"You know your family is probably going to wonder why you are bringing your best friend instead of a girlfriend." Ashley said spinning around in my desk chair as I got dressed.
I pulled my shirt over my head. "I know Ash, but I won't be able to make it through this Christmas party without you."
"Even with me I'm not so sure we'll make it. Your parents have told me your family is a little homophobic."
"Believe me, I know. Why do you think no one but my parents know? If any of my cousins knew about it I would never be able to talk to them, or show my face, ever again. Please Ashley, just come with me and stay with me." I said and sat down in his lap wrapping my arm around his shoulders.
He wrapped his arms around my waist. "I never said I wouldn't, I just want you to know that they will probably see right through the best friend thing. I don't want you to get hurt."
"I know Ash, but if you're there being hurt won't be that bad."
He looked doubtful but I knew he would go along with that I said. Really, I didn't blame him for not trusting me. My mom said I was fragile all the time, in other words I really wasn't too good at taking insults.
"Andy! Ashley! We are getting in the car in five!" My mom yelled from downstairs.
With a sigh I got up off of Ashley's lap and we walked downstairs.
About an hour later we had just got to my grandparents. I really hadn't wanted to come, I told my parents just to tell everyone I had gotten sick and leave me home with Ashley, but they told me I had to come. These people were my family, I was supposed to want to see them, my mom had said. And in reply I had told her all of them could go die in a hole. She probably would have smacked me if Ashley hadn't picked that minute to walk in.
Ashley grabbed my hand and squeezed it before quickly letting go.
"It's okay Ash." I said knowing he was as nervous as I was.
"Let's hope you still say that when we walk out of here." He said and nervously looked up at the door.
Since Ashley was my "best friend" he hadn't met any of my family so I could understand why he would be so nervous. Especially since he was actually my boyfriend and people might figure that out.
My dad walked up to the door and held it for all of us. As soon as my mom walked in the door my aunt practically attacked her with a hug. Both my mom and her were squealing, which made me roll my eyes.
"Andy, you've gotten a lot bigger from last year!" she said.
I really hoped she meant taller.
"Hi." I replied not really knowing how to reply to that.
Suddenly my aunt hugged me tightly. She must've seen Ashley, who had been standing directly behind me, since she slowly let go of me.
"And who is this fine young man?" she said. If it had been anyone else I probably would have thought the fine part had been forced but I knew it wasn't since she was the only one in my family who was okay with how I dressed and the kind of music I liked, and since Ashley was the same way I knew she would be okay with him too. Sadly her children didn't share that opinion.
"This is my friend Ashley." I said and I realized how weird it was to say that he was just my friend.
"Ah, well nice to meet you Ashley."
Ashley smiled shyly and my ant hugged him tightly. My aunts quite the hugger.
When we made it to the kitchen/dining room where pretty much every adult was, no one really seemed overly enthusiastic to see us here. Sure everyone liked my parents, they just didn't like me.
My aunts, uncles, and grandparents started saying great big hellos to my parents and started giving me forced smiles and acknowledgeable glances. No one asked about Ashley but my aunt explained who he was even though everyone pretty much tuned out her talking. I did notice a few of my uncle's snicker though when my aunt said he was my friend.
Did they suspect that I was gay? I asked myself, a little paranoia setting in. Calm down Biersack, I thought, there is no way they could suspect anything. They just don't like you.
"Come on lets go upstairs." I said to Ashley.
"Didn't you say that all of your cousins usually hang out upstairs?" he asked following me.
"Yeah, I just want to get away from the adults."
Even though Ashley didn't say anything, I knew what he was thinking. It made absolutely no sense that I would want to go to my cousins and get away from the adults. My aunts, uncles, and grandparents might look at me weird but if my cousins even got a hint of a thought that Ashley and I were together, they would find a way to show my whole family. I knew it didn't make sense but I needed to get away from the adults.
"Hey faggot." One of my cousins said pushing me back when I got to the top of the stairs.
Thankfully Ashley was behind me and was able to catch me before I fell.
"Oh?" my cousin said noticing Ashley. "Does faggot have a boyfriend?"
"No, he's my friend. I didn't want to have to deal with you guys by myself."
"And you don't deny that you're a fag. I don't believe you Biersack; if you hadn't want to deal with us by yourself you should have brought a girlfriend."
When he said that I could feel an 'I told you so' coming from Ashley. Did he always have to be right?
I pushed through my cousins and walked to the room none of them ever went into. I thought I heard Ashley growl at my cousins but couldn't be sure.
"Why do they call you Biersack if they are Biersacks too?" Ashley said as he closed the door.
"I have no clue."
Slowly I laid down on the bed and put my hands over my eyes. "Why couldn't my parents have let me just stay home?"
Ashley sat down on the bed next to me and put his hand on my thigh. "Andy, have you told them how your cousins treat you?"
"No."
"Then they don't know that coming here is Hell for you. They probably think you're just nervous about seeing people you don't really know. Next time tell them."
"Ash, why haven't you said I told you so?" I asked sitting up. Usually if he was right you couldn't get him to shut up about it.
He leaned close to me so his mouth was near my ear. "Because I love you and know how tough this is for you."
"Biersack! Come on we are eating!" one of my cousins called from behind the door.
I wondered why he didn't just barge in but since he though Ashley and I were fags he must have been worried about walking in to find us making out. I was glad that he hadn't walked in though since we were I a sort of incriminating position.
Ashley and I walked out the door and through the other room, which was now empty, and headed down the stairs. We were met by the enticing smells of everything my grandma and aunts had prepared. Smelling all of that stuff made me wish that I ate more when I went places. I had never really been able to eat big meals unless I was at home.
When we got downstairs we grabbed paper plates and started winding our way around the kitchen. By the time we had walked past all the food Ashley's plate was completely full.
I led him back to the stairs and that was where we ate.
"Ashley how can you eat all that when there are people watching?"
He looked up at me and swallowed the mound of food he had just put in his mouth. "What do you mean? No one is watching me eat Andy."
"They could be."
"You're being paranoid. Is that why you only got two small pieces of ham and a roll?"
I nodded pulling a piece of the roll off and putting it in my mouth. "I don't like eating in front of people."
"B-Andy, it's okay. Look at the amount of food your cousins are eating. You can eat a little more than what you have."
I rolled my eyes and felt someone kick me in the back. "Hey faggots, look up." They said.
Both Ashley and I looked up. To our horror one of my cousins were standing over us holding a thing of mistletoe.
"You know the rule here Andy. Anyone who is under the mistletoe has to kiss, no matter the relation or sex. So go ahead, kiss."
Ashley and I looked at each other in horror. We knew that they did this so we would show my family we weren't just friends. We weren't dumb.
No one had ever pulled mistletoe out of there were two boys sitting next to each other, no matter what the rule was.
Surprisingly Ashley pressed his lips to mine. I could hear everyone in the room gasp but I felt like I didn't care. Ashley was with me so I let my guards down and melted into the kiss.
When we let go though, Hell broke loose.
I looked over at my parents and they had looks of horror on their faces; they had never wanted to find out what would happen if our family knew about me.
When Ashley's lips had been pressed to mine I had felt great, I had felt safe, warm, and loved, but now that sense of belonging had evaporated and was replaced with regret.
So I did the only thing that would get me away from the disgusted looked we were getting from my family members; I ran and locked myself in the car.
I hadn't noticed before but I had tears flowing down my cheeks. Why couldn't they just love me for being me? Why couldn't my family even pretend to care about me? Ever since I was old enough to understand I knew that not one person in my family besides my aunt and parents cared about me but it still hurt to see that dislike showing in their eyes.
"Andy, please open the door." Ashley said from outside the door.
I unlocked and opened the door and flung myself at Ashley.
"Shh, shh, baby, everything is okay." He whispered in my ear while rubbing circles on my back.
"Ash, why can't they just love me for who I am?"
"Because they are heartless and don't see what a wonderful, and beautiful, person you are."
Ashley had sat me back in the car and had climbed in to sit next to me.
"Baby, they just don't want people to be more happy then they are." He said and wiped the tears off of my cheeks.
I climbed back into his lap and listened to his heartbeat for a minute. "I love you Ash."
"Baby, I love you too. And remember that no matter what your family thinks of you, or us, I will always be here for you."
I tried to bury myself further into his lap but before I could he grabbed my chin and gently pressed his lips to mine.
And at that moment I realized I didn't care what my family thought of me, I had Ashley and he wasn't leaving me any time soon.