The Complete (and only) Guide to Using the Fel for Self-Pleasure

By Pharash Al'Atori

Prelude

For some denizens of Azeroth, the struggle of daily life is complemented by particularly strong… urges.

"That's a nice way to put that you're a fucking slut." A snide remark from her succubus that the warlock promptly ignored, dipping her quill back in her pot of ink.

For some denizens of Azeroth, this is easily fixed. In fact, I'd say that the majority have a fairly easy time finding someone to…

She tapped her quill against her lips, thinking of how best to word this.

"Someone to satisfy them?" She mused. "That sounds pretty good. Talks about it without being crass."

"Shack up? Do the dirty? Roll in the hay?" Her succubus, Darrah, sat on her bed, in her small form for now, her legs dangling over the side merrily, had no shortage of terms for sex. Pharash glanced at her, an amused smirk on her face.

"I'm going to stick with mine, but 'do the dirty' has a nice, scholarly ring to it."

...finding someone to satisfy their desires. For denizens like me, however, it's a bit of a problem. I'm what you'd call a scholar, if you were talking nicely. I spend my days studying and come off as shy and bookish. Also, I'm a goblin. Not the type most people want to jump into bed with, and on top of that, I'm cursed by having standards. Self-pleasure has become an art for me. I'd even go so far as to say that I'm the best at it in Azeroth! Or at least the most creative.

So, the problem boils down to this: You're a warlock, and you've got nobody to spend the night with. You're desperate for company and your normal methods just aren't working for you. What's the best option for you?

Demons!

Fare paused, realizing she'd begun to write more fluidly than the scholarly tone she'd been aiming for. She shrugged, stretching and yawning, waving a hand and igniting the small green flame burning in her fireplace, doubling its size. It was late, but she had a bit of a problem with sleeping. Specifically in that she tended not to sleep. Maybe four hours every two days, at best.

Now, one could point out the obvious problems with such a proposed activity. Doesn't it invite fel corruption? What demon should you use? Can you even trust the demon?

A proper warlock has an answer to each and every one of these questions. Fel corruption? You're already fel corrupted! That's how warlock magic works. As long as you do the standard rituals to expel it regularly, you'll be okay. A little bit of magic finagling and you can even make it so the ritual itself is tied to sexual release. I'll include the details later.

Which demon? Any of them! They've all got their merits, and I've tried all of them. Well, all the ones I could, anyways. I would definitely read the rest of this book before trying it, however, unless you want the… trial and error I had. Note: This book is written from the female side of things, but I've left notes in that are guesses at possible male pleasure. For clarity's sake, female pleasure refers to how to utilize demons if you have female bits, and male pleasure refers to the opposite.

Can you trust the demon? Absolutely not. Under no circumstances should you develop actual feelings for your demon of choice, or view them as anything other than a toy purely for your pleasure. Most demons are incapable of feelings other than rage, hate, anger, jealousy- typical burning legion things. See the last chapter for my studies on this, but under NO circumstances fall in love with your demon. It will not end well.

She wrote the last line and bit her lip, glancing at her succubus, who was now laying on the bed, pretending to sleep. She sighed, rubbing her face in her hands, and decided to try and sleep for the night. She dipped her quill in ink and started to finish out the introduction.

In each chapter I've included a memory, created via an observing Eye of Kilrogg and implanted into a picture in the book, to help any readers to both see what they have to expect and… well, for their own self-pleasure, should it tickle their fancy.

What follows is completely lewd, probably taboo, and possibly the most helpful guide you'll ever see for something so dirty and niche.

Addendum - The Basics

There are some particular preparations we need to make for this. First of all, every warlock wishing to tread this path must be familiar with safe-sex magic. It's a little taboo to the high and mighty mages and priests of our world, but, well, the light can't help us here. Resources can be found freely at your local warlock enclave, and they'll usually be discreet about your curiosity. The spells are simple and take little energy.

Secondly, the warlock must be extremely familiar with dismissal. The moment- and I mean the very instant- your chosen demon starts to do something you don't like, dismiss them. Banish them if you have to. If you have your wits about you and the confidence, demons don't like pain any more than we do, and certain fel magics can deliver a nice sting in the ass if you want them to behave. Don't overuse this, or your demon will start to plot. They're usually plotting anyways, but once some of them realize what you want from them they'll settle into complacency. Demons like sex.

Third, never let a demon have access to their magic while you're doing it. Any preparations they make magically, have them do beforehand, then seal their magic. I find it's most effective to put their magic away in a small pendant around your neck- the prettier, the better. Why is this a necessity?

While on the field of battle, demons like succubi may be extremely effective with silences and disables. This is only bad for you during sex. You can't dismiss them if you can't speak, and they know it. Things can easily get out of hand like that.

The overall thing a warlock needs to do this is control. Doesn't matter if a lack of it is your fetish, doesn't matter if you think your demon loves you and would never do that to you. Always. Have. Control.