Kunzite, Zoisite, Jedite and Nephrite are sitting beside a Christmas tree. They have not yet returned to the Prince, but are still in evil mode and enjoying their last evil Christmas before they have to go back to the cliched world of serenity and happpiness.
Kunzite: *holding a book of Christmas hymns* What're these for?
Zoisite: And what is this tree for? What are these dangly things hanging on it? Is this another Doom Tree?
Nephrite: *sniffle* That tree was so pretty..
Jedite: No, I think this is a Christmas tree. Cheer up Nephy, maybe some songs will make you feel better.
Zoisite: Lesse... what do we have here...? *Zoisite tries snatch the book off Kunzite* H-hey!
Kunzite: I choose. Hmm.. how's about 'Silent Night, Black Moon Night'?
Zoisite: That sucks.
Kunzite: 'Oh Doom Tree'?
Nephrite: Waah!
Kunzite: Okay then.. 'Good Prince Endyimon'?
Jedite: He wasn't good! Dude, he was dumb...
Kunzite: I agree. Hey! What about 'The Twelve Days of Beryl'?
All: YEAH! *begin to sing* ... lalala ...
On the twelvth day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane, evil zombies.
On the eleventh day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane zombies,
and eleven tight-fitting outfits.
On the tenth day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane zombie,
Eleven tight outfits,
and ten evil ways to laugh.
On the ninth day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane zombies,
Eleven tight outfits,
Ten ways to laugh,
and nine creepy crystal balls.
On the eighth day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane zombies,
Eleven tight outfits,
Ten ways to laugh,
Nine crystal balls,
and eight plots that never work out.
On the seventh day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane zombies,
Eleven tight outfits,
Ten ways to laugh,
Nine crystal balls,
Eight stupid plots,
and seven rainbow crystals.
On the sixth day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane zombies,
Eleven tight outfits,
Ten ways to laugh,
Nine crystal balls,
Eight stupid plots,
Seven rainbow crystals,
and six flying bats from her cave.
On the fifth day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane zombies,
Eleven tight outfits,
Ten ways to laugh,
Nine crystal balls,
Eight stupid plots,
Seven rainbow crystals,
Six flying bats,
and five psycho Senshi clones.
On the fourth day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane zombies,
Eleven tight outfits,
Ten ways to laugh,
Nine crystal balls,
Eight stupid plots,
Seven rainbow crystals,
Six flying bats,
Five psycho Senshi,
and four generals that all died.
Kunzite, Zoisite, Jedite, Nephrite: Dammit!
On the third day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane zombies,
Eleven tight outfits,
Ten ways to laugh,
Nine crystal balls,
Eight stupid plots,
Seven rainbow crystals,
Six flying bats,
Five psycho Senshi,
Four dead generals,
and three ice blocks from point 'D'.
On the second day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane zombies,
Eleven tight outfits,
Ten ways to laugh,
Nine crystal balls,
Eight stupid plots,
Seven rainbow crystals,
Six flying bats,
Five psycho Senshi,
Four dead generals,
Three blocks of ice,
and two nasty glowing eyes.
On the first day of Beryl, my true love gave to me...
Twelve insane zombies,
Eleven tight outfits,
Ten ways to laugh,
Nine crystal balls,
Eight stupid plots,
Seven rainbow crystals,
Six flying bats,
Five psycho Senshi,
Four dead generals,
Three blocks of ice,
Two glowing eyes,
AND A SMACK UPSIDE THE HEAD!
Zoisite: That was really, really insane.
Jedite: Sad.
Kunzite: But at least we got a mention! Unlike those Sailor brats who we're going to have to be friends with when we're converted into nice, happy people.
Zoisite: I think they did get mentioned. I think they're the 'psycho Senshi', or whatever. Y'know, being evil is schweet. I don't want to be a peaceful, serendipity-favouring teenybopper.
Nephrite: NOOO! I DON'T WANT TO BE A NICE HAPPY PERSON! I WANT TO STAY EEEEEEVVVIIIIIIILLLLL!
Beryl: *walks into the chamber* I see you are making the last of your time as my evil minions a happy stay. I wrote that one myself. In fact, I wrote all of those. Hey! You weren't meant to read them! It's got my secret Barry White-esque love song to Prince Endyimon... uhh... I didn't say that... *comes to a desicion* .. you're going. Now. Lady Serenity has been informed. Go now. I'm sorry. Wait... no I'm not. GYA HA HA. See you in hell... *looks into crystal ball on staff, it glows* And I repeat ... see you in hell. GYA HA HA.
Zoisite: Kunzy, I looooove you!
Kunzite: I love you too Zoi darling!
Nephrite: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
Jedite: Goodbye cruel world! I'll see you all in hell! Yeah, bay-bee, yeah!
Queen Beryl swishes her staff around in the air, and clunks it onto the ground. It echoes, and inside the chamber the agonizing screams of the four generals are heard as they are converted into the serene, happy beings in the Silver Millennium.
Beryl: GYA HA HA. *pause* ... HA.
Meanwhile, in the Silver Millenium itself...
Princess Lady Serenity: *looks at her DiC merchandise 'Sailor Moon Says...' watch* We're expecting those generals to be delivered soon. They're late. Sailor Moon Says it's almost 1300 hours.
Small Lady: Yeah Mommy, I wanna tease the circus animals!
Princess Lady Serenity: They're not animals, Chibi-usa. They're generals that are supposed to live in my love cave. But you didn't hear that from me.
Small Lady: Okay!
A black and purple spiral spins in the sky, and our four generals are spat out of it, and land on the ground. Princess Lady Serenity looks down at them with an evil grin on her face.
All four generals: *gulp*
Fin.
Disclaimer: Sailormoon and its respective characters are owned by Naoko Takeuchi. This fic's mine, so steal it and face my wrath. Gya ha ha.
Author's Note: This was fun! I was intending this to be just a Christmas carol, but it grew and blossomed into the morphed and ugly thing it is now. Hope you liked reading it, cause I liked writing it. The characters are supposed to be out of character, so don't bother me about that. And if I've made any mistakes, constructive criticism is welcomed but flames will be used to toast my marshmallows. Oh, sweet, sweet marshmallows...