Disclaimer: I own nothing, only a couple Ocs, and am not making any kind of profit from writing this.
Warnings: Heavily implied bestiality and non-con/rape. Mpreg. Angst. A little bit of fluff.
Notes: This is just a quickie, four parts. It's a companion piece to Arrows and Apples, but it can be read separately since it's really more about Loki's past (based on actual Norse mythology) than anything that's a part of the main story.
This takes place pre-Thor, but has some spoilers for the avengers at the end.
Please review, I really want to know what you think. Critique is welcome! I'm always striving to be a better writer.
Chapter one: The Giant and the Stallion
Loki was reading a battered old spellbook alone in Asgard's palace gardens. It was a truly ancient thing. The pages were as delicate as brittle autumn leaves, and the scent of old paper pleasantly filled the air. No one knew Loki was there, or would have bothered to look. It was the dead of winter, and none of the Aesir seemed to have his strange resistance to the cold. But it wasn't just a resistance, he enjoyed the way the chill wind felt on his skin. It was refreshing and made him feel alive. He had climbed an ancient oak tree, and was resting comfortably within it's branches with the book propped open on his knees. He read in silence, listening to the faint sounds of a bird twittering nearby and the quiet whoosh of snow falling around him. He felt at peace there, away from everything for a little while.
"Loki, dear. Come inside, you will catch a cold." A familiar voice called to him from below the tree. He looked down to see none other than his mother, Frigga, the wife of Odin. She was wrapped tightly in a thick bear fur cloak with a scarf tired around her head; some of her golden locks of hair peeked out from underneath it.
"I have never caught a cold before." Loki replied, ignoring her. No, it was Thor that was always running around with a snotty nose. Why didn't anyone understand that he liked the cold, that it made him feel better. It was the hot days of summer that made Loki feel ill. He wasn't a child anymore, what concern was it of hers if he made himself sick?
"I know that, but there's a first time for everything, yes?" Frigga smiled up at him. "Please would you come share a cup of tea with me? I see so little of you lately." Loki sighed and climbed down out of the tree. He landed in the snow with a soft thump and brushed the white dusting off of his shoulders. It would only come back to haunt him later if he refused her invitation.
"Of course I will have tea with you, mother." He said, smiling. It wasn't a real smile, just the one he put on when he did not want others to know what was really on his mind.
"Where is your brother? I thought to ask him to join us, but I cannot find him anywhere." Frigga asked as she led Loki back inside the palace. Immediately he missed the icy caress of the winter air, but said nothing.
"Off chasing some maiden." Loki answered sounding bored as they found their way to Frigga's chambers. She made a disapproving sound and shook her head. Loki was indifferent; Thor was obnoxious and he'd much rather have a peaceful afternoon without him. He would be back to regale them all with his epic tales of failed wooing later anyhow.
"You never seem to have much interest in such pursuits." Frigga noted as she poured a cup of tea for Loki. He took it and waited for it to cool. He rather liked tea, but only if it was chilled. "Perhaps you should find someone, too. Companionship has many blessings."
"I am not overly interested in romance." Loki said simply as he stared blankly into the depths of the amber liquid in the delicate little teacup, that he was holding a bit too tightly for comfort. It felt like it might shatter in his hands at any second. Much like his own fragile spirit.
"You haven't been yourself lately, dear. Is something bothering you?" Frigga asked, perceptive as always. Loki thought about the question seriously. He thought of his wrists being bound and tied together behind his back. Of sweaty, calloused hands grabbing at his hips hard enough to bruise. He thought of the way his sad little whimpered pleas to 'please stop this!' were unheard past the wad of fabric stuffed in his mouth. He thought of pain, helplessness and violation. Most of all, he thought the of the sound of laughter as he was tossed from one man to the next. They were dignitaries from Vanaheim. Loki didn't even dare try to summon the guard before he was gagged.
Who would they believe? Loki the liar, or a bunch of seemingly well mannered ambassadors? And if his refusal was seen as inhospitable, and led to a war with Vanaheim? Yet again he would just disappoint Odin. They wouldn't be punished, either. No one cared enough about Loki to see to that. Only Frigga, and Odin would never allow her to interfere. In the end, there was nothing he could do. Nothing except scrub his skin raw in a useless attempt to cleanse himself of an invisible filth, and cry himself to sleep when he finally escaped.
"There is nothing wrong mother, I have just been rather absorbed in my studies." Loki said disarmingly, the lie leaving his lips smoothly. She didn't believe him, though. He could see that. Gently, she reached across the table and took his hands in hers. They seemed so small and delicate beside his, he thought Thor surely would break them if he touched them. He could not tell her about this. He didn't want to see the concern in her eyes. He did not want to talk about it. He wanted to pretend it never happened. He shut the pain and anger far away in a dark corner of his mind and let it lie there undisturbed. It hurt too much, he just could not do it.
"I love you Loki. You know that you can tell me anything. I will always be here for you." Frigga said warmly. "When you decide you want to talk about it, you know where to find me." Loki nodded quietly and swallowed past the lump in his throat. Even if he couldn't speak of the horrors, just being near her somehow made him feel like everything would all be all right somehow.
"I have to go." Loki said quietly. "Father fears the builder will finish the wall on time, and has demanded I find some way to lure his stallion away." Frigga pursed her lips in a disapproving manner.
"You don't need to do that, Odin will just have to own up to his foolish mistakes and pay him. This has nothing at all to do with you." Frigga said, sipping her tea delicately.
"He will never do that. He is too prideful." Loki commented sadly and drank some of his then cooled tea. "Besides, as a prince of Asgard, it is my duty to carry out my king's orders. Even that does not matter. It will be my fault somehow. It always is." He added. He secretly hoped that maybe doing this would gain him some small amount of approval from Odin. All Thor had to do was sneeze and the king lavished affections upon him. Loki could give him the universe on silver platter, and still he would turn his nose up at it.
"I suppose you are right. Please do be careful,and try to be home in time for dinner." Frigga said in a defeated tone.
"Mother? Do you think I will ever be married one day?" He asked, not quite knowing where the question had come from.
"Of course you will. Some day you will meet someone you love more than life itself, and in turn they will want to give you the moon and stars just to see your smile." The queen told him, her eyes shining. "May the Norns let me live long enough to see that day."
It had been a stupid plan, tricking the giant into building Asgard's walls as they had. They gave him six months to do the job. If he succeeded, he would have the beautiful Lady Freya as a wife and receive a generous amount of gold in payment. There was some talk about wanting the sun and the moon, too, but Odin hadn't been that stupid. The giant made only one request: that he be allowed to have his stallion, Svadlifari, aid him. 'Oh, but it is just one horse, let him have the beast.' Loki had said, bored with the whole affair. That had been a mistake, and a fatal one. The horse was stronger and faster than ten of the kings best steeds. The work progressed at an amazing rate, and soon it would be finished, well before the time limit.
Of course, it was Loki's fault for saying that the horse wouldn't be a bother. But, the blame did not lie with him alone. It was Odin and his advisers that offered the Giant Freya's hand without her approval, and intended to cheat him in the end anyway. But no, it was Loki's fault. Everything was always Loki's fault. He was the liar, the trickster and the deceiver who thrived on chaos made real. He was to blame, for every little thing that did not go their way.
Angrily, Loki trudged through the snow with a small leather pouch clutched against his chest. He was a master of stealth in combat, so he used it to his advantage. It was just after sundown. If he was quick about this, he would be home in time from dinner to keep Frigga from worrying. The giant lay sleeping on a pile of furs near a large fire in the construction site. Thunderous snores shook the ground. Svadlifari was nearby, pawing at the grass restlessly. Cautiously, Loki approached the Stallion. The enormous black steed eyed the Aesir warily as he pulled a carrot from the leather pouch he was carrying.
"Come now, would you like this?" Loki whispered, tempting him with the carrot. Svadlifari ignored him, and returned to pawing at a bit of rubble on the ground with his hoof. Loki tried again with an apple, but not just an apple, one of Idun's golden apples of immortality. Still, the stallion ignored him. Again, he tried to lure the horse away, this time with a handful of sugar. Svadlifari pretended he did not exist. Grunting in annoyance, Loki tossed the pack aside and recklessly took the worn leather reigns in his gloved hands. He pulled, and urged Svadlifari forward, but still he did budge. As a last resort, he used his power to shapeshift to turn himself into a stunning white mare. At last, Svadlifari looked his way and his ears perked up with interest. Loki ran.
In the form of the mare he galloped across the Asgardian highlands, with Svadlifari close behind. He lost track of how long he ran. Hours turned into days, and days became weeks. Svadlifari never slowed, persuing the mare like his life depended on it. Loki eventualy ran out of strength and stopped running. Desperately he summoned his magic to turn himself back into his Aesir form, but Svadlifari was already upon him. The only thought in Loki's mind as the powerful stallion mounted him, still in the form of the white mare, was this was not how it was supposed to go. Once Svadlifari finished his deed, he left – trotting calmly back in the direction of Asgard. It didn't matter, Loki had fulfilled his task. He would not make it back in time for the giant to finish the wall. At least he'd done something right.
The trickster changed back into his Aesir form and curled into a fetal position. Twice now, in one year, he had been violated in this way. A single tear streaked down his face that he hid in his arms. How long had he been running? It was winter when he left, but now it was spring. Loki thought guiltily of Frigga asking him to be home for dinner. A harsh sob tore through him as he lay in the place where Svadlifari had left him, in a pile of damp, moldering fallen leaves. He was in a forest, he knew that much. He had to get home. Shaking and choking back more tears, he dragged himself to his feet.
No one could know of this, ever. It was hard enough to tolerate the constant comments from the Aesir about his apparent lack of masculinity. It was hard to shut it out. It didn't help that it was entirely unjustified. Why was it, that because he preferred to study magic, that he must be considered womanish? True, he was not built to be a warrior. He was lithe and slender, rather than bulky and muscled. But, he was as skilled with most weapons as he was with magic. He was more than a match for the most of the Einherjar. But this... This was...
He had been raped by a horse.
If anyone, particularly Odin, found out about this...
His life was over.
Over.