The Truth In Forever
"Bella, when I'm gone, never forget me," Edward pleaded, voice steady and calm as he burned slowly.
Surpressing a sob, because I knew that I had to be strong, I shook my head in disbelief.
"How could I ever forget you? That's an impossible thing." There need be no speaking as if he might come out of this unscathed, because we both knew it would only hurt more in the end if we chanced at hope. Edward was going to die, there was no way to stop it. So I was going to watch as he did so, because how could I leave him to pass alone?
"Promise me," he demanded, desperation dripping from his words. It made my stomach lurch. I had never witnessed Edward so helpless, and to see him in such a way that was so different from his typical self frightened me. My face, though, did not betray me.
"I promise you." I sounded so sure, and I was. My voice was firm, my stance brave and nearly unfazed. Edward didn't take this as heartless. I knew he wished for me to behave this way, instead of a pathetic heap at his feet. He wanted me to move on with my life when he was no longer around, as I would have wanted for him.
Still, it was difficult to believe that after everything I had sacrificed, it had come to this. Losing the one person I had thrown my past away for. I wasn't so sure how I would get along now, all I knew was that I would. Because Edward wanted me to, and that was enough.
"Did you ever imagine it would come to this, Love?" Edward asked me, eyes boring into the sky. I watched his skin sparkle in the light as he waited for my answer.
Had I ever imagined this? No, I hadn't. Because Edward was strong, more than I ever was, and so what reason did I have to worry over things like this? In my world before, this had never been a possibility.
"No," I replied simply. My eyes shifted to his, and I could see them growing dull. We didn't have much time left. My stomach leaped again, and I couldn't avoid the visible gulp I performed.
"Don't be sad, Love. Please do not be sad," Edward cooed. The fire was licking at his face now, and I forced myself to take it in. Forced myself to commit it all to memory. Why? I wanted to have every last memory of Edward available to me, even the one that hurt most, because when I replayed it I would remember that I was there for him when no one else could be.
But don't be sad? How could I not be? It was a sharp pain that probably rivaled the fire killing Edward, and there would be no getting rid of it.
Suddenly, Edward yelled in pain as the fire engulfed his head, and a large blade came down to cut it clear off.
"I love you, Edward," I called out before it did so.
There was no response, and this hurt more than the fact that he just died before my eyes.
I left the scene before I was spotted, not wanting to potentially have the same fate.
My love, my everything, was gone. And what was I to do now?
Well, for the moment, I shut my eyes and sank to the ground, bawling like I was three years old and not eighteen.
I stare out the window, watching the sun rise higher and imagining a bright fire burning beyond the trees.
A gentle hand shakes my shoulder, leaning in close to my ear and whispering, "Bella, you must be thirsty. You haven't fed in ages. C'mon," It's Alice who nudges me, "Let's go."
Ignoring her, I continue to shamelessly stare outside. The fire grows brighter, grabbing for the sun, wanting to swallow that too.
"Bella," she says again.
Bigger.
Brighter.
A scream pierces the air.
Edward.
And then I come with my own scream, because I finally can. I scream, and I scream, and I scream. My fingers knot into my hair and tug violently, I can tell as some becomes loose in my hand. I kick my feet and resist the world.
My private place is all that matters, where I can brood and squeeze into a corner because I am surounded by nobodys.
Edward is gone.
He left me alone.
I know it, I watched.
And then I feel it, the it that brings me back into what they all call reality. Alice is grasping my shoulders, shaking them harshly in desperation.
"Bella, please! Can you hear me? Bella?" Her voice is faint, a mere unimportant drone, but I can still hear it as I am tugged from my place and my eyes clear.
My screaming stops. So does my kicking, my hair pulling, everything. I sit in my chair before the window, still as a statue and quiet as a mute. It hardly processes in my mind as Alice, nervously at first, leans down a bit and hugs me around the neck. Instinctively I shut down and wait for her to be finished. People do not embrace me any longer, simply cower away and act as if they have not a clue what to do with me. Which the don't, by the way.
You see, I am diseased. In a sense, of course, not literally.
They say I can't deal with the world so I created my own. I go there when the memories of the past are too much to bear, and I need an escape. How they know this is beyond me, but they are correct. I won't ever let them know this though, so I deny it.
My place has to be a secret, I just feel so.
"Alice," I say blankly. She pulls away, as I expected, and looks me in the eyes, all worry and anxiety. The usual. My darkening eyes stare unnerving into hers. It's like I see everything, to them, when I do that, but really I see nothing. I see eyes whos color is all too similar to my own.
She pats my shoulder and pushes a stray lock of chocolate hair from my face. A thin smile appears on her lips, but it isn't the kind of smile that reassures me of my saneness, it's the kind that reassures me of my own insanity.
Insanity.
I am insane.
But then again, I am all too sane. So very sane that I am insane.
Make sense much?
"We should get you some blood. Come along to the kitchen with me, okay? We've stored some in the fridge for you." I stand up from the chair automatically, without thought or feeling, just acting on command. Pleasing them is the best way to be left alone and get in some time for myself. In my place.
Rosalie and Esme are sitting at the table and flipping through some magazine with a french title. I watch their eyes widen in delight, guessing because of some must have piece of attire, but their friendly chatter stops when they spot me standing expressionless beside Alice.
They stand up, plastering fake smiles onto their perfect lips. I do not smile back. Why waste the strength on something so unimportant?
"Hello," they greet me in unison, lovely voices such as my own resonating, echoing through my ears.
Hello.
Hello.
What was I supposed to do when someone said that? Oh yes, say it back, even if I don't feel like it.
"Hello." I pretend to not notice the nervous glances they cast each other with. "Blood," I say. "I need blood, see my eyes?" Alice looks over to me, before back to Rosalie and Esme.
She waves them off with a flick of her hand, and they hesitate a moment. "It's okay, I've got it." It was news to me that people must leave a room upon my entering.
They leave.
"Why don't you have a seat, Bella, while I fix you a cup?" My feet move of their own accord, and soon I feel a firm surface beneath me.
Turning back around, Alice kicks the fridge door shut with the heel of her expensive boot, placing a large cup of thick red substance before me. An all too familiar sensation engulfs me and I act on want and need, pressing the fragile glass to my lips and guzzling down what is my only real nourishment. Felling slightly better, I set the now empty cup down and cut Alice a blank stare, which she takes as her cue to refill.
When had I last fed? It had been a while. That was quite obvious as my lungs only burned fiercer after finishing off the first glass of blood.
I craved more and more, and drink close to a gallon before Alice says my eyes are gold and I have had enough.
"What would you like to do now, Bella?" Apparently it is her day to entertain me.
"Be alone," I respond, no emotion evident in my voice. My unfeeling eyes bore straight into hers like they do everyones. She hesitates a moment before biting her lip and nodding.
"Well, okay. Have...," Honestly, what will she say? "fun then." Fun. I don't know what fun is anymore.
Without an answer I get up and walk to the staircase, trudging up the stairs, taking my time. Because I have all the time in the world in my hands. I have immortality, the power to live for eternity.
I veer off to the opposite direction than my room. Torpid, anxious people did not even know there was a secret crawl way. Reaching it, I push in the door, looking around to check if anyone is there, before wriggling in. As soon as the door swings back into place I am engulfed in darkness.
Bittersweet darkness, hallow yet thick, comforting yet uncomfortable, keeper of secrets yet announcer of the truth.
Safety from the people who call themselves family, the people I have to live with.
...Oh my, orange, flicking in front of my eyes. Yellow and red also, a tangle of fiery seaweed, blurring my vision even though in the distance. It's growing brighter, and there's someone on the other side of the flames. So familiar...
Familiar...
Everything; my everything. Edward.
I sink into oblivion, screaming.
But no one can hear me.
They don't care that I am watching him burn, or that I am yelling in agony.
My screams pick up a few octaves, so loud it seems almost hard to hear. I squeeze my eyes shut as I see something big flash in the light.
A blade. Huge. Huge.
They don't care that I am watching his head detach from his body, or that I am now alone in the world.
Where are they?
Not here, not with me as Edward dies.
Light is flooding through the crawl space. My head is too dizzy, however, to process the faces I see, or what is happening.
"Bella! Bella!" A voice screams, and reaches towards me. I can't move, or think, or understand. I can't do anything but see the fading orange of the flames...
Edward. I want to be with Edward. Where is he now? Why can't I see him anymore?
"Get her out! Shake some sense into her!" It's a male, my vision is allowing me to see properly now. He stands behind the girl who, I now notice, is shaking my shoulders.
And then everything clicks into place.
Alice is shaking me, trying to get me to listen.
Carlisle is behind her, and behind him is Rosalie and the rest of them; Emmett, Jasper, and Esme. They peer in at me, appearing worried and fed up all at the same time. Fed up with me? Me, Bella?
I feel my arms dragging, scraping on the hardwood. Alice has dragged me out by my feet.
I lay sprawled on the floor, six elegant bodies glaring down at me, faces a mix of worry, anxiety, annoyance, and curiosity.
"Bell? Can you hear us?"
"Yes." Simple answers are best. They tend to leave me be when I answer them simply, give them what they want to hear.
"Are you okay now?" Carlisle asks, cocking an eyebrow in suspicion.
Am I okay?
No. Yes. Perhaps. Never.
I don't know what okay is anymore.
Without much thought I nod, still wondering where the flames went. All of them continue to stare down at me, and I close my eyes tight as an attempt to block out their looks, hoping maybe they will leave me to my crazy fits again, to my terribly real daydreams, that are much more nightmarish than one could ever hope to understand.
But they stay.
"Is someone going to get her up? She won't do it by herself." Then in a flash I am standing on my feet, Emmett going to take his place back behind the others. Emmett. I shared good times with Emmett, he had always been one of my favorites. He kept away from me now.
Carlisle broke the silence that was forcing emotions to well up inside of my chest, a heaviness press down on my head painfully. "Disperse. I will take Bella back to her bedroom. No one is to bother her, got it?" He shoots Alice with a 'look' that clearly singles her out as the target of his speech.
"I'm only trying to help," she whispers, lowering her head as she trails behind the others.
I watch in nonchalance as they disappear from sight. Carlisle places a firm hand on my back, and more pushes me to my room than guides me. He isn't much friendly to me anymore, which is surprising still.
Have I done something so very wrong?
He locks the door-from the outside-after I am situated on my bed. I lay back and tug the covers up past my chest, staring thoughtlessly at the ceiling. There is chatter taking place downstairs, rather an argument, and I try to block it out. I clear my head. Find the place, my place, that lets me pass time without a thought or care or anything happening in reality.
Before I know it, my eyes avert to my bedroom window and notice the outside is dark, not light as it was last time I had checked. The house is silent, too silent for my liking, but it is far more peaceful than when it is loud, filled with talking revolving around one topic: me.
Blinking a few times, I decide to once more close my bronze eyes to the world. Hopefully I can reach my place and stay until it is once more light.
My eyes unclose so fast I gasp in shock. A noise? What is that noise?
I search frantically around. To my knowledge, it is light out, but a bad day I can tell by the white sky. The sky so white...except for the orangey red flames licking at the gray clouds. A face...appearing in them.
"Bella," he whispers.
"Edward!" I scream. "Edward!"
"Get her! Silence her, please! Now!" I am only faintly aware there is a figure in my doorway, because my eyes are too focused on the guy's face in the clouds, calling to me, becoming gradually more and more engulfed by the flames.
I yell more and more, until my throat is so dry it would seem impossible. But I manage it.
There is a body pinning me to the bed. Alice's face is in mine, shouting something at me that I can't really hear above my wails. And Carlisle is shouting something at her.
"I'm trying Carlisle! I'm trying!" I hear her moan in desperation and misery.
I kick my legs.
I flail my arms.
I scream bloody murder.
I only see Edward.
"She's not listening, Carlisle! What should I do?" For a brief moment my eyes travel beyond her. They're all here again, behind Carlisle, who is behind Alice. Alice always does the work, it seems.
In a flash Carlisle is by her side, with something in his calloused hands. I don't care much about it, especially not when the flames are taking his beautiful face from me.
But then I can only focus on the pain cutting through me, white hot sensation.
Pain.
I stare down at my throat, a deep gash, nearly halfway through to having it clear it.
My screams stop, my struggles stop. I have my mouth agape, looking in wonder and confusion at the people before me.
A gurggling noise sounds, then hacking, as I choke on my own blood and cough it up onto my clothes and the sheets. I try to breath, but I can't. I can't breath.
Another cough. Red splattering decorates Alice and Carlisle's faces. The others, I notice, are unable to look away. But then they do. They can't believe what's happening, as I can't seem to either.
"Bella, when I'm gone, never forget me."
I never did forget Edward, it was impossible.
Carlisle raises it, which I can see plainly to be an axe now, above his head. I anticipate the blow that soon follows, seperating my head from the rest of me.
I thought I would exist, basking in agony, in insanity, alone for eternity.
As I slip away now, though, I know something.
The truth in forever is that forever doesn't exist.
Not without you, Edward.
A/N: What do you think? This was just a quick write, and I had a lot of fun typing up this one. I basically just wrote randomly to see where it would end up.
So anyway, review?
They make my whole entire day!