Lego House
I didn't want to move. Well, I couldn't, really. Niall's arms were wrapped around me so tight I could barely even breathe. But this felt good. It felt right. I needed this. Hell, we both did.
"Don't you EVER scare me like that again," he whimpered into my hair just loud enough for me to hear.
"I won't," I promised emptily. I was honestly trying to stop.
"You need to come live with me so I can make sure you're ok," he rambled, pulling back from our embrace. I laughed sadly and shook my head, looking down towards the dark crimson coloured stain on my shirt sleeve.
"We both know I can't do that,"
"Well... Then... We'll figure something out, Jamie. Promise," He said, looking into my eyes.
"It's not getting better, Nialler," I shook my head, disappointed in myself.
"I think you should see someone about this," he ventured cautiously. I immediately shook my head and objected.
"Nobody can help me with this,"
"Yes, they can. Jamie, you need help. I can't do enough,"
"You're already doing too much Ni," I sighed, walking towards my bathroom to grab some tissue. When I got some, I blotted at the clean cut line on my wrist, hoping to stop the bleeding and sat down on the toilet lid. Niall came and sat on the rim of the bathtub and looked really lost like he had no idea what to do.
"Why?" he asked suddenly.
"Why not?" I chuckled darkly. He knew why. He shouldn't have to ask.
"James, this has nothing to do with Jake and we both know it," he quipped, even using my old nick name. Nobody's called me James in a while. I didn't like it; it made me feel like a guy. Why couldn't people just say Jamie? Is it really that hard? But that's a nick name too, so...
"Don't bring up my brother," I practically growled. I hated it when people talked about Jake. He died three months ago in a plane crash on his way back to Ireland from visiting our family in Yorkshire. We'd moved out here to go to uni together; since we were fraternal twins everyone thought it was a great idea.
"But I know he's not the reason and you won't tell me," he argued. I knew it was because he cared but I hated the fact that he did. That he cared.
"You know, Niall. Don't kid yourself," I snapped back, hoping he didn't realize how much I actually wanted him to help.
"Well if I know it must be bloody obvious because I'm not getting it, Jamielynn. I'm not getting it," he yelled, suddenly angry. He'd stood up, and his hands were in his dyed blonde hair. I flinched, and looked down to my wrist. The bleeding had stopped but I figured this one would scar. I usually tried to make the cuts shallow as possible so they wouldn't leave a bad scar but sometimes the razor slipped.
"Im not losing you," he breathed. I could feel myself beginning to get that suffocating feeling I got whenever I was going to cry.
I stood up and made my way back through my room and ran down the hallway, not caring to bring a jumper. I was not going to cry in front of Niall. I wouldn't.
I ran until I found the back alley that would take me wherever I wanted to go. I could hear Niall's footsteps behind me and I sped up. Thank god he'd never been a fast runner.
I turned a corner and found myself in downtown Dublin. I twisted the streets and ran until I lost myself in a crowd. I was somewhere near a shopping centre and wandered through the people, window shopping to distract myself from everything around me.
Niall's POV
I ran back to Jamie's house to get my car to go search for her, and as I ran in the door I realized I'd left my keys in my jacket which was in her room. I sprinted up the stairs and ran into her room. I looked around but couldn't find my jacket, so I ran to a pile of things on the ground and started sorting through them. I found the sleeve of my jacket and picked it up, revealing a brown leather writing journal. It had a gold printed J on the cover, and I knew it was wrong but I picked it up and opened to the first page. It was dated August 12th 2009, the day we met.
Dear Doug,
I refuse to call you diary. That is childish. Anyways. Today was the first day of Uni for Jake and I. I was really scared, but I guess it's a good thing I have Jake here with me. Since we're both taking different courses I knew nobody in my class. There are at least 300 in my Anthropology class and probably more in Ancient History. Jake says his classes are huge too, and that there are 403 in his sound engineering course. I didn't make many friends, since our professor was giving us a lecture on the course, but Jake did. His name is Niall Horan, and he's from Mullingar. He's got dyed blonde hair nearly the color of my natural and sapphire eyes. He's about two inches taller then me, so around 5'7/5'8 ish. He's really cute. He likes to laugh at everything and he seems really nice. I think he'll be a good friend to Jake. We haven't exactly had the easiest time making friends since we moved around a lot with dad. Whatever. He invited Jake and I to dinner at Nandos tonight, and we said we'd go. I'm excited, but I don't know what to wear. I think I'll just wear my Hollister jeans with a purple hoodie and a grey beanie for my hair since its unruly waves decided to make themselves known today. I hope I look good for Niall.
-J
I stood there, shocked. That's what she thought of me the first time we met? I mean, when we met I thought she was stunning. Beautiful. I remember walking with Jake towards the outdoor commons area, and he was telling me about his twin sister, Jamie. When he finally found her, she was looking rather stressed and lost. Her bleach blonde hair was in beach waves, and I was trying to decipher whether it was natural or not. I decided it was. She had hazel eyes like Jakes, but also like Jakes they were extremely green.
She was remarkable, and the only reason why I'd invited them to dinner. Not to be rude or anything, but I kinda just wanted to get to know her. Jake just came along for the ride I guess. I flipped bunch of pages and read a more recent entry, from about five or so months ago.
Dear Doug,
I hate myself. I promised I wouldn't, but I've done it. I've completely fallen in love with Niall. My brothers best friend. MY best friend. How could I? It always turns out like this, doesn't it? Girls and boys can't be friends. They just can't. And it fucking sucks.
-J
What?
Jamie's POV
I wandered until it began to get dark, and I regretted not bringing my jumper. it was cold, and people had gone home, leaving me practically alone on the streets. I wasn't afraid, though. I passed by a music store, and felt sick to my stomach as I saw that all of the windows were plastered with One Direction. It seemed as though Niall's eyes were following me, begging me to go home. I walked away quickly, and tried to stay right underneath the street lights.
It was silent for a long time, and I walked a while before I was aware of a car approaching. I stepped off the street and onto the sidewalk, and waited for the car to pass, but it didn't. Instead, it pulled over just in front of me and without even turning off the car, Niall jumped out of the driver's side. I turned on my heels to run again, but he got me too quickly. His arms encircled my waist as I tried to run against them. I didn't know when I started crying, or when I gave up on running away but it was probably around the same time.
I collapsed in tears, and the only thing holding me up was Niall. He slowly lowered himself to his knees, bringing me with him. He sat down cross legged on the sidewalk with me cradled in his lap. He hugged me so tight I couldn't believe I was still able to breathe.
I cried into his dark green sweater, and could feel him begin to rub small circles on my back.
"Don't run away from me, James," he whispered into my hair. "Don't run anymore,"
I cried harder, and nodded into his chest.
It was completely dark now, but with the faint lights from the street lamps I could see Niall's grim expression as I sat up.
"You shouldn't have to deal with this," I reasoned. He chuckled suddenly, scaring me.
"If I didn't love you, I probably wouldn't be here," he whispered, leaning down to my ear. Whether it was from the cold, or Niall's proximity, I shivered.
"Don't say that," I laughed softly. "You're here because you wouldn't have done anything else,"
"You're wrong. So wrong, Jamielynn Vail," he murmured, kissing my earlobe softly.
I froze. Niall and I had always been friends, never anything more. I've only known him for a year and a half but we were almost closer then my brother and I had been. I felt another pang in my heart as I thought of Jake.
Niall kissed my neck after hesitating. He placed small kisses all up my neck and down my jaw line until he reached the side of my chin. The way I was across his lap, It was almost like if he'd been standing I would've been carried bridal style.
His eyes searched mine for any form of emotion, but I didn't know if I was ready for this. He ducked his head down towards mine, and on the cold paved sidewalk in downtown Dublin, cradled in his lap, Niall kissed me.
Im out if touch,
I'm out of love,
I'll pick you up when you're getting down.
And out of all these things I've done,
I think I love you better now.