Have you ever looked at the person you were supposed to love with all your heart to see someone else? That's exactly how I feel all the time. I would look at Jamia but I wouldn't see Jamia, I would see Gerard. Don't get me wrong, I love Jamia a lot but I really miss the times when Gerard and I would kiss on stage and go back to the bus to be together even though everyone thought what we did on stage was just for on stage. I really want to go back to the times when I could be with Gerard, when there wasn't a Lyn-Z and a Bandit and there wasn't a Jamia, Cherry, and a Lily. During those times everything had been simple, but now everything I did in life brings up memories and regrets. Even though I love my wife and my daughters I would give anything to be able to have Gerard back.

"Frank do you have everything ready to go?" Jamia asked me as I sat at the counter reading a magazine.

"Yeah." I replied not looking up.

"You're sure? You are going on tour tomorrow; you need to have everything ready to go."

"Jamia, don't worry. I've got everything packed." I said and stood up. Slowly, I walked over to her with a smile on my face.

"Everything is all ready to go for the tour." I whispered in her ear as I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close to me.

"Okay." She whispered back and I felt her melt against me.

"Daddy! We are going to miss you so much!" Cherry squealed as her and Lily joined the hug.

I unwrapped myself from Jamia and bent down to pick Lily up. Jamia bent down and picked up Cherry.

"Daddy's going to miss you two also." I said and planted kisses on both of their foreheads.

No matter how much I was going to miss my family I was ready to get back on the road. I was ready to see y band, and most of all I was ready to see Gerard again.

…

The first few days of our tour were great. We played all of our shows amazingly, the fans were awesome, and it was just plain fun. But after about a week it had become stressful. That first week had been like a joyful reunion and now since we were getting used to being around each other 24/7 the joy had disappeared. Or maybe that fact that I had walked in on Gerard and Lyn-Z talking on the phone had made it seem that way to me.

"Baby I love you too." Gerard said as I walked in. "Of course I miss you, how could I not? Yeah, tell Bandit I said hi and I miss her. I'll talk to you later sweetie. Bye." And then to add insult to injury he made a kissing sound at the end of the call.

Tears formed in my eyes. He used to do that to me when we talked on the phone.

Before Gerard could turn around and see me, I ran into the bunkroom and dived into my bunk, quickly pulling the curtain closed.

Sure we hadn't been together that long and most people didn't think it had meant anything but to me it had. I really don't even know if it had meant anything to Gerard and judging by what I just heard it probably didn't.

That little kissing noise told me that all the nights we had held each other, all the times we had kissed, every single time he had told me he loved me hadn't meant a think. I know it's been a couple years since we had been together so you would think I would be over it, but I wasn't. Hearing him tell her that he loved her hurt more than anything I had ever experienced.

"Frank?" I heard Gerard say but I didn't say anything. I didn't want to talk to him.

"Frank? Are you okay?" he said and I heard the curtain pull back.

For a quick second I thought about wiping away my tears, and then I decided not to. One he could see me cry since he had caused it and two it wouldn't matter anyway since my makeup had no doubt ran with my tears.

"Frank why are you crying?" he said and sat down on the edge of my bunk.

If it had been any time before Lyn-Z and Jamia he would have pulled me into a hug. That thought didn't help matters.

"Not important."

Gerard put his hand on my leg and I got the feeling he felt extremely awkward being in this situation. "Frank whatever is making you upset is important. I care about you."

"Gerard I'm upset because of you! I miss those times when we could just be together! I miss the times before Lyn-Z and Jamia. I just want to be yours again."

"Frankie," he said pulling me into his lap. "I miss all those things too, but now we have wives and kids. We can't just get back together and ditch them."

I wanted to tell him that we would but didn't figure I would get anywhere with that argument so instead I pressed my face into his chest and took a deep breath. Coffee and cigarettes, still my favorite smells.

"Frank, I never wanted to let you go but we had broken up and by the time I got the courage to try to talk to you again you had been with Jamia and you looked so happy with her. I couldn't break that."

"Gee can we just pretend? For one night?" I asked taking his comment to heart but not answering it.

"Of course Frankie. Tonight there's no Lyn-Z, Bandit, Jamia, Cherry, and Lily. There's just us."

"Gee?" I said looking up at him. I was surprised when I did to see tears in his eyes. Maybe I was wrong thinking that our time together hadn't been important to him.

"Yeah baby?"

"I love you."

His eyes widened at my comment but then softened as a smile came to his face. "I love you too Frankie. I love you too."