pub, the air clearer.
"So tell me Merlin, Why did you really apply for the job? No interview candy floss shit."
"Well Sir..."
"Please, call me Arthur." He cleared his throat, feeling more and more trapped as the seconds ticked by.
"Well, after years on the dole, I was desperate" He sipped his drink.
Arthur laughed, not a roaring cackle, more a quiet chuckle, as if to say he understood.
"Well that's understandable, I might have given you the job quicker if you'd have said that to start with." He smiled again. Every quirk of his lips was another twist of the knife. Even if Merlin did not realise it yet.
1975, Ealdor
Merlin stared blankly at the wall, he felt empty, numb. He had loved her Father but he was a Bastard. From his room he could hear the grief stricken howls of his Mother, and the comforting words of his auntie. No one could have predicted the accident, it was inevitable, nothing could have stopped it. This gave Merlin little comfort. He uncurled his legs from under him, stood, grabbed his jacket and ran down the stairs. Bypassing the room filled with distraught cries and whispered nothings, he slammed the back door. No one noticed.
With in five minutes he was at the other side of the village, banging on Will's door. When he opened it Merlin fell into him. Finally he released all of the emotions, than had been masked by the feelings of numbness. Will pulled him inside. They sat on the sofa until he had nomore energy to cry. As he retracted his head from Will's tear stained shoulder he asked,
"Brew?"
Merlin nodded as the other boy passed him a tissue. He wiped his eyes as Will moved to the kitchen. Several minutes passed and he returned. Bearing two large, steaming mugs of tea and a plate of chocolate biscuits. He placed the plate on the coffee table and one warm mug in Merlin's cold hands. As the sweet taste hit his empty stomach the feeing of emptiness relived slightly.
He pulled his knees up to his chest, slowly curling into the fetal position. Will sat down next to him and he leaned into his friend, as he wrapped his arm around him again. On his way back from the Kitchen he had put the record player on, and the heavy opening riffs of Black Night soothed Merlin's exhausted mind into a fitful sleep.
1986, Camelot Publishing office.
Merlin once again clicked up the lime stone steps. New loafers clinking in a satisfying manner against the ancient stone. He rang the bell. The door opened and Arthur smiled as he realised who was on the other side of the door.
"Merlin, Hi!" he said. His happiness at seeing the other man obvious. They embraced.
"Hi Arthur." In the past year the two had become firm friends. This fact still astonished Merlin. They were of course complete polar opposites, the only thing they shared was a love of metal and to Merlin's complete surprise, sexual preference. But ever since the first night in the smoky bar, they had kept in contact. Merlin even dared to hope the friendship may evolve into something more.
As they walked again down the hallway. They idly chatted and entered the meeting room. The meeting was long and Boring and all Merlin wanted was to be able to hide in the back of the Metal bar with Arthur. As the meeting finished the two were finally alone. Arthur was the first to speak.
"Drink?" He asked smiling.
"Yes please," Merlin replied. They exited the meeting room and to Merlin's confusion Arthur turned left towards his office rather than right towards the front door. Merlin followed him any way.
As they entered the office Arthur strode over to one of the many cupboards and pulled out a bottle of Jacky and two glasses, he poured two generous measures.
Arthur passed one to Merlin, the blonde man's fingers lingered on the glass. Merlin's eyes raised to meet Arthur's. The black haired man's breathing became more erratic, his heart beating faster as their lips crashed together.